My silver lining to my husband's affair

[purplesorrow]

A new career! If I continue with it. I just have a few more work hours before I can get my private investigator license. The kicker is I don't think I have the heart for it when it comes to infidelity. I helped a friend discover his wife was cheating. To witness that very moment with another when they realize there life is changed forever was heartbreaking and very difficult. I wouldn't want to get used to such a thing. Perhaps I'll just investigate insurance scammers . Anyone else have a silver lining?

[jackslife]

There's too much money in investigating wayward spouses for you to turn down such a lucrative side of the business. As a woman you can offer a service to other women who maybe wouldn't feel comfortable with ex cop, alpha male PI's. Who better than you to not just offer the service, but having some empathy as well for the betrayed?

 

Remember you would be helping them find out the truth one way or the other. As argued many times on LS, if you were in their circumstances wouldn't you want to know.

 

Doctors make money from saving peoples lives, why shouldn't you?

[purplesorrow]

There's too much money in investigating wayward spouses for you to turn down such a lucrative side of the business. As a woman you can offer a service to other women who maybe wouldn't feel comfortable with ex cop, alpha male PI's. Who better than you to not just offer the service, but having some empathy as well for the betrayed?

 

Remember you would be helping them find out the truth one way or the other. As argued many times on LS, if you were in their circumstances wouldn't you want to know.

 

Doctors make money from saving peoples lives, why shouldn't you?

 

You make good points! It's just sad that one could get rich from so much misery.

[Journee]

Finally finding the strength to cut the codependent relationship with my stbxh. Accepting that I've done and not done it all in regards to that time in my life. It's ok that it didn't work out. Some relationships and marriages cannot be salvaged.

 

I'm finding myself again. My God, I've stuffed the Journee I'm meant to be and always was down deep. I'm finding her again. Even through my own missteps, I'm growing.

 

My silver lining is giving my kid's a peaceful home and a mommy who is more focused than ever. There are still rough days...today is one of them. Working out who is picking what kid up where and when stirs that failed feeling inside of me.

 

There is still so much life for he and I both to live. I think we are both grateful to have come to this conclusion now and not ten more years from now. We are both not yet 30 years of age but been together a decade.

 

I too have started a great job this last year and recently gained a significant promotion that will make this transition a little less tense financially. I have to stay focused.

 

I think it's great you have started a new chapter in your life too.

[purplesorrow]

Journee, this is great! I wish you much success happiness and peace with your new chapter. Stay strong, it gets a little better each day.

[BetrayedH]

Ok, I don't have a silver lining to share. But I do have to say that I think it's awesome that you've got a new career path. And I hope that you make the decision to help as many betrayed spouses as possible to find the truth. Frankly, I'm jealous and want to know more. What did it take and what does your business model look like?

 

ETA: I'm also with jackslife on this one. What better PI than a former betrayed wife who is able to empathize with her clients? The triggery stage will end. I say go for it.

Edited August 10, 2014 by BetrayedH

[snappytomcat]

purple congrats on your new career

for me I realized that I cant rely on anyone to make me happy,only I can make me happy,and I finally am,i have found myself again,and im a better and stronger person for it.

I love life again I laugh,ive been sleeping better,making new friends,and also im back to my animal rescuing,which is my passion,after my husbands affair,i lost hope and didn't even want to deal with those he needed me most(well besides my family)and that's the homeless animals,it keeps me busy and I feel great doing it,and now even my husband will help out with them once in a while,last night he kitten sat while I went to go rescue a pitbull that was dumped in the hot desert,and when I go home there he was fast asleep on the couch,and all 3 kittens laying on his belly'

im still trying to find the job of my dreams,where I enjoy going to work,but I believe that will come really soon.

and one of the biggest things was letting go of the hate,i had for the xow after she kept attacking me,and I didn't do that for her I did that for me,when I finally let that all go,it was like a big heavy anchor lifted off of me,cause that hate was weighing me down,cause im usually not a hateful person,so it bothered me that I had become one.

im so blessed that each day I try to find a silver lining,like yesterday what a great day spent with my husband and new friends over looking a beautiful lake,this world is full of silver linings if we just stop and look for them

[daisydook]

Hehehe. I gained a whole lot more than I lost.

 

My silver lining was, knowing I could survive alone, knowing I had a really strong network of family and friends, and figuring out how strong I truly am.

 

I was 19 and living at home, just fresh out of high school when I met him. I was 28 when I left him. I was alone, and living on my own for the first time in my life. I had never lived on my own or paid all my own bills. I knew HOW to pay bills, but had never done it all alone before. I learned the difference between alone and lonely.

