Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I have been separated for a year and went out on my first date in 16 years. My girlfriend set me and her husband's firend up on a blind date. He is 38 and I am 37. We emailed each other a few time before the date and he came in picked me up to go out. We have a lot of similar interests and both have children and were obviously attracted to each other. The date ended up lasting 14 hours and he ended up spending the night at my place. He emailed me the next day to tell me that he had a great time and we went back and forth on the email a couple of times. A couple of days later, we talked again on the email back and forth a few times. We are both busy people, live about 40 min away from each other, have kids, work full time, play sports, etc. so I know it isn't going to be like high school where you see the person everyday. I guess my question is, do you think he is interested? If I don't hear from him, should I be sending him an email? If he isn't, I am a big girl and won't be hurt, but I don't want to embarass myself chasing anyone either. Any advice appreciated. Thanks
alphamale Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin The date ended up lasting 14 hours and he ended up spending the night at my place. if u had sex on the first date there must be SOME level of interest on his part. but my experience in past has been that usually sex too quick leads to just a short sexual relationship.
iceisles Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 She never said they had sex, only that he stayed at her place. She needs to clarify what happened for us.
Author Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 Yes, we did end up having sex. If it was only meant to be one time so be it. I am an adult, I do have needs and used precautions. I have had a couple of flings since my marriage ended. Purely sexual, so I know how to play that game. Just as background, my husband had an affair and basically ignored me and the kids for two years before that. I do realize that having sex on the first date isn't the smartest move, however, too late to change that. I am just trying to figure out the "game" for dating. He emailed me first the next day and went back and forth on the computer. A couple of days later the same thing, back and forth on the emails. Due to our curcumstances, getting together won't be the easiest. Should I wait a few days and contact him if he doesn't contact me or shoulod I always wait for him to do it. How much do you pursue? He was the one who contacted me the next day first. This dating thing is hard!!
alphamale Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin This dating thing is hard!! it is very hard and you two made it even harder by getting intimate way to quick. i would wait for a week or two to see if he contacts u. if not then you should try to contact him but don't be surprised if there is no response.
Merin Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 IF he was all about you then regardless if the 2 of you had sex right away or not, he will continue to persue you. While I can agree that having sex on the first date isn't probably the best thing to do for a lot of reasons.. I don't think it's a *deal breaker* either... Don't stress over this.. If he has the interest in you that he appears to have, then he will make time to see you again and get to know you further.. if he doesn't.. then he probably wasn't as interested in YOU as a person to begin with and it was more about having a good time without any strings.. IF the latter is the case.. be happy you didn't waste more of your time on a guy who isn't about YOU and is more about him.
Author Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 You guys are right. I don't necessarily think that sex is a deal breaker. I don't want to sound like a tramp and have only been with a few guys. I did sleep with a guy on a first date before and ended up being with him for 16 years, I guess that I am just confused about how long time is supposed to pass before you contact someone. I obviously want to let him know that I had fun and would go out with him again but I don't want to seem pushy or overbearing because that is not my intention to just right into a serious relationship again. Is him emailing me a good sign? Or is it just Obiligatory that he do this?
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I too have issues with the chasing and being chased elements of the dating scene. Does not everyone agree that if he really wants to call her he will? If he thinks about her enough in that way, it will be irresistable to call? You have done the right thing by keeping regular email contact, but as we sit here, I too am in the waiting game to see if he calls. Then we know that he is not acting on an easy IN rather a feeling of needing to talk to or see us and is not afraid to call and ask to do so.
Merin Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin Is him emailing me a good sign? Or is it just Obiligatory that he do this? IMO him emailing you is a good thing.. he is still maintaining contact with you.. and trust me.. when dating *especially casually where there hasn't been talk of being exclusive* most people feel zero obligation to do anything.. LOL sad but so true. I don't think you're sleeping with him makes you a tramp.. and although a lot of people will disagree due to double standards.. IF sleeping with this guy on the first date made you a tramp what would it make him?! ALPHA.. Do NOT say it makes him Da Man! I dunno.. I just can't get on that bus that it's okay for a guy but not a girl.. Anyway.. since he has shown interest STILL then ya know.. email him back, keep it light.. don't stress here.. life isn't that serious and even if it turns out he isn't *the one* you'll be okay
alphamale Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Merin .. IF sleeping with this guy on the first date made you a tramp what would it make him?! ALPHA.. Do NOT say it makes him Da Man! I dunno.. I just can't get on that bus that it's okay for a guy but not a girl.. no MERIN....I will not say he is "DA MAN" but what I will say is that it is the man's job to try to get sex as quick as possible and the woman's job to keep him in check until she is ready for sex. It is quite a perverse dance but a dance nonetheless.
Merin Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale it is the man's job to try to get sex as quick as possible and the woman's job to keep him in check until she is ready for sex. It is quite a perverse dance but a dance nonetheless. She WAS ready.. so good to go Perverse dancing.. ya say it like it's a bad thing!
