Can we avoid infidelity?

[atreides]

Avoiding infidelity….

 

First, I want to say, I accept that fact that I can fall from grace but not for now… this is about that edge, that so many BS would have preferred their spouse not go over, how it could have gone the other way and why most of all it is never the BS’s fault.

The other day, I am at a business trip (1 day road trip there and back same day) for a meeting. In comes a beautiful woman and perhaps by a few years older than me. Yep, I am married… and I looked… once … then it was to business. So I was the guest there at the company and was being treated well and as such. So once the meeting ended, we all got up and offers to take me to lunch and such… she Mrs. Beautiful volunteers to take me around the company and to lunch.

So I thank her and asked if anyone else was coming… everyone else declined… hmm ok…

So she walks me out of the conference room and introduces me to her husband whom was walking by. We shake hands and I assumed this introduction was to include him on the invite to lunch and the tour. She cut me off and said no, he has a lot of work to do… he smiled and shook my hand again and said “next time.”

So the tour is finished and we get into the elevator… not 2 seconds in… she undoes her top blouse button pushes her breast up and asks … “are you hot?” I smile and say “I am fine, maybe it is the coffee” I then turn towards the door looking up at the numbers changing…. Thinking… “trouble, this is trouble”

She then undoes another button… bra totally visible and she states “no I only had one cup… I am just so hot… are you sure you don’t feel hot?” (again pushing the breast and making obvious gestures) “So how old are you?” I then respond… “You look great for your age.. she replies.”

 

Bing! Door opens.. Thank the lord because at that point… hell yes I was starting to sweat and another coffee line would not work. So we walk out to the parking lot… she offers to go in her car… at that point I decided to myself there was not going to be a lunch and to end the day and head back home…. I hit my vibrate on the phone to fake a text… did the whole fake text reading… and smiled at her and said….”I am sorry, my wife just text that I have to pick up the kids earlier than normal… I have to head back now and pick up something on the way.”

She did not like that one bit and tried her best… I shook her hand and she did not want to let go.. she did not make super obvious but obvious enough… so I headed to my car and she just sat there staring at me walk the whole way to my car.

I headed home.

 

The lesson here is… just like every wayward… talk about validation it was flooding out of this women to me… I could have ran any number of bull crap marital re-writing I wanted to justify to myself that I could take this woman. The rush was nice… but it was not worth the rush I get from my wife… and while my wife is the “old shoe” I love that shoe… as in with every new shoe, they look nice in the store, excitement of having something new… but you know what… they are never as comfortable as the old.

 

I have another couple of stories like this that have happened and may share them in the future.

Edited August 12, 2014 by atreides

[HereNorThere]

Some people can and some people can't. It's a personality trait more than a situation and some people can learn and grow out of it, but some people lack the certain social skills needed to be in a healthy relationship.

 

I think in most cases people can avoid it even if they aren't mentally healthy enough. Most people are not that intelligent, but the fear of punishment is enough of a deterrent even if they lack the capacity for empathy.

[drifter777]

The first thing I have to ask is if you are a famous movie star or sports personality or a celebrity of some kind? A come-on this shameless is NOT typical for us normal guys. I was married young. I worked in the Data Processing department at a major bank. The number of super-hot women - dressed to the 9's - was amazing. They were everywhere. At the time I was 5' 11" and weighed about 165, blond hair and very fit. At least a dozen teller's flirted often and openly with me but never, ever did I experience what you are describing. I can honestly say that at that time (I was 27) I am not sure I could have resisted that kind of sexual pursuit. My sense of morality and boundaries were not nearly as strong as they became over the next few years. PLUS - my wife had cheated on me a couple years before this and I can imagine a case where I rationalized cheating as "I owe her one".

 

Another angle is what if I was single? I just met her husband so she's obviously married and now she's throwing herself at me. I know that I would have done her without the slightest bit of guilt. I am doing nothing wrong (TO ME) and no husband should hold it against me for simply taking advantage of no-strings sex that is being waved right in front of my face. She is to blame for cheating. If he is angry with anyone but her then he's not facing reality. This is me and I don't mean its right for everyone.

