4 great dates, she asked for a 5th, and then unresponsive? How to proceed?

[RoosterFrame]

Any objective critiques + advice on how to move forward in this situation would be awesome.

 

I met a woman (34yo) online a few weeks ago and we went out. First date was one of the best I've ever been on. Great conversation, good length (2 hours), and we made out for a bit at the end. She initiated kiss, asked me for a second date, and texted following the date saying she had a great time and looked forward to the second.We've since gone out 3 more times.

 

Second date she invited me to a a gathering of her friends at a public place. That lasted a few hours and we did kiss/make out during and at the end. She was very affectionate towards me in public and ended the date by asking for a third.

 

Third date was dinner and drinks and went really well. We ended up back at my place, had great sex, and agreed to a fourth date when she got back from being out of town.

 

Fourth date was shorter because our work schedules - we checked out a quirky dive bar. During the date, she asked if I was free later in the week and we agreed that we'd try for Thu or Fri. We ended up back at my place and fooled around. It was that time of the month for her, but she did perform oral on me.

 

I walked her to her car and we agreed that she would get in touch with me (her work schedule is more rigid than mine) about doing something Thu or Fri.

 

Thursday and Friday came and I never heard from her. I texted her last night (Friday) and said that I was going to a house party and that she should join me. No response still.

 

We're both very busy but her schedule is more rigid than mine - she works a full-time job, has a side business, participates in a rec sports league, and is in the process of moving into a new apartment. Up to this point, she's been great in every capacity and I've not seen any red flags or had any bad feelings in my gut. I like her, the interactions are easy and natural, and the chemistry is good. She's the one who has suggested next dates each time we've been out and she also hasn't used the online dating site since our first date which may or may not correlate with me.

 

I'm not interested in analyzing the "what happened?" because that could be anything. I'm more interested in perspectives (female and male) on how to move forward.

 

Option A: Call her up, ask her out for a specific day/time/thing and see what happens. I wouldn't take it personally if she turned me down - it's more about me respecting my own time and energy and not falling into a relative stranger's whims and schedule.

 

*If I go this route, how long should I wait before I call her up? I did just text her last night. I'd like to call her up today and ask her out for tomorrow because her schedule's so weird during the week but I'm also wondering if I should just leave her some space and wait a few days?

 

Option B: Leave it be. She said she would get in touch with you, she didn't + you invited her to something and it's been nearly 24 hours and she hasn't responded. If she's interested, she'll reach out.

 

Any advice appreciated. Feel free to amend what I see as options or add a new option entirely.

[ThorntonMelon]

Very, very, very strongly B.

[Mrin]

I like your approach. I would take option A but call at the end of Sunday. 48 hours is enough time for her to respond to your text. After 48 hours then a phone call is appropriate. And you should know one way or then other when you get off the phone.

 

Make plans with friends tonight.

[AndrewJDC]

I'm a guy, I would go with option a in a days time. Better to know than be left hanging.

 

You got more loving with your dates then I got in the last 4 months of monogamous relationship.... You're a winner dude!

[The Like Fairy]

I like your approach. I would take option A but call at the end of Sunday. 48 hours is enough time for her to respond to your text. After 48 hours then a phone call is appropriate. And you should know one way or then other when you get off the phone.

 

Make plans with friends tonight.

 

 

I vote for this

[RoosterFrame]

Option B. Since you've already contacted her, ball's in her court.

 

But one issue is interesting. Did you return oral? If not, she might have considered this an act of selfishness and moved on.

 

I'm conscious of sexual recriprocity and acknowledged and thanked her for the oral and asked her if I could do anything for her and she said it was bad timing (i.e. she was on her period) - the whole reason we didn't have sex again in the first place.

[RoosterFrame]

The primary factor preventing me from being completely sold on Option B is the collective voice of my female friends...

 

"She probably took that text as a last-minute, half-ass invite with no details to something you were going to regardless and didn't feel the need to respond. She wants you to man up and call her and put her on the spot."

 

My thinking is that a response - even if it's super short - is still warranted. It hasn't been 24 hours yet, but I'm a bit disappointed given the dynamic we had up to that point.

 

Maybe she does expect a phone call but our mutual agreement that she had the weirder schedule and should follow up with me once she figured it out is a bit frustrating and confusing given that she is the one who asked to hang out again.

 

I'm definitely leaning toward option A. Call her up tomorrow afternoon/evening and try to set up a 5th date. I'd rather call her bluff, so to speak, and either move forward or move on than diddly daddly around.

[daisydook]

Option B. Since you've already contacted her, ball's in her court.

 

But one issue is interesting. Did you return oral? If not, she might have considered this an act of selfishness and moved on.

 

It was THAT time of the month for her. She gave him oral, assuming she would not be having sex, or getting it in return.

[Divasu]

Option A. Maybe she is feeling a bit deflated with all the chasing (i.e. asking you out for every date). Especially considering she made oral nookie with you.

 

That's my first thought, my second thought would be she is really busy like you said.

[Gaeta]

A.

 

Call her.

 

I got my lesson with texting sometimes it doesn't always make it to the other person or it delay.

[RoosterFrame]

Option A. Maybe she is feeling a bit deflated with all the chasing (i.e. asking you out for every date). Especially considering she made oral nookie with you.

 

That's my first thought, my second thought would be she is really busy like you said.

 

I was wondering that about the oral nookie, DivaSu. I really don't want her to feel like I used her because I wasn't.

 

I specifically said at the end of the date,

"It was so good to see you even if it was just for a bit. Thank you for taking the time to come to my part of town. I want to hang out again this week, but since you're still figuring out your schedule, I'll let you get in touch with me about which day works best for you to do something."

 

Her response was:

"Ok perfect! I will message you then once I figure everything out."

