Ways to keep the momentum going - a big hurdle.

[Kohnan]

Hello all - I'm not necessarily "new" to the dating scene, I'm about two years divorced and decided to actively date about a year ago. I had, about 12 months ago, what I suppose you would call a "rebound" that lasted for a few months until the glaring incompatibilities became too much. Since then have serial dated a lot of different women, but never exclusively (and I was always honest and open about that).

 

Fast forward to late May. One of those "serial dating" girls caught my attention. Undivided attention actually. Great first date, but had to wait about two weeks for the second date which was likewise awesome, and ended in us kissing. But, therein lies the problem.

 

I travel around the country Tuesday through Friday for my job. For her job, she travels around the country Thursday through Sunday (totally different fields). So, when she's home, I'm gone, when I'm home, she's gone. Mondays we happen to overlap and that's when we get together. Well, she's been "off the road" now for about a month, and we've had some more time together during the weekends. In fact, we've now gone out a total of about 7 or 8 times. Great, great dates every single time. We have decent communication while we're apart - texts, phone calls, etc.

 

But I can feel the momentum and the hot spark giving out (maybe that's just my perception). We haven't had an discussion of exclusivity, so I'm not really sure if that needs to take place or what. I'll see her sometime next week for dinner, and definitely want to share some feeling, but I'm not even really sure what to say.

[Assasda]

^ Please dont do this.

 

 

Yeah when you see her, it gives you a chance for it to be brand new again.

Dont worry about it.

So what if its going down a little bit. You'll start it right back up when you see her, have that in mind

[Kohnan]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

Unfortunately, as of this afternoon, it looks like I've been sidelined with this gal. Good learning experience. She just posted a photo on her Facebook of her and another guy having a romantic dinner this evening in Newport Beach, CA (unbeknownst to me that she was even going there).

 

A couple of interesting things I noticed from this one that I'll take as a learning experience; she flaked out a lot, in fact, our first date was a complete flaking. We had arranged to meet for lunch, but she had some conflict, wasn't able to make it, texted the wrong guy, and left me hanging. She explained what had happened to me, offered up an apology, and it sounded legit, so we arranged to meet that day for dinner. Turned out to be an awesome date - so I forgave the flakiness. But, about a month ago, she pulled it again on me. We had arranged for a date on a Friday night, but she was "stuck" with some other friends at a lake and couldn't make it back. That actually really pissed me off seeing as how I could have made other plans.

 

Last week she was all sorts of into me on the phone, texting, etc. Saying things about how she was excited about us, that she was thinking about me, etc. Then the weekend rolls around and she goes short in text responses and very lukewarm. And then, the Facebook photo tonight really put the cherry on top.

 

Going to chalk this one up as her loss.

[torturedartist]

Hello all - I'm not necessarily "new" to the dating scene, I'm about two years divorced and decided to actively date about a year ago. I had, about 12 months ago, what I suppose you would call a "rebound" that lasted for a few months until the glaring incompatibilities became too much. Since then have serial dated a lot of different women, but never exclusively (and I was always honest and open about that).

 

Fast forward to late May. One of those "serial dating" girls caught my attention. Undivided attention actually. Great first date, but had to wait about two weeks for the second date which was likewise awesome, and ended in us kissing. But, therein lies the problem.

 

I travel around the country Tuesday through Friday for my job. For her job, she travels around the country Thursday through Sunday (totally different fields). So, when she's home, I'm gone, when I'm home, she's gone. Mondays we happen to overlap and that's when we get together. Well, she's been "off the road" now for about a month, and we've had some more time together during the weekends. In fact, we've now gone out a total of about 7 or 8 times. Great, great dates every single time. We have decent communication while we're apart - texts, phone calls, etc.

 

But I can feel the momentum and the hot spark giving out (maybe that's just my perception). We haven't had an discussion of exclusivity, so I'm not really sure if that needs to take place or what. I'll see her sometime next week for dinner, and definitely want to share some feeling, but I'm not even really sure what to say.

 

I find all the mentions of "exclusivity" at this forum fairly humorous, because I don't believe a person who was such a catch that they had members of the opposite sex lined up, just waiting for their next turn, would ask for advice in regard to one person they were totally hung up on, as you appear to be.

 

I don't believe someone who had as many options as the kind of person who prefers non-exclusive relationships, for virtue of the fact that they have options, would be getting all hung up on one person to whom a relationship with would have definite logistical challenges.

 

I don't think the question of "exclusivity" is a determining factor as to whether or not your relationship with this woman will proceed. At least not on your part.

 

I say, if you like her, cut the BS and put your feelings on the table. If I can sense the insincerity in your story, I can guarantee you that she can.

 

Good luck!

[Assasda]

Thanks for the advice guys.

 

Unfortunately, as of this afternoon, it looks like I've been sidelined with this gal. Good learning experience. She just posted a photo on her Facebook of her and another guy having a romantic dinner this evening in Newport Beach, CA (unbeknownst to me that she was even going there).

 

A couple of interesting things I noticed from this one that I'll take as a learning experience; she flaked out a lot, in fact, our first date was a complete flaking. We had arranged to meet for lunch, but she had some conflict, wasn't able to make it, texted the wrong guy, and left me hanging. She explained what had happened to me, offered up an apology, and it sounded legit, so we arranged to meet that day for dinner. Turned out to be an awesome date - so I forgave the flakiness. But, about a month ago, she pulled it again on me. We had arranged for a date on a Friday night, but she was "stuck" with some other friends at a lake and couldn't make it back. That actually really pissed me off seeing as how I could have made other plans.

 

Last week she was all sorts of into me on the phone, texting, etc. Saying things about how she was excited about us, that she was thinking about me, etc. Then the weekend rolls around and she goes short in text responses and very lukewarm. And then, the Facebook photo tonight really put the cherry on top.

 

Going to chalk this one up as her loss.

 

You are absolutely right its her loss.

 

Anyway, I think you guys could still go out. If she calls me to go out after that I'd still go out with her

[Kohnan]

Appreciate the feedback.

 

@Eau - it is true, I do possess passive aggressive tendencies which have had negative impacts in the past. Over the last few years I have really focused on controlling those, and, truth be known, haven't exhibited any of them to this other woman. Generally speaking though, I've discovered that my passive aggressive behaviors stem as a result of disappointment.

 

But, in this case, I haven't said anything to this girl, haven't been cold, etc. Just playing it nonchalant and cool. The only place where the passive aggressiveness came out was here, on an anonymous forum.

 

Perhaps I ought to cool it down, contact her again for a date when she gets back in town, and just recognize that things will be what they are meant to be.

[deathandtaxes]

I'm surprised you talked to her after her flaking on you twice. A flake on the FIRST DATE is usually a very good sign of how important they view you. Most likely she made other plans and conveniently 'forgot' to tell you. But two flakes? You only have yourself to blame for taking things further with this chick. Have some self respect, sir, and better luck next time.

[Kohnan]

10-4 D&T, sound advice. Lesson learned.