Great first date. But...

[Supernatural]

Hey Everyone.

 

Let me give you the story.

 

Anna and I met on August 2nd. I approached her, had a conversation which was brief, got her number and then text her 2 days after. All texts where straight to the point, no fat or small talk.

 

We set up a time to hangout - August 8th - and I meet her after work which was 11:00pm for a bike ride on the seawall, where we eventually end up on a beach, sitting against a log next to the ocean, under the stars. She had brought a bottle of wine which we both had.

 

Our conversation flowed and was relaxed with some laughs. I started to stretch my legs and back - while still sitting - as my muscles were tight from working out and sitting, and she mentioned she was sore too. about 7 minutes later I placed my hand on her back and I gave her a nice little massage where she got in between my legs. After the massage I continue to touch her with light touches, and she touches/massages my calfs.

 

After awhile in this position, she gets up to go to the washroom. She returns, and she cuddles up to me as I rub my hand on her leg and then I eventually put my arm around her and she falls in to me. She mentions as she's in my arms that she's cold. I say "did you want to get out of here?" and she shakes her head and says she wants to stay a little longer.

 

Before long, we decide to head back as she had to work at 10 the upcoming morning. We bike for about 12 minutes and eventually hit my place. We stop biking. She says she had a great time, and I return the compliment. We both go in for the hug, and it's a good hug. We pull away. Look in each others eyes, and I go in for the kiss. Kiss lasts about 10 seconds. She is grabbing my shirt/stomach, and I'm grabbing her head. It was passionate, a really good kiss. I pulled away. She really enjoyed it.

 

After the kiss she says "I really enjoyed tonight.... and kissing you". I smile and say "Me too". I offer that she could stay the night as she worked at 10am. I offered because her work was close to my place and she would be able to get more sleep. She declined and said she needed to have fresh clothes. And I was cool with that.

She says she wants to hangout again real soon and I agree. I tell her to text me when she gets home and we part ways. It's about 2:30am at this point.

 

I get in my place, make some food, and about 40 minutes goes by until I hit the hay. No text that she has made it home okay. She lives about 15mins away. I don't worry much and go to bed, although slightly confused why she didn't... I chalk it up to that she just forgot or was tired....

 

I wake up on Saturday around noon and still haven't gotten a text. I don't send a message all of Saturday. No contact this day.

 

Sunday (yesterday) comes shining, and I give her a call for an awesome date idea at 1:15 in the afternoon. No answer or returned call. I start to panic a little by 5:00pm because nothing is making sense. No contact this day. I'm quite sad and feeling lost. OVER THINKING!

 

Now it's today. And I haven't heard ANYTHING since Friday late late night when we parted ways. I really want to see her again. I was going to send her a text in a bit saying: "I have something I would like to do with you tonight" or "I have something in mind, if you're free later."

*My date idea for tonight is to drive up out of the city and watch the meteor showers -- she mentioned it on the first date*

 

 

My question is... What went wrong? Why is she not responding and how long do I give all of this?

Nothing makes sense. I thought maybe the offer to stay the night was maybe not ideal, but I don't think it's a nail in the coffin.

 

Help is greatly appreciated.

[BluEyeL]

She just didn't return your call, it's not that she wasn't responding. She didn't initiate a text, but neither did you. I suggest you call again or text her. Now.

[Mrin]

I agree. A few things that might be working against you: you didn't ride to her place and drop her off and instead she had to ride home at 2:30am. You didn't follow up that night when she didn't text back - so how concerned for her safety were you really? That's the message she got. You didn't contact her on Saturday - if you had really been worried about her you would have - that's what she's thinking. You waited until Sunday - she probably had plans. So to her, she's probably thinking you're not really into her and since you propositioned her to stay at your place and then didn't call her, you were just looking for sex.

 

So call her or text her now.

[Supernatural]

I agree. A few things that might be working against you: you didn't ride to her place and drop her off and instead she had to ride home at 2:30am. You didn't follow up that night when she didn't text back - so how concerned for her safety were you really? That's the message she got. You didn't contact her on Saturday - if you had really been worried about her you would have - that's what she's thinking. You waited until Sunday - she probably had plans. So to her, she's probably thinking you're not really into her and since you propositioned her to stay at your place and then didn't call her, you were just looking for sex.

 

So call her or text her now.

 

I agree with above... Although on some points... Haha.. Not arguing, just stating. I do appreciate your input!

 

A) I didn't ride to her place or offer -- I did this because I always walk girls home -- not saying I had a get-out-of-walk-em-home-free card.

I have walked friends who are girls home, and it seems they become more interested in guys who don't always bend backwards for them; this is what they said... They begin to crave it. I did however say "text me when you get home", so I did care...

 

B)I didn't follow up, because I gave her the ball to text me and she didn't. I don't want to seem over eager/clingy like her dad "Just making sure your home safe!"

