Ex Push / Pull and Mad Ive Been Dating/Sleeping With a girl When She Broke Up With Me

[mattsdv1986]

Hope someone can help me out with some advice.

 

My ex girlfriend and I were dating for 5 years, talks about marriage, kids, etc - we moved out to Denver to be closer to her family and I became extremely resentful. We broke up 2 other times in the last 2 years, but always came back to one another. I really wanted to change (be more present, make bigger sacrifices, stop being so prideful) and would tell her this.

 

After being broken up for a month, we get drinks - have sex - then she comes back and says that we need more time and space - and we cant just jump back into old habits. Also tells one of my friends that we are on a break but thinks well end up together. I dont talk to her for 9 days - she comes back and ask if we can grab a drink. Her friend tells me she isn't dating anyone - but wants to experience things outside the relationship since she gave me so many chances and here we are again.

 

We finally schedule to meet, she invites me over, then the next day tells me its a bad idea because she misses me as a person from her life and we are not getting back together. Tells me she is dating other people and doesnt want to rehash things and doesn't want to give me false hope. We finally do meet up, joke, laugh, hang out, and she starts asking me questions about the girls im dating and that we can be friends. I tell her we both need to date to get some perspective, but i eventually want to know if we can find other people or if were meant to be and then we can reconnect. she agrees. it ended with her telling me later by text that she had a great time and thinks its best for us and will make us both happy to continue doing what we are doing - that she excited for this next chapter.

 

Since then, she has checked in with me ever 4 /5 days when I am doing no contact. She has said everything from I miss you, that break ups are awful, to texting me for drunken hook ups, just calling to check in, etc. When I give in and talk, she totally reverts and becomes cold and mean. When I say we need to not talk, she gets extremely angry and freaks out about old arguments.

 

It came to a head 2 weeks ago when I asked her to drinks and she was all for it, until the day came when we were supposed to get drinks (2 days after asking her). She said it wasn’t the best idea since we aren’t going to be together, that our ship has sailed and she has no idea what signals I got that we aren’t broken up. That she doesn't want to be in a relationship with anyone right now and that we had out shot.

 

Last week, she found out that I was sleeping / dating someone new and freaked out on me. She said that this sealed the deal, that I am a liar - how could I possible say I love her and sleep with someone else. I didnt freak out or respond negatively, but I told her to take care and that maybe we could talk soon rationally.

 

Three days after that, she texted me "Hi, can we talk, civilly" I responded 2 days later with "sure, happy to have a conversation. Away for the weekend but maybe when I get back." Three days went by and no response. I tried to messenger her gmail, but saw she blocked me on every form of communication. I sent her an email saying i am here if she wants to talk and didnt want to dismmiss her. I got a few emails after that saying basically there is nothing to talk about and that i was trying to hurt her an being sarcastic and rude, but if i wanted to express how i feel it would probably make her angry but she would read the email. I just send a final email saying that deep down she knows how i always felt about her and that things are too raw right now that anything i say will make her angry and that maybe we could talk soon. That was it, been 2 weeks now and havent heard from her. She also has boxes of things at my place that she continually said she would pick up, but hasn't.

 

 

I am just going a little crazy because I love her and want to be with her, but I tried to make it work and she continually draws me in then throws me out. I laid everything out / put everything on the line recently and she said no and shes the one that initiated this break up. Why is she mad i am trying to move on, and why does she reel me in and then throw me out?

 

Any advice on how to proceed? Its been ~2 weeks since we last communicated and I feel like she wanted me to keep fighting / have me on the back burner in case she changed her mind etc. I do still love her, but this is screwing with me.

[2sunny]

No, your not crazy.

 

But it's just not working with the exGF.

 

Since you two were broken up you can do whatever you wish.

 

Considering her drama - I think you dodged a bullet.

 

Decide that it's over and don't communicate with her anymore!

[FortunateSon]

You should go no contact and move forward. By staying in contact and pushing her you are damaging any REMOTE hope of ever reconciling again. If she wants to get back together it will have to be because SHE wants to, not through manipulation. Given the fact you have already broken up two times prior, it seems likely that you are not compatible.

[mattsdv1986]

I dont think its that we are not compatible, I think its just that alot of things happened over 6 years that both of us wernt fully mature enough to get over - alot of ups and downs and big life decisions. I really just wanted space to grasp things, but her drama and BPD definitely made that difficult especially when trying to be so calm and rational. She is the type of person that always needs someone and now, from what I hear, is extremely selfish and self indulgent

[mattsdv1986]

Update - she is dating a new guy