Great first date. But...

[Supernatural]

Are you kidding me? No, it looks like you genuinely want to care for her in a moment of need. To most women, a guy who is caring enough to offer to bring her something unprompted when she's not feeling well is a highly desirable quality.

 

So I don't want to jump all over you on this but I think you're confusing Pick Up Artist games with romance. If all you want to do is get laid then by all means follow the Pick Up Artist rule book. Notice how none of the PUA stories end with "and then we fell madly in love with each other"? No they're just manipulation and control techniques used to get laid.

 

Romance, well that's different. Romance is putting forward your best qualities and seeing she reacts. And vice versa. If there is chemistry then poof! If not, then it wasn't meant to be. All women want to be cared for in some fashion. Even if they don't need it like Deb said above. Masculine energy is all about doing so why don't you use some of that to offer to do something for her. She probably won't accept but the gesture will be noted and she will feel happier knowing you offered.

 

Here's the thing dude. What type of man do you want to be? Think on that. What do you want to be to her or some other woman you're in a relationship with? Figure that out and then be that man. For me, my natural male essence is the knight in shining armor. The women I date - especially the one I am dating now are all uber strong and don't need a protector. Rather, she takes great comfort in knowing that she doesn't always have to be strong as I will have her back. In fact, our relationship is a respite for her where she chooses to be less strong because she can and she trusts me.

 

Figure out who you are and then be that guy. Doesn't mean you'll nail every woman you meet because not every woman is right for you. You hear that - not every woman is right for you.

 

What I see with these games... These PUA moves? I see a bunch of boys twisting themselves into pretzels to separate women from their panties. So I ask you - given all that bending and contortion - who's really in control? Hint: it isn't the PUA

 

 

I definitely see what you're saying. But do not forget, it's only been a couple of days since seeing her, and she hasn't been giving me huge, if any signals that she wants to see me again.

So with that being said, when there is no green light, why would I ask if she wants me to get her anything and be sweet and soft? I still have to hold my ground and allow her to meet me halfway. That's coming on really fast and hard. I would ask this after a 3rd date, maybe. Circumstances all depending. But only after one date with no follow up from her? That's not romantic, that's just clingy as heck!

 

It already does look like I care about her. Called her once, sent texts, told her to get in touch when she feels better. I'm really just a stranger who kissed her and spent 4 hours with her. I believe I have done my part, and played it cool from her perspective. Shouldn't have to ask to powder her bum since she got her teeth yanked out of her noggin. IF she even got her teeth pulled...

[HappyLove]

I definitely see what you're saying. But do not forget, it's only been a couple of days since seeing her, and she hasn't been giving me huge, if any signals that she wants to see me again.

So with that being said, when there is no green light, why would I ask if she wants me to get her anything and be sweet and soft? I still have to hold my ground and allow her to meet me halfway. That's coming on really fast and hard. I would ask this after a 3rd date, maybe. Circumstances all depending. But only after one date with no follow up from her? That's not romantic, that's just clingy as heck!

 

It already does look like I care about her. Called her once, sent texts, told her to get in touch when she feels better. I'm really just a stranger who kissed her and spent 4 hours with her. I believe I have done my part, and played it cool from her perspective. Shouldn't have to ask to powder her bum since she got her teeth yanked out of her noggin. IF she even got her teeth pulled...

 

 

The more you talk the more I see why she is not interested.

[veggirl]

And she didn't and you didn't even follow up! You're still harping on someone not texting you at 3:00AM! These are not normal hours. She was exhausted and probably scared and just glad to be home. I don't care how safe it is where you live a woman out riding a bike by herself at 2:30 3:00 in the am is NOT a safe thing to do! She seemed ok when she peddled off by herself because with every turn of the peddle she was thinking....'wait he's really letting me go by myself... He's REALLY letting my bike home BY MYSELF. Poor thing was in shock.

 

LOL omg. talk about dramatic. she was out with a STRANGER until 2:30 AM, a stranger she met up with at 11PM, I'm guessing she was not too worried about her safety. Gimme a break. Do you think it's safe to let a new stranger know where you live?

[KatZee]

That would wreck the WHOLE date!?

 

It's not like I live in Compton. Biking here is really safe. And she didn't seem to have a problem at all. She seemed fine and happy.

 

You went on ONE DATE with her. You don't know her from a hole in the wall to know that she didn't have a problem with it and that she was "fine and happy." All you know is the front she put on for you.