 

C) Saturday... Ya, mayyybe I should have messaged her. I was out with friends though. I still think the ball was in her court.

 

D) I called her Sunday, and that's soon enough, I think. She had all day to return call, never did.

 

 

 

All aside... I just texted her awhile ago... This is the exact convo...

 

Me: "I have something exciting I'd like to do with you tomorrow night"

Her: "Unfortunately I just got my wisdom teeths removed ..What's the exciting thing though?"

Me: "Drive out of the city; watch the meteor shower"

Her: "Ah that sounds awesome, but I'm in too much pain to move."

 

What should I say now? "Feel better" -- leave the ball with her and move on until she contacts me, or "I had a good time on Friday, lets do it again soon"

[BluEyeL]

The ball wasn't in her court, I'm sorry. It was in your court. It still is. I don't think you're very good at this dating thing.

 

You have to properly ask her out on a date with a couple of days advance notice. Ask her how does her schedule look like for Friday or Saturday and ask her out for one of those days.

[Supernatural]

The ball wasn't in her court, I'm sorry. It was in your court. It still is. I don't think you're very good at this dating thing.

 

You have to properly ask her out on a date with a couple of days advance notice. Ask her how does her schedule look like for Friday or Saturday and ask her out for one of those days.

 

Lol, I thought it's apparent that I'm not good at the dating thing...That's why I signed up here.

 

I just asked her on a date for tomorrow, but she just got her teeth pulled *maybe*, I made a proposal; so shouldn't she make the next attempt?

[Zippy2000]

Whoa! Everyone stop picking on Supernatural. Hes got some valid points.

 

Hes already asked her to text her to make sure she got in ok. Also he`s called her.

 

He`s not been clingy or anything but Im sorry. It takes two to tango and if hasnt replied to a phone call then I would leave it.

 

The ball is in HER court not his.

[preraph]

I think you did fine all around. I doubt very much she scored you down because you didn't ride her home. I think she'd have asked you to if it mattered to her. It's good you didn't panic because she didn't text you. She was probably out of it and also knowing how us women are, if she was texting anyone at that hour, it was probably girlfriends telling them about her date with you.

 

People have things to do and sometimes their plate is just full at certain times. Maybe, yes, she was on a date with a guy and it would have been rude to return your call. Maybe after thinking about the date, she didn't like it, but it sounds to me like she did like it.

 

Now she will be out of it a few days from the wisdom teeth. I bled for a week. She shouldn't, but you don't feel great for a few days.

 

Just chill. Tell her you hope she feels better soon and to holler when she does, and then don't call or text until she does now.

[Supernatural]

Okay. So this is our conversation as of right now.

 

Me: "I have something exciting I'd like to do with you tomorrow night"

Her: "Unfortunately I just got my wisdom teeths removed ..What's the exciting thing though?"

Me: "Drive out of the city; watch the meteor shower"

Her: "Ah that sounds awesome, but I'm in too much pain to move."

 

Last text was sent by her at 12:05pm, it's 1:51pm now.

 

What should I respond with?

 

a) I hope you feel better.

b) Feel better. Give me a shout when you do.

c) No response.

[JungleLover]

Okay. So this is our conversation as of right now.

 

Me: "I have something exciting I'd like to do with you tomorrow night"

Her: "Unfortunately I just got my wisdom teeths removed ..What's the exciting thing though?"

Me: "Drive out of the city; watch the meteor shower"

Her: "Ah that sounds awesome, but I'm in too much pain to move."

 

Last text was sent by her at 12:05pm, it's 1:51pm now.

 

What should I respond with?

 

a) I hope you feel better.

b) Feel better. Give me a shout when you do.

c) No response.

 

Well, she has ignored you all weekend and her response is this. Don't send any more replies. You have your answer. Hey, great 1st dates often do not turn into girlfriends. You need 10 solids dates at least. Don't hang your hat on anything less than that and you will keep your cool.

[Standard-Fare]

Definitely go with option B: "Feel better. Give me a shout when you do."

 

It makes your interest clear and also puts the ball in her court, which it should be at this point. You were the last one to initiate contact/suggest a date, so it's up to her to follow through on that.

 

As far as that "Check in with me when you're home safe" business, that always sort of creeps me out with guys. I completely understand that the intention is good, but it's weird to hear from someone you just went on a first date with. Like, all of a sudden this totally new person you met a couple hours ago is so invested in your well-being? Not knocking it exactly, just commenting.

[Supernatural]

Well, she has ignored you all weekend and her response is this. Don't send any more replies. You have your answer. Hey, great 1st dates often do not turn into girlfriends. You need 10 solids dates at least. Don't hang your hat on anything less than that and you will keep your cool.

 

Hmm...

So, don't even say "I hope you feel better" ? Just cold turkey; no response?

