4 great dates, she asked for a 5th, and then unresponsive? How to proceed?

[smackie9]

I want to hear from people who think I have a fighting chance. Even if it's a tiny one.

 

 

You are a grown man, why are you begging people to give you hope. Doesn't that sound silly??

[54JA]

I just wanna make sure I got this right. You have not heard back from her for a week now?

 

I am not as busy as her, but sometimes if things get crazy, I am not able to reply to texts or return a call. This is due to the fact that I need time to organize my thought before I text or know what to say.

 

I think it's ok to send her texts here and there to let her know you are thinking about her. It doesn't have to be about setting up a date. It could be about something cute or funny you saw, like "I am standing in line at a grocery store and the guy in front of me is wearing high heels." Light, funny texts let her know that you thought of her and wanted to share the little things with her. Because expectations are not involved, she can relax and text you back. (But once again, this is just my perspective. Young girls/older women may be different). Like someone here said, you can give her the benefit of the doubt especially because you two had such great time so far. She apologized to you already for not replying right away, and I think she meant it. I think she feels bad about her schedule right now, which is outside of her control.

 

Your woman sounds like she knows what she wants. This woman is not a desperate kind, which is a good sign. Women who are happy with themselves are not the easiest to get. They take their time to decide. But once in relationship, you will probably have less problem because you don't have to deal with their insecurity.

 

Oops, I almost forgot. Sometimes, some women need advance notice before going on a date, especially if they like to look their best for the guy. Yes, it's true, that others will jump at the opportunity even if it's last minute, but sometimes, I may not agree to a date because I need time to get my hair done, clear my acne, wash and press my clothes, etc. I know it's lame, and not every woman is like this, but it's also a possibility...

[RoosterFrame]

Thanks for your perspective, 54JA!

 

I just wanna make sure I got this right. You have not heard back from her for a week now?

Yes.

 

I think it's ok to send her texts here and there to let her know you are thinking about her. It doesn't have to be about setting up a date. It could be about something cute or funny you saw, like "I am standing in line at a grocery store and the guy in front of me is wearing high heels." Light, funny texts let her know that you thought of her and wanted to share the little things with her.

Seems like it would be awkward to do that at this point, no?

I've done that before and she responded right away, but it was a basic, "Hahaha. That's awesome!" type text.

 

Your woman sounds like she knows what she wants. This woman is not a desperate kind, which is a good sign. Women who are happy with themselves are not the easiest to get. They take their time to decide. But once in relationship, you will probably have less problem because you don't have to deal with their insecurity.

I've been out with a lot of women and get this vibe from her too.

 

Oops, I almost forgot. Sometimes, some women need advance notice before going on a date, especially if they like to look their best for the guy. Yes, it's true, that others will jump at the opportunity even if it's last minute, but sometimes, I may not agree to a date because I need time to get my hair done, clear my acne, wash and press my clothes, etc. I know it's lame, and not every woman is like this, but it's also a possibility...

Like I said...I texted her last Monday night for this past Saturday night. 5 days in advance for a specific night. Never heard back. A simple yes or no would have been nice. THAT's what threw me off.

[54JA]

I don't think texting her will be awkward. But I think there are pros and cons too. Pros: 1) lets her know you are thinking of her 2) lets her know you are not angry with her, 3) lets her know you are flexible and able to appreciate different forms of communication, not just face to face dates. Cons: 1) if you don't hear from her, it can be frustrating 2) if you don't hear from her, negative thoughts may start to enter your head.

 

You had 4 successful dates with her. So it may be fair to give her another week before you move on (half of 2 and 1/2 good weeks with her)?

[RoosterFrame]

You had 4 successful dates with her. So it may be fair to give her another week before you move on (half of 2 and 1/2 good weeks with her)?

It'll be 2 weeks since we last went out this Tuesday. Today is 1 week since we last communicated.

[54JA]

Yeah, I would still say give her another week, but only if it's acceptable to you. Each person has different pace. When someone is busy, like I said before, 1 week seems a lot shorter to her than it would to others. But in the end, you might want to consider this as an important factor as to whether you want to pursue this. If someone is perpetually and constantly busy, she may not be able to give you what you need, and it may not work out in the long run.

 

On the other hand, stuff happens in life, and all this crazy schedule in her life may be temporary. So I would say it's worth waiting another week to find out whether this is a temporary thing or a pattern that would continue.

[Potz4prez]

You can only look at the facts. You are interested in her. She is at the moment unavailable. But she has told you that is because of her schedule which should open up soon.

 

Stick to the facts man. You're still in the early stages. Women want to know that you can handle a bit of ambiguity and uncertainty. It shows maturity. It shows self control. It's not her fault you have emotionally invested yourself after 4 dates after all.

 

Will things work out? Is she seeing other people? Is she super interested or just a bit interested. You don't know. And speculating will drive you nuts.

 

Here's the great thing, if you can just be patient, all your answers will come to light. But you don't want to do anything that is going to work against you.

 

Take it slow, keep things going. Don't hide your interest, but do hide your insecurities. Think of it this way, how would you feel if someone you had begun dating, whom you liked and enjoyed their company, might consider as a potential relationship with, but were still way to early...if you knew that person was analyzing every action and word you spoke? Would unnerve you a bit right?

 

We all tend to do that. And it can work against us.

 

I'm going through the exact same thing as OP right now. Gonna frame this on my wall haha.

[Divasu]

Hi Rooster. I see you bit the bullet and asked her out finally? Kudos! I'm not liking her lack of response to that, only because you stated a specific date and it's not cool to leave someone hanging like that.

[RoosterFrame]

Thanks for the feedback, Divasu.

 

I agree with you about it not being cool. It's pretty easy to let someone know something either way.

 

I do find myself making excuses (she didn't get the text, etc.) for her because she had no precedent for being a rude and inconsiderate flake. All other dates she showed seemingly genuine, consciousness for myself and others. She also never ignored any texts, etc. She thanked me for everything, acknowledged all effort, etc. So weird and inexplicable. But so is the fact that we're all a bunch of monkeys floating around in outerspace.

 

I've got a date with another gal lined up tonight and one with another gal for Friday night. I've decided to hold off for now on contacting her again. Maybe she'll get in touch with me, maybe she won't. Hopefully, it's not a misunderstanding or technological error that put things to a halt early.

[RoosterFrame]

Wanted to give an update on this situation for those that may be or have experienced similar situations.

 

I received a text from her Monday night that apologized, acknowledged how lame her unresponsiveness was, and basically explained that she's been experiencing a "slow motion nervous breakdown" due to work, her start-up, and a big move. She expressed interest in seeing me again when things slowed down for her and gave a general time frame but I'm not holding out or thinking about it. No telling what else is going on in her life, but I do think she was being genuine (refreshing).

 

My response basically told her in a longer and more light-hearted way:

I understand, take care of yourself. Wasn't sure because I hadn't heard anything. Hopefully we'll see each other at some point but best of luck if not.

 

You never know what's going in someone's life. I believe she had/has no reason to lie about things and think I have enough experience at this point that I would have spotted it. Don't always think someone is playing you and being intentionally deceptive. It certainly happens, but why that is everyone's default answer baffles the hell out of me. Reminds me of how miserable some people's lens on the world is.

 

Hope y'all are having a good week!