 

I gained a HUGE sense of self. I am still learning who I am, and trying to just fit in where I get in. I have great family and amazingly wonderful friends who have been just rock solid throughout my life, not only this experience. I have really just tried to get comfortable in my own skin, as a single, individual human being, on my own. For so long, we were so intertwined, that it has taken a long time to remove myself from my old life. I was so intertwined in OUR identity, I barely got to know who I was alone. I didn't have a chance! I have learned who I am through all of this, and I am pretty rad.

 

I learned my parents really are badass! This experience definitely brought us closer together. I never shared the small details of my relationship that were private, but when I was cheated on, my whole world came crashing down, and my parents were solid. I sincerely do not know what I would have done, had I not had their support. Not one negative word was uttered about him. They just listened, and gave me help when I needed it, and made sure I knew they were there, day or night. My parents have always dropped everything when I need them.

 

I learned I actually like being alone. LOVE IT! I love coming home and eating packaged Sidekicks at 8pm, and sitting on my couch in nothing! Just because I can. No one says a darn thing, because no one is here! Lol. Guilty pleasures!!!

 

I learned I was just a little bent, not broken. I learned to love again.

[daisydook]

You make good points! It's just sad that one could get rich from so much misery.

 

Try to look at it like someone getting rich from sharing the truth with people who truly seek it and are willing to pay for it. Take the misery out of it, and add truth. It makes it a better pill to choke down.

[purplesorrow]

Ok, I don't have a silver lining to share. But I do have to say that I think it's awesome that you've got a new career path. And I hope that you make the decision to help as many betrayed spouses as possible to find the truth. Frankly, I'm jealous and want to know more. What did it take and what does your business model look like?

 

ETA: I'm also with jackslife on this one. What better PI than a former betrayed wife who is able to empathize with her clients? The triggery stage will end. I say go for it.

 

The requirements vary by state. I was actually surprised at how easy the process has been. Just google pi license for your state. It actually just kind of fell into my lap. After catching my WH, I helped a friend and then another so my light bulb came on. I only found one woman doing it in my area. I will continue to work for someone else to learn all the ins and outs.

[daisydook]

The requirements vary by state. I was actually surprised at how easy the process has been. Just google pi license for your state. It actually just kind of fell into my lap. After catching my WH, I helped a friend and then another so my light bulb came on. I only found one woman doing it in my area. I will continue to work for someone else to learn all the ins and outs.

 

Proud of you, Girl!!! You are kicking butt!!!

[Hope Shimmers]

You deserve every silver lining you can find purple.

 

Hats off to you!!! I would actually love to do that. I would look forward to going to work every day!

 

I agree with the others - don't discount the infidelity aspect until you've tried it out to see how it works. You are so level-headed and smart from your posts and I would bet you deal with it just fine. You would be ideal at it, and it's a huge niche of that business to refuse.

[HereNorThere]

Hehehe. I gained a whole lot more than I lost.

 

My silver lining was, knowing I could survive alone, knowing I had a really strong network of family and friends, and figuring out how strong I truly am.

 

I was 19 and living at home, just fresh out of high school when I met him. I was 28 when I left him. I was alone, and living on my own for the first time in my life. I had never lived on my own or paid all my own bills. I knew HOW to pay bills, but had never done it all alone before. I learned the difference between alone and lonely.

 

I gained a HUGE sense of self. I am still learning who I am, and trying to just fit in where I get in. I have great family and amazingly wonderful friends who have been just rock solid throughout my life, not only this experience. I have really just tried to get comfortable in my own skin, as a single, individual human being, on my own. For so long, we were so intertwined, that it has taken a long time to remove myself from my old life. I was so intertwined in OUR identity, I barely got to know who I was alone. I didn't have a chance! I have learned who I am through all of this, and I am pretty rad.

 

I learned my parents really are badass! This experience definitely brought us closer together. I never shared the small details of my relationship that were private, but when I was cheated on, my whole world came crashing down, and my parents were solid. I sincerely do not know what I would have done, had I not had their support. Not one negative word was uttered about him. They just listened, and gave me help when I needed it, and made sure I knew they were there, day or night. My parents have always dropped everything when I need them.

 

I learned I actually like being alone. LOVE IT! I love coming home and eating packaged Sidekicks at 8pm, and sitting on my couch in nothing! Just because I can. No one says a darn thing, because no one is here! Lol. Guilty pleasures!!!

 

I learned I was just a little bent, not broken. I learned to love again.

 

 

Awww... that seriously made me smile!!!

[purplesorrow]

Thank you all for the encouragement. To those who shared your stories, thank you. My hat is off to anyone who can get through the mess that is infidelity, it is a beast! My sense of humor and laugh is slowly coming back and that does a body good. keep on keeping on.