 

My moral standards have become like iron over the past twenty years. I can't cheat without betraying myself. If this happened to me now I wouldn't coyly wiggle out of it, I would strongly show her my ring and tell her "I have to leave". Firmly and abruptly.

 

My wife could not have avoided infidelity because she pursued it. She wanted to screw other men and took advantage of being away on vacation with her parents to achieve her objective. I blame no on but her for what she did.

[atreides]

@drifter - No, no one famous.. I am fit and good looking but i am not sure that always is the reason or why an attraction takes place. I have also had what would be considered unattractive friends get hit on... and perused.

 

This was also not the strongest come on i have had... I am also not sure as to what is normal... after all the infidelity that happened in my own circles and then my wife's actions... it shook my way of thinking after what i would call a youthful sheltered way of thinking. Let me say this, i have seen strong advances before my own eyes with others... by both women/men mind you, so again, i am not sure what is the norm.

 

This woman had no regard for her H... clearly. I never thought about that while in the elevator but i thought she was being rude and if my wife did that to me.... via the introduction. I only thought about it on the way back home.

Then again... i have worked at companies where the typical look of a slicked back used car salesman was allowed to hit on women openly married and single and he never scored one single women but two married... he then got fired after destroying to marriages.. why it took that long is beyond me.

 

I could have been firmer as you gave an example... I guess i wanted to be less abrasive and still get out of it. This also happened before my wife did her thing. So would i be as strong now, i hope so... i have not had... well... i have been perused but the girl was not attractive at all to me...

 

also, what if the circumstance as location was different, like if it were more intimate or no elevator bing and the walk to the car... could i have broken... i hope not.. will never know.

Edited August 12, 2014 by atreides

[atreides]

ok so here is another instance... which took place before my the story above...

 

I am playing pool with my best friend in a Fox & Hound pub.... out of the blue and yes she had been drinking, not drunk though... my derriere is grabbed firmly while trying to shoot and this girl kisses me behind my ear while still holding my derriere and states..."why do you where such baggy pants?" she then lifts them up as in a wedgie fashion to tighten them around me... i look straight at my friend... "is this for real?" he just smiled...

 

so i turn around and this women is married too.... i try to respond but she cuts me off to state that she can help me get out of my ugly baggy pants...

 

So i do recall i said, i was married and my friend and i left...

Edited August 12, 2014 by atreides

[No Limit]

Well, both times these women were very desperate to push their ego.

 

It's not much about "avoiding" infidelity, you just need to learn how to say "NO" so that even the most ignorant idiot or the most pushy b!tch gets it.

 

I once exchanged a few messages with a most remarkable woman in a different forum. She too laughed at the idea of accidentally being underneath some other guy, and told me how during a ONS when she noticed that the guy was going to just want to finish himself off and not even care about her fun in the slightest she just got out of bed, dressed again and left, leaving the guy behind begging on the bed. That woman mastered "no".

[carhill]

Can we avoid infidelity?

 

Since infidelity is a choice, I find a simple guide to work well, no matter which side of the infidelity equation I fall upon. I simply perform the action and/or word in front of a partner/partner's spouse/SO and let them decide. If they're OK with it, then they're OK with it. If not, well there's your sign.

[Man Mountain Makino]

I have another couple of stories like this that have happened and may share them in the future.

I may have a minority opinion, but I tend to think concepts like trustworthiness and related citations of honor are very misplaced when it comes to matters of infidelity.

 

The best approach is to set boundaries and not crossing them. "Trust" ("me and my spouse have trust") has almost nothing to do with it - it's about as relevant as the day of the week. Infidelity is mostly about opportunity. Avoid the opportunity and the odds of such a situation diminish greatly.

 

When people cite trust, the really mean they trust their spouse not to put themselves in a situation where infidelity might become appealing or an option.

 

Me, I just avoid the situations. Makes my life uncomplicated.

[atreides]

Well, both times these women were very desperate to push their ego.

 

It's not much about "avoiding" infidelity, you just need to learn how to say "NO" so that even the most ignorant idiot or the most pushy b!tch gets it.

