How would you react to someone who says "I love you" when you don't think they do?

[Jules Dash]

I wrote about a situation with a woman I am in a new relationship with in another thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/488705-what-am-i-her

 

Here is a quick rundown:

 

I met a woman online and we have been dating just over two months and have been exclusive for about one month. The problem is, that she goes hot and cold on me frequently but otherwise has been enjoyable. One day she can be texting me dirty photos and telling me what she will do to me the next time when she sees me then when she sees me, she can be indifferent towards me. Needless to say, I don't get my body ravaged like I was expecting.

 

She generally treats me well but it has been hard to tell if she is really into me or not because she will keep making dates to be with me but seems so indifferent towards me at times. When we have sex, she seems to really enjoy it but has no problem leaving soon afterward. By the way, I am 40 and she is 39.

 

We went out this weekend and had a great time as usual and she did something that she has not done since we have been dating. She kissed me on the cheek in public. I figured she was just caught up in the moment because I was showing her one hell of a time which I tend to do when I take someone on a date. She told me that she had something to tell me but wanted to wait until later. I said "okay" all the while thinking that I hope she doesn't tell me "I love you" because I am going to have to deny that she does and I will hate to do that. If I have to tell her shes doesn't actually love me then that will be very awkward and kill any momentum we have.

 

We went back to my place later that night and while we were lying in the bed fully clothed, she whispered "I love you." I thought she can't love me. She has only known me for a little over 2 months and she has shown no signs of loving me within those 2 months.

 

When a woman loves you, she can't stop calling you, she gets all dreamy-eyed around you, stares into your eyes all the time, can't keep her hands off of you, tries to hold your hand constantly, wants you to meet every one she knows, always tries to find a reason to come over to your place, keeps you up past your bedtime because she just has to keep talking to you and so on and so on - She does none of this.

 

I am almost certain this woman does not love me but she seems to be a decent person and I do care for her. I think she is trying to convince herself that she should because I look good on paper but the spark is really not coming from her. I think she is afraid that I will give up on her because I have been pulling back a bit to protect myself.

 

How have you handled a person in a relationship with you telling you that he or she loves you when you know they don't.

[BluEyeL]

I just stared at him. He repeated and said "I love you. Can I say that?". and I said "yes, you can". Awful:laugh:

 

But, in your girlfriend's defense, she may love you. Not everyone has the same personality, she may not act the way you described because that's just not her. People react differently and behave differently than the script we have in our head.

[iiiii]

I guess love means different things to different people.

 

Some people say it (and they're not lying) as soon as they feel any feeling of love towards someone.

 

Others only say it when they are completely head-over-heels infatuated.

 

Others only consider that they "love" someone when they feel ready to commit to being with them long term.

 

Maybe next time she says it, give her a kiss and say you like her too, but then ask her exactly what "love" means to her?

[torturedartist]

I wrote about a situation with a woman I am in a new relationship with in another thread

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/488705-what-am-i-her

 

Here is a quick rundown:

 

I met a woman online and we have been dating just over two months and have been exclusive for about one month. The problem is, that she goes hot and cold on me frequently but otherwise has been enjoyable. One day she can be texting me dirty photos and telling me what she will do to me the next time when she sees me then when she sees me, she can be indifferent towards me. Needless to say, I don't get my body ravaged like I was expecting.

 

She generally treats me well but it has been hard to tell if she is really into me or not because she will keep making dates to be with me but seems so indifferent towards me at times. When we have sex, she seems to really enjoy it but has no problem leaving soon afterward. By the way, I am 40 and she is 39.

 

We went out this weekend and had a great time as usual and she did something that she has not done since we have been dating. She kissed me on the cheek in public. I figured she was just caught up in the moment because I was showing her one hell of a time which I tend to do when I take someone on a date. She told me that she had something to tell me but wanted to wait until later. I said "okay" all the while thinking that I hope she doesn't tell me "I love you" because I am going to have to deny that she does and I will hate to do that. If I have to tell her shes doesn't actually love me then that will be very awkward and kill any momentum we have.

 

We went back to my place later that night and while we were lying in the bed fully clothed, she whispered "I love you." I thought she can't love me. She has only known me for a little over 2 months and she has shown no signs of loving me within those 2 months.

 

When a woman loves you, she can't stop calling you, she gets all dreamy-eyed around you, stares into your eyes all the time, can't keep her hands off of you, tries to hold your hand constantly, wants you to meet every one she knows, always tries to find a reason to come over to your place, keeps you up past your bedtime because she just has to keep talking to you and so on and so on - She does none of this.

 

I am almost certain this woman does not love me but she seems to be a decent person and I do care for her. I think she is trying to convince herself that she should because I look good on paper but the spark is really not coming from her. I think she is afraid that I will give up on her because I have been pulling back a bit to protect myself.

 

How have you handled a person in a relationship with you telling you that he or she loves you when you know they don't.

 

It doesn't sound to me like she loves you, and it sounds like you know that as well.

 

Question: do you hear the tell-tale tick-tock of a biological clock on her part?

 

At 39, she may be thinking it's about time to settle down with someone. Emphasis on the italicized word. And you may meet the minimum requirements for someone she'd be willing to settle down with.

 

My advice is to keep looking for someone who'll have the kind of infatuation with you that your ego so desperately needs (hint: your neediness towards this woman may not be helping your overall attractiveness, as far as she's concerned).

 

Work at getting yourself genuinely ready to let her go. Then, let her go. If she loves you she'll come back and be able to love you because she wants to--not because you need her to (BIG difference!). If she doesn't, you can continue your search for someone who will.

 

Good luck!