GarrusVakarian Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Feel a bit stupid, I usually roll my eyes when I read posts from people who have been in relationships for only a few months having been in a serious long term. Now I have found myself in the same position. All kind of started last year when I found out my ex wife of two years was having an affair with a fifty year old married man. We had been together for six years before getting married. It devastated me and it was the most soul destroying thing I have ever had to endure. Back in April when I wasn't expecting it a girl asked me out. She hadn't been in a relationship for over three years. We hit it off. She was brilliant. Being with her made me realise how dysfunctional and unbalanced my relationship was. She made me really laugh, she was brilliant. Something that was lacking in previous relationship/marriage. May, June and July where great months. I felt happier again in myself. Met all her family, she met mine. We was even had plans to go away together end of August. She wasn't happy in her old job, she is extremely career minded and works very hard during the week. End of July she got a new job and it started to go wrong. The last two weeks where quite strained as I only saw her once in the two weeks. Was difficult to not see her. I hadn't spoken to her much last week as we was working away. So I thought I would give her some space and didn't speak to her for a few days. She text me Friday and said she didn't think things where working. So I said we needed to talk about it. We spoke and she said I wasn't her priority her job had to be and she was stressed about new job as old employers where making her new job difficult. She is on 6 months probation, she works in sales. She said im not always saying no because I like you, but right now I cant give you what you want. I understand where she is coming from no one can afford to lose her job. At the time I wasn't phased about it. I was badly burnt in marriage, so this felt like nothing. Kept myself busy. Started all the NC stuff. But as the weekend drew to a close. I started to feel totally gutted, I even now began to realise I was starting to fall for her. Just feels sad now. From a girl who made me feel happy when I was around her and made me laugh. Told me last month she felt emotionally connected to me and how she felt like she had known me for ages. She said she saw herself with me for a long time and she could see us married. This is from a girl who has a hard time expressing how she feels. Last two weeks had been quite strained as I had only seen her once in two weeks. Felt like I had been relegated to weekends only. I had an amazing time with her the last four months. She made me feel alive again after my marriage had ended over a year ago. She helped me move on. Just feel quite down it's over when I didn't initially Kind of feel the same loss as when marriage ended. She's just got to collect all her stuff now from my house and that will be it. Don't know if that's the end of the story between us. Lol this is probably my longest loveshack post!!!. 1
somedude81 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) That sucks dude. It looks like she has to recalibrate her life. I've seen other incidents where a woman begins to undergo stress and then for some reason she decides it's a good idea to break up with her boyfriend. (My ex did the same exact thing) That seems absolutely backwards to me. When she is having stress in her life, she should turn to her man to help her relax and have fun. Edited August 11, 2014 by somedude81 1
LittleHamster Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 The work excuse turns out to be just that in most cases, an excuse.
erklat Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 God damn, I feel for you dude. Those intensive short term relationship hurt as hell when you Go straight from honeymoon phase to a breakup. It left a hole in my soul so big it still lingers just shy a year from when she left me. 1
Author GarrusVakarian Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 The work excuse turns out to be just that in most cases, an excuse. I trust her enough to know she was telling the truth.
Author GarrusVakarian Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 That sucks dude. It looks like she has to recalibrate her life. I've seen other incidents where a woman begins to undergo stress and then for some reason she decides it's a good idea to break up with her boyfriend. (My ex did the same exact thing) That seems absolutely backwards to me. When she is having stress in her life, she should turn to her man to help her relax and have fun. Thank you. Its a massive shame as it was going incredibly well. Had plans for rest of year. But sadly her job has to take priority. I cant fault her for wanting to secure her job, everyone has bills to pay.. Just not sure on her logic!.
Author GarrusVakarian Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 God damn, I feel for you dude. Those intensive short term relationship hurt as hell when you Go straight from honeymoon phase to a breakup. It left a hole in my soul so big it still lingers just shy a year from when she left me. Thank you for kind words. Just a shame something that was going really well and had a lot of potential ended due to stress of a job, not something that makes sense to me!. It took a lot for me to trust and open up to someone again after last years nightmare. I am gutted it ended, but I can take from it a great few months and some really great memories.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Lame excuse. She's just not into you. Maybe she met someone else. Don't sweat it. Lose the Beta attitude of "she rejects me, I trust her" and move on. You deserve someone who returns the interest you put out. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off. Maybe you could fall for her. Maybe you could fall for 2,3047 other women. The latter is your better option. 1
Author GarrusVakarian Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Lame excuse. She's just not into you. Maybe she met someone else. Don't sweat it. Lose the Beta attitude of "she rejects me, I trust her" and move on. You deserve someone who returns the interest you put out. Pick yourself up, brush yourself off. Maybe you could fall for her. Maybe you could fall for 2,3047 other women. The latter is your better option. I did think this. Perhaps she did?. I wont know now, none of my business anyway. Just seems odd last Sunday she was introducing me to all her friends, arranging nights out. Then Friday it all off. But yes I do deserve someone who puts the effort in as much as me. Its her decision, but her loss.
SycamoreCircle Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 There's no telling with some people. Showing you off to her friends could have been one ultimate S**t Test. And maybe one of her friends said, "Oh, but his eyebrows are unruly!" Here's a good rule: the nonchalance of the breaking things off is in direct proportion to the shallowness of the emotional investment. She sounds fickle. 1
somedude81 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 God damn, I feel for you dude. Those intensive short term relationship hurt as hell when you Go straight from honeymoon phase to a breakup. It left a hole in my soul so big it still lingers just shy a year from when she left me. Yeah going from honeymoon to breakup is super painful. It's even worse when the girl gives no sign at all that she feels something is wrong or she actually purposely keeps it from you, then suddenly ends things. Women do some really cruel things. 1
ThorntonMelon Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Here's a good rule: the nonchalance of the breaking things off is in direct proportion to the shallowness of the emotional investment. Love this.
True Gent Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I personally don't see how anyone's job can have such an impact on their personal life as that. I don't think it matters what profession it is, or how many hours they work. If someone thinks enough of you, they will keep you in their life. I think it's just a front and she isn't being totally honest with you. Don't put yourself on hold and wait for her whatever you do. 1
Shockwave Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I feel for you. I went through the same thing. Like you, I never understood why some people were so devastated after only a two or three month relationship.......until it happened to me. It's really tough. You'll replay things over and over analyzing what happened. Then you'll ask what you did wrong. Then you'll want to reach out and tell her how you feel or what you think she needs from you. I'm almost over the last stage of wanting to reach out to her. Let me save you the pain and rumination. You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows what's going on with her. Look around, you're in very good company.
erklat Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Let me save you the pain and rumination. You didn't do anything wrong. Who knows what's going on with her. I had three major breakup in my life and none of them devastated me Not even remotely as this short term. Nothing is wrong with you definitely. Women in notorious age 20-23 do this very often. I wonder if they ever feel sorry.
Recommended Posts