 

Maybe I should just ask her point blank... "Are you interested in hanging out again?" then, I get my answer for sure whether she responds or not, rather than trying to find a way to give myself closure and playing it cool...

 

With the current conversation, she isn't trying initiating another date, but at the same time she was curious about the plan I had in mind. If she really wasn't interested, I think she would have just left it at "Unfortunately I got my wisdom teeth removed." AND she kissed at the end of the date for 10 seconds... a girl who isn't interested, doesn't do that... Does she?

[Supernatural]

As far as that "Check in with me when you're home safe" business, that always sort of creeps me out with guys. I completely understand that the intention is good, but it's weird to hear from someone you just went on a first date with. Like, all of a sudden this totally new person you met a couple hours ago is so invested in your well-being? Not knocking it exactly, just commenting.

 

I know... It sort of just came out of my mouth. We just kissed, I had butterflies, I was more vulnerable... AH! I think it was more positively then negatively perceived.

[dogeared]

Hmm...

So, don't even say "I hope you feel better" ? Just cold turkey; no response?

 

Maybe I should just ask her point blank... "Are you interested in hanging out again?" then, I get my answer for sure whether she responds or not, rather than trying to find a way to give myself closure and playing it cool...

 

With the current conversation, she isn't trying initiating another date, but at the same time she was curious about the plan I had in mind. If she really wasn't interested, I think she would have just left it at "Unfortunately I got my wisdom teeth removed." AND she kissed at the end of the date for 10 seconds... a girl who isn't interested, doesn't do that... Does she?

 

Maybe she didn't like the kiss.

 

Just tell her to feel better and get in touch when she does.

 

Then she will either contact you or not. Either way, there's your answer.

[Supernatural]

Maybe she didn't like the kiss.

 

Just tell her to feel better and get in touch when she does.

 

Then she will either contact you or not. Either way, there's your answer.

 

Nah. She liked the kiss. She even said "I really enjoyed tonight...Aaand kissing you. *smile*" Plus, when we kissed, shes grabbed my side body/shirt. If she was just going through motions she wouldn't hold on to me or reach out. And I'm a fantastic kisser Hahah...

 

About the texting...I said: "Feel better. Give me a shout when you do"

 

It just doesn't make a shred of sense if she isn't interested based on the actions of the night.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

When I had some teeth extracted I was in pain and had chipmunk cheeks for a few days. Still, if I was interested in someone I would have responded to his texts. Like others have suggested, tell her that you hope she feels better soon and to get in touch when she's up and running again.

 

Then WAIT and let her contact you.

[preraph]

Okay. So this is our conversation as of right now.

 

Me: "I have something exciting I'd like to do with you tomorrow night"

Her: "Unfortunately I just got my wisdom teeths removed ..What's the exciting thing though?"

Me: "Drive out of the city; watch the meteor shower"

Her: "Ah that sounds awesome, but I'm in too much pain to move."

 

Last text was sent by her at 12:05pm, it's 1:51pm now.

 

What should I respond with?

 

a) I hope you feel better.

b) Feel better. Give me a shout when you do.

c) No response.

 

 

Do B and then no more texting.

[Supernatural]

I won't be texting her anymore. I sent her the b option with no response yet...

 

The whole situation; It's just odd. I mean, she couldn't have even had her teeth removed... I think she would have mentioned something on Friday about it?

 

I'm at a loss.

[Supernatural]

Anyone else have any thoughts why she is being cooler towards me after what seemed like a hot date?

[dogeared]

Anyone else have any thoughts why she is being cooler towards me after what seemed like a hot date?

 

Dude, just because you think it was a hot date does not mean that she did.

[Supernatural]

True. But she did kiss me, and say she was really interested at the end... Anyways.

 

Should I just text her again and say... "Were you interested in getting together again?"

[JungleLover]

Hmm...

So, don't even say "I hope you feel better" ? Just cold turkey; no response?

 

Maybe I should just ask her point blank... "Are you interested in hanging out again?" then, I get my answer for sure whether she responds or not, rather than trying to find a way to give myself closure and playing it cool...

 

With the current conversation, she isn't trying initiating another date, but at the same time she was curious about the plan I had in mind. If she really wasn't interested, I think she would have just left it at "Unfortunately I got my wisdom teeth removed." AND she kissed at the end of the date for 10 seconds... a girl who isn't interested, doesn't do that... Does she?

 

Oh, most definitely. Don't reply.

 

 

Man, I have been in this situation over the years more than I care to count. If there is one piece of advice I could leave more than any other with a guy out there dating it would be never get hung up on how well dates go in under 10 or so dates. I don't care if she gives you bionic sex on a bed of colorful flowers while riding down Niagra Falls. You still may very well never hear from her again after she brings you to climax. The sedond would be to drop the whole "leaving the ball in her court" mindset. It's too passive and helps to foster an overall passive mentally that will always work against you when trying to get the woman you want.