 

I once exchanged a few messages with a most remarkable woman in a different forum. She too laughed at the idea of accidentally being underneath some other guy, and told me how during a ONS when she noticed that the guy was going to just want to finish himself off and not even care about her fun in the slightest she just got out of bed, dressed again and left, leaving the guy behind begging on the bed. That woman mastered "no".

 

I remember a story here on LS that this exact thing was said by a ONS, maybe the same story? It was about accidentally being under the guy

Edited August 13, 2014 by atreides

[No Limit]

I remember a story here on LS that this exact thing was said by a ONS, maybe the same story? It was about accidentally being under the guy

 

Could be. I guess I was lurking in too many forums.

[gettingstronger]

Someone asked if you were a rock star and I laughed. My guess is you are a middle aged good looking guy with decision making ability in your career. My husband manages 40 million in contracts and women from his vendors throw themselves at him. He also travels way too

much so is bumped up to first class a lot, upgraded hotel rooms, upgraded rentals. It's crazy how many women on the road are looking for that kind of person. They even have a name..... Roadies...

 

But to answer your question, yes my husband could have avoided infidelity by just saying no and living up to being the person he should have been. His ego needed stroking and there were plenty of women willing to stroke it. He bit on one and the rest is history.

 

He still gets hit on all the time in subtle and overt ways but has refocused on who and what it means to him to be a successful man. Hint- it's not money, prestige or an ego stroke. It's living a life with integrity and one he can be proud of.

[FrostBlaze]

Yes you can, it's a matter of choice and personality. Most choose not to, because they like the excitement of the new and are boored with their old shoe at home.

I, like you, would take the old shoe anytime, can't say the same about the partners i have had so far.

[2.50 a gallon]

I am certain, that the woman in the first story was not cheating on her husband. She is a hot wife, and somewhere during the introduction to her husband, he gave her permission to seduce you. There is a good chance that had you agreed she would have taken you to a special place where your tryst would have likely been taped for the both of them to enjoy later. If not, she would have given him all the details that night, while they had their jollies.

[2.50 a gallon]

As to your first question. I was married for only 6 months and the wedding ring seemed to be a chick magnet, as I was hit on several times in those few short months. My Ex took a career job right out of college in a fortune 100 company, that turned out to be a regular Peyton Place. From day one, I was faced with an army of OM's that brought upon and early destruction of our marriage. And at the same time, my Ex used to like to brag that over the weekend she had gotten her "Brains f'd out", which led to my being hit on by one of her close friend female co-workers. After a nasty breakup when I caught her kissing a guard, her friend came in handy when she invited me to the company picnic.

Also, there was this one bar, where some of the single women liked to prey upon married men. After we broke up, I used it to my advantage and put my ring back on for the evening. They did not know that we had broken up, took them back to my place, and they got their kicks seeing her photo and a wedding photo on the bedroom wall, wanting to know whether they were better sex partners than the EX.

[atreides]

As to your first question. I was married for only 6 months and the wedding ring seemed to be a chick magnet, as I was hit on several times in those few short months. My Ex took a career job right out of college in a fortune 100 company, that turned out to be a regular Peyton Place. From day one, I was faced with an army of OM's that brought upon and early destruction of our marriage. And at the same time, my Ex used to like to brag that over the weekend she had gotten her "Brains f'd out", which led to my being hit on by one of her close friend female co-workers. After a nasty breakup when I caught her kissing a guard, her friend came in handy when she invited me to the company picnic.

Also, there was this one bar, where some of the single women liked to prey upon married men. After we broke up, I used it to my advantage and put my ring back on for the evening. They did not know that we had broken up, took them back to my place, and they got their kicks seeing her photo and a wedding photo on the bedroom wall, wanting to know whether they were better sex partners than the EX.

 

 

whoa! First in response to your first post, i never thought of it that way.. maybe. As for this post, are you saying the first 6 months of marriage your wife was bragging about getting her brains f'd out?

 

Wedding rings do indeed seem to attract attention.

[Ninjainpajamas]

Maybe it's just me but I don't even find these situations even remotely tempting or like you deserve some grand badge of honor for avoiding something dangerous...I feel like you're making these situations out to be more than they actually were just to pat yourself on the back or give yourself the good guy badge...even though you definitely enjoyed the experience and situation as you relinquish the memories.

