ExposedBrick Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I've been dating a girl for about two and a half months. She has really great character qualities. We have similar values about finance and religion. I find her physically attractive. We have some similar interests. I feel very comfortable with her. I know she is very attracted to me. While this all seems good-great on paper, I like her a lot but I just don't seem to have that giddy, "gaga," head over heels feeling towards her. I feel like I keep trying to convince myself I love her because we are compatible in so many ways. In the past when I thought I was falling in love, I couldn't wait until the next time I saw the girl. She'd be all I could think about. There are a few concerns which I seem to be focusing on which I may have overlooked in the past when feeling "head over heels." My head seems to dwell on times when she doesn't look her best. Neither of us is a chatter box, so there are times the conversation can lull. The sex is alright, but nothing to write home about. I know no one is perfect. In the past, I seemed to be able to look beyond imperfections when I was in love. This makes me think I'm not in love with her despite our high level of compatibility. Has this happened to anyone? Any advice?
todreaminblue Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 i think you should listen to your heart......what often looks good on paper is not really what equates to a human and emotions and thoughts that constantly evolve and change.....so what is it you want ...do you want to stay or do you want to leave......how do you feel deep down if you were to say goodbye ten minutes from now...if you cant imagine saying good bye then dont say goodbye and commit to knowing her better see if love grows in you for her....if you can imagine being with someone else or its easy for you to see yourself saying goodbye to her.....then let her go and do it soon............deb
Wisecrack Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 The honeymoon phase is over. All you described above is that initial feelings of joy from body chemicals that make you all lovey dovey for your GF. After all this has faded you are left with the real relationship. Now is the time to ask yourself if the spark is really there and whether or not you are wanting to commit. Having lots in common does not mean you and a girl will have that 'spark'. 1
central Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Over two months, and you're still not feeling it. Time to let her go, seriously. It is necessary to be compatible AND in love for a relationship to have a good chance of succeeding long term. You are lacking a critical component, and you will come to resent each other over time. What you have now is the basis for a great friendship, but not a romantic relationship. Of course, if you're both asexual, this could work, but that's the only scenario I know of where this might.
Jules Dash Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 It has only bee. 2 and a half months. There are nice positives here. Give the relationship time to grow. 2
deathandtaxes Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You can cut it if you're not feeling it. It will suck, but you'll be doing the honest thing. Sometimes it does take time for this realization to kick in. At this point, sticking it out is mean to both sides. Or perhaps you're not excited to see her because you see her too much? How often do you see her? Do you let enough time elapse between seeing her so that you can miss her? Crappy sex can be fixed. New positions, new techniques, etc. If it sucks, look in the mirror. And the lull in conversation - you have to accept the moments in between. They can be golden. But these all seem to be worrisome to you, which indicates that you're just not feeling it. You know what to do.
avoforastig Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You can cut it if you're not feeling it. It will suck, but you'll be doing the honest thing. Sometimes it does take time for this realization to kick in. At this point, sticking it out is mean to both sides. Or perhaps you're not excited to see her because you see her too much? How often do you see her? Do you let enough time elapse between seeing her so that you can miss her? Crappy sex can be fixed. New positions, new techniques, etc. If it sucks, look in the mirror. And the lull in conversation - you have to accept the moments in between. They can be golden. But these all seem to be worrisome to you, which indicates that you're just not feeling it. You know what to do. Compared to other relationships where I had strong feelings, we don't really see each other as much, maybe 2 times per week. We have also both been on vacations so there wasn't an opportunity to see each other in 3 of the 10 or so weeks we've known each other. I usually feel good when I'm with her, but then the doubts creep in when we part ways. I'm so confused by this whole situation. I may have over thought things to the point of no return.
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Wait, are you supposed to love someone after only 2 months? That sounds a bit insane to me and I'd be really creeped out. Why are you trying to convince yourself that you love her? For god's sake, just enjoy the fact that you like her and enjoy her company for now.
avoforastig Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Wait, are you supposed to love someone after only 2 months? That sounds a bit insane to me and I'd be really creeped out. Why are you trying to convince yourself that you love her? For god's sake, just enjoy the fact that you like her and enjoy her company for now. How long do you think it should take? I've also wondered if things don't seem "exciting" because we both have similar, very mellow personalities. She never really shows strong emotions, positively or negatively.
todreaminblue Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Compared to other relationships where I had strong feelings, we don't really see each other as much, maybe 2 times per week. We have also both been on vacations so there wasn't an opportunity to see each other in 3 of the 10 or so weeks we've known each other. I usually feel good when I'm with her, but then the doubts creep in when we part ways. I'm so confused by this whole situation. I may have over thought things to the point of no return. I may have over thought things to the point of no return. this makes me think you are trying to find the negatives more than counting your blessings....no relationship will ever be perfect its a matter of enjoying what you have not what you feel you could have or should have but enjoy what you have now and the mellowness is good......excitement all the time gets just as routine you know...you need a higher and higher level to feel excited.....the thrill seeker cant settle for every day life....always looking for more excitement.....or greener grass........deb
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