Should I continue the chase ?

[derivednuggets]

Hi guys,

I really need advice from you about the issue I am facing right nw..

 

So I met this girl and I really liked her. I started talking to her in the middle of a lecture. She's a very quiet, shy and passive lady while I am a loud dude. We talked about the lecture a little bit and then became friends. Since I am the only person that she knows in the lecture during that period, we grew closer and closer. One day, she asked my number and we text each other often. We talked about alot of stuffs. I asked her out for a couple of times and she agreed most of the times. We spent alot of time together, hangout often, watch movies, had lunch just before the lecture started, take photos of the 2 of us, stayed over my house for a couple of times.. all of these together, just the two of us. After a few weeks had passed, she started to become more open about herself towards me. Since she's a very secretive person, after knowing her for awhile, its a huge discovery for me. Then, she wanted me to introduce my friends (inside the same lecture hall) to her so that she have more friends, so I did.

 

Although I didn't really know her really well yet, I developed a special feeling towards her. She's a kind person, the way she treats people is just amazing.. There was a time, when she stayed over at my house. We talked and I did something foolish. I confessed to her. I know it was too early as we just knew each other for around a month. And I even did something even more foolish. I asked her whether if she wanted to be in a relationship with me or not. And as expected, the answer is no . She told me the reason was that she's not ready yet for another relationship. I had the feeling she said that because she just broke up with her ex like few months ago like she told me. At that moment, I was confused was not hurt at all. I started to understand her situation and gave her more space. I was emotionless for a moment. So then, to comfort me, she told me we could just be best friends and told me to treat like one. I asked her, what did she feel towards me, did she have any special kinda feelings to me ? and she said no.

Sounds like a friendzone thingy, but it doesn't end here.

 

After a few days passed since the tragedy, my friends kept saying that we (she and I ) looked like a couple - We always sit next to each other, talked amongst ourselves ignoring others, laugh and became loud at times. It's kinda like the typical friends that will give funny faces and reactions when our crush is around.

Bad news was that she didn't like it. So she kept a distance from me. Since that happened, she wouldn't go out with me and wouldn't talk to me whenever my friends are around. She even told me to ignore her, asked me as if I didn't know her but only when my friends were around. I was crushed , that was when the pain really cuts deep. But good news was, she still replied my texts. We still talked to each other virtually. Until now, she still does. But the thing is, she is not as open as she did last time. She still shares with me about her daily life activities, things she do, she would take pictures of it, even take pictures of herself sometimes, asked me what do i think about her looks.

 

Things gets worse and more complicated when she get to know my friends. She became close to one of my guy friends, lets just call him John. It seemed she is closer to him than me, although we know each other first. I am drowning in jealousy, until now. So just like other normal day, she told me that she went out with his friends at this restaurant and showed me the picture of it. And I wasn't expecting something bad until the next day came. The next day, I had dinner with some of my guy friends, including John. Suddenly, John said that he ate at this particular restaurant few days ago with his friends. And that particular restaurant is exactly the same as the one she had told me. I know both of them had something going on. So I kept quiet and keep my thoughts to myself. But in the end, my chest was burdened so I asked John about it. My bad intuition was right. John told me what happened the previous day. They hangout together. John said that she even dressed nicely, introduced her best friend to him and some signals.. When he said that, I swear the pain is cutting in deeper and he sprinkled some salt on it. Because whenever she's with me, all the things happened to John NEVER happened to me... She never introduced her friends to me... She never gets well-dressed whenever we hangout.. I just dont know what to say..

 

What I thought is that she maybe like John. I saw them often in the campus, whenever after we finished our lecture, they would have a good time, fun time tgt. While I'm alone, crushed and stressed. I felt like I was being used at times.. Since I trust her so much, I couldn't helped it but to tell her what John said to me. But I was disappointed when John told me that she had told him what I said. I was mad, sad, lost, depressed, disappointed, you name it man.

