No contact for a month, ex added me on skype then deleted me 30 minutes later....

[yodudebroman]

As the title says. She's been in a relationship with another man (11th July on their facebook) and when I found out I literally broke down and emailed her etc, we spoke on Skype and towards the end she was like "I'm glad we could end things on friendly terms, bye" and I basically said the same.

 

Fast forward to today and she randomly messages me saying "You may not be here, I just wanted to say hi and i hope things are going ok" I replied "hey I'm here" to which she replies "Sorry if im bothering you"

 

we get talking for a good 30 minutes, I notice she keeps saying things like "It's good that you're doing ok now" "I'm glad you're doing good now" That's good" "you seem to be doing really well now, that's good" I half let on that I still have feelings for her but nothing blatent just stuff like "yeah I'm doing my best, working, keeping myself occupied" etc then she says "Ok going to go eat now, getting off of skype bye" to which I reply "thank you for messaging me"

 

Then she goes offline and about 3 minutes later I see she's deleted me from Skype again. I know she's still with her BF as well.

 

I just don't get what the **** was the point of doing this? Now I just feel like utter **** again because as sick as it sounds the second I saw her name pop up on Skype I got my hopes up again.

 

Why did she do this? Can anyone shed any light here? Does she still like me? Was she just trying to see that I was okay so she felt better about herself for breaking up with me?

[LittleHamster]

To me it seems like she was trying to ease her guilt by acting concerned about your well being. As hard it is to not hope that they might reach out to us again, it is true. She is not coming back, she is only guilt tripping. Don't help her ease her conscience again.

[yodudebroman]

To me it seems like she was trying to ease her guilt by acting concerned about your well being. As hard it is to not hope that they might reach out to us again, it is true. She is not coming back, she is only guilt tripping. Don't help her ease her conscience again.

 

I feared the same thing but it's just so sick now because I still got my hopes up. Does she not realise that by doing what she did she's just adding more pain to my already broken heart?

 

Why would anyone do this to another human being? She's already crushed me to pieces there's no need for this on top of it.

[chimpanA-2-chimpanZ]

LittleHamster is dead on. A lot of exes carry serious guilt about how they handle breakups even if they don't want to be with us again. Sometimes they check in, either to apologize or to reassure themselves that they weren't really that bad. They take the fact that you're doing OK now as validation and proof that everything's fine.

 

The ex who wounded me the most reached out to me this way and was (almost certainly unintentionally) very condescending about it. I was quite friendly but reminded him just how badly he had hurt me. I explained that I was very much over him but, even a year later, was still struggling with the incredible hurt, and that I didn't at all appreciate him "congratulating" me for getting over the damage that he had caused. Guess what? He was mortified and I felt awesome. Sometimes you don't have to worry about being polite or not making waves. Sometimes honesty really is the best policy.

[lop98]

Yeah, she's both trying to ease her guilt and just making sure you're still an option, she's in a new relationship and new relationships involved uncertainty so she feels comforted that a second best might be there for her just in case her preferred option (aka her boyfriend) falls apart.

 

Dude, don't wait until she deletes or adds you or does whatever her messed up head guides her. Remove her yourself and if she keeps nagging, remove the app/uninstall skype for 2 months at least (also as a personal challenge). If you can't delete or block an ex, delete and block yourself, it's that simple and that worked for me last year with a very persuasive and selfish ex.

[LittleHamster]

I feared the same thing but it's just so sick now because I still got my hopes up. Does she not realise that by doing what she did she's just adding more pain to my already broken heart?

 

Why would anyone do this to another human being? She's already crushed me to pieces there's no need for this on top of it.

 

How can someone do that, thats a question so many of us battle with. Human beings are capable of everything so its sort of useless to think over it.

 

In the end, you have to believe that there was nothing wrong with you or anything you could have done about it right.

 

Its her problem. I battled a lot to convince myself this when i got dumped that i was worth a lot more. Exes are that for a reason. She didn't appreciate you or your love. Thats enough reason to not want her back. As amazing as she might be, she wasnt all that amazing to leave you stranded and made her choice.

 

He's dead to me is what i keep telling myself and so should you. They aren't worth the pain they've caused, remember that. It will get better. You'll definitely find someone better who appreciates you more. Good Luck man.