 

Listen, I was dating my ex, we had been together for probably a year at the point that this story happened. I was 26/27, so not a kid either. But when we would go out late at night he would always make sure to drop me off at home, or if I was at his place he would drive me home and then take himself back home, even at 2/3AM when he was so exhausted.

 

There was one situation where something happened and he didn't want to take me home. He said I was a "big girl" and that my parents shouldn't be so worried that I wasn't able to get myself home on my own. It was another late night thing, and about 1/8th of me agreed that yes, I would most likely get home fine, it wasn't a bad area, it was "safe", but the other major part of me was so turned off, and so shocked that my boyfriend thought it was cool to just toss me out into the street at such a late hour, and just go to bed with zero care about my welfare. When I got home even my father said something about it, how he should have been a decent person and made sure I got home safely.

 

No matter what the area is like, you should NEVER let a woman go home alone at 2:30 in the morning. It's nerve wracking. Tons of women get harassed in broad daylight. ANYTHING could happen at night. It doesn't matter if you think you're being over protective, or you think she's fine, that she appears fine, and all will be fine. You do the right thing.

[todreaminblue]

I definitely see what you're saying. But do not forget, it's only been a couple of days since seeing her, and she hasn't been giving me huge, if any signals that she wants to see me again.

So with that being said, when there is no green light, why would I ask if she wants me to get her anything and be sweet and soft? I still have to hold my ground and allow her to meet me halfway. That's coming on really fast and hard. I would ask this after a 3rd date, maybe. Circumstances all depending. But only after one date with no follow up from her? That's not romantic, that's just clingy as heck!

 

It already does look like I care about her. Called her once, sent texts, told her to get in touch when she feels better. I'm really just a stranger who kissed her and spent 4 hours with her. I believe I have done my part, and played it cool from her perspective. Shouldn't have to ask to powder her bum since she got her teeth yanked out of her noggin. IF she even got her teeth pulled...

 

if your not willing to put your heart out there, and be soft and sweet and caring..... and be a bit vulnerable ...how is it strong what you feel for her...you sound like you are into self preservation..so let her go...

 

 

 

as a woman i appreciate a guy who shows vulnerability to me....lets me know, eaxctly how he feels fro me ...and shows it even more so.....that guy has strength of character not weakness in fact exactly the opposite..it takes strength to bare your throat....and say in your head.... do it....just make it quick....i have done this for guys i care about in more than one instance and been cut....i will continue to do it if i think and feel a guy is right for me and i care too much to not do it...i am nto a weak person when i show vulnerability......its the hardest thing i eve4r have to do ...rather suck on a jets exhaust to tell the truth...but if i care truly ill i bare my throat.....i am not weak.....guys find that out pretty quickly how strong i actually am and how vulnerability is me at my strongest and they respect me...not from what i say but from what others might have to say ...........deb

[KatZee]

And I did say Text me when you get home... So it's not like I didn't give a **** at all...

 

No, it really IS like you didn't give a s.h!t at at all. You sent her off into the early morning at 2:30 AM. You didn't make sure she got there safely, and then YOU told HER to contact you when she got home. She didn't.

 

Instead of your mind being like, "oh my God, I hope she got home OK... is she OK? Let me call her" you turn it into.... "oMG this girl doesn't give a s.h!t about me! boo hoo wah wah my feelings! wah! now i'm not going to contact her at all tomorrow. Let her take THAT!"

 

Meanwhile, because you just let her go alone at 2:30, she could have been abducted, raped, tossed in a corner somewhere...

 

Pull your head out of your a.ss hole guy.

[todreaminblue]

No, it really IS like you didn't give a s.h!t at at all. You sent her off into the early morning at 2:30 AM. You didn't make sure she got there safely, and then YOU told HER to contact you when she got home. She didn't.

 

Instead of your mind being like, "oh my God, I hope she got home OK... is she OK? Let me call her" you turn it into.... "oMG this girl doesn't give a s.h!t about me! boo hoo wah wah my feelings! wah! now i'm not going to contact her at all tomorrow. Let her take THAT!"

 

Meanwhile, because you just let her go alone at 2:30, she could have been abducted, raped, tossed in a corner somewhere...

 

Pull your head out of your a.ss hole guy.

