hasaquestion Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I don't get it. She said chemistry was a must but when we got to the lab bench she took her purse and left. 3
hasaquestion Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Yes, what's not to like about green mold growing in a petri dish. She just wasn't the romantic type. I guess telling her "I hope you're not allergic to latex" while putting on a pair of nitrile gloves sounded better in my head. 2
me85 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I see your point, I really do. But for me, it is absolutely vital to have chemistry with someone. If I don't feel those butterflies then they are friendzoned. Or just FWB at most.
preraph Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I think I recall making a post about how I had so much in common in both interests, attitude, humor and values, yet she didn't seem interest...of course this is a bias since it was an online encounter...someone said here, "Just because you have a lot in common, doesn't mean anything or that she would be attracted" Ironically, she was cute, but not much to look at weight-wise, but cute enough for me. It just kinda boggled my mind why she wasn't willing to meet as she was local. But I think she was shy of meeting people online, becuase her profile didn't stay up long. With OLD, there are so many reasons why someone may not follow through that it's best not to waste any brain energy on it. I mean, they could be saying they're 24, but they're 14; they could be married or attached and just be putting out feelers to see if they think they should consider finding a new man; they could be socially anxious; they could, yes, of course, not like your photo; they could be saying they're a female and they're really a male just fishing for sexting so they can amuse themselves. They could have more than one guy to check out and unfortunately, picked the other one. They could be living at home and their dad finds out they're trying to hook up with guys online and throws a cat fit. I think it's a game to a lot of people, just seeing what will happen. Try not to let it bug you. There's too many X factors to try to take on the responsibility for it all yourself.
preraph Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I think this is why I've been single for so long, I have pretty much banked on this as an option when dating. *Shrug* It'll be right sometime. You have a lot of energy working in your favor. You might ask a couple of friends if you are better online or in person and then let that guide you where to spend your energy.
d0nnivain Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I'm off the market but in the spirit of possibly giving other's guidance, riddle me this . . . When I was on OLD I did not have chemistry with any of the 3 guys I met with. I knew that from a combo of their pictures, our e-mails & phone calls. I convinced myself that I was being shallow & I wasn't giving them a real chance so I went. Oddly all 3 took me out to dinner & despite my offers, wouldn't let me pay. (The guy I really hated, I grabbed & paid the check while he was in the men's room). I had practically begged for shorter coffee type dates but in each case both of us were traveling at least 1 hour & these very nice men insisted it was the least they could do -- spring for dinner. I was polite & made proper dinner conversation. I did always manage to leave the tip. All of them tried to kiss me good night; they each got a peck on the cheek and a thank you but no thank you response when they asked about a 2nd date. Had I met them in a bar or other real life scenario I probably would have chatted with them then & there but declined to even give my phone #. Was I wrong to even agree to meet them if I didn't feel anything before meeting?
MissBee Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Had I met them in a bar or other real life scenario I probably would have chatted with them then & there but declined to even give my phone #. Was I wrong to even agree to meet them if I didn't feel anything before meeting? If you can't stand them or are absolutely blah before you meet you're not obligated to meet. But in my own case as I said, I give them a chance in person before ruling it out completely, IF the person on paper has what I want and there is some interest there. If there are no red flags, on paper we're compatible but I just don't feel "it", as long as it is not an overwhelming feeling I'll give it a shot face to face before pounding the gavel. If in person I still don't feel it it's settled. But in my own experience twice I didn't feel it that much on the phone but in person it was way better, so that experience made me open to seeing how things are face to face first.
MGX Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I think chemistry is an overused term and has been beaten to death in the dating world, but alternately, yes, I do think it is crucial to the success of a relationship. With that being said, I do NOT think chemistry needs to exist right off the bat. I believe it can grow with time (it has done so for me), and I am not a big fan of people meeting someone one time and saying "Nope, no chemistry. NEXT!" I agree. Sometimes the chemistry doesn't exist at all at first. I remember there was a woman who interviewed at my workplace. I wasn't attracted to her in the beginning. But after working with her and discovering her down to earth, sexy and fun personality, she became more appealing to me to the point that I fell for her HARD. Although we never dated (She loves my personality, but I wasn't physically appealing to her), we remain best friends to this day. 1
MGX Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 I'm off the market but in the spirit of possibly giving other's guidance, riddle me this . . . When I was on OLD I did not have chemistry with any of the 3 guys I met with. I knew that from a combo of their pictures, our e-mails & phone calls. I convinced myself that I was being shallow & I wasn't giving them a real chance so I went. Oddly all 3 took me out to dinner & despite my offers, wouldn't let me pay. (The guy I really hated, I grabbed & paid the check while he was in the men's room). I had practically begged for shorter coffee type dates but in each case both of us were traveling at least 1 hour & these very nice men insisted it was the least they could do -- spring for dinner. I was polite & made proper dinner conversation. I did always manage to leave the tip. All of them tried to kiss me good night; they each got a peck on the cheek and a thank you but no thank you response when they asked about a 2nd date. Had I met them in a bar or other real life scenario I probably would have chatted with them then & there but declined to even give my phone #. Was I wrong to even agree to meet them if I didn't feel anything before meeting? I do think there has to be SOME level of attraction or intrigue, but I give you credit for at least giving those guys a try. You NEVER know, people you aren't feeling initially could end up pleasantly surprising you. 1