 

And then, she and I quarreled. When things calmed down, I messaged her. I told her I wanna spill out all of my guts to her and wanna stop all these mess. I told her, "why can't we start over ? " . So then we did. But it is not the same as last time.

 

I am confused right now. She gave me some mixed signals sometimes.. We often text each other, bt mostly I started the convo.. Sometimes she would tell me some secrets that maybe she wouldnt tell anyone else, she would follow the things I do and asks me for advices, share her daily activities with me, she would send her pictures to me sometimes, but she still wouldn't wanna go out with me till today.. She would hangout with our campus friends but not me.. She told me she just need someone to talk with, she needs accompany.. She would sometimes care and sometimes not.. Why would she wanted to be with me in the first place ? We did so much things more than normal friends would do within a month or so.. If she don't like me, she could just ignore me, my presence and my texts and leave me completely.. but she didn't. And now, whenever I approached her in real life, she seldom smile, unlike the first month when we met. We still talk to each other. But nowadays I have the fear of being dissed as I have the feeling she grows closer to John too. She also once told me, she felt more comfortable talking to John compared to me,since the quarrel happened..

 

My feelings towards her is still standing strong and I fell too hard.. And I realised my biggest mistake is that I rushed things too fast.. Should I slow things up and wait a little longer to see what happens next ? Should I gave her space and time ? Or maybe she is trying to avoid me in a polite way ? Is she just being too nice ? Should I continue to hope and try to make her feels the same way as i do ? Is it possible that she will develop a special feeling towards me ? I would love to listen to any advices from you guys...

The thing is in my whole life I couldnt find a someone like her... We have alot of similarities. Its like I could see myself in her. I am so scared this feelings will turn into love which will complicate things even more. My mentality has been at its worst lately, unstable mood, feeling down frequently and need some help.. I have been told to expect the worst and now I am still getting ready for the worst to happen..

[Assasda]

Dude. What you did was you put this poor girl on the Highest pedestal imaginable. - It was sky high.

Then you became her little puppy-dog.

 

Puggy-dogs are only cute for so long until they get annoying,. Leave the poor girl alone.

 

Take whatever pride you may have and move on.

Find another girl

[smackie9]

So sorry hun but your fears are true. She never had a romantic feelings for you, you just let your heart run away with you. She has pulled away because of your feelings for her. You make her feel uncomfortable because she knows she will never be able to reciprocate those feelings. As painful as it is, you need to let go and move on. Try and keep your distance, no more texting, no contact so you can heal. Staying friends is not what is going to make her change her mind. The less you know what she is doing or who she is with, the better off you will be.

[DrSimple]

Well first thing is first, you met the girl and you started off acting as her friend. She liked having a new friend in class and was happy to be your friend as well, it helped her branch out. Evidence? She wanted to meet your friends (not the other way around), and she started hanging out with your friends as well.

 

She has given you zero mixed signals. All the signals point to the fact that you were her friend, you found this out when you were rejected. Everything else you see is likely her own way of dealing with you. Maybe she feels guilty, so she continues to chat with you in order to be polite? She can't handle dealing with you in public, because she doesn't want you to think you will be anything more than a friend. So any electronic communication is simply a form of defense mechanism or her genuine care for you as a friend and person, not as a potential mate.

 

You already had a "fight" with her, things won't get better. You will continue to have these feelings, they will push her away even more as she won't want to deal with them. This is a stressful thing for both of you. You need to cut yourself off and try and move on.

 

If she really did like you, you wouldn't have gotten an "excuse" from her about why she didn't want a relationship right now. She simply doesn't get that spark with you, even if she likes who you are as a person. You don't need to get jealous and angry at John, it isn't John doing this to you. You need to recognize that John isn't your obstacle, but rather your reasoning.

 

Right now you are infatuated with her, you need to find a way to step back and find some way to de-stress and balance out your brain chemistry. You are here for help, but the only real person that can help is yourself. You need to reflect on your state of mind and consider whether or not it is healthy. What are your options to help you recover? You need to put a lot of effort into analyzing a way for you to put this girl behind you, although that is easier said than done.