Astrolink Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I like slim, but that's just my personal preference. I would never date someone I found too large for months and/or have sex with them....that's just cruel. Times have changed here in America. Nearly 50% of Americans are not just heavy, but fit the definition of obese. Where that causes confusion is with internet dating sites. Many folks list themselves as average, when they are actually obese. But, compared to the rest of the population, they ARE average. Average has a much different definition than it did years ago. I met someone "average" recently that was 5'4" 225lbs, which is actually morbidly obese.
HappyLove Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I like slim, but that's just my personal preference. I would never date someone I found too large for months and/or have sex with them....that's just cruel. Times have changed here in America. Nearly 50% of Americans are not just heavy, but fit the definition of obese. Where that causes confusion is with internet dating sites. Many folks list themselves as average, when they are actually obese. But, compared to the rest of the population, they ARE average. Average has a much different definition than it did years ago. I met someone "average" recently that was 5'4" 225lbs, which is actually morbidly obese. I went on many internet dates with men who listed themselves as athletic. They were OBESE, 3 chins, beer gut. Wayyy bigger than their pics a good 50 lbs or more. 1
jay1983 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I went on many internet dates with men who listed themselves as athletic. They were OBESE, 3 chins, beer gut. Wayyy bigger than their pics a good 50 lbs or more. Me too, I don't remember what her profile said, but she showed up 50 lbs heavier than in her pics. Talkin bout she gained a few pound over last couple of months. Maybe they considered competitive eating to be an athletic endeavor. lol 1
TigerLilly78 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I went on many internet dates with men who listed themselves as athletic. They were OBESE, 3 chins, beer gut. Wayyy bigger than their pics a good 50 lbs or more. What really gets my goat is when men like this or bigger put over weight women down like were disgusting..lol People have a right to say what they are attracted to long as they are respectful when they do so. To me this guy sounds like he was only thing he did wrong imo was wait to long. But then again maybe he was really trying to over come the issue but in the end he just wasen't as attracted as he wanted to be.. I feel your pain op but I wont lie to you is was your weight im a big girl myself so I know what it feels like. The good news is there are alot of other guys who wont care about your weight as much and will accept you as you are now..find one of them and let this guy go to find a women who works for him.. 3
Snowman219 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 The only problem I see here is that you still gave this guy the time of day AFTER he ended it with you for not being attracted to you. Now you're wanting to lose weight to feel better but I'm sure a HUGE part of it is to be attractive to this guy who isn't worth one second more of your time. He's a jerk and will gladly use you AGAIN after you lose the weight. Don't allow people to treat you like this. You owe yourself better! As far as weight goes anyone who doesn't feel comfortable or not their best should get in shape for themselves and no one else! We all get used, this is how the world works. Trust me the guy probably wouldn't have even met this girl if she was in her, as she put it in the original post, better physical shape. If a girl is hot, then tons of guys will go ape **** to try to meet her and hook up. So lets not make one sided arguments. Of course he's going to use her again if she's attractive. If he thinks he can hang. If not then he moves on, and gets teased about it by his coworkers for being a big wuss and they basically pull out a hot brand with the omega symbol on it and stamp it on his forehead. But hey, you're the victim here not him. He's just a jerk I guess. 1
TigerLilly78 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 We all get used, this is how the world works. Trust me the guy probably wouldn't have even met this girl if she was in her, as she put it in the original post, better physical shape. If a girl is hot, then tons of guys will go ape **** to try to meet her and hook up. So lets not make one sided arguments. Of course he's going to use her again if she's attractive. If he thinks he can hang. If not then he moves on, and gets teased about it by his coworkers for being a big wuss and they basically pull out a hot brand with the omega symbol on it and stamp it on his forehead. But hey, you're the victim here not him. He's just a jerk I guess. Sorry I have to disagree in healthy respectful relationships no one "gets used" its a give and take this guy had the choice to date the OP or not no one forced him to bed her eather im sure.. 3
Snowman219 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Sorry I have to disagree in healthy respectful relationships no one "gets used" its a give and take this guy had the choice to date the OP or not no one forced him to bed her eather im sure.. And he didn't force her to go to bed with him. And you have to understand I don't live where "healthy" relationships are made. I live in the real world. If your statement is correct about not getting used. Then I guess people just get into relationships for no apparent reason. I know the term "getting used" sounds harsh, but it's true and you won't accept it. In the beginning of a relationship you will get used, it's unavoidable. Love doesn't come until later, unlike that iconic tune suggests.
ascendotum Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Sorry I have to disagree in healthy respectful relationships no one "gets used" its a give and take this guy had the choice to date the OP or not no one forced him to bed her eather im sure.. Which could have been the case for the 2 months they were together. He may have never had any intention to get into a long term relationship with her from the start or he may have liked her and been willing to give it shot and hope stronger more passionate feelings develop. Presumably he was nice to her for the time they were together. Seems that way since they are still friends. 1
HappyLove Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 And he didn't force her to go to bed with him. And you have to understand I don't live where "healthy" relationships are made. I live in the real world. If your statement is correct about not getting used. Then I guess people just get into relationships for no apparent reason. I know the term "getting used" sounds harsh, but it's true and you won't accept it. In the beginning of a relationship you will get used, it's unavoidable. Love doesn't come until later, unlike that iconic tune suggests. So how exactly are people getting used in the beginning of a relationship?