 

The first lady, assuming she was being very flirty because she "wanted you" (you big irresistible beast you!) and actually had intentions of "going there" instead of just attempting to wrap you around her finger using her looks...could have had an ulterior motive obviously. Many guys function in the way that they are so giggly over the fact that an attractive woman will pay them any attention they become excited easily and go out of their way to win favor/opinion of the woman even though they're not getting anything in return...and some women use that to their advantage and to have connections, by manipulating silly men and even though it's obvious I've seen a million guys go for it.

 

I've had plenty of women try to use their sex appeal/charm/cutseyness to try and dazzle me for some reason or other...big smiles, bubbly personality, so friendly, flirty and agreeable because obviously they want something and I'm a business minded kind of guy, like this sh** ain't happening at Starbucks, there is money involved or business so I just give them the "stonewall" tilted head look like "B**ch please, do I look like an fool to you?" and they completely change their behavior once they get that's not going to work with me, I'd rather have them respect me and try to figure me out rather than having me eating out of the palm of their hand...doesn't mean I'm not very personable with everyone, I just cut the BS out real quick if i get the sense they're trying one of their tricks on me unless I could play into my favor, I'll act unaware and play along if that's the benefit but I don't really give a damn on the inside.

 

If I were you I would still have went on the lunch date knowing nothing would happen if that's what I had my mind made up to because this was so obvious I wouldn't even had taken it serious If I were in your shoes and I'm not an idiot that would fall for that game anyway, I'm not so captivated that I would be thinking it's because I'm so hot and irresistible that she's doing that, I mean c'mon...I wouldn't be worried about temptation either since I do business before pleasure and not one to mix the two.

 

Second lady grabbed your butt...big deal, so she flirts, doesn't respect her relationship and was looking for some attention...dime-a-dozen, the guys cheating too for all you know...are you really so stupid as to go for someone like that in front of everyone? that doesn't show restraint, it shows competence.

 

So this has nothing to do with fidelity, because I'm not confident you really even had a chance or the agenda/motive clear.

 

Avoiding infidelity can be a lot more tricky than these cookie-cutter situations that people like to talk about it, like if it's as easy as avoiding a beach ball being thrown at your face from 30 ft away with it's multi-colored sides.

 

As someone who has cheated, It wasn't just in your face like that...like you're talking about it, it was a seed that was planted and eventually got unknowingly watered, emotions and connection developed without an agenda, the situation occurred unexpectedly at least for myself down the road...I thought or felt nothing of it at the time, I didn't have sinister intentions or a mind to do that, I generally wasn't even suspecting anything, and generally I'm the kind of guy that has his head on pretty straight...anything even remotely obvious for example mentioned above I would have caught a mile away, I've also avoided many of those situations to before but I never felt proud or like it said anything about my character...IMO my character is a very strong one, I don't think anyone I know would say that I'm fledgling or disloyal type of guy, but I made choices that eventually led to cheating but not infidelity as I was not married...and I laugh at those who talk about it like they know how it is, but it is what it is.

 

I'm not trying to justify or even defend myself, I'm just telling you how it is, it's not as obvious as the brightness of the sun, if there was any advice I'd give you in your situation is..don't underestimate women or think you know them because you trust them and they seem like X type of person...and the situations above at least IMO and IME hardly shows up on the scale, if at all.

[GG2W]

Without a doubt the first lady was a hot wife.

You can bet this is not the first time.

As 2.50 posted, there is a good chance that hubby would have found a way to watch.

[drifter777]

As to your first question. I was married for only 6 months and the wedding ring seemed to be a chick magnet, as I was hit on several times in those few short months. My Ex took a career job right out of college in a fortune 100 company, that turned out to be a regular Peyton Place. From day one, I was faced with an army of OM's that brought upon and early destruction of our marriage. And at the same time, my Ex used to like to brag that over the weekend she had gotten her "Brains f'd out", which led to my being hit on by one of her close friend female co-workers. After a nasty breakup when I caught her kissing a guard, her friend came in handy when she invited me to the company picnic.

