free_radicals Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Hello all, I don't know what to think about this or how to move forward: my girlfriend of 1 year has bouts of feeling extremely unmotivated in getting things done. We're talking every day things, like cleaning the apartment, to goals like exercising to starting her own business. The last two are significant because she likes to train for marathons, knows how much to exercise, but doesn't follow through. She also hates her job and is looking to start her own business. Yet, hasn't moved forward as much as she'd like. The thing is, she then feels bad that she didn't get all these things done that she wanted to get done at the end of the week and calls crying to me (we don't live together). She instead watches shows online for extended periods, and says she just feels so tired, work is wearing her out, and just feels plain unmotivated. I keep giving her advice, and even sat down with her and made a daily plan, which she doesn't follow. I'm getting a bit irritated at this point because she's not doing much to change despite the advice I give her. She doesn't want to leave her job, which is an underlying issue I think. Any ideas are appreciated.
Assasda Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 You might just want to listen to her and not be so hard on her man. Sounds like she just needs support. -And that can mean, you just listening and accepting her. She may say that she's fed up, but she alone can change this, so dont get rough with her about it. Now if there are other things that you dont like about her, and you want her to change them. Personal things, you may have to weigh whether those things are deal breakers to you or not 1
d0nnivain Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 She'll do those things when she is ready to do them. You nagging her about them won't motivate her to work on them & may cause her to dig in her heals & not do them just to spite you. I lived with a neat freak for a while & would rebel against his cleaning methods just because I didn't want to fight about it nor did I want to give in to his demands. 1
Eivuwan Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 You are not her father or her therapist. You mean well, but you can't force her to take your advice when she's not ready to. In this economy, it's not that easy to just give up on a job even if it makes you miserable. Do you guys still enjoy each other and have fun? If every conversation is about how miserable she is, then I can understand why the relationship becomes annoying. Try to add more enjoyable events into your interactions with her. 1
smackie9 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 If you want to help her, tell her to get on board with REALISTIC short term goals. If she doesn't like her job, she can try to fix her situation at work like going for a different position or fix what the problem she has with her job. She can go to night school and improve on her career to get a better position or a better job. Starting her own business is a HUGE and risky undertaking and will only send her down into a tailspin. Starting her own business is not her answer to her problems. if she is nothing but spending time watching shows, that means she is using that as an escape. I bet she is suffering from depression. People who suffer from depression, shut down from their life and neglect things that are important to them. everything falls into disarray. Their escape can be things like sleeping a lot, drinking, doing drugs, gambling, watching porn, over eating, gaming, obsessive collecting or buying things, etc. She is heading down this road, and it's only going to get worse.
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