I made him fall in love with me and I can't stop thinking about it

[YelloJane]

I am married now to someone else, however, i met someone before i got married while i was single. One day i met this guy who was just kind to me all the time. We were just friends we talked and hung out for 2 months we had a really nice time together, he asked me out over and over and i rejected him over and over and i was honest since day one that i simply do not want a relationship just a friendship, eventually after a while i agreed to be his girlfriend, we never had sex never did anything but hold hands and kiss (he was an awful kisser btw) and yet he still was so in love with me that i don't understand why. We spend a good summer together, we went out a lot and just hung out and had an amazing time but i never had sex with him or anything yet he still was in love with me after the whole time. I can't seem to shake it off my head. When he started confessing to me how much he loves me etc with tears in his eyes, i just pulled away and told him i rather just be friends, i just didn't feel the same, he was good to me but i just didn't feel it. I pretty much blocked all contact with him and moved away etc, i then got back together with my now husband and moved on to another place and just moved on with my life, there is no way of me and this guy getting in touch at all ever unless we somehow bump in to each other some how since the world is so small but unlikely very unlikely to happen and i am extremely okay with it, i just can't seem to forget the nice times we shared and i guess i just miss the flirting and adventure of it all i never loved him, i never wanted to be with him, i just really enjoyed the company.

 

I made him laugh a lot and i guess it feels good to just have someone fall in love with you so genuinely and so simple without even trying at all. I never tried to make him fall in love with me and it just happened and i guess it feels good to have that. I know i broke his heart, but i was honest since day one, never lied about how i felt. Lately, i was thinking a lot about him, i love my husband don't get me wrong, i just feel like its nice to remember the flirting and the good times sometimes. I still feel the same as i did with this guy i met a few years ago though, i am still not interested and wouldn't pursue it further, its just he was so sweet and kind to me always and i guess its good to remember this. I can't believe he waited and even didn't try to have sex with me during those two months, he was so patient so very patient and i guess i am just thankful to him, because it was a special summer and he was a great guy and i hope he finds a good girl for him he does deserve it.

 

My husband and i have been together since high school we broke up before i met this guy and weren't together for a few months, we then got married after the few months when we got back together.

 

I have never been with anybody else but my husband, and i guess i never got to really experience other relationships and didn't need to but this one encounter i can't shake off my head, he was good company and a weird guilty pleasure to have because he loved me for me and i didn't even have to try or change myself in any way or even get in bed with him, it was just special. I don't know why i am thinking of him so much its not like there is anyway of us meeting or anything nor i would want to, so i don't know what this feeling is.

[insert_name]

Poor guy, sounds like he fell for a proper wrong 'un.

[YelloJane]

I was honest with him since the first day we met though, I didn't do anything to lead him on i just really valued our friendship but he just kept wanting and insisting to see it more than just friends. like I said I don't understand why he loved me so much we just shared one kiss after he insisted so much. I told him since day one I want us to be friends no relationship I have only been with one guy all my life and it's my now husband. I just wonder why it always has to be more than that, I guess my post meant to say he fell in love with me and I don't know how or why I never slept with him those entire 2 months all we did was kiss one day. and literally dated for one day because I just didn't see him that way. I just wished him well and didn't want to continue it longer because we were on separate pages and felt it's wrong since he can't see it as just friends and wanted him to find someone else who felt the same as he did.

[Smilecharmer]

You did enough to lead him on. You give women a bad name. I hope you know it is cruel to feed your ego by stringing guys along. Ladies, don't try to be friends with guys that you know like you. It is horribly cruel. You are married now. Just concentrate on your husband and work on feeding your ego from some other place than men's attention.

[Ninjainpajamas]

You need to just be real with yourself and accept that you basically used the guy, and now you're trying to convince yourself and cover it up with all the reasons and excuses so you don't feel responsible, when you really are, you are definitely responsible for your own behavior...which you trying to cover up is making you look like a very pathetic person for trying to hide something very obvious. So least stop the BS.

 

You had a relationship with a man only because you were using him for what he was offering you...you never had any desire to be with him or were romantically interested, you only enjoyed the company and benefits that came with being the apple of his eye, this is the kind of behavior that pisses off the "nice guys", they're trying to treat with you respect and kindness, trying to act like gentlemen and court, you only seek to take advantage of it and throw it back into the sea when you are done with it, and then you're next move is to go right back into the arms of the guy of a failed relationship...wonderful *clap*

 

If you didn't want anything to do with the man, you should have essentially NOT dated him if you wanted to be the good guy and no responsibility, and don't make it sound like you were doing him a favor, if you were really handing out charity you should have done something for him too, been concerned for him from the beginning not just the end where you were more likely unable to take it more than you wanted good for him. You shouldn't have cuddled and held hands and done all of those things and considered that due payment, I'm sorry but you are not that magical...and just because you told him you didn't want anything romantically, the fact is you did show in his eyes progress by being in a relationship with him, which as a woman you should understand how you read into all the wrong things with men, the only reason this guy was so transparent to you was because you had no emotions invested. He eventually wanted sex and more, and you gave him the impression he might get that...he was just simply not trying to rush it whether it be lack of confidence or unsure on whether more pressure would scare you off.

 

And now because you made the stupid decision to go back to your ex who is now your husband, now you are craving the attention and interest from a guy who basically puts on you on a pedestal...because he thinks you are actually someone special and worth it (at the time anyway) but the reality that these guys don't understand is that many women would much sooner put out and be romanced by Mr. Douchebag 5000 with chemistry, with the little facade he does, in the back of a dusty truck rather than a 5 star resort in the Bahamas with Mr. Nice guy whom she feels nothing for, who is basically heart on sleeve transparent type of guy...or maybe they do recognize that, that's why they're so pissed off when they see the "bad guys" that you have chemistry with women end up getting the girl time and time again.

 

But you seem so weak, dependent and selfish...that you will feel torn between the two of these guys because they both have something to offer you...you want the best of both worlds, that'll probably feel like the most ideal emotional satisfaction. You want that validation and attention, you're not satisfied with what you have now because that's not the choice you should have made but did out of again, feelings and hopes and crap like that with the ex..and what you should really do is move on and find yourself first, but you're too chicken to do that...you're too scared to lose what you have, you don't want to be alone and the typical crap.

 

But you can't have it, and you're lucky both of these guys don't know how you really are and feel, and what you're really thinking in your head...enjoy your limbo and feeling torn, convincing yourself you should be satisfied and content in your relationship when you're not....indulging in this fantasy of the past just like you did with your ex, you can't let go and you can't move forward, because you're too afraid to lose what you have and you'd likely much rather go back for something that you know what is than take the brave journey of finding something that is really worth your investment...someone who provides more as a whole package and even just growing up and finding yourself.

 

I already know you're not going to do anything, I know you're type, you're just going to let these thoughts bang around in your head and eventually try to force them out and move on. Be lucky you're not with a guy like me, you'd have been burned and let go of a long time ago, but maybe you need that lesson to understand the other side of how your behavior is affecting other people, by being hurt yourself.