Also, there was this one bar, where some of the single women liked to prey upon married men. After we broke up, I used it to my advantage and put my ring back on for the evening. They did not know that we had broken up, took them back to my place, and they got their kicks seeing her photo and a wedding photo on the bedroom wall, wanting to know whether they were better sex partners than the EX.

This whole thing makes me want to puke. All of this disregard for wedding vows is simply disgusting and something I wouldn't tolerate for 1 day. Did you not know about all of this before you were married? If you split after 6 months I'm assuming she didn't hide things very well so were you blind during engagement or just trusting? I don't mean any offense here - just very curious how one could get into this situation.

[Shepp]

Easy.

 

 

 

(10char)

[2.50 a gallon]

a

 

 

My Ex was big on the brassy side. She was most men's wet dream, definite fold out material, 5' 10", 36+" legs, and unlike most long legged women who have a pan flat butt, she had a perfect bubble, along with very healthy bosom, topped off with strawberry blonde hair, blue eyes, and the right amount of freckles, to give her this look of innocence.

She knew what she had and knew how to use it. When she set her sights on me it was anywhere, anytime, any way. We once had sex, in the pool, just outside her mothers second story apartment, in the middle of our complex at 5 o'clock in the afternoon, when everybody was coming home from work and walking by us on the way to the mail boxes. It was she who was talking to everybody.

For Christmas she bought us two special T-shirt. Mine said something along the lines of "Short Guys are Lovers", but a little more dirtier. And hers said "Short Guy" with and arrow pointing to her left, meaning me.

At my company Christmas party, she told my female co-workers how good I was at oral sex. This was at a time when most men still refused to go down town. Which also had them knocking on my door after we broke up.

[Smilecharmer]

Avoiding infidelity….

 

First, I want to say, I accept that fact that I can fall from grace but not for now… this is about that edge, that so many BS would have preferred their spouse not go over, how it could have gone the other way and why most of all it is never the BS’s fault.

The other day, I am at a business trip (1 day road trip there and back same day) for a meeting. In comes a beautiful woman and perhaps by a few years older than me. Yep, I am married… and I looked… once … then it was to business. So I was the guest there at the company and was being treated well and as such. So once the meeting ended, we all got up and offers to take me to lunch and such… she Mrs. Beautiful volunteers to take me around the company and to lunch.

So I thank her and asked if anyone else was coming… everyone else declined… hmm ok…

So she walks me out of the conference room and introduces me to her husband whom was walking by. We shake hands and I assumed this introduction was to include him on the invite to lunch and the tour. She cut me off and said no, he has a lot of work to do… he smiled and shook my hand again and said “next time.”

So the tour is finished and we get into the elevator… not 2 seconds in… she undoes her top blouse button pushes her breast up and asks … “are you hot?” I smile and say “I am fine, maybe it is the coffee” I then turn towards the door looking up at the numbers changing…. Thinking… “trouble, this is trouble”

She then undoes another button… bra totally visible and she states “no I only had one cup… I am just so hot… are you sure you don’t feel hot?” (again pushing the breast and making obvious gestures) “So how old are you?” I then respond… “You look great for your age.. she replies.”

 

Bing! Door opens.. Thank the lord because at that point… hell yes I was starting to sweat and another coffee line would not work. So we walk out to the parking lot… she offers to go in her car… at that point I decided to myself there was not going to be a lunch and to end the day and head back home…. I hit my vibrate on the phone to fake a text… did the whole fake text reading… and smiled at her and said….”I am sorry, my wife just text that I have to pick up the kids earlier than normal… I have to head back now and pick up something on the way.”

She did not like that one bit and tried her best… I shook her hand and she did not want to let go.. she did not make super obvious but obvious enough… so I headed to my car and she just sat there staring at me walk the whole way to my car.

I headed home.

 

The lesson here is… just like every wayward… talk about validation it was flooding out of this women to me… I could have ran any number of bull crap marital re-writing I wanted to justify to myself that I could take this woman. The rush was nice… but it was not worth the rush I get from my wife… and while my wife is the “old shoe” I love that shoe… as in with every new shoe, they look nice in the store, excitement of having something new… but you know what… they are never as comfortable as the old.

