ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 After a great first date, I arranged a second one with her but she mentioned being busy last weekend, but free this one. Our conversation went like this: Me - Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to get something to eat on Saturday? Her - Hey, we don't have to go somewhere to eat, I don't mind just hanging out or something, I'm not really a go for a meal kind of girl haha (Then we arranged time and place) Her - Yeah that's fine, we don't have to do anything big though, I don't mind just hanging out or watching films or anything haha Me - This is when I discover you own a collector's edition of that 300 film isn't it? haha, i'll see you outside of work then (inside joke) Her - Hahaha not quite!! Okay yeah However, the night before we meet, she sends a message at 11pm saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but I can't make it tomorrow, something's come up, can we rearrange for another time? I'm so sorry" Is this her brushing me off or could something have come up? I was going to reply "That's fine. What time next is best for you?" but I'm worried about sounding needy?
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 After a great first date, I arranged a second one with her but she mentioned being busy last weekend, but free this one. Our conversation went like this: Me - Hey, I know we talked about it a little last week but would you still like to get something to eat on Saturday? Her - Hey, we don't have to go somewhere to eat, I don't mind just hanging out or something, I'm not really a go for a meal kind of girl haha (Then we arranged time and place) Her - Yeah that's fine, we don't have to do anything big though, I don't mind just hanging out or watching films or anything haha Me - This is when I discover you own a collector's edition of that 300 film isn't it? haha, i'll see you outside of work then (inside joke) Her - Hahaha not quite!! Okay yeah However, the night before we meet, she sends a message at 11pm saying "Hey, I'm really sorry but I can't make it tomorrow, something's come up, can we rearrange for another time? I'm so sorry" Is this her brushing me off or could something have come up? I was going to reply "That's fine. What time next is best for you?" but I'm worried about sounding needy? There is no sounding needy in rescheduling. Just ask her when she's free, if she gives you a specific time then she's interested, if she says I'll let you know, then chances are her interest is mild. You let it flow and see if she gets back to you, mean while you get busy doing something else. 6
Assasda Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I dont think that is that needy. Now if she reply's with something like "I dont know" and you pressure her for a time. Then that is needy
Clockwork Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 No, that wouldn't sound needy. The ball is in her court though. See what her response is. But seriously man, I beg you, be an adult and talk to the girl. Don't text like a 13 year old. You want to make a good impression don't you? If she's for real, then you step up and call her on the phone. You'd also be able to hear her reactions better and be a lot less confused. Put it this way, if you were talking to her on the phone instead of texting you could tell how serious she sounded. Nothing worse than two people interested in each other texting each other and being scared to death to actually converse with each other. 1
starrynightz45 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I don't think you'd sound needy. Most girls who genuinely weren't interested would respond with an excuse, but wouldn't say "can we reschedule for another time" or something along those lines. She'd just cancel, leave it at that, and hope you get the point. To me it sounds like she's being honest and I think texting her back to ask when she is available/to let you know when she's available is totally fine.
Author ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 Thanks guys. Always prepared that I won't get a reply though, but she has been fairly compliant with responding. If she's been busy at work, sometimes it may take her a couple of hours, but 90% of her replies tend to be very quick. I only really message her to arrange a date or such as we sometimes talk at work, however I have left there on Friday. I do want to leave a large part of the conversations with her when we meet outside of work. If she does say something like "I'll let you know/I don't know" or along those lines, how should I reply? Or do I?
Moonborn Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 If she does say something like "I'll let you know/I don't know" or along those lines, how should I reply? Or do I? I would worry about that after she actually replies, no point in making plans for "what ifs" imo . She could have been genuinely busy, if she didn't want to see you she could have simply not accepted the second date. The rule I have with this kind of thing is that if it happens once, it's fine. If it happens a second time it starts being a problem, and the girl gets a third chance only if I am really interested in her. If it happens a third time, I don't care who you are, we are done.
