newmoon Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 i am not married, but would be interested from hearing from others who are. i date a lot and find that money is a major thing i end up disliking liking about someone - how we spend different, how we save, their debt, etc. do you think dating someone from your own wealth class (lower, upper, wealthy, poor, etc.) eases the money issue among couples? has that been the case in your marriage or does it not matter? what accounts for a shared outlook on money? i have only had one bf among them all where we were 100% in-line with finances and how we managed money, but sadly we didn't match on much else lol 1
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I think the ability to talk about money & be willing to accept the other person's views on it have more to do with financial compatibility then where you started. The talking is the hardest thing. 1
Astrolink Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 (edited) There are a couple facets to my answer. First, what economic class you came from is important. I've dated anywhere from folks from poverty to multi-millionaires and their outlook towards finances is very different. I've found the most important factor is if a person spending money has actually earned it themselves. Spending your own hard-earned money puts a different perspective on it, in particular the value of money. Second, I pretty much wouldn't marry anyone that couldn't pull their financial weight. I'm at a point of owning my home, all assets, have a nice retirement and have no debt whatsover. I decided some time ago that I will never pay another penny in interest in my life, so I will always be 100% debt free. It I can't pay 100% cash for something, I won't buy it. Regretfully, in our culture and divorce law, a person in my position will suffer economically if I marry someone with lots of debt and low income if divorce occurs. And, with no-fault divorce laws, there's nothing I could do to stop it. In our culture, my spouse might not even want alimony, but if the law says she is "entitled," there would be pressure from friends and family to accept it. Thus, I am very selective whom I would consider to be a potential spouse. Edited August 11, 2014 by Astrolink 2
dogeared Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I don't think socioeconomic background has as much to do with creating or easing money issues between couples as having the same attitude about money does. If you are a spender and your SO is a spender, you will have fewer conflicts. If you are a saver and your SO is a saver, you will have fewer conflicts. I think more conflicts arise from one person being a saver and the other person being a spender. Being a saver or a spender does not have anything to do with socioeconomic background. Some wealthy people are savers, some are spenders. Some poor people are savers, some are spenders. 3
Astrolink Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I don't disagree. I remember a GF that made around $100K in sales and spent over $1000/month for clothes each month. Shepurchased only high end stuff and bought 2-3 items a month for the $1000. On the other hand, another GF, who had millions, was extremely tight with money; her monthly budget for everything was probably less $1000. Each individual is different and as long as they've earned their own keep, they should be able spend as they see fit. 1
Poppygoodwill Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I also think it goes way deeper than the surface issue of class. You have to be compatible in terms of what money represents to each of you. For some, money is security and they hoard it to make themselves feel safe. For others, money is energy, and they spend it to fuel their adventures. For some, money is opportunity and so they put it into investments that will lead to new things down the road. For others, money is status and they have to show it off to make themselves feel special. For some, money is crass and wealth should be hidden away to avoid seeming vulgar. Question is: what does money mean to you? And does it mean the same to your SO? if you're a hoarder and he's a spender, you will have difficulties unless you can come to an arrangment that meets both your emotional needs re: money.
Davey L Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 I actively didn't look for someone with the same views and outlook on life as myself. Instead I found myself a complementary person - someone who is strong where I am weak and vice versa. If we were both spenders we might be happy - for a time until the money ran out! If we were both savers, we'd have loads of money but a miserable life. So one of us is a spender and the other is a saver, each acting to moderate the other. So we have some conflicts over money (and over a lot of other things too). But so what? Life would be boring if we agreed on everything. Incidentally my wife is from a third world country where people don't have much, compared to myself in a good job in the UK.
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