 

I have another couple of stories like this that have happened and may share them in the future.

 

 

That is only a smidgeon of what I go through with men all the time. I'm beautiful and they make it known and obvious they are available for whatever I want. Thankfully those I work with know better than to do this as I'm very direct in how I view infidelity and my regard for my husband.

You need to report that woman for sexual harassment. That was completely inappropriate and creepy.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Smilecharmer

[atreides]

Maybe it's just me but I don't even find these situations even remotely tempting or like you deserve some grand badge of honor for avoiding something dangerous...I feel like you're making these situations out to be more than they actually were just to pat yourself on the back or give yourself the good guy badge...even though you definitely enjoyed the experience and situation as you relinquish the memories.

 

What have we come to when doing what my wife has faith in me for, doing the right thing.... no let me say, doing what is normal, get's a badge of honor? Seriously? A remark like that is seeping such a defensive bias... i am not sure where to begin.

 

 

The first lady, assuming she was being very flirty because she "wanted you" (you big irresistible beast you!) and actually had intentions of "going there" instead of just attempting to wrap you around her finger using her looks...could have had an ulterior motive obviously. Many guys function in the way that they are so giggly over the fact that an attractive woman will pay them any attention they become excited easily and go out of their way to win favor/opinion of the woman even though they're not getting anything in return...and some women use that to their advantage and to have connections, by manipulating silly men and even though it's obvious I've seen a million guys go for it.

 

To what end? The deal had been closed... there was nothing left for ulterior motives other than perhaps she was a hot wife which i can see as a possible explanation as to her behavior.....

 

So sad that many have analyzed the "whys" she did it .... when in point of fact... her reasons are moot... the point is infidelity with great many stories i have seen with my own eyes and read on LS... many have fallen or broken on much less... and for what... an ego stroke... one compliment in passing... i wrote this for the many BS whom blame themselves falsely...

 

 

 

If I were you I would still have went on the lunch date knowing nothing would happen if that's what I had my mind made up to because this was so obvious I wouldn't even had taken it serious If I were in your shoes and I'm not an idiot that would fall for that game anyway, I'm not so captivated that I would be thinking it's because I'm so hot and irresistible that she's doing that, I mean c'mon...I wouldn't be worried about temptation either since I do business before pleasure and not one to mix the two.

 

Again a defensive stance based on misinterpretation...or something else... but that is for another time..

No, lunch was not going to happen... i can clearly see the difference and have lived long enough to know harmless flirting and overt come ons... this isn't about why some one is perused... do we really need to go into the "whys" of attraction... you have contradicted the point by giving your own example as to diminish one "advance" over another...

 

Second lady grabbed your butt...big deal, so she flirts, doesn't respect her relationship and was looking for some attention...dime-a-dozen, the guys cheating too for all you know...are you really so stupid as to go for someone like that in front of everyone? that doesn't show restraint, it shows competence.

 

whoa.. .you seem to have a lot of posts which would give you history here on LS but yet your posts show the opposite... where as i have read story after story where infidelity happened on less and would nicely fit into asking (using your words) "are you really so stupid as to go for someone like?"

 

 

So this has nothing to do with fidelity, because I'm not confident you really even had a chance or the agenda/motive clear.

 

Avoiding infidelity can be a lot more tricky than these cookie-cutter situations that people like to talk about it, like if it's as easy as avoiding a beach ball being thrown at your face from 30 ft away with it's multi-colored sides.

 

As someone who has cheated, It wasn't just in your face like that...like you're talking about it, it was a seed that was planted and eventually got unknowingly watered, emotions and connection developed without an agenda, the situation occurred unexpectedly at least for myself down the road...I thought or felt nothing of it at the time, I didn't have sinister intentions or a mind to do that, I generally wasn't even suspecting anything, and generally I'm the kind of guy that has his head on pretty straight...anything even remotely obvious for example mentioned above I would have caught a mile away, I've also avoided many of those situations to before but I never felt proud or like it said anything about my character...IMO my character is a very strong one, I don't think anyone I know would say that I'm fledgling or disloyal type of guy, but I made choices that eventually led to cheating but not infidelity as I was not married...and I laugh at those who talk about it like they know how it is, but it is what it is.