Author ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 Okay she replied soon after saying "I feel really bad I'm sorry, next weekend ?" I replied "As long as you don't go sending me an "I'm sorry" card in the post, it'll be fine haha. It will have to be a weekday or Sunday as I have plans for next Saturday. Best day for you?" Hopefully it wasn't a bad reply, I wasn't sure whether to send the part about the card, but it was really to tease her because she was saying sorry too much. Told her I'd be busy on Saturday, even though my plans for that day aren't entirely fixed yet, but I don't want to appear to her that I have EVERY Saturday free if you get what I am saying.
starrynightz45 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Okay she replied soon after saying "I feel really bad I'm sorry, next weekend ?" I replied "As long as you don't go sending me an "I'm sorry" card in the post, it'll be fine haha. It will have to be a weekday or Sunday as I have plans for next Saturday. Best day for you?" Hopefully it wasn't a bad reply, I wasn't sure whether to send the part about the card, but it was really to tease her because she was saying sorry too much. Told her I'd be busy on Saturday, even though my plans for that day aren't entirely fixed yet, but I don't want to appear to her that I have EVERY Saturday free if you get what I am saying. Urgh. I'd really err on the side of not playing these games. If she's into you, you're not going to turn her off by being available on a Saturday. You really won't. If anything she'll be glad you're giving her that "prime time." The reality is you can only really come off "needy" or "too available" to a person who doesn't match your level of interest (within reason of course). I mean, I don't think there was anything wrong with your response. It was polite and funny. It's just that - if she's not available on Sunday, that delays things for another week and that isn't too great either. 4
BikerAccnt Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I'd quit playing the not available game. From the sound of her original message, something really did come up. Look at it this way, if she was trying to blow you off, she wouldn't have offered to reschedule, nor would she have suggested the following weekend. She want to see you, you want to see her, so don't muck it up playing games. Set a date and see her. 2
solway86 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 She may have some other thing going on, and it could be varied. Maybe send her a nice polite email or text asking when she's free, that's what I would do, anyway.
Assasda Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 She may have some other thing going on, and it could be varied. Maybe send her a nice polite email or text asking when she's free, that's what I would do, anyway. Naa dont send any nice polite email saying anything. You already got your answer, so now just wait till the day that you set and contact her then. Good job with the sorry joke
Author ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) Unfortunately, I have told her I am busy Saturday but I did sort of have plans in the works for that day anyway and I'm not abandoning my friends for a girl. This is the response I got after the "card" joke, all quite quick replies: Her - I do feel bad though! Umm I'm busy until Friday I think because I'm away and it's results day but I'm off work all week and weekend what works for you? Me - Friday works for me if it does for you? It will have to be half 7 though. Hope you get those results too, clever clogs! Her - I think it might be okay I'll check and let you know? I doubt it, but thank you! Me - Okay, let me know when you figure it out Back to square one again with the "I'll let you know" thing. This is just her way of letting me down isn't it? Well the ball is in her court after my message asking her to let me know and if she doesn't, should I just leave it and not message her until I get one from her? EDIT - Now she replies "I'm sorry for messing you about so much" Edited August 9, 2014 by ramboparrot
Andy_K Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Trust your instincts here. If you'd been dating her 6 months, what do you think the chances of her cancelling at the last minute and being vague about rescheduling would be? Pretty slim I'd think. No reason to expect less respect for your time early on. She's apologising for messing you around because she knows that is exactly what she's doing - messing you around. Either she's on the fence about you or is scheduling in 'better' options.
Art_Critic Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Either she's on the fence about you or is scheduling in 'better' options. Isn't that what he is doing.. my gosh he told her he was busy on Sat even though he wasn't when she tried to re-schedule...he is messing her about. I don't understand it.. she canceled on him and offered to re-schedule then he says he is busy even though he isn't. OP.. if you wanted a date then why didn't you just say Saturday... 1
Author ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) Isn't that what he is doing.. my gosh he told her he was busy on Sat even though he wasn't when she tried to re-schedule...he is messing her about. I don't understand it.. she canceled on him and offered to re-schedule then he says he is busy even though he isn't. OP.. if you wanted a date then why didn't you just say Saturday... I told her I have plans for Saturday, which really aren't entirely fixed yet because they depend on my mates epilepsy condition incase he has a bad fall and he isn't able to make it. Until my friend says otherwise, I'll still have those plans going ahead as I won't bail out on friends unless it's an emergency. I did tell her I'd be free during the week or Sunday though, but she did tell me she's free at the weekend which didn't suggest Saturday in particular, so Sunday could have been fine. I went with Friday though, because she said she's busy "up until Friday". Edited August 9, 2014 by ramboparrot
Moonborn Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Imo you are trying way too hard and overthinking. I have the feeling that you think there are some "right moves" and things you need to say to win her over/keep her interested. It doesn't work that way. There is no magic trick or strategy. There is you and this girl, and if you are into her and she is into you things will just work out.
