catherine1 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Okay so, I have these 2 friends who are sisters and ive known them since we were around 7 years old, although we have lost touch once during the years due to going to different schools/living in different areas. One of my friends went through some personal issues regarding her partner leaving her very sceptical of men, however I now find her to be a colder person. She is constantly talking about other people, even a mutual friend of ours, always being judgemental of her and backstabbing her despite seeing her on a regular basis. A few weeks back I made the mistake of telling this friend that I had bumped into a guy I know, and we headed out for the evening, got a bit drunk & ended up having sex. At first she wasn't too judgemental, but hearing how I hooked up twice with this guy she asks "what are you two...bed buddies" to which I said "probably yes" and I automatically sensed a hostility. The last two times ive seen her ive had the same attitude from her. This guy happens to be Asian, and she gave me a lecture about how blonde girls like myself are viewed if they go with an Asian man, her & her sister made a few racist remarks, saying about him smelling! he is vile etc. They told me to finish university and meet a man when I am in a good job, I don't plan on getting into a relationship with this guy, I admit it was drunken sex and I am calling a holt on it to focus on my studies and career. However, despite this, I was upset with how my friends became standoffish with me, not their selves. They are no angels either, and I am the "good one" out of the bunch, they too have had casual sex before.* They told me I was quiet on a night out, and I get like this when a man is on the scene, there is no man on the scene...im not in a relationship or dating! I was a bit down due to other matters. They have said how I shouldn't degrade myself by going with an Asian guy, and that they don't want their friend going with one, and that any men in our city wont want to know me if they discover I have been with one.
Author catherine1 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 I am sickened, have we not moved on so much from such views? my grades fell last time I was in a relationship so I can understand their concern in that respect, but I don't appreciate their bitchy and backstabbing, not to mention racist behaviour! I really don't feel like seeing my friends until I have calmed down, I just hope they aren't going to be like this to me again! Im confused as to why theyre being off with me? is it due to this guy? or because I wasn't "myself" the past couple of times. It just seems as though my friend gossips and feeds her sister information and they gang up.*
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Ok, you've started this same thread like a half dozen times now. Why? 1
todreaminblue Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) the worst kind of betrayal comes from friends not enemies it is always going to be this way.....the worst way you can get hurt is by the ones you love not the ones you dont truly care for or respect....in some way you respect this woman to tell her or this girl your private thoughts and actions.....and you know in hindsight what will happen.....for you have seen their actions.....you in a way judging how they treat others, even though your judgment may be correct, is it is still judgment, i struggle with this too i judge others who judge others and i find it hard to look for light....i judge others for ridiculing others ..but eventually i come back to looking at the light in people instead of the dark in people.....even though i see both ...i know........we all sin differently.....i sin .....and i do my best to change that you have to look for light in others if they are to see the light in you you cannot look at someones dark side and not feel dark yourself so you concentrate on the light however slight that light may be...its redeeming not only for them but for you....you can bring light to the surface and uncover it so it shines out but you cant do that....if you are doing the same thing as them if you look at their darkness and document it they are merely doing the same as you are.....if you cannot uncover light in someone....my motto is keep looking....some times it bites you to do this but fro em in my experience i can always uncover light even when others tell me to walk away i will not walk away until i find what i am looking for.... same with that friend you slept with.....obviously you saw something in him that they cannot so show them the light and let them see what you saw broaden their mind and hearts......i can make people change their mind about others i have that capacity.....i can do good or i can do bad...... i was asked to write a eulogy about a guy i had little respect for he was a cheat and cheated on a loving woman......he was arrogant self centered greedy selfish ridiculed me often talked about all the gorgeous women my ex had been out with and had women lined up for him.......and then he would put ....and then there's you .......you are so .....different.......and he would laugh and say always broke.....your a bit chubby arent you..but then he would sit and just let it all hang out with me his thoughts what he did ...what he felt.....whatever ...sigh ...i would go on with my day..... when i wrote the eulogy and was asked to by the family because i often write poetry.....i had to glean what i knew that was good from our talks.....so i went first in my head what the hell am i going to say that is respectful and my heart answered with one thought first...he loves his family..he respects and admires them....and then he does love his gf........he had a strong work ethic....he loved food and cooking and cooking for others....he could often be surprisingly generous....he did help others.....and the month before his death he had started to read the bible and it hit me he was just like me he had flaws ....he sinned...he had his addictions and one was sex......but he also loved others.....i made his family cry .....when they read the eulogy ......i really hardly knew him but they said i wrote exactly who he was......and they thanked me and said i should continue to write i wrote beautifully that i can touch hearts..... ....i wrote what i wrote from a childs perspective and that is wholly acceptance...... find the redeeming qualities in your friends if you cant then why are you friends with them.Friendship is about acceptance if they have little of that in their heartsthen shwo them the light....teach them to be accepting teach them to look fro good in others as you do ..if someone told me asians smell or asian men smell i would say you think so ? well i know for a fact when i kissed him all i could taste was this sweet mint made em want to kiss him deeper so i could taste it more and smile..........and when i was near him .....i dont know what deodorant he used but it smelt like chocolate......be subliminal ..off handedly slide in to the recesses of their hearts.........so next time they see an asian man they wont be thinking smelly they will thinking of mint and chocolate maqyb ejust mayeb they may have a new light to look at.....thats change.....so easy to do ......if you want change you have to be that change otherwise like everyone else does....you will stagnate and achieve little...try it .....next time someone says something derogatory about another....point them where light is and they can see it too............best wishes....deb Edited August 12, 2014 by todreaminblue
spiderowl Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Your friends are snobs and appear to be trying to control you. I doubt it is just a matter of race to them. I suspect they would find ways to disapprove of whoever you associated with - too poor, too ill-educated, whatever. They sound pretty bitter actually. You don't have to put up with judgemental friends. Sometimes we just find we have less in common with people previously thought of as friends and it is time to 'move on' to other friendship groups. It's no wonder you are feeling quiet and down. It's not comfortable to associate with people you feel are judging you badly. Friends are supposed to be warm and supportive not judgemental and controlling. If you don't want to tell them why you don't like them any more, then just avoid them and build contacts with others instead.
Author catherine1 Posted August 13, 2014 Author Posted August 13, 2014 Your friends are snobs and appear to be trying to control you. I doubt it is just a matter of race to them. I suspect they would find ways to disapprove of whoever you associated with - too poor, too ill-educated, whatever. They sound pretty bitter actually. You don't have to put up with judgemental friends. Sometimes we just find we have less in common with people previously thought of as friends and it is time to 'move on' to other friendship groups. It's no wonder you are feeling quiet and down. It's not comfortable to associate with people you feel are judging you badly. Friends are supposed to be warm and supportive not judgemental and controlling. If you don't want to tell them why you don't like them any more, then just avoid them and build contacts with others instead. Thank you for your reply, yes I can see how far apart our mentalities are as we have grown up, I feel all this friend talks about is other people, being judgemental of them and poking fun at them. Its not nice to be around someone so cocky. I feel one of these girls is always commenting on my weight, I am a healthy size 10 yet have been told im too skinny. Time to keep these girls at a distance!
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