JRCUH94 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I'm going to make this short (hopefully).I was in an relationship with a girl for about two years. Things started out well, but it got pretty rocky towards the middle and continued that way until the inevitable end. We broke up for the last time a year ago. To this day I am still not over her. Don't get me wrong, things have definitely improved, but I am still very much deeply in love with her. I don't know what I'm doing wrong. I've done the no contact, I've went on dates, had numerous women pursue me for relationships, I've improved myself greatly, in my opinion. But no matter what she is still the one on my mind, and I still find myself thinking about a future with her. My biggest question is this: Like I said earlier, I've had numerous dates and numerous opportunities to enter relationships with other women, but I have not been able to find any sort of spark or connection with any of them. Nothing even close to the way I felt when I was with my ex-girlfriend. Is this something I'm doing wrong? Should I be trying harder? At this point, I feel the key to moving on is to find another girl. But like I said, I don't feel any sort of connection or spark with any of the girls I get to know. My ex has already had two boyfriends so she must have moved on just fine. How did she find it so easy to have that spark and connection with them?
ThorntonMelon Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You've had girlfriends she's had boyfriends. You have no idea if she can or cannot handle your breakup. You're not a mind reader. And you don't know if she's moved on or not. What you can control is your actions - whether or not you're investing emotionally in yourself, eating well, working hard, treating people well. Sounds like you are. You'll never know how she feels, so don't beat yourself up comparing. 1
OwMyEyeball Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Over the past year how often have you found yourself thinking about her? I don't mean passing thoughts, but reminiscent thoughts. Ones you sometimes lose yourself in.
Author JRCUH94 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Isn't not ever knowing how she feels a bad thing? I don't actively try to see what she's up to or how she's doing but she is friends with a few of my friends and the pictures I see online of her show her to be pretty darn happy. OwMyEyeball- Sounds pretty damn pathetic but daily. If its not me thinking about the times we had together, its about me thinking of the times we could make in the future.
erklat Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I see a similarity between his and mine story. I lose in thoughts every day. I did everything like did and moved away on top of that. Now after all the hard work...I still think of her daily and how Our future would have looked like if it panned out. I do not break no contact. I do not stalk her.
Author JRCUH94 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 erklat- I feel for you man. Its not a good feeling, doing everything you feel like can to get over someone and still not getting results. I always hear that time heals you best. But I'm kind of tired of waiting to return to my normal self.
erklat Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Man I turned my life upside down literally. And still I have thoughts about her. I don't ask myself what is she doing and with whom. I kind of most of the times relive The happy moments of us together. Also I have to say it's first crises since May. I learned that at my age its not easy to find someone you'll truly fall in love with. 1
Author JRCUH94 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 I really wish I could help you man. But if I knew the answers I wouldn't be asking myself. Maybe it is truly a waiting game.
Survivor12 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Isn't not ever knowing how she feels a bad thing? I don't actively try to see what she's up to or how she's doing but she is friends with a few of my friends and the pictures I see online of her show her to be pretty darn happy. OwMyEyeball- Sounds pretty damn pathetic but daily. If its not me thinking about the times we had together, its about me thinking of the times we could make in the future. The first paragraph is the answer to your question. Ask yourself this--does it hurt any less if you accidentally stick your hand on a hot stove than if you "actively try" to touch it? If you really want to move on, stop making excuses and do what you need to do. Read & follow the NC guide.
mightycpa Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) You're not doing anything wrong. The average adult will fall in love somewhere between 3 - 5 times in one lifetime. If people are adults for 50 years on average, then that's once every 10 - 15 years. While this is skewed towards youth, the point is that actual love is fairly rare. There are exceptions to that, but that's fairly normal. For me, it was once every 7 years or so. Every person you date is practice, so that you can be ready when the right one comes along. Practice intimacy (not only physical), practice being complimentary, practice being a good boyfriend. Practice honesty and talking about the difficult things. Figure out what you like and what you don't like. Learn from the girls you date, they all have something to offer. Therefore, it is important that you continue to date, as much as you can. You can't be ready when the time comes if you don't practice beforehand. And have some fun. Date around. Date many girls at once. There are a lot of things that are a ton worse than having lots of girlfriends. It won't last forever. Oh, and stop looking for love. Don't worry about it, it will find you when you least expect it. Good luck. Edited August 12, 2014 by mightycpa
mightycpa Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I learned that at my age its not easy to find someone you'll truly fall in love with. What age is that, if I may be so bold to ask?
erklat Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 What age is that, if I may be so bold to ask? I forgot to add any longer on the last part of the sentence so it sounded I'm a lot older than I actually am. I meant you don't fall in love easily and you are Attracted to fewer women from the start. And on top of that you are prone to all kinds of selfdestructive behaviour which Sabotage any kind of true romance happening with most women.
Kid_Charlemange Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Oh, and stop looking for love. Don't worry about it, it will find you when you least expect it. Or, it won't. Dating around is all fine and good. I've been doing that all year. But it takes a lot of energy, and a lot of money. I've given up on "true love." I found it, I guess, three times, and none of them ended well. One left me for another man, one cheated one me but refused to accept responsibility, and the third one, well I need to visit her grave sometime soon. Part of me thinks that "three strikes and you're out" isn't such a bad metaphor.
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