Girlfriend talking to previous fling

[RyanBeynolds]

So earlier I noticed that this guy that my girlfriend used to hook up with was on her top friends on Snap, which is basically an app to send pics, and if you communicate a lot then that's how you end up on the friends.

 

 

 

So i mentioned that i noticed this before she went to dinner with a friend and she didnt really say much and then she didnt talk to me for a long while. So i decided to call since it was about 6 hours without communication and it was late at night. At first when I called she didn't pick up. I called again and she picked up, and she seemed normal. She Said her phone was on charger and she was at her friends house. She said she got back from dinner and is hanging out with her roommate and her coworkers and they are going to drink wine.

 

I didn't want to ruin their time so I didn't say much and she said she could text me since her phone was partially charged now and I said no its fine. That was the end of that call.

 

She calls back after about 20 minutes asking if everything is okay. I said I didn't want to talk about it because again I didn't want to ruin her night.

She insists on me telling, so I said:

 

"I don't like you texting Richard."

"I don't text him"

"Snapping him.. same ****."

 

She then goes over the details on how she only snapped him once.

 

I say "okay, well you still snapped him and initiated a conversation."

 

"He sent me a random snap and it was probably to everybody in his friends and I replied once and he showed up on my best friends because I don't snap a lot"

 

"Well you told me to stop talking to other girls and I did"

 

"How do I know that?"

 

"Because I did..."

 

She then gets very angry

 

"WELL GO AHEAD AND TALK TO OTHER GIRLS"

 

"Then what's the point of us being in a relationship"

 

"I DONT KNOW"

 

"Well I just don't see why you snapped him. If I snapped Jessica or Rachel or Emily you'd be pissed"

 

"No I wouldn't its just a snap I don't know why we're arguing over something so stupid"

 

"Because you've told me before not to talk to them. So I don't see why you talk to him."

 

"Its just snap why does it matter!?"

 

"Because you ****ED him!!!"

 

"SO!? SORRY TO TELL YOU BUT I SNAP OTHER PEOPLE IVE ****ED TOO. THIS IS SO OUT OF CHARACTER FOR YOU AND I CANT BELIEVE YOU'RE ARGUING WITH ME RIGHT NOW. SO IM GOING TO GO HAVE FUN WITH MY FRIENDS. BYE"

 

*click*

 

We haven't talked since then. I sort of feel disrespected. Should I speak with her of ending the relationship?

 

Thanks

[Dork Vader]

Snap chat, facebook, text I really don't care what it is.. Continued communication with past flings is not appropriate. I would not get up set if one randomly text her and she ignored it. She has NO control over their actions. But she does have control over hers.

 

I do think you made a bigger deal out of it. She explained what happened and why. But I do think you were right to point out the double standard. If you're not allowed to talk to past flings neither is she and that includes ALL social media.

 

Her "i've talk to other people I've.." Was very immature on her part.

 

She got mad and angry at you because you just stood up to her double standard.

[Moonborn]

I don't think you should accept that from her. If what happened is as innocent as she makes it up to be I don't see why she would get so upset over it. Her reaction would be more of a problem than the thing itself to me.

[veggirl]

I think you were both ridiculously dramatic. You were passive-aggressive til she basically had to force you to tell her what was up and then you both blew up. You should have talked about it in person.

 

Do you guys have blow outs like this about little things frequently or is your communication usually better? That's the bigger issue imo, not one snapchat to someone...

[Wisecrack]

Wayyyy over dramatic! But you got your message across. What you should have done was not called her then when you saw and realised but waited it out til you could have gathered your emotions. That way, you don't let stupid things come out and you've got a plan when she tries to turn the arguement against you like she did here. Things like this are better faced in person so no one can hide behind a defence thats the phone.

 

For now let it cool down. Don't call her. Let her come to you. She has to be the one to decide if she wants you now. And if she doesn't call back, well it may be time to move on.

 

Honestly I don't believe this 'I rarely use snapchat' thing. Hey, he's made it onto her top friends and THAT means a lot; even if it's simply to garner attention.

[RyanBeynolds]

I think you were both ridiculously dramatic. You were passive-aggressive til she basically had to force you to tell her what was up and then you both blew up. You should have talked about it in person.

