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Getting back my stuff - Updated

dntl841

By dntl841
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

Posted
Posted

Hey there,

 

So I need to contact my ex to get back some stuff. she has my suit, a pair of shoes, etc.

 

Should I just text her saying "hi, hope all is well, needed to contact you because I need to get my stuff".

 

Im not super ready to face her, but I need it for an interview.

 

Thanks,

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2sunny Established Member

2sunny

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Have a friend go pick it up. Text her and tell her what day/time to expect it to be picked up.

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kirkd1984 Member

kirkd1984

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I'm having a similar problem. See my last post...

newmoon Established Member

newmoon

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they sell clothing at stores and shoes too. you don't *have* to go get that stuff from her, c'mon. it's an excuse to keep some contact, see her again, etc and so on. leave your stuff behind. get a friend to get it. you don't go back for stuff if you're done.

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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I just grazed through that, you had her gay best friend coaching her. I had her retarded sister coaching her, who has had nothing but failed relationships and one night stands.

 

I get the heart break and the burden of getting my belongings.

 

Trust me I wish I could leave it just to have a reminder sitting around, but it is a $700 suit and I have an interview to go to a new unit.

Edited by dntl841
kirkd1984 Member

kirkd1984

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They are both easily influenced it would seem. By outsiders. That clown is probably sitting there telling her not to call me. I wouldn't out it past him to tell her to delete my number. How old was your other half because lately i've been realising that age speaks volumes about a persons reactions.

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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I am 29, she was 25. She was really mature, guess more so than me. Everything was going amazing until I had to cancel plans on her one night for work (my work is oddly short staffed due to people being away). We talked on the Monday and she felt she didnt know what to do anymore and said we should work on things, the rest of the week the vibe was off. Then the Sunday she fumbled around and dropped the hammer on me.

kirkd1984 Member

kirkd1984

Posted
Posted

Ok so my partner was 20. So perhaps its a maturity or lack of thing on her part then. With regards to 'our' stuff, your suit and my keys, bank card etc... i would like to text her but i know that is what she wants and i don't want to play into her hands. If she had any decency she'd have posted them by now surely? I get what you are saying about 'just wanting your suit', but if i'm being honest your ex having your suit is keeping those lines of communication should you wish to contact her. Its an excuse if you will. And if i'm being even more truthful my ex having my keys and card is the little hope that i am clinging to right now. Its the only tie that we have to one another :(

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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It sucks man.

 

I want to contact but I am so stressed to hear anything. Maybe sending a friend is the right move and just biting lip and moving the hell on. :(

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kirkd1984 Member

kirkd1984

Posted
Posted

Trust me i know! I'm on day 14 of no contact. Its killing me. It really is. I'm on edge whenever my phone goes and i'm always checking at home to see if she has collected her things or dropped mine off! I want to call but i'm truly terrified of the response...

onoff New Member

onoff

Posted
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See if you can get somebody else to pick it up for you.

 

If not, and you really want to get this stuff back. Message her saying you want to get your stuff back. Go just for that and leave.

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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so I sent the text saying I need my stuff back and offered to send a friend to get it. She said it would be a good time for us to talk.

 

She asked if a certain day worked, I said yes.

 

What the Hell?? what do I even say at this meeting? how do I act even?

 

I cant cry like a tool and tell her I need her, which obviously isnt going to happen... but how do I even act?

Edited by dntl841
beach Established Member

beach

Posted
Posted
so I sent the text saying I need my stuff back and offered to send a friend to get it. She said it would be a good time for us to talk.

 

She asked if a certain day worked, I said yes.

 

What the Hell?? what do I even say at this meeting? how do I act even?

 

I cant cry like a tool and tell her I need her, which obviously isnt going to happen... but how do I even act?

 

Just let her talk and see what she says.

 

Be sure and get your stuff!

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True Gent Established Member

True Gent

Posted
Posted
so I sent the text saying I need my stuff back and offered to send a friend to get it. She said it would be a good time for us to talk.

 

She asked if a certain day worked, I said yes.

 

What the Hell?? what do I even say at this meeting? how do I act even?

 

I cant cry like a tool and tell her I need her, which obviously isnt going to happen... but how do I even act?

 

I wouldn't go. Can you not get someone else to go for you if she gets your stuff together?

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SoThatHappened Established Member

SoThatHappened

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Don't go man. It's too fresh and you'll likely do and say things you'll regret, whether immediately or down the road.

 

Send a friend to get your stuff. Or just buy a new suit and shoes. Or borrow someone else's suit and shoes.

 

Don't go. Don't contact.

 

You need to get your head on straight before talking to her, if ever. Trust me, you will likely regret meeting her. It's too soon.

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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Hey everyone,

 

if anyone read my previous posts, I met up with my ex. When we met I acted confident, patient and pretty much ok with the break up. Told her I was keeping busy. through the conversation we talked about the relationship and she told me that she wanted to get back together but needed more time, I said "take your time, but I can't promise that I will wait for you". We parted she hugged me and told me she loved me. Pretty much the convo was geared toward getting things back on track.

 

Through the week she texted me about work stuff, etc. so yesterday I tested the water and sent a text about getting together for coffee (which was a mistake). She texted back saying it was too soon. Later in the night she texted and said it was too hard to see me because the break up was so fresh to her and she is hurting badly.

 

I said "from our talk the other day I thought we were going to work on things?" she pretty much said that wasnt the plan. I was nice enough about it, didnt bring up the past, didnt beg her to come back, etc.

 

All I could say was " somehow I got the wrong message from the talk the other day". I was embarrased a bit, even though she was bluffing. I said "I wasnt really sure what I wanted when we spoke, but the way you were talking got me a bit caught up in things, its better this way and I'm moving on better than I thought". Which I know was jab, but I was hurting at the time.

 

I'm in complete shock of the situation. I really thought she wanted to make it work again, but just blind sided me.

 

Thanks for reading and any advice/comments.

Edited by dntl841
johnson_j Established Member

johnson_j

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You did the right thing man. Girls who want to meet so quickly are just trying to relieve their own guilt. And to see that you're still around and willing IF and WHEN they decide to "make it work" with you. Do you want to be around for a girl like that?

 

 

I would just stop talking to her. Show her you're not going to sit around and wait for her to make up her mind. Live YOUR life.

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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Thanks,

 

I just so frustrated, why say anything about wanting to get back together when she didnt mean it?

 

If there is something else going on, say anything besides "I want to get back together" and then change her mind.

johnson_j Established Member

johnson_j

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Because that's what they do. How many of these have you heard?

 

 

"I want to get back together" = I'm glad you're waiting around for me

"We need a break" = I'm going to break up with you and just not say it

"I didn't cheat" = It wasn't cheating in my mind

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dntl841 Member

dntl841

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As of today it has been a week since me and her spoke last. It has been almost a month since we broke up.

 

Last we spoke she was miserable, but made it clear that she doesnt want to be together any more. She seemed confused and unsure about what she did, that said Im smart enough to know that she doesnt want to be with me.

 

Today is harder than most days, Im not sure why. It could be because every day that passes that she doesnt call is just further acceptance and further she goes away. I'm not lonely, I'm improving myself and doing what I can to make my life more of what I want. I'm spending time with friends, going to the gym, making the best of a bad situation. I just feel so incomplete now and I know I cant do anything to try to get her back, so I simply don't do anything. I never broke and told her I desperately need her back. I've kept my head up and acted like I am doing well and carrying on, but deep down I'm exhausted from feeling miserable.

 

Thanks for reading this, I don't talk this stuff out much with people and I guess today was a darker day for me.

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