 

For one, she ignored your call and then followed it up with a lame excuse to turn you down for a second date. Now, the second piece of advice I would probably leave a guy is that when a woman has good interest in you, the second date will be made with ease. She gave you the wisdom tooth/painful mouth thing, okay, but she did not follow it up with an alternative date or suggestion for another particular day. This is just never good. If she was truly interest, she would start talking about other alternatives almost immediately. She won't try to get back with you.

 

You gave us multiple choice answers. None of them are wrong answers but the idea is to pick the best answer.

 

a) I hope you feel better.

- It is a nice response but I think you have been too nice already. Why do you need show further caring and niceness after she ignored your call and turned you down for a second date because her wisdom teeth got extracted? Why can't she just pop a Vicodin and keep rolling?

 

b) Feel better. Give me a shout when you do.

-Again, not a bad answer. It is actually nice. Here you "leave the ball in her court" which is generally weak and passive approach when dating. Don't leave it up to her like this on her terms. All you are going to do is sit by your phone waiting for her to call.

 

c) No response.

- You are at least walking away on your own terms and not getting into a lower power position by waiting for her to call you back over the next several days. In the mean time, you move on. She could possibly realize that you did not respond back and maybe wonder if you ever will, especially after she ignored your call and turned down your second date. If she truly is interested, she will not want to screw this part up and she will make sure she calls you back out of concern that you may have walked away.

 

 

Don't put much stock into how she was curious what the 2nd date was going to be. It was simply curiosity and that's it.

[JungleLover]

True. But she did kiss me, and say she was really interested at the end... Anyways.

 

Should I just text her again and say... "Were you interested in getting together again?"

 

 

Man, you can have pornographic sex with them on the first date and praised endlessly by the end of the night and it can be the last time you hear from them. There are all sorts of colorful characters out here.

 

You still may have a chance, I just wouldn't push any more given what you have told us thus far.

[todreaminblue]

Hmm...

So, don't even say "I hope you feel better" ? Just cold turkey; no response?

 

Maybe I should just ask her point blank... "Are you interested in hanging out again?" then, I get my answer for sure whether she responds or not, rather than trying to find a way to give myself closure and playing it cool...

 

With the current conversation, she isn't trying initiating another date, but at the same time she was curious about the plan I had in mind. If she really wasn't interested, I think she would have just left it at "Unfortunately I got my wisdom teeth removed." AND she kissed at the end of the date for 10 seconds... a girl who isn't interested, doesn't do that... Does she?

 

its really bad manners to not wish some well when they say they are sick ...or to ignore them when they are in pain and not say something.....as a female i would fin it a bit cold and coldness in guys i cannot stand...........if a woman si truly into you carign abotu her welfare is never a bad thing....responding to her texts is never a bad thing.......being polite and kind is never a bad thing.....showing thoughtful texts like did you get home alright is never a bad thing.....

 

 

this woman actually got quite intimate with you on that first date sitting between your legs having you body pressed up against her kissing you passionately and you are not responding ...thats what i would feel.....what that would make me do is think i read too much into it and i would back off....maybe that is exactly what she di=is doing...to em she has shown you go aheads at nearly every turn ...so go ....ahead.....and text when you heart tells you too..the not texting saturday i would wonder if it was just sex because she didnt stay the night.....i would eb wondering all day saturday just what exactly you expected.....since you asked her to stay...maybe that is what she feels..and she is becoming a little reserved....with you.....deb

[Supernatural]

this woman actually got quite intimate with you on that first date sitting between your legs having you body pressed up against her kissing you passionately and you are not responding ...thats what i would feel.....what that would make me do is think i read too much into it and i would back off....maybe that is exactly what she is doing...to em she has shown you go aheads at nearly every turn ...so go ....ahead.....and text when you heart tells you too..the not texting saturday i would wonder if it was just sex because she didnt stay the night.....i would eb wondering all day saturday just what exactly you expected.....since you asked her to stay...maybe that is what she feels..and she is becoming a little reserved....with you.....deb

 

 

I get what you're saying. She did give me the go ahead at every chance I took; except the staying over -- which is totally fine.

Maybe I screwed up by not texting or calling Saturday, but I just didn't want to seem too eager. And I was a little thrown she didn't text me when she got home; like she said she would. So I was seeing what she was going to do.

 

She could be playing the reserved game now that she reflected on how open she was with me on the first date... Or maybe she thought I was just after sex and dumped all thought of me altogether.

But my text saying "lets head out of the city to watch the meteor shower" should have told her that I'm looking for something more than sex. If that's what she ever thought...

 

I don't know, if she was actually interested, I think she would have said something on Saturday or by now in response to my texts. Or it would be apparent that she was eager for a 2nd date. It's too difficult already and if a girl is interested she makes things easy.

 

****.