 

Seems pretty straight forward, no?

[Divasu]

I was wondering that about the oral nookie, DivaSu. I really don't want her to feel like I used her because I wasn't.

 

I specifically said at the end of the date,

"It was so good to see you even if it was just for a bit. Thank you for taking the time to come to my part of town. I want to hang out again this week, but since you're still figuring out your schedule, I'll let you get in touch with me about which day works best for you to do something."

 

Her response was:

"Ok perfect! I will message you then once I figure everything out."

 

Seems pretty straight forward, no?

 

It does. It seems you were trying to be polite and accommodating. Let's just hope that's how she interpreted it.

[RoosterFrame]

Let's just hope that's how she interpreted it.

 

How else could it have been interpreted? As uninterested?

[smackie9]

Good god just call her and set something up for tonight.

[smackie9]

:laugh:Hah maybe her BF arrived in town Friday night so she had to shut off her phone.....

[JungleLover]

You got off to a great start in have her in the corner one ideally wants when trying to date up until the no response. Don't give up now. Call her. This is where persistence can shine but be careful how you apply it.

[RoosterFrame]

Hah maybe her BF arrived in town Friday night so she had to shut off her phone.....

 

bummer that's where your mind goes. i hope you heal from whatever you're dealing with.

[RoosterFrame]

Call her. This is where persistence can shine but be careful how you apply it.

 

If I don't hear from her before tomorrow, I think calling her up tomorrow afternoon/evening and suggesting a fun date (lined out) for Tuesday night is the way to go. Better to know either way.

[kaylan]

This smells of a women playing the field and weighing her options. Ive never had to deal with all this wondering or any lack of communication with women I was sure liked me. They made themselves very available and texted me often and called if they were having text issues.

[Divasu]

How else could it have been interpreted? As uninterested?

 

She could have interpreted it as non-interest on your part. The problem is at this stage, there is no way for you to know.

 

Just from observation in this thread, you are inadvertently switching roles and being passive while you allow her to be the aggressor. Is that your intent here? I may have to conclude that it is because you would have bypassed all the other explanations and taken the initiative yourself.

 

Simply put, call her and ask her out.

[RoosterFrame]

Just from observation in this thread, you are inadvertently switching roles and being passive while you allow her to be the aggressor. Is that your intent here? I may have to conclude that it is because you would have bypassed all the other explanations and taken the initiative yourself.

 

This is not my intent, no. Early on, for our second date, I texted and asked her out with a specific date. She said she would love to do it, had to check her schedule and would get back to me. She got back to me three days later and said she wouldn't have a free afternoon for awhile (the date was more of a daytime date) and that we should keep that on the list of things to do, but not as the very next thing. She then invited me out that night with her friends.

 

I'm not so jaded that I believe that she's lying to me when she says her schedule is truly as busy as it is. Up to this point, she's made the time to see me and has been as into it, or more, than I am.

 

What explanations are you referring to when you say, "bypassed all the other explanations"?

 

Divasu, do you think I should just call her up tonight and get it over with or wait until tomorrow night? It's now been over 24 hours and no word from her.

[DazedandConfused8]

Option A: Call her up, ask her out for a specific day/time/thing and see what happens. I wouldn't take it personally if she turned me down - it's more about me respecting my own time and energy and not falling into a relative stranger's whims and schedule.

 

*If I go this route, how long should I wait before I call her up? I did just text her last night. I'd like to call her up today and ask her out for tomorrow because her schedule's so weird during the week but I'm also wondering if I should just leave her some space and wait a few days?

 

Option B: Leave it be. She said she would get in touch with you, she didn't + you invited her to something and it's been nearly 24 hours and she hasn't responded. If she's interested, she'll reach out.

 

Any advice appreciated. Feel free to amend what I see as options or add a new option entirely.

 

From what you've said, she's been the one to initiate the contact/date/making out/sex, so maybe she's feeling like you're not really into her, or like she's moving too fast and wants to slow herself down.

[Divasu]

This is not my intent, no. Early on, for our second date, I texted and asked her out with a specific date. She said she would love to do it, had to check her schedule and would get back to me. She got back to me three days later and said she wouldn't have a free afternoon for awhile (the date was more of a daytime date) and that we should keep that on the list of things to do, but not as the very next thing. She then invited me out that night with her friends.

 

I'm not so jaded that I believe that she's lying to me when she says her schedule is truly as busy as it is. Up to this point, she's made the time to see me and has been as into it, or more, than I am.

 

What explanations are you referring to when you say, "bypassed all the other explanations"?

 

Divasu, do you think I should just call her up tonight and get it over with or wait until tomorrow night? It's now been over 24 hours and no word from her.

 

YOU should be asking her out in the beginning, not the other way around. (okay, okay I admit that is an archaic approach to dating).

 

What explanations are you referring to when you say, "bypassed all the other explanations"? I'm referring to the responses in this thread. Meaning, forget what all of us are saying and just go after what you want. If it flops as a result, then it was not meant to be.

 

I would either call her tonight or tomorrow and ask her out for sometime during the upcoming week. IF she then says "I have to check my schedule and get back to you", then leave it at that. You then will have asked her out for a specific time frame, it's then up to her to get back to you with a response/confirmation.

[morbot_k]

Doesn't matter - option A or B.

 

If she is interested she will either respond to option A or get back to you if you take option B. If she is not, than either option won't matter anyway either.

 

Do what makes you happy.

[smackie9]

This smells of a women playing the field and weighing her options. Ive never had to deal with all this wondering or any lack of communication with women I was sure liked me. They made themselves very available and texted me often and called if they were having text issues.

 

Good, I`m not the only one that thinks this.......a blow job doesn't mean commitment.