MissBee Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 (edited) I agree. Sometimes the chemistry doesn't exist at all at first. I remember there was a woman who interviewed at my workplace. I wasn't attracted to her in the beginning. But after working with her and discovering her down to earth, sexy and fun personality, she became more appealing to me to the point that I fell for her HARD. Although we never dated (She loves my personality, but I wasn't physically appealing to her), we remain best friends to this day. This is my point...it's definitely possible in the case of knowing the person in some organic setting where overtime you get to know them, like if they are a coworker or classmate. You see them often and overtime that chemistry can develop and there is often no pressure, the natural interactions just provide that space...but with online dating it's different. Because you're not dating your coworker or classmate the chemistry kind of sneaks up on you one day in a no pressure way whereas online dating is explicit and with a purpose so it's much more difficult to bet on chemistry developing overtime and thus it requires something that happens more quickly as you often do not know this person at all and have no space to see them overtime. Edited August 13, 2014 by MissBee
d0nnivain Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I wasn't grossed out or anything & on paper they were great guys. Two of them were actually good guys for real. Even the 3rd looked good on paper: graduate degree, well educated, well-traveled etc. My Q was since I didn't feel that instant "wow" chemistry thing that characterized all of my successful relationships, was I wrong for showing up? Should I have declined the meet up front or did I give these guys false hope by giving them a chance & making polite dinner conversation?
MGX Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 I wasn't grossed out or anything & on paper they were great guys. Two of them were actually good guys for real. Even the 3rd looked good on paper: graduate degree, well educated, well-traveled etc. My Q was since I didn't feel that instant "wow" chemistry thing that characterized all of my successful relationships, was I wrong for showing up? Should I have declined the meet up front or did I give these guys false hope by giving them a chance & making polite dinner conversation? Like I said before, you gave those guys a chance, even gave the chemistry a chance to happen, even if it didn't happen initially. I think that it's good that you went -- you had to see ultimately that you weren't losing out on what could have been if you were more picky.
guest569 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I think chemistry is about how you feel about someone and it is not always easy to explain, it's like an instinct thing. Sure there is attraction and flowing conversation, these are important.. but chemistry is when you are crazy about someone and can't get them off your mind. It's what makes dating exciting. I've been on dates with kind, handsome, funny men who my brain says are good for me, but my heart/gut feeling is nooooo. It's not about being fussy, shallow, refusing to "settle" which I know you are very passionate about OP! I think its a bit to do with DNA and instincts.
DorothyGale Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I think chemistry is about how you feel about someone and it is not always easy to explain, it's like an instinct thing. Sure there is attraction and flowing conversation, these are important.. but chemistry is when you are crazy about someone and can't get them off your mind. It's what makes dating exciting. I've been on dates with kind, handsome, funny men who my brain says are good for me, but my heart/gut feeling is nooooo. It's not about being fussy, shallow, refusing to "settle" which I know you are very passionate about OP! I think its a bit to do with DNA and instincts. There are different levels of chemistry IMHO. If you're only going to date those that give you explosions prepare ahead for the aftermath. It's nice to have someone who drives you sexually wild but emotional chemistry is also good. 2
MidwestUSA Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Yes, what's not to like about green mold growing in a petri dish. She just wasn't the romantic type. Well obviously they walked into the wrong classroom. That sounds like biology! She probably had immediate visions of a baby growing in her womb. Too much too soon!
Rich34 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 This simply means that you must be good looking. Means that you must be sexually attractive. If you are not, then you best get lost. 1
Rich34 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 I mean c'mon, love, sex and romance are only for the good-looking. Everyone knows that. They won't admit it but everyone knows it's true.
d0nnivain Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 This simply means that you must be good looking. Means that you must be sexually attractive. If you are not, then you best get lost. I mean c'mon, love, sex and romance are only for the good-looking. Everyone knows that. They won't admit it but everyone knows it's true. Different people have different tastes. Not everybody finds the same qualities attractive. Some people like vanilla ice cream, others prefer pistachio. For example most people will tell you that Brad Pitt & Anjolina Jolie are gorgeous. I don't. Neither of them appeal to me & I wouldn't have "chemistry" with them. Still I need chemistry. there is a lid for every pot. You just have to keep looking.
Rich34 Posted August 14, 2014 Posted August 14, 2014 Stephen Hawking is a very intelligent man. No doubt he is also very rich. Is he going to pull a hottie? I rest my case.
d0nnivain Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 Stephen Hawking is a very intelligent man. No doubt he is also very rich. Is he going to pull a hottie? I rest my case. Maybe. Some women are fame whores. Others think brains are sexy Look at Anna Nicole Smith & that 80 year old billionaire she married. 1
No Limit Posted August 15, 2014 Posted August 15, 2014 I need some sort of chemistry even with my friends. So for a serious long-term relationship it indeed is a must-have (for me at least).
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