theunlucky1 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) I live in a very small town; right over 300 people. I've known this girl for 4 years now she's one of my very best friends and I'm one of hers. For months we hung out almost everyday until we had our falling out. We had feelings for each other we had expressed them several times. After doing so is when things went south. The problem was me. I became clingy and needy and she just wanted her space and I couldn't give it to her. One night at a party everything basically went away, I don't even know how the argument started. We didn't talk for over 6 months and one day she just text me out of the blue. We apologized and let the past go but I know she hasn't let it go. We've gotten back to the point of hanging out a lot I haven't nor am I going to express my feelings for her. She knows I still have them anyway. I don't know if she has hers for me though, I'm pretty sure she doesn't, but what do I do to find out? Can we become closer than we were and start an actual relationship or should I let her go and not talk to her anymore? I'm not doing the clingy needy bull anymore as bad as I want to I am holding myself back. And letting her go is going to be the hardest thing to do. We have a bunch of the same friends, I'm friends with her brother, her cousin and all of their family love me. Her grandma even used to talk to me about how much she liked me and wanted to be with me. She just could never push herself to it because of a past relationship. She has absolutely no trust and yet I was the only person she trusted. After more time of becoming close friends again is it possible to date her? I also have problems with calling and texting her because I don't want to seem too needy how often should I call or text her or ask her to hangout? Sorry if this doesn't make too good of sense. I'm not very good with this stuff and I can't talk to friends because they'll talk to her. Any help will be appreciated, thanks! Edited August 11, 2014 by theunlucky1 left some stuff out
preraph Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You need to have a talk with her and nowhere in the talk should you bring up how much you love her and does she love you and can she ever love you again. In other words, this isn't a fishing expedition to make you feel more secure. What you need to talk to her about is just that you want to know how often she is comfortable with any contact. If I were you, I'd stop texting. You're beyond that. When you want to visit with her, do it in person. Only text to ask if she wants to hangout, not ever to just yammer because every text counts as clingy time -- and not just to her but to a whole lot of people as you'll see on this board how common this problem is. In the course of finding out how much contact she wants, see how she answers that and if she volunteers any clarity as far as is this you two dating again or is this her just wanting to be friends. But if she doesn't, then don't ask and just take it slow because we already know you're pretty much incompatible in the big picture since you want constant contact and she finds that unacceptable. You either have to mature out of it or you two are probably never going to work. And I realize it's easier said than done. If she says she just wants to see you once in a while as friends or whatever and doesn't say anything about actually dating again, then you need to start dating other people. Really, anytime a person thinks you're too clingy, the only answer is to stop spending energy on them and start seeing other people.
Author theunlucky1 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Thanks! I just feel that maybe, just maybe she still has feelings. Just for the fact that we didn't talk for months and one day she just randomly text me and within the next few days asked me to come to her house. I don't think we should hangout as much as we do and I don't know how to stop that because it's so hard for me to turn her down. What should I do about this?
preraph Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You know, there's such a thing as "cabin fever." That's when you hangout too much and get sick of each other and already know everything about each other and neither of you is out having new life experiences to report, so there's nothing that isn't repetitive to talk about. So stop hanging out and do "less is more." Instead of spending time doing nothing, spend considerably less time with her but only doing something fun, like going to the zoo, museum, movie, sport, whatever. Stop spending "nothing else to do" time with each other. Maybe it will help. Hope so. I'm sure she has some feelings. They don't just vanish overnight.
todreaminblue Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 she trusted you nwo she doesnt fro soem reason why is that? whatever that reason is that is what you have to work on.....you cant make someone like you if they dont.....but you can make someone trust you again if you are truly genuine, theres only one way to do this HONESTY....... about everything including your feelings even if there is no gain for you to be honest...just be honest ..........good luck ....deb
Elias33 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Good advice is given here. Less IS more. Don't talk, act! Work on yourself, become what you want in a person. And have your own experiences. Then you can love, instead of need.
Astrolink Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 You can't make anybody do anything. What you can do is tell her how you feel and what you want. If you don't try to communicate, you've already failed.
Author theunlucky1 Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 I know I can't make her do anything I'd just like to know if she still has some feelings. And if she does I'd like to try and make them stronger. Everything we tell eachother is honest. When we hangout most of the time we just ride around and talk for several hours about anything and everything. We have a good time and I make her laugh and she makes me laugh. But she's not a regular girl. Like I said she has trust issues because she has been hurt before and doesn't like to express feelings for that reason. It took her forever to come out and tell me she had had feelings for me for a year or so. Already knowing that I had feelings for her. Why does this stuff have to be so complicated?
Recommended Posts