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 So what dance are we playing if we have sex... then make them wait... then have sex... then play safe on the next date? This sounds more like a game than a dance. Besides, we all have needs.
Merin Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by elle naturelle The Horizontal Mambo?
alphamale Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Originally posted by Merin The Horizontal Mambo? Look who are we kidding here?!? Most of us, both men and women, know thru experience that sex on first date is usually either a ONS or becomes a short-term sexual thing. And that is fine if you want that. Sometimes it works out OK but not often. I've have sex on first date prob 7 or 8 times and the relationship never lasted more than 2 or 3 months, if that. I personally wish that more women put out on the first or second date. I would have a great time.
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Well, does that mean that it is ok to have sex, then make them wait a little to add some 'excitement'? If so, are there rules for this engagement? I ask this because I would like to slow things down a little with someone, thats is if he calls. You know my neurotic postings from 'hes just not that into you... or is he'
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Here is a situation.... You are out with the girls or guys and meet someone.... talk all night. Go back to your place under the pretence that you are interested in more with each other than just sex. You end up fooling around a little... almost some teasers... but sustain from complete and utter lust. And lets be honest here, after a few bevies, its all just a fog. You go out again, and wait. Go out again and ... cant wait. Does that mean sex is expected every time you see each other now? After all, we are all in need of great sex.
Hund1976 Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I would send him an email and ask him to hang out again sometime. You guys are both older so I don't think you have to worry as much about the high school game playing. Hopefully he'll be interested in you, but if not hopefully you at least had fun your one night together.
Author Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 The story just keeps getting weirder? I ran into him today at the show with his daughter and a bunch of friends and I had my kids. I knew he was taking her to a matinee and he knew I was taking my kids this weekend. We happen to pick the same theatre at the same time. There was several others to choose from and several other times. We both pick the same one. Because of the situation, I wasn't going to say anything to him or acknowldge that I knew he was there. I am not sure at first he knew I was there. I waited until his gang left and then I left. Of course, one of my kids had a melt down and threw herself on the ground at a man's feet. Just my luck, it happened to be him standing by himself talk on the phone. I just kind of said hi and asked him if he wanted a kid. We made a few jokes and then I said talk to you later. I felt really auckward about it. I wouldn't want him thinking I was going there to see him. I couldn't have known anyway, I didn't have the details other than he was going to a movie on Saturday. Should I email him about it or let it slide? Dating drives me crazy!!!
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 I would email him but wait until later... after you have settled the kids down and had a chance to relax. Say something about the movie you saw, how is was a great day at the kids, etc. Let him bring up the irony in it all...
Author Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 I probably won't email him until Monday since he doesn't have a computer at home. A mutual friend set us up and I went over to that firends house after I dropped my kids off and told them about it. They said the same thing, how could you have known. They will see him tomorrow, so if something is said they will let me know. I know, I tend to overanalyze things.
elle naturelle Posted February 26, 2005 Posted February 26, 2005 Have you read any of my posts? I am completely crazy... atleast when it comes to men. Read 'hes just not that into you... or is he'. I am debating on whether or not I should call this guy since he did a lot of the work, but he is with his son and I do not want to be selfish and interupt. I figure until after the weekend. Afterall, we are all adults here with things to do people to see... even though he is really the one on my mind. As for the Monday email, perfect! As for hearing from your friends... remember, we are not in highschool. Wait and see for yourself.
Author Linlin Posted February 26, 2005 Author Posted February 26, 2005 I would wait to call on Monday and see after his son is gone. You could even say something like, I thought about giving you a call but I didn't want to interupt your time with your son. It show respect for him. I know, I wish these men came with an instruction manual. Your right, even though you think you may have alot in common with someone, they have to be into you as well, not just one sided. I am going to a big party tonight and I am not going to worry about it anymore. As for my friends, they won't say something to this guy unless he brings it up that he ran into me. And the dance continues....
alphamale Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Originally posted by Linlin Just my luck, it happened to be him standing by himself talk on the phone. I just kind of said hi and asked him if he wanted a kid. We made a few jokes and then I said talk to you later. I felt really auckward about it. hmmm LINLIN, the above is tipoff that it was a ONS esp cause u were awkward. You should not have made comment about him wanting a kid. Bad move. If I had ONS sex with some woman and saw her few days later by surprise somewhere and she said "you wanna kid?", even if joking, I would RUN FOR THE HILLS.
alphamale Posted February 27, 2005 Posted February 27, 2005 Originally posted by elle naturelle What SHOULD she have said then? "Hi, so nice to see u....hey....I had a great time last (wknd, sat, tues, month, whatever). Sorry to scoot but the kids are acting up" The guy was on the phone also, so she distrubed his convo AND asked if he wanted a kid.
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