Author turningpoint Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Thanks for all your advice everyone. Just to chime in, I'm not sure if this guy was using me or not. We are friends now, and that's a whole other thread. To put it simply, he BEGGED to stay in my life. I have had a few breakdowns with him where I've told him how much that whole situation hurt me. He listened, apologized profusely and to be honest has not been able to keep away from me. Many people think we are in a relationship and he has been initiating all the hangouts with me the past month, which are all one on one, date-like and such. This doesn't change what he did in the past, but if he was using me with a sinister intention, then I'm not sure why he's spending so much time with me, especially after the couple of breakdowns where I was very upset about what happened. Again, that's a whole other thread entirely. I do think he was a jerk for sleeping with me and pulling the whole, I'm not physically attracted to me card. I don't think he used me, but probably got sexual with me, didn't think about it or fell into it. I'm just not really sure. And I even think his actions now are a bit confusing, and we have had many discussions about friendships and boundaries... so I'm not sure why he continues to treat me as a girlfriend but without the sex or kissing. I am so grateful for all your posts. I do need to lose weight and for me. I will admit that outside of this guy, I'm not being chased as much as I am. It's very difficult when I feel like I genuinely look good, but I do remember when I was much thinner, I swore off ever reaching this weight again... yet here I am again... sigh. This thread has been a good wakeup call that just because being this heavy feels comfortable and normal to me, doesn't mean it's optimal or a pattern I should fall into. In terms of this guy, I'm really not trying to lose weight to be with him. I will admit that given our emotional connection, and him wanting to be in my life, I wouldn't be surprised if he did decide to want to pursue a relationship if I lost the weight but the thought of that does make me feel uncomfortable, especially since he does have that emotional connection with me, and a matter of a 20-30 pounds being the difference between close friendship and romantic love is a bit worrisome to me. But maybe I'm just ignorant on how important all this weight stuff is to SOME men.
Author turningpoint Posted August 11, 2014 Author Posted August 11, 2014 Forget about the guy. It could've been your weight if he's exes were like you described. Moving forward I just did a google for girls 5'2' 150 - 160. That's not really that big, some of them look fine to me. The question is, where is most of the weight? The ones that I didn't find attractive had most of there weight in the stomach area. Most of my weight is in my hips and butt. Like I said I do get male attention and am proportionate. However, I do have a tummy (not large but a bit of a tummy) and my thighs are a bit larger than they should be.
HappyLove Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 "I'm not sure why he's spending so much time with me, especially after the couple of breakdowns where I was very upset about what happened." Ummmm, he's hoping to get sex. He's not your friend. Why are you willing to keep someone in your life who makes you feel so bad about yourself?! Kick him to the curb and tell him you don't need friends like him. A man like this is never satisfied! You will never be skinny enough. Like Deb said God forbid something major happened to you, this guy would disappear so fast. You don't need shallow people like this in your life who play with your emotions! 2
jay1983 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Most of my weight is in my hips and butt. Like I said I do get male attention and am proportionate. However, I do have a tummy (not large but a bit of a tummy) and my thighs are a bit larger than they should be. That's no big deal, not in my opinion.
TigerLilly78 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 (edited) And he didn't force her to go to bed with him. And you have to understand I don't live where "healthy" relationships are made. I live in the real world. If your statement is correct about not getting used. Then I guess people just get into relationships for no apparent reason. I know the term "getting used" sounds harsh, but it's true and you won't accept it. In the beginning of a relationship you will get used, it's unavoidable. Love doesn't come until later, unlike that iconic tune suggests. No he just slept with her in the context that they were in a happy relationship which then all of a sudden wasn't the case after he slept with her for a while not really cool imo anyways he must have had some idea of his true feelings! People get into relationships for the companion ship no one likes to feel alone of course you do things for your significant other but getting used is not usually part of the deal unless you have a unhealthy relationship so im sorry you view relationships this way.. Edit to add I wouldn't get into any relationship unless there was some strong emotions on my end. Then again im not into casual dating or multi dating maybe that's what your talking about? I like mine to have more meaning from the get go I guess.. Edited August 12, 2014 by TigerLilly78
guest569 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 He was attracted enough to have sex with you numerous times. I think you should cut him out of your life and focus on your confidence and body, get the body you want and are comfortable with. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Eh, I got a lot of attention when I was around 15lbs heavier than I am now. And I am not thin now by any means. It doesn't matter as much as LS would lead you to beleive. 1
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