 

ll i liked your post because it made me smile ...blunt and to the point.... and then i seen maybe he has been misled by some book or alternate reality where women dont appreciate guys who walk them home..and he really actually is scared of getting hurt by this girl or thinks he will scare her away......deb

[KatZee]

I am a gentleman. Simply just let one slide when I wasn't thinking. My head was on our next hangout and excitement for that and the kiss we just shared. And if it's one moment which buckles the whole date like that; then that relationship would be very unforgiving. If 99% of the date is relatively smooth and the 1% is me not offering to bike her home and she categorizes me as a dud because of one small thing... That to me, is blowing it out of proportion.

Guys do much worse...

 

I don't think it was 1% of things that did it in for you. I think it was a culmination of small things that happened over the course of the date which turned it into one huge thing, and as such, she has decided not to pursue a second date with you.

 

It was ONE DATE. Big deal, she kissed you. I've had guys kiss me at the end of dates who I never saw again, either my decision, or their decision. This is not some rare unicorn story, it happens all the time.

 

Whatever you felt? Doesn't look like she shares your views. Whether they were "slip ups" or whatever you're calling them, first impressions are the most important and a lot of guys get dismissed virtually immediately if the girl isn't feeling the behaviors/attitude of the guy on the first date.

 

I once refused to see a guy again because he had commented on my clothes the instant he saw me. I was in a work blazer and nice pants and he goes, "is what you're wearing work appropriate?" Um, excuse me? Who are you? As he stood there in jeans and an old thermal shirt. Next.

 

I once didn't see a guy again because the kiss we had at the end of our date was so awkward and I didn't want to be in that situation ever again.

 

I stopped seeing a guy because he would only ask me to "get together" a day in advance, or the day of. Please have some respect for my life and my schedule. I go out on dates with new guys about 3-4 days in advance.

 

There are any number of reasons why this girl doesn't want to see you again and it's not up to YOU to interpret the reasons why, or come up with lists of A, B, C, or D as to what you should say and do now. You've made your interest clear so it's time to just leave it alone.

 

First dates very rarely turn into relationships. That's just how it goes. You're putting so much stock and so much effort and emotion into someone you don't even know, but are just assuming was so perfect because she kissed you.

[todreaminblue]

I don't think it was 1% of things that did it in for you. I think it was a culmination of small things that happened over the course of the date which turned it into one huge thing, and as such, she has decided not to pursue a second date with you.

 

It was ONE DATE. Big deal, she kissed you. I've had guys kiss me at the end of dates who I never saw again, either my decision, or their decision. This is not some rare unicorn story, it happens all the time.

 

Whatever you felt? Doesn't look like she shares your views. Whether they were "slip ups" or whatever you're calling them, first impressions are the most important and a lot of guys get dismissed virtually immediately if the girl isn't feeling the behaviors/attitude of the guy on the first date.

 

I once refused to see a guy again because he had commented on my clothes the instant he saw me. I was in a work blazer and nice pants and he goes, "is what you're wearing work appropriate?" Um, excuse me? Who are you? As he stood there in jeans and an old thermal shirt. Next.

 

I once didn't see a guy again because the kiss we had at the end of our date was so awkward and I didn't want to be in that situation ever again.

 

I stopped seeing a guy because he would only ask me to "get together" a day in advance, or the day of. Please have some respect for my life and my schedule. I go out on dates with new guys about 3-4 days in advance.

 

There are any number of reasons why this girl doesn't want to see you again and it's not up to YOU to interpret the reasons why, or come up with lists of A, B, C, or D as to what you should say and do now. You've made your interest clear so it's time to just leave it alone.

 

First dates very rarely turn into relationships. That's just how it goes. You're putting so much stock and so much effort and emotion into someone you don't even know, but are just assuming was so perfect because she kissed you.

 

agree with some of your sentiments......i havent really blown a guy off from a first date though.....for it being awkward.....did you read what he said the first date was like.....i think the asking her to stay overnight was a mistake....not walking her home was a mistake then all day saturday was a mistake one stroke over a three strike rule for first date.........and i think not contacting her was a mistake.....i feel if he showed some vulnerability he might get a second date look in? maybe she seemed all right on the date from what i read..... do you feel that..of course i dont know her but when you can only guess someones thoughts..i think its better to jump and take a risk hope for a quick death or a clean landing..two possibles...............deb

[StarsOnFire]

Some people are weird texters too, you just met her, maybe she doesn't normally text a lot and you're reading too much into it. I have friends who are awful at getting back to texts, & work better w/phone calls. Just a thought.

[Supernatural]

The more you talk the more I see why she is not interested.

 

That's a weak comment. I'll remember the same one for when you open up about your own securities on a dating site. When you're willfully sharing a vulnerability.