 

Do you guys have blow outs like this about little things frequently or is your communication usually better? That's the bigger issue imo, not one snapchat to someone...

 

I don't understand how I was passive-aggresive at all. I directly approached her telling her I do not like her talking to someone she's previously had sex with.

 

And arguments like this occur because she seems to always take the defense and start name calling and what not.

 

I find nothing wrong in what I did, even if it is something as little as Snap, considering she told me to stop communication with girls and I respected her request.

[marcjb]

I don't understand how I was passive-aggresive at all. I directly approached her telling her I do not like her talking to someone she's previously had sex with.

 

And arguments like this occur because she seems to always take the defense and start name calling and what not.

 

I find nothing wrong in what I did, even if it is something as little as Snap, considering she told me to stop communication with girls and I respected her request.

 

You did the right thing and were not passive-aggressive. You did directly confronted the situation, not passively play games that someone immature would have done. Your girlfriends actions are not appropriate and are a double standard. I would have confronted her as well.

 

We all know that if you did the same thing your girlfriend would NOT be ok with it either, so why should it be ok for her? She told you that she doesn't care and you could be in touch with the girls you mentioned again? Yea, she is just trying to continue her inappropriate behavior.

 

Continue to not let her play double standard games and stand up to her. Don't ever let her project the blame on to you while trying to justify her inappropriate actions.

 

Staying in communication with past flings, ex's, ect... is not going to improve a relationship in any way, shape, or form, and some people don't understand that. They might as well remain single if they want to act that way.

Edited August 9, 2014 by marcjb

[RyanBeynolds]

Woke up to this text:

 

"Ryan I'm sorry for last night please forgive me. I'm also sorry about the snap thing I promise I only snapped him once and I won't do it again. I love you so so much I'm so sorry"

 

I don't reply so then she calls in about 10 mins. I'll try my best to remember

 

"Do you forgive me?"

"I don't know"

"Why not I said I won't do it again"

"Well you really need to decide if you want to live the single life or be in a relationship"

"I do want to be in a relationship with you"

"Then act that way"

"I do!"

"Well I don't know why you would still talk to guys you've had sex with still"

"It was only one snap and it was something random. It was *pause* him shooting a gun or something because he's in the army and I replied "thats cool" and then he popped up on my top friends because I don't snap anyone else besides you and Jessica"

"It doesn't really work that way"

"Yes it does I promise if I snapped someone else today then they would pop up on my friends instead of him"

"I doubt it"

"What? Just because I snap him once you think that means I'm cheating on you? I haven't cheated on you and I never will. I promise."

"Well that's what it would appear to be considering all of the red flags you have given since the start of this relationship."

"Like what?"

"Hiding relationship.status at first on Facebook, saying your phone died..."

"Oh my god.Ryan!"

"It's true."

"Well... I guess I'll just talk to you later. I love you."

*long pause from me*

"I love you Ryan. You can't say it back?"

"No because you don't really mean it."

"I do!"

*long pause again from me.* "Bye"

She hangs up.

 

So I really don't know how to feel about this. This situation has come after I just met her parents last weekend which went very well, and she has made numerous future plans for what she wants to do with us. Such as go camping, amusement park, etc. And no this is not because she is using me because she said upfront we can split the cost.

 

So... I really need an outside opinion.

[marcjb]

Given the conversation and the future plans, it seems like she is invested. She promised not to do it anymore, so give her the benefit of the doubt. Just do not apologize for anything, because you are not he one who did anything wrong here. Do tell her "thank you" and that you love her though (if you do).

[RyanBeynolds]

Given the conversation and the future plans, it seems like she is invested. She promised not to do it anymore, so give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Thanks. The sad part about this is I admit, I've had a hard time trusting females for one reason or another. But I really started giving her a lot of my trust, and then this happens. I'll just see what happens I guess and if there is anything fishy, I'm out the door. I thought this would be the last straw for me but maybe she is right.

 

Thanks again

 

EDIT: I replied before you edited. I will thank her for apologizing and understanding and tell her I love her and hopefully she really loves me too. I think I'll let her make the next move, though!

[marcjb]

Of course, it's very difficult to trust people now a days. It should not be given out, people need to earn it. She withdrew a large amount of trust from your joint account, probably not enough to terminate the relationship, but now she needs to spend time earning it back. Good luck.