catherine1 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Okay so, I have these 2 friends who are sisters and ive known them since we were around 7 years old, although we have lost touch once during the years due to going to different schools/living in different areas. One of my friends went through some personal issues regarding her partner leaving her very sceptical of men, however I now find her to be a colder person. She is constantly talking about other people, even a mutual friend of ours, always being judgemental of her and backstabbing her despite seeing her on a regular basis. A few weeks back I made the mistake of telling this friend that I had bumped into a guy I know, and we headed out for the evening, got a bit drunk & ended up having sex. At first she wasn't too judgemental, but hearing how I hooked up twice with this guy she asks "what are you two...bed buddies" to which I said "probably yes" and I automatically sensed a hostility. The last two times ive seen her ive had the same attitude from her. This guy happens to be Asian, and she gave me a lecture about how blonde girls like myself are viewed if they go with an Asian man, her & her sister made a few racist remarks, saying about him smelling! he is vile etc. They told me to finish university and meet a man when I am in a good job, I don't plan on getting into a relationship with this guy, I admit it was drunken sex and I am calling a holt on it to focus on my studies and career. However, despite this, I was upset with how my friends became standoffish with me, not their selves. They are no angels either, and I am the "good one" out of the bunch, they too have had casual sex before. They told me I was quiet on a night out, and I get like this when a man is on the scene, there is no man on the scene...im not in a relationship or dating! I was a bit down due to other matters. They have said how I shouldn't degrade myself by going with an Asian guy, and that they don't want their friend going with one, and that any men in our city wont want to know me if they discover I have been with one. I am sickened, have we not moved on so much from such views? my grades fell last time I was in a relationship so I can understand their concern in that respect, but I don't appreciate their bitchy and backstabbing, not to mention racist behaviour! I really don't feel like seeing my friends until I have calmed down, I just hope they aren't going to be like this to me again! Im confused as to why theyre being off with me? is it due to this guy? or because I wasn't "myself" the past couple of times. It just seems as though my friend gossips and feeds her sister information and they gang up.
preraph Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 The problem is they are two of a kind and they validate each other's views and get pretty far out on a limb thinking they're normal and right because of that. I know two sisters who have kept each other from getting needed healthcare over the years because of their beliefs that only they validate each other on, but they value each other's opinion more than anyone else's -- and why not? Because they always hear what they want to hear from each other. Your two little friends are horrible racists and they're also not your mother, so I'd tell them to stop making racist comments about your friend and that you don't see why it's their business anyway. Have these sisters ever gone to college or anything to find out how out of line their biases are? Sometimes that helps a little. Getting out of their old environment where maybe how they are is normal in a limited circle.
Author catherine1 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 Thank you for your reply, i agree that they are attached at the hip so to speak, and will feed off each others views. Yes one of them has just finished 1st year of a college course and one does nothing and hasnt worked since leaving high school. Its left me feeling like i have embarrassed them by sleeping with someone outside of our race. They have turned mean to me over this.
SpiralOut Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 They don't sound like very good friends. If you insist on seeing them again, don't mention your dating life to them. It's none of their business and they don't know what they are talking about. And so what if they feel embarassed by you. They should feel embarassed of themselves for being so racist. 1
beach Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Those are some judgmental women. They wouldn't be my friends. You can ditch them anytime you choose.
whichwayisup Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 This guy happens to be Asian, and she gave me a lecture about how blonde girls like myself are viewed if they go with an Asian man, her & her sister made a few racist remarks, saying about him smelling! he is vile etc. For this, I'd end the friendship and find friends who are loving and accepting of every race. That's one thing I do not put up with. Racism. The judging you over sex, well, that's one thing and just don't share your private life and what you do with anybody as it's not their business who you sleep with and when/how often. It's another when friends are racist. Dump them, you can do better. 1
Author catherine1 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 Thank you for your replies, i will no longer be telling them personal things in regards to dating. I noticed how i was hesitant to tell these girls initially as i knew they would ridicule, one of the girls then realises it would bother me so utilised this as a chance to pick on me and make herself feel better as she constantly bitches about people. I am tired of discussing people and her bitching about mutual friends.
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