Sameoldstory Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Hello everybody. I have periodically floated through this forum when my relationships have turned sour or broken up. Sometimes years have passed with my postings as i do actually manage to hold a relationship down for normally at least 3 years. Anyway here we go, I am currently in a releationship which is now on the rocks again. We are up to the no talking stage and anything that is said starts a worded game of tennis in which we bat back and forward to eachother. She blames me, I blame her and it's days if not hours away from the big BU. Anyway i don't need advice and neither do I need to go into detail about what has gone wrong. Instead I sat here this morning and read all my last posts to do with other girls (in the past) throughout the forums. It was then it doomed on me that the problems I am having now are no different to the ones I had in the past. Just with different girls that's the only difference (and I'm not on about loads of them here. Just one or 2 max over a period of 10 years). The thing that has doomed on me mostly is this. I get insecure, I always have been and it's a weekness that i know stems from quite a strict upbringing (to put it mildly) i constantly reach out for reassurence and feel attacked if their has ever been any kind of criticism given to me whatsoever. I refuse to be told what to do and yet I constantly try and please in a relationship because deep down I hate bad atmosphere. I know that I have problems in myself and before i should ever of got in a relationship many years ago I should of seen this problem way sooner. But I guess it's hard for me to admit it is my fault, lifes so much easier when it's everyone elses fault. Tennis with words has become a specialty of mine which is something I feel ashamed admitting. The problem lays within myself, it's not to do with anyone else, always felt on my own insecure, sad, alone inside me it suddenly doomed how my mind has made the gloom thinking thoughts so negatively has made me blame no-one but me What is love cuz i've no clue growing up and this is true what i saw and always told parents, family all felt cold no assurence never cuddled beaten blue always muddled that was how I saw love similar to a boxing glove But now the problems that i see are no-ones fault it's all in me and true i type this unprepared feeling worried feeling scared. 1
BigGirlPantiesOn Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Since you don't want advice, I will say congratulations for your awakening. This s the beginning to healing.
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