Lipitor11 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I don't know why my brother or his wife or anyone of my few married friends that I have try to introduce me with one of their single friends or at least try to find me a guy..isn't this one of the ways people find dates? I've heard stories on how one of their friends suggested they should meet their single friend, go on a date, and then they begin dating, etc, etc. It makes me think they don't find me attractive enough for them to try to help me find a guy to potentially date. They know that I'm single...and it just makes the process alot easier.
mammasita Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I bet if you go out and start finding your own dates first, your friends will notice a change in your demeanor and start offering.
Author Lipitor11 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 I bet if you go out and start finding your own dates first, your friends will notice a change in your demeanor and start offering. What do you mean?
mammasita Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 What do you mean? I mean the doing it on your own and not waiting for someone else to do it for you type of mentality. I'm sure the same applies here, people help those who help themselves, right?
No Limit Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Many people don't like being set up. I agree with Lipitor11; perhaps if you start looking on your own people will try to help you. What better way to show others that you're looking for a partner than looking for a partner? 1
gaius Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I know a security guard who's looking if you're interested.
MsSmurf Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Have you told them that you're on the market, actively dating, and open to being set up? You can't assume that they have nothing better to do than fix your love life, you need to advertise that you're open to being set up. 5
Author Lipitor11 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 Have you told them that you're on the market, actively dating, and open to being set up? You can't assume that they have nothing better to do than fix your love life, you need to advertise that you're open to being set up. Well, they just know that I'm single. I did say that I went on a date a few months ago, but that's it...I guess it would be wise to tell them that I've been going on dates that lead to nowhere, and on Friday, I'll be going to a dance club and that I'm single and ready to mingle. 1
rester Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Well, they just know that I'm single. I did say that I went on a date a few months ago, but that's it...I guess it would be wise to tell them that I've been going on dates that lead to nowhere, and on Friday, I'll be going to a dance club and that I'm single and ready to mingle. That's passively hinting at what you want. Why not just directly ask them if they know anybody they could set you up with? 2
Weezy1973 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 One of my good friends when she was 28 decided that she was ready for marriage. On a camping trip with myself and a group of our close friends, she let everybody know she was looking and offered to pay anybody $50 who set her up with somebody that she went on at least three dates with. One of my friends did - he introduced her to a man that he was in school with. They've now been together for 14 years and married for 12 with two kids. Best $50 she ever spent! 2
TheGuard13 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Yeah... Have you tried asking them to set you up with someone?
todreaminblue Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 i talk to my friends i tell them yeah still haven't found him yet i'm a trying.....they dont know the details of my dates but they know i am dating.....as do my family....i normally date guys i have known for a while or someone knows of them and can vouch ill return home after a date in one piece not itty bitty pieces its a safety thing for me and what my heart feels comfortable with....i tried online and i hate it.....i feel really unsure.....i wouldnt expect anyone to set me up on dates maybe thats why they do....i was going out friday night to a fave band and singer ...on together....i have since changed my mind.......but i dont mind going out by myself......i meet the most interesting people who are also often alone..i have guys give me their phone numbers and have made friends this way....even when i walk i talk to guys normally if there is plenty of light and others around.....i think to find dates if you arent finding dates or offered..... accept all offers....even if you dont think you match ....you should broaden where you go ...travel....meet ....greet let yourself be free...be open to opportunity and have fun......who knows who you will meet ...could be your guy...thats what i am doing just being open to experiences and people....and that is when i attract others.....whether it is to date them...is another story...ill know when it happens............deb
beatcuff Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Well, they just know that I'm single. I did say that I went on a date a few months ago, but that's it...I guess it would be wise to tell them that I've been going on dates that lead to nowhere... seriously... there are plenty of person that are single and want to stay that way. how am i supposed to 'know' you are not one of them. the biggest failure of relationships is COMMUNICATION. it appears you are exhibit A. first stop assuming. be direct, 'set me up'. be prepared for a shocked look in response. but it will get them going. second maybe time for inner reflection on your communication difficulties. your friends will get you some dates but this behavior will lead to frustration later.
MissBee Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Not everyone likes to be set up...so maybe you should mention that you want to be set up so people will think of you and keep an eye out.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Most people probably don't want to be viewed as interfering. Many people don't like being set up. If you want their help, point blank ask them to introduce you to people or at least to keep their eyes open.
normal person Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I don't know why my brother or his wife or anyone of my few married friends that I have try to introduce me with one of their single friends or at least try to find me a guy..isn't this one of the ways people find dates? They're probably busy living their own lives and not thinking about you constantly. It's not really their responsibility to find you a partner. If you want their help, you should ask them and not assume that they're actively avoiding the task for some specific reason.
