michael937 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) Hey, I kind of need advice. I don't really know what to do. Me and her have been dating for a little over 5 months. Before summer started she admitted she got jealous of 3 girls I didn't even like, but she still thinks I liked them. Regardless if I did or not, I definitely do not now and have changed but she still fears "what if you like somebody else since you already did while we were dating". She is the very jealous type, and I am too and we really don't like anybody else besides each other. But the first 2/3 months we were really happy all of the time and were hardly upset, she never got as upset as she gets now. Anyways, once summer started things started getting worse. She started just feeling depressed about those 3 girls, my explanations didn't seem to mean much to her. I kind of got out of hand, when she was upset I would do the wrong things. I was just frustrated with her being upset so I kept doing the wrong things to attempt to make her happy again because I didn't know what to do. Well I finally realized what I was doing wrong, so I just went back to doing what made her feel better. But it seemed too late, after I realized it she had already changed for the time being. The things I used to do didn't help much anymore, she just stayed upset. She keeps getting mad at even small things, and just stays mad for hours. She blames most of it on me too, on me being stupid and not thinking clearly but I think its not really my fault. I understand stuff happens, and I want to make her realize this and make her realize that I've always loved her and I never meant to hurt her in any way, not even once. She always says that it doesn't matter if the mistakes I made were accidents or not. Anyways I seemed to have really hurt her about 2 weeks ago, and since then she just hasn't seemed as happy. She's been starting to recover after a few days, and says I love you back and stuff, but then she ends up angry at me for some small reason again and we have to try it again and have been trying to do it for a week or so. It may have to do with us spending so much time together, even more so than when summer began. I know a lot of her problems are due to her past, before she met me she was depressed frequently and constantly fears being alone. She got really hurt in her last relationship and it pretty much ruined her trust. Even smaller things that I just blabber out and don't realize I never meant, she thinks I lie to her when I say I didn't mean it. For example, one time I said that I really hope the dog we get is as good as the one I have now. I didn't realize how stupid it was to say this, but she got upset. I realized that I just want to love a dog since its really the first one I've had, the first dog I've gotten to love, but she still doesn't believe me and doesn't want a dog because of what I said, because she doesn't want a dog to disappoint me. Some more additional details that I'm not sure if matter: I've written her a good morning message every day since we started dating. She's written a lot in the beginning but seemed to have stopped doing so, but I think this was due to laziness in the beginning and then being upset later and not wanting to do so. Anyways she hasn't written one for me at all recently. I do all these things for her, poems, drawings, love notes, etc. But she doesn't seem to do them back anymore at all or appreciate them sometimes. She feels sort of hopeless, but I know things can go back to the way they were. We really did nothing to break each other's hearts or any terrible mistake like that. I really do believe her to be my soulmate, if they exist, and she makes me believe in fate because of how well we fit each other and we seemed to have met each other when we really needed each other the most in our lives. I know she still really loves me, I think she's just scared of the past repeating or she's just upset because she thinks its repeating already. I know she told herself in a message before to remind herself, she shouldn't be in a relationship because she doesn't want to hurt somebody when her problem is unfixable. I remember when I made her really upset a few weeks ago, she told me she stopped caring about everything and she was unsure if she even loved me anymore and had mixed feelings. I think this was just because she was really mad/upset, because she ended up showing she cared not long after when she was feeling better. She kept saying a few weeks ago "This isn't working out, lets just break up" and shes given me a few chances to make her happy again, but just realize I never did any big mistake or anything. So anyways, I'm not sure how to stop her from getting mad at me, and for her to be more optimistic or at least have hardly any negative thoughts. I really don't want to leave her, I know the relationship can work out, lately it has just been rough so she is really pessimistic about it all. I really just want things to go back to how they were, the first 3 months were the happiest of my life. Edited August 11, 2014 by michael937
central Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) You can't stop her from being dysfunctional and jealous, and you need to realize her problem will only get worse, not better. This is a major red flag and you need to heed it. At the very least do not get more serious with her, and best case break up with her and find someone with a healthy attitude. (Edit: The way this often plays out is that you will try to appease and reassure her. You will become a doormat and lose respect for yourself. She will also lose respect for you, and that with her jealousy will result in her cheating on you and blaming you for her transgression.) Edited August 11, 2014 by central 2
BluEyeL Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I agree. I would say, breaking up would be the right thing. Finding someone more emotionally stable.
Author michael937 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 You can't stop her from being dysfunctional and jealous, and you need to realize her problem will only get worse, not better. This is a major red flag and you need to heed it. At the very least do not get more serious with her, and best case break up with her and find someone with a healthy attitude. (Edit: The way this often plays out is that you will try to appease and reassure her. You will become a doormat and lose respect for yourself. She will also lose respect for you, and that with her jealousy will result in her cheating on you and blaming you for her transgression.) I don't really mind the jealousy. I know she'd never cheat on me or anything like that, we're not that type of people. I'm just concerned about her being mad at me all of the time and upset. Keep in mind she actually just turned 17 and had a really rough childhood that wasn't happy, and I'm assuming she'll be different in the future.
central Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Past behavior is a good indicator of future behavior. I suspect you are young and have little relationship experience, so having a girlfriend this long is a major event in your life. Anger is a very bad sign, though, and if you stay you will be accepting an abusive, unhealthy relationship. This is the time in your life to date many people, IMO, and learn how to evaluate the quality of relationships and find out what matters to you in a relationship. I strongly urge you to reconsider continuing this one, as it sounds toxic.
dogeared Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Run, far, far away, as fast as you can. There is nothing you can do about her insecurities.
Assasda Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Its because when you got with her. OP you took your Balls off and you gave it to her, and she has them wrapped up for you in her purse. So she can treat you just about anyway that she wants to treat you
Omei Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Sorry to tell you there's no way to stop her from her own insecurities thats something she needs to work on herself, if you have already tried everything I doubt someone on here will have a magical solution. Its her, her personality. You will stay and that's okay but like everyone else in young relationships you both will learn over time you will resent being around her in public/any place with females and she will learn loss to her jealousy issues when you grow weary and leave one day. Unless she realizes she needs help on controlling herself but really what 17 year old takes into consideration that they need self work? None, truly teen years are some of the most selfish years in a persons mindset, that is why most relationships don't last forever in young years. Enjoy each other till your future holds something else, that's all you can do.
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