Oneforme33 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I am having trouble understanding a man. We began our affair while both married. I am still married, he is not. Lots of background and long story but we all have situations in which we make decisions we feel are the lesser of two evils. Anyway, I know the implications but that isn't my question. It's been 3 years total and for over half of that, he has said how he wants to see me and loves me, but he never makes an effort to see me. I do care for him and have been more than understanding given our situations, but I don't understand what a man would get out of a primarily verbal affair. He initiates contact, he says he cares. His actions say he doesn't. I want to let it all go, but I also want to understand why he would behave this way. Ideas?
blue963 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I am wondering if this a pattern for him. Could this same thing have happened in his marriage?
MuddyFootprints Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Perhaps he is feeling strung along, too?
EasternStandard Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I am having trouble understanding a man. We began our affair while both married. I am still married, he is not. Lots of background and long story but we all have situations in which we make decisions we feel are the lesser of two evils. Anyway, I know the implications but that isn't my question. It's been 3 years total and for over half of that, he has said how he wants to see me and loves me, but he never makes an effort to see me. I do care for him and have been more than understanding given our situations, but I don't understand what a man would get out of a primarily verbal affair. He initiates contact, he says he cares. His actions say he doesn't. I want to let it all go, but I also want to understand why he would behave this way. Ideas? a. he is playing games. b. he truly loves you, but wants you for himself and not to share.
Scarlet2 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Or waiting for you to get divorced too? Or if he's not the lesser of your two evils, maybe you should stop stringing him along?
Author Oneforme33 Posted August 17, 2014 Author Posted August 17, 2014 Honestly, he doesn't feel like I'm stringing him along. I am certain of that. My main question is not so much of where the future is headed for us, but to get inside the head of a guy to find out why you would choose to say all the right things but not want the benefits of the relationship physically enough to pursue or arrange them regularly. There is no catch on my end or reason he would believe I have more expectation. He says he is attracted, wants me and loves me. Weird.
Hope Shimmers Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 Honestly, he doesn't feel like I'm stringing him along. I am certain of that. My main question is not so much of where the future is headed for us, but to get inside the head of a guy to find out why you would choose to say all the right things but not want the benefits of the relationship physically enough to pursue or arrange them regularly. There is no catch on my end or reason he would believe I have more expectation. He says he is attracted, wants me and loves me. Weird. Well, you haven't provided much information, but if he is now single as you say and still wants to be with you in terms of having an affair, then if he doesn't want anything physical or in-person with you then there is a problem.
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