TXGuy Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I agree with others that if you want them to set you up, you must ask. Most well adjusted people do not meddle in other people's personal lives unless invited to.
D.Mc. Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Hi Lipitor11, Many couples socialize & know only other couples, whether married, living together etc. They forgot how it was when they were single. Yes, you can directly ask them to look out for guys for you but you might be disappointed in the results. When a friend/family member introduces you to someone either in person or showing you the guys Facebook page (more likely nowadays), if you reject the prospect, you are also rejecting THEIR assessment of your tastes, & their own tastes as well. It's really uncomfortable to explain to your best friend or sister etc., just why you don't like their choice for you. When you set up someone you wind up with an interest in the success of the set up (weird human personality trait). Still, nothing ventured nothing gained. Ask around & good luck.
spiderowl Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I guess there could be many reasons. Some possibles: - they might think you are happy as you are - they might assume you are only interested in friendships with people - they are afraid of offending you by suggesting you may not be entirely happy single - they might not know your true leanings (perhaps you are gay/lesbian - they don't want to get it wrong) - they might be worried about getting a match wrong - they might think you would turn everyone down - or think it's not their job/none of their business - they might not know anyone they think you'd like - if they know someone single who they think you'd like, they might not be able to recommend them for some reason (e.g. he/she might have left a trail of heartbroken men/women behind them) - their available friend or you might have some personality trait that would make it difficult to find a match (I'm not suggesting you have, just saying one can't exclude such things) - like my friend, you might have such restricted hobbies and interests that you want to share with a partner, but few would be interested in the same hobbies - you might be quite a dominant person who doesn't listen to others or who pushes your own agenda. This can be sort of OK at work but when it comes to personal relationships, it really makes someone hard to match (I know someone like this and can't imagine who I could match said person with because of dominant nature - what can you do about that?) and so on ... there are endless reasons. I suspect the strongest one is that most people do not want to be responsible for setting up friends on dates only to find they really dislike each other. Better to leave them to find their own dates! It is sad actually because in many ways friends do know us best and their input could be helpful. -
pat-potts Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Many people don't like being set up. I have found myself in the camp of not wanting to be set up with anyone. But that is down to quite a few bad experiences of being set up. I don't think people hate being set up from the get go.
newmoon Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 just ask. say "i am trying to meet a nice guy, you know any? set me up if you do." go to parties you are invited to, etc. i ask all the time to be set up by my (mostly married) friends. it has yet to even happen. i have noticed most married people don't know many singles. as soon as they get married it gets very insular and they focus on each other, kids, etc. and don't maintain many single friendships. but just keep telling people you're available for dating
StanMusial Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 just ask. say "i am trying to meet a nice guy, you know any? set me up if you do." go to parties you are invited to, etc. i ask all the time to be set up by my (mostly married) friends. it has yet to even happen. i have noticed most married people don't know many singles. as soon as they get married it gets very insular and they focus on each other, kids, etc. and don't maintain many single friendships. but just keep telling people you're available for dating I agree with the posters who say to let your friends know you're open to being set up. I met my fiance through an introduction by an acquaintance. Above and beyond that, be the type of person people would like to set up with someone. I know guys and girls that I wouldn't set up - primarily because I don't think they are serious about finding someone, and if they are just messing around then they can do that on their own.
lovingone Posted August 17, 2014 Posted August 17, 2014 I don't know why my brother or his wife or anyone of my few married friends that I have try to introduce me with one of their single friends or at least try to find me a guy..isn't this one of the ways people find dates? I've heard stories on how one of their friends suggested they should meet their single friend, go on a date, and then they begin dating, etc, etc. It makes me think they don't find me attractive enough for them to try to help me find a guy to potentially date. They know that I'm single...and it just makes the process alot easier. You mentioned some thing about the process being easier if you were set up on a date by someone you know with someone they know? Don't bet on it! You always have to do the hard work of a smart dater even if you are set up by someone you know. Go slow, ask what your friend and family think of him, and check him out, double check him out. I have a cousin who met her husband 12 years ago at her friends Christmas party. As of now, this guy doesn't do much except live off her money (she is a doctor)
Recommended Posts