JungleLover Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I told her I have plans for Saturday, which really aren't entirely fixed yet because they depend on my mates epilepsy condition incase he has a bad fall and he isn't able to make it.". Huh? You mean that your Saturday being open or not depends on if your friend not only has a seizure but also if your friend has a seizure and a fall resulting in injury and subsequently not being able to hang out with you? OP, it may seem like a good idea to say you are not available on a particular day for a date and leave it to the other person's imagination to wonder why just like it may seem like it is a good idea from her perspective to cancel a date and give a vague excuse why but I guarantee it that in both cases, the other person's predominant thought is to wonder if he or she is probably hooking up with someone else on that day. Contrary to a common belief, this works against you and will be viewed as a game. She should have told you why she canceled if she had high interest because she would not want you to think she was flakey. This holds much more weight than offering to reschedule. On the other hand, while rescheduling, I would have mentioned why the Saturday was so not available. It really is not TMI when you are trying to set a relationship to flight. Don't go back and do it now though. 2
Author ramboparrot Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) Huh? You mean that your Saturday being open or not depends on if your friend not only has a seizure but also if your friend has a seizure and a fall resulting in injury and subsequently not being able to hang out with you? OP, it may seem like a good idea to say you are not available on a particular day for a date and leave it to the other person's imagination to wonder why just like it may seem like it is a good idea from her perspective to cancel a date and give a vague excuse why but I guarantee it that in both cases, the other person's predominant thought is to wonder if he or she is probably hooking up with someone else on that day. Contrary to a common belief, this works against you and will be viewed as a game. She should have told you why she canceled if she had high interest because she would not want you to think she was flakey. This holds much more weight than offering to reschedule. On the other hand, while rescheduling, I would have mentioned why the Saturday was so not available. It really is not TMI when you are trying to set a relationship to flight. Don't go back and do it now though. Yeah, his seizures have been quite frequent lately. We were supposed to do something last night but he had one the night before and couldn't make it into work. We had re-arranged it for next Saturday, but those plans could go out the window if it happens again. I wouldn't say "well I have Saturday free now" could I? I suppose that would look like if I had another date, she's second best.. Should it be any of her business though? I mean I am single, surely I could date multiple girls until I am committed? I'll learn from this. Is it worth mentioning in casual conversation that I'm meeting up with a mate at the weekend or is that too late? Because like you said it's "game" and she's probably retaliated by that by saying she'll let me know if she's free come Friday, maybe playing hard to get. I was worried that it looks like I have no life of my own if I ask her out every Saturday. Edited August 9, 2014 by ramboparrot
starrynightz45 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Yeah, his seizures have been quite frequent lately. We were supposed to do something last night but he had one the night before and couldn't make it into work. We had re-arranged it for next Saturday, but those plans could go out the window if it happens again. I wouldn't say "well I have Saturday free now" could I? I suppose that would look like if I had another date, she's second best.. Should it be any of her business though? I mean I am single, surely I could date multiple girls until I am committed? I'll learn from this. Is it worth mentioning in casual conversation that I'm meeting up with a mate at the weekend or is that too late? Because like you said it's "game" and she's probably retaliated by that by saying she'll let me know if she's free come Friday, maybe playing hard to get. I was worried that it looks like I have no life of my own if I ask her out every Saturday. It would have been nice to let her know why you're not free on Sat. Yes due to your response she's probably wondering if you have another days set up. She's also sensing the "game" behavior with saying you can't do Saturday. Her "I'll let you know" is a reaction to that. I'd stop the games and maybe casually mention why Sat didn't work for you.