 

Obviously she is not seeing my insecurities. Cool comment though.

[Supernatural]

LOL omg. talk about dramatic. she was out with a STRANGER until 2:30 AM, a stranger she met up with at 11PM, I'm guessing she was not too worried about her safety. Gimme a break. Do you think it's safe to let a new stranger know where you live?

 

Thank you. And that's part of why I didn't offer, a lot of women don't want to show a guy where they live so soon.

[Supernatural]

No, it really IS like you didn't give a s.h!t at at all. You sent her off into the early morning at 2:30 AM. You didn't make sure she got there safely, and then YOU told HER to contact you when she got home. She didn't.

 

Instead of your mind being like, "oh my God, I hope she got home OK... is she OK? Let me call her" you turn it into.... "oMG this girl doesn't give a s.h!t about me! boo hoo wah wah my feelings! wah! now i'm not going to contact her at all tomorrow. Let her take THAT!"

 

Meanwhile, because you just let her go alone at 2:30, she could have been abducted, raped, tossed in a corner somewhere...

 

Pull your head out of your a.ss hole guy.

 

I wasn't saying "TAKE THAT!". She said she would text, and didn't. I played my part. At least I said 'text me', and showed some care. It was one date, A person shouldn't have to bend over backwards, for a stranger then have that be the breaking point.

 

I said "text me when you get home" she said "ok". From that, I trust everything is cool. And she will do what she said.

If this is the reason there is no second date, she would need to learn to speak up and be like "want to bike with me home?" If it was that big of an issue and she actually had fear. And if that was the true issue.

 

Like a veggirl said. She did meet up with a stranger at 11pm and went to a beach with alcohol. She can't be that fearful.

[HappyLove]

I definitely see what you're saying. But do not forget, it's only been a couple of days since seeing her, and she hasn't been giving me huge, if any signals that she wants to see me again.

So with that being said, when there is no green light, why would I ask if she wants me to get her anything and be sweet and soft? I still have to hold my ground and allow her to meet me halfway. That's coming on really fast and hard. I would ask this after a 3rd date, maybe. Circumstances all depending. But only after one date with no follow up from her? That's not romantic, that's just clingy as heck!

 

It already does look like I care about her. Called her once, sent texts, told her to get in touch when she feels better. I'm really just a stranger who kissed her and spent 4 hours with her. I believe I have done my part, and played it cool from her perspective. Shouldn't have to ask to powder her bum since she got her teeth yanked out of her noggin. IF she even got her teeth pulled...

 

 

You're doing everything but being vulnerable. The more you say things like you did in bold the more I understand how you came across to her. You aren't even willing to acknowledge or see that. You purposely take certain steps not to look too caring. You've shown her several times you are not one to go out of your way. If I remember correctly you even debated responding to her getting her teeth pulled. I'd think it's a pretty natural reaction to say something immediately to a love interest about something so painful.

[isisisweeping]

In that first post, you sound like you're playing games and everything would have made me lose interest and not really give it a chance unless he dropped the pretenses and seriously pursued me and showed me he was really interested.

 

 

1. Asking her to stay the night

2. Not offering to walk her home at that time of night... ipp.

3. Not following up via text that she made it home safely

4. Seeming not to care to follow up shortly thereafter

5. When you finally do get through, given your previous actions, it is a date idea that might be quite... suggestive.

 

 

She's thinking you're after sex.

[Supernatural]

You're doing everything but being vulnerable. The more you say things like you did in bold the more I understand how you came across to her. You aren't even willing to acknowledge or see that. You purposely take certain steps not to look too caring. You've shown her several times you are not one to go out of your way. If I remember correctly you even debated responding to her getting her teeth pulled. I'd think it's a pretty natural reaction to say something immediately to a love interest about something so painful.

 

I can see your perspective. I do care for her. Really. And I was vulnerable on our date through conversation.

 

But What would you like me to say after 2 days of no contact with her? "Ohhh, I hope you feel better soon, did you want me to swing by the store for you and pick you up anything?" or "did you want me to pick anything up for you and your hurting mouth?"

After only one date I think it's preemptive to ask after what may be an excuse to push me away... Plus, I'm not her boyfriend.

 

I told her "feel better. give me a shout when you do" and I think that is fine. I acknowledged her teeth and showed interest, but am not perceived as desperate for her attention.

 

Yes. I should have biked her home or at least offered. My bad.

