Butterflying Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 What is the longest amount of time you should be "broken up" or "on a break" before deciding rather to reconcile? I mean break up as in: barely communicating anymore, dating other people, ect, ect. I have an ex-boyfriend. We have been apart for over two years. It was a long distance relationship. Recently we began communicating more often (emails once ever two or three months). Before we only sent a text message on birthdays. And never said more than a few words. But now we have expressed a lot more detail about what has been going on in our lives. He met a new girlfriend shortly after we broke up. They moved in together. But he says he was never "serious" about her. And in all the time they have been together, he still hasn't gotten over me. He's starting to look for a new job. And she's currently unemployed. She has a Ph.D. But she only wants to get married, have children, and be a housewife. She has been pressuring him for marriage ever since they began dating. Now she is giving him ultimatums. He feels trapped. Their relationship is suffering. He thought living together would satisfy her need to get married. It did for a while. Now she wants more. He doesn't see a future with her. He told her that. She said he hasn't given their relationship enough time. He and I dated long distance for only a year. We have been apart longer than we were together. I wonder why he is starting to communicate with me more often all of a sudden. He asks about my career, family, interests, and even who I'm dating. He knows that I'm dating different guys because I haven't found anyone else. He knows that I'm still searching for "the right guy." Why does my ex-boyfriend he remain in contact with me at all? We have absolutely no friends, family, or career connections. He always initiates contact. He doesn't want me to forget about him. But why not? I can't ignore him because I still love him. We end all of our messages with "Love, Xxx." We say things that I'm sure if his current girlfriend knew, she would be upset. Not sexual things. But he tells me things like "he loves me more than any other women he has ever known." If I were living with a man who felt this way about another woman, I would be upset. Somehow I don't feel guilty about these type of confessions with him because we had these feelings before the current girlfriend existed. We both thought new relationships would help us get over our relationship; but it hasn't. After over two years apart, we're just not starting to succumb to this reality. So what should we do? Is it possible for us to "just be friends" as we claim to be in all these messages, when we both still love each other? I know for certain if we lived in the same city, we never would have broken up. Should we continue to try to forget about each other, even though it has been impossible after over two years. Or is this whole situation a sign that he and I belong together and we should find a way to make it work? Is it too late now that there is another woman involved?
erklat Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Who broke the first relationship? Two years is a long long time considering relationship. Maybe the issues that caused the breakup were solved.
Author Butterflying Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 We both decided to end it because traveling was starting to add extra stress. When we talked about where things were headed, we both agreed that we could visualize ourselves married to each other in the future. But neither of us were ready to sell our homes in our respective cities and relocate. Unfortunately that is an important choice that would have to be made. We couldn't figure out how we would make that choice since we both have great careers. We were okay with the distance for a while. But then things came up like parties, weddings, various events on a regular basis in which one needs a date. He hated going alone and being an odd wheel in his circle of friends when I wasn't there. I felt the same in my city too. In the end we both figured we owed it to ourselves to see if there was someone else in our own cities (even though we had been searching for years to no avail). And we stopped communicating in order to give the new partners respect. I think of him every day since the day we split. I'm so tired of searching for someone else when I feel as though I've already found that person. Feels like I'm wasting my time.
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