JungleLover Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Yeah, his seizures have been quite frequent lately. We were supposed to do something last night but he had one the night before and couldn't make it into work. We had re-arranged it for next Saturday, but those plans could go out the window if it happens again. I wouldn't say "well I have Saturday free now" could I? I suppose that would look like if I had another date, she's second best.. Should it be any of her business though? I mean I am single, surely I could date multiple girls until I am committed? I'll learn from this. Is it worth mentioning in casual conversation that I'm meeting up with a mate at the weekend or is that too late? Because like you said it's "game" and she's probably retaliated by that by saying she'll let me know if she's free come Friday, maybe playing hard to get. I was worried that it looks like I have no life of my own if I ask her out every Saturday. What I have learned through dating is that if a woman is interested in you, she wouldn't care about all of your Saturdays are open and will gladly fill them in with herself if she can. There is this false notion out there if that you say you are busy on Saturday or Friday, this will somehow, magically, make you more attractive. Looks, personality, goals, and experiences make you attractive. Have you ever heard a woman say "oh, he was busy every Saturday and it just made me want to screw the hell out of him?" You just don't want to seem needy and clingy. Keep it simple. Before me and my girlfriend became exclusive, I actually reeled her in by simply telling her the truth. I would tell her "I am wide open this weekend." I said it with excitement and and a very inviting manner.This increased my chances of having a date with her since there was no restriction on which day we could go out and it showed that I was really interested in spending time with her. She felt special. Now what if the best day she has open to go on a date is Saturday? Now you are stuck. The whole epileptic friend thing just sounds... weak. I wouldn't tell her this. If your friend is having frequent seizures for one, he is very sick then and is at increased risk for being hospitalized, therefore, he should be avoiding hanging out for now and getting this serious medical issue addressed and under control. If the date you have with him is uncertain because he might have a seizure then it really should not be a date at all because he needs to be controlled well enough to the point he feels confident that he can hang out in public. I won't go too far into this because I have worked extensively with many, many, many epileptics before in the past and if someone would give me this as an excuse for not being able to go on date with me on a particular day, I would lose their number. Don't tell her this. Just let her know you and your friend are hanging out. Saturday is done.
Gaeta Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 .... anyway and I'm not abandoning my friends for a girl. That's good for when you're 12 years old. With this attitude you will remain single. Isn't there a code between men that's it's ok to ditched each other if it's to get with a girl ? You have a girl here with uncertain plans. You have a buddy with uncertain plans. You pick the buddy, really? The man I had a 2nd date with Thursday ditched his buddies and a rock concert to shop at home depot with me. Guess what? You bet he's getting a 3rd date !!!! 1
fred123 Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 That's good for when you're 12 years old. With this attitude you will remain single. Isn't there a code between men that's it's ok to ditched each other if it's to get with a girl ? You have a girl here with uncertain plans. You have a buddy with uncertain plans. You pick the buddy, really? The man I had a 2nd date with Thursday ditched his buddies and a rock concert to shop at home depot with me. Guess what? You bet he's getting a 3rd date !!!! this is either the worst advice ever or ur a diamond. i cancelled my xmas work party etc for a girl once and she didnt appreciate it. its bull**** they see you as a mug or loser and tske advantage of you. il never do that again
JungleLover Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Your boys will be there for and should understand ditching them to hook up with a woman. This have never been an issue throughout my whole life of male friendships. When it comes to a chance of hooking up with a woman of interest it's "hey, fellas I will catch y'all later" and you hear "hit it for me" as you walk towards your car to drive to pick her up. I just can't recall any of us ever giving the guy a hard time for it. 1
Author ramboparrot Posted August 10, 2014 Author Posted August 10, 2014 Valid points, but how should I bring up that I'm seeing a mate on Saturday to her without it sounding forced? One way I was considering it was to wait a few days/end of weekend and mention Friday to her again to see if she's fine with it, then mention that Saturday i'm not available as I'm going to "see a mate from college that i've not seen for a while" instead of mentioning my mates condition, etc.
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