jacksonbrown33 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 My girlfriend of almost 4 years broke up with me last week. This time for good. I say "this time", because while we lived together for more than 2 of those years, she left me and basically dumped me a year ago, but came back a week or so afterwards. Two weeks ago she left again, only to come back a few days later saying she loved me and was going to work on her issues... I began to gain hope, while only a week later, I was dumped again. This time around she's handling it differently and is clearly removing herself from my life. I text her and she responds saying "Just letting you know I received this message". Same thing for email. She's packed all of her stuff and is totally moved out. When I asked her why she kept coming back, she said that she convinced herself to do it, but knew in her gut that it was not right. Her actions speak differently though. Our relationship was certainly not perfect. She was a poor communicator and a binge drinker. She was not very "loving" to me, but I was incredibly "giving" to her. I had major trust issues and some anxiety as well. Over the past 6 months or so, we rarely hooked up. We were treading water and in the back of my mind I knew things were bad, but I tried to stay positive and wanted to make it work. What makes this all incredibly sad is that despite these issues, I loved her very much... Actually, I still love her. She is so sweet and outgoing. We have the same morals and goals in life. My family loves her and her family loves me. We are a great balance for each other. I am having an incredibly hard time accepting the fact that it's over. I'm in total denial. When I think about her dating someone else or being with someone else, I get jealous and angry. I feel so lonely at night when I'm in my apartment at home alone. My stomach hurts in the mornings and I feel sick as well. I am totally unproductive at work and it's obvious. Any suggestions on how to actually come to grips with the fact that my relationship is over? I cannot stop thinking about her and wanting to check Facebook, email her, text her, etc... It seems like she's handling it very well and I am an f'ing mess.
Philosoraptor Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Not easy at all, you can just see as you progress in your post how your emotions are waving. She wasn't very loving towards you, but also sweet? She left, that's the fact. She's made her decision. Delete her from facebook, even better delete her then deactivate. No need to see her tagged in a friend of a friends post. 1
Justsimplyliving Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I am going to help you out my friend. I was going through the exact same thing. I was with a girl mere weeks ago who I loved alot and she did the same thing get upset and say shes going through a rough patch and push me to the side then come back like nothing happened, it happened multiple times. First of all thats not a relationship what were you going to do down the road when you woke up engaged and she wakes up not feeling it that morning and tells you its off. Do you want to live like that? My advice do not I repeat do no speak to her there is no point it will push her further and further from you. I believe my ex did the same thing kept convincing herself to be with me know what if you were a good boyfriend as I was we deserve much better then someone who led us on and played with our emotions. You should not be checking her stuff I do it from time to time and I promise you dont want to check, she will be saying things that makes it look like she is moving on much faster, but at the end of the day in some way shape or form she is missing you. She will try to move on much faster talking to someone else nearly instantly, and you deserve better if you can be in a serious relationship and her just move right on. It stings but I promise going NC and surrounding yourself with buddies it the best way to cope. You will feel alot better faster than you think. You need to have the realization that its over its not your fault and its time to focus on you. Hit the gym read etc their are 2 things you can actually control how strong you are and how smart you are remember than. The key is at night to hang with friends till your dead tired then come home and you pass the hell out. 1
me85 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) Mr. Brown, lots of sympathy for ya buddy. It's rough...it sucks...all you can do is discipline yourself my friend. She'll most likely rebound and you'll feel even worse. So do not look to see if she's rebounding by looking at her social media. You're just torturing yourself. Promise yourself you won't do it anymore. Why do want to do that to yourself anyway? I know it's so hard but I promise if you try your very best not to obsess over her you'll move on a lot faster. I should add that I myself have looked at my ex's FB in the past but he has been long since been blocked and will be for years to come. I've obsessed too. I was extremely depressed during the first 6 months of the BU. I begged and pleaded and just completely fell apart. It was the most humiliating time of my life. So by no means, can I fault or judge you for anything you're doing. It's not right or wrong to do these types of things, it's just pointless and unhealthy. Please keep us posted. We're here for you! Feel better champ. Edited August 11, 2014 by me85
mightycpa Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I think you should just grieve for a while. Four years is a long time, regardless of the ups and downs. There is a hole there, and you need time to come to grips with this kind of change. It is almost like somebody died, except you know they are still alive and well and having fun. It is probably too soon to do anything but feel bad. Embrace that, and let it all out, I'm sure there's plenty there. There is plenty of time later to take the constructive steps, but for now, for a couple of weeks, at least, you need to feel bad about it. Understanding will come with time. 1
Lostdreams Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I feel for you and we all know the pain you are going through - you are not alone. The physical aches and pains and concentration issues at work will get better progressively just keep your chin up and surround yourself with friends and family whenever you can. Any contact with her will get your hopes up and set you back so please (and for your own sake) don't even go there. She has left you several times - you now have to grieve this relationship to move on - give yourself some time to do this. Write a diary, get your feelings out and let yourself cry if you want to It will get better but it takes time if you can work out, enjoy nature - walk a dog with a friend for miles - inhale fresh air and feel alive A new life is starting for you, and even through these tangled emotions you have right now, never lose hope that better times will come
Author jacksonbrown33 Posted August 12, 2014 Author Posted August 12, 2014 Thanks to everyone for their suggestions and kind words... I really appreciate it. While it has been less than a week, I feel like things are starting to get "better". I have been writing a journal, listening to audiobooks, reading, talking to friends, exercising and the like to keep my mind occupied and moving in a different direction. The hardest part of my days is the morning. She's the first thing I think about and I seem to always have a really bad stomach ache. What's been helpful to me so far is to remember all of the screwed up things that have happened over the past 4 years. That seems to work well.
me85 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) Thanks to everyone for their suggestions and kind words... I really appreciate it. While it has been less than a week, I feel like things are starting to get "better". I have been writing a journal, listening to audiobooks, reading, talking to friends, exercising and the like to keep my mind occupied and moving in a different direction. The hardest part of my days is the morning. She's the first thing I think about and I seem to always have a really bad stomach ache. What's been helpful to me so far is to remember all of the screwed up things that have happened over the past 4 years. That seems to work well. The nights were always the hardest for me and they're still sometimes hard for me but nothing like they used to be. You're on the right path to recovery. Great job! Disciplining yourself is all you can do to feel better in life, just in general. Remembering the bad things does help a lot. Anytime I would think of something terrific about my ex and the happy times we had together, I'd quickly remind myself of all the bad. If you're a marvel fan then I highly recommend that you go see Guardians of the Galaxy. Just saying... Movies are one of my lifelines. Edited August 12, 2014 by me85
Chi townD Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 The one thing my father taught me about girls is that if you treat them with kindness, love and respect; then, you'll get that back from them AND A LOT MORE! If you were doing that for her and she didn't give that back to you, then she's the wrong girl for you. Problem is, you put her on a pedestal. And that's the last place a girl wants to be. Because, sooner or later, they realize that they're looking down on you from that pedestal and they know that they can walk all over you. Nah, girls don't want to be on a pedestal. They want to be at your side. To be seen as your equal and your partner. Walking through this relationship and through life hand in hand and side by side. If she can't communicate and is a heavy drinker, then she's carrying a lot of baggage. That's not your problem and you can't sort that out for her. I promise you this. There's a girl out there that is especially for you. She's going to blow your mind when you meet her. And she's waiting for you to find her. But, you're never going to find her if you can't let go of the one that doesn't want you. It's time to let go and heal from this. Time to move on dude. 1
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