 

 

Let me put it this way... infidelity is about choices... perhaps you allow your boundaries to stop an all out overt advance... but allow a slower creeping flirt to build to something more... either way it is a process of choice but no example has dominion over the other as to diminish the opportunists that plague us... you simply drove further to your edge... but the choice at that point is all that matters.

 

thanks for your post.

Edited August 13, 2014 by atreides

[atreides]

That is only a smidgeon of what I go through with men all the time. I'm beautiful and they make it known and obvious they are available for whatever I want. Thankfully those I work with know better than to do this as I'm very direct in how I view infidelity and my regard for my husband.

You need to report that woman for sexual harassment. That was completely inappropriate and creepy.

 

 

Yes she was highly inappropriate but I decided to leave it at that as I was a guest there and was able to diffuse the situation.

 

Let me say this, you have done right by your husband as many of us do by our spouses and my intention with this was for the BS in not to blame themselves for the infidelity of their spouses.

[atreides]

I want to start this by saying very clearly... this is not about a "good guy badge" for what have we come to for rewarding behavior that should be.. i refuse... it would yield to accepting that faith in our fidelity is a mockery.

 

These are only examples that i can speak for... so many as some posters pointed out can have a slower temptation... but as many of us already know.. it is the edge the choices the waywards make to finally cross the line when a simple no would have sufficed instead of rewriting marital history to indulge the rush in front of them.

 

This story took place on another business trip in Japan...

During this time, my wife and I were arguing over when to have children... I was adamant on waiting a few more years... we also argued as this took place on year 2 of our marriage over joint or separate accounts... which i wanted. I also refused to budge and was tired of the fighting.

 

I went on this business trip let's just say on a bad note in my marriage... sound familiar?

 

So here I am in Japan and the at the end of the last business day we were treated to a private bar with dinner. During this whole trip I was having to rapidly learn the culture difference and customs.. for example.. always lift your glass for a refill rather than leaving it on the table..

 

In walks 3 girls... beautiful women... and each decided where to sit as to which guy they would sit with. It was me, my colleague and the host. They would sit next to us and give us a light massage and would never allow our drinks to get past an inch of the top rim. They pampered us and so on. They made very light advances (they are paid or are obligated to do so)... this is where my colleague refused and made a bit of a scene. It insulted the host and the girl which moved away at the far end of the table and started to weep quietly.

I had her come sit next to me as to save some face.. all advances stopped though. We continued to enjoy the night and more from the host company came in and it was a nice evening.

 

Well it was time to leave and so my colleague who was still very uncomfortable heads back to the hotel... the two women followed me. I lingered a bit in conversation as it was a slow walk with the hosts, girls and myself. So it was time to part ways and the host said his farewells to me but in so that the women were to come back to the hotel with me. So here I am alone with 2 girls whose intentions where prepaid or obligated to make me a happy man that night. The host made that plainly clear as we parted as I was trying to say farewell to all as what i thought was an end to an evening.

Suffice it to say.. no one would have known... but in a very long walk I did my best without offense to end up going to my room alone.

 

It is not about me or my colleague as in a pat on the back, we both said no.. one earlier than the other.. but i know of quite a few stories where BS blamed themselves for ONS/affair or other lesser or greater examples but it is the choice... the choice is never lesser or greater it is always the same in weight, it is solely on the wayward.. as that choice means the difference between infidelity or not.

Edited August 13, 2014 by atreides

[Shepp]

Maybe it's just me but I don't even find these situations even remotely tempting or like you deserve some grand badge of honor for avoiding something dangerous...I feel like you're making these situations out to be more than they actually were just to pat yourself on the back or give yourself the good guy badge...

 

exactly this!

 

Folk do this all the time it isnt hard not to cheat, you could argue breathings harder - breathing takes an amount of physical effort, to not cheat you simply don't cheat - what's hard about that? Nothing, nothing at all!

 

Anyone could list situations where other girls have hit on them.. I don't understand the purpose? A girl hit On me at the supermarket Last week - where's my frickin' knighthood?

 

It's nothing special! It's normal to say no and weak to say yes, simple as that!