DiTat Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Hey "Its' complicated" would be my relationship status. We have been on and off for about 3 years as he has been on and off with his "real" girlfriend. Now, he and his girlfriend have completely broken up and he has told me he is dating other people. I presumed when that relationship finally ended, we would be together. He is my best friend and I do a lot of work for him (voluntary - but I have pretty much committed to help him with his business). Our kids are in the same sporting team, my kids consider his kids siblings. I can't hang around and watch him date other people when I want a real relationship. It is breaking me apart. With "no contact" in this situation, should I tell him that is what I am doing...or just stop communication? How would this work with our kids and business relationship. I am in my forties and have never had a broken heart like this, never been as in love with anyone before and I must admit, I can't see how this hurt will ever mend. I'm sure everyone says it, but I love him so much. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
zen2475 Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 You can't go full NC and still assist him with his business. I think in this case he's received all the benefits of your company and support without providing you any reciprocity and a real relationship. He's strung you along and kept you on the side, and all the while you have given him permission to do just that, in hopes you would be his "real" girlfriend when he broke it off with the other? Please, get some self esteem and walk away from this guy. He's kept you as an option and you deserve to be with someone who is willing to put as much into the relationship as you are. You need to make a decision on how much you are willing to continue being used and taken for granted. Personally, I would cut off all aspects of the relationship and not help him anymore. Your first priority now is you and your feelings, and hanging around helping him is not going to make him want you any more, nor is it going to help you heal. Your kids will understand that sometimes relationships don't work out and people go their separate ways. If you see him at sporting events, be polite, but keep it succinct and don't venture into talk of your relationship. As for explaining to him, tell him you wish him well, but this relationship is no longer working for you and that you need time and space. That's all you have to say. 2
d0nnivain Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 When kids are involved, NC is a luxury you are not going to achieve because you will always have to discuss the kids. That doesn't mean you need a front row seat to his new life. To keep the peace in the areas where you will intersect I would tell him that you are going NC for your own sanity & hope that he respects it
veggirl Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 I would just go NC straight up, if you tell him you are doing it, it gives him a chance to protest and based on the lack of respect your OP indicates you have for yourself...I think you'll cave right away. Best not to even put yourself in the position where he can protest NC.
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 "Assist" him? Are you being paid? Or doing it out of the goodness of your heart? If so, stop being a doormat. Real girlfriend? It sounds like he is using you as an option. In work, in his bed. No contact will hurt but it will build you some much needed self esteem. I wish you the best of luck. You deserve more. 2
Author DiTat Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 It seems so logical through other people's eyes. It seems that I have been a massive doormat and I have definitely always been available when he needs me, to the extent I have put off making other plans in case he chooses to see me. Freaky, I always considered I had good self esteem. Pity it is not as easy as to just get over it.
Author DiTat Posted August 16, 2014 Author Posted August 16, 2014 Assist him, no I was not being paid. He had offered to pay me, but I actually enjoyed what I was doing and enjoyed helping him out.
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