[Supernatural]

In that first post, you sound like you're playing games and everything would have made me lose interest and not really give it a chance unless he dropped the pretenses and seriously pursued me and showed me he was really interested.

 

 

1. Asking her to stay the night

2. Not offering to walk her home at that time of night... ipp.

3. Not following up via text that she made it home safely

4. Seeming not to care to follow up shortly thereafter

5. When you finally do get through, given your previous actions, it is a date idea that might be quite... suggestive.

 

 

She's thinking you're after sex.

 

 

I could agree with that. But it's not how it seems. Although I know how she could see it like that. How can I show her that it's not just sex I want? I do care about her. Should I text her something sweet in a statement? Tell her we should go for ice cream when her teeth feel better?

[Supernatural]

I could agree with that. But it's not how it seems. Although I know how she could see it like that. How can I show her that it's not just sex I want? I do care about her. Should I text her something sweet in a statement? Tell her we should go for ice cream when her teeth feel better?

 

Any thoughts on this?

[starrynightz45]

1. You didn't take her home. No woman thinks it's a POSITIVE thing that her date doesn't make an attempt to ensure her safety at 2:30am. No woman. Your friends are wrong. Tis is what a caring gentleman does. It's not creepy or needy to about 99.9% of women. Ok, possibly she wouldn't want you to know where she lives. But that doesn't excuse you not checking in with her when she didn't text you.

 

2. You didn't text her to see if she was home safe when she failed to text you, strike 2 to make her feel like she doesn't matter all that much. Personally, I'd be a little upset at that point.

 

3. You didn't contact her the next day, AFTER she's already feeling like you really don't care all that much. Now she feels even worse and is sure you're at the best, halfheartedly interested. Sorry, but the ball is and was in your court at this point. You have to take the initiative in the beginning. You have to be aggressive. You can't wait around.

 

4. You finally do contact her the NEXT day - now she's even more frustrated because you waited so long, another sign

You aren't too interested. At this point, she isn't going to be jumping for joy to see you. She's going to do exactly what she's doing- pulling back.

 

 

I really think you're too preoccupied with appearing macho, secure and not needy. But you're forgetting to show care and sensitivity.

[todreaminblue]

Any thoughts on this?

 

 

yes be sensitive...yes be caring yes ask her out again..ice cream might be a good idea .....

[HappyLove]

I could agree with that. But it's not how it seems. Although I know how she could see it like that. How can I show her that it's not just sex I want? I do care about her. Should I text her something sweet in a statement? Tell her we should go for ice cream when her teeth feel better?

 

Yes, what have you got to lose?! I think you should just lay it on the line and be honest. We all have to take a chance even if it's not guaranteed to work out. You seem like you really like her so just be truthful and send something like, "I've been thinking about you and I hope you're feeling better. Would love to take you for ice cream if your up for it". See how she responds at least either way you'll know if there is still potential or if you should move on.

[dogeared]

I could agree with that. But it's not how it seems. Although I know how she could see it like that. How can I show her that it's not just sex I want? I do care about her. Should I text her something sweet in a statement? Tell her we should go for ice cream when her teeth feel better?

Maybe you are not just after sex, however her (possible) perception that you are insincere is exactly how it "seems", not just how she (might) see it.

 

 

As others pointed out, why even tell her to text you that she got home if you didn't intend to follow up?

 

 

I think you will be very lucky if she gives you another chance.

[Supernatural]

I was reading over the latest text messages again, where I asked her out to watch the meteor shower. 5 total texts sent, and she responded to me both within a minute or two. If she really was not interested wouldn't she just not respond or take much longer?

 

I want to text her and say "I've been thinking about you and I hope you're feeling better. Would love to take you for ice cream if you're up for it." But my last text to her was "feel better. Text me when you do". If I send her someone thing else and she really has been in pain when I already said text me when you're better, I will look like an impatient guy who is a little pushy.

 

I have already given her the ball. I don't think I can give her both of mine...

[Supernatural]

Okay. So I took a deep breathe and sent her a text. It reads... "I've been thinking of you. How's your mouth?"

 

Now I will see what the response will be, and I think that should give me an answer.

 

Dam. I messed up.

[Strength in Healing]

Yeah you messed up trying to look not needy. Every single long term gf I've ever had, I immediately texted the same night as our date. And the next day, and so on.

 

So many people make this critical error early on. Not contacting them after the date and waiting a day or two.

 

But alas, it's okay brother. Trust me when I say there is too many fish in the sea to worry about a single line that broke.