irresolute Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Why we can't let go? We know it's the best thing to do, yet we are stuck. Ask yourself why you can't let them go and you might get surprised I can't let him go because: 1. I miss the excitement I felt with him. 2. I think of me as a failure because I couldn't make him to love me. 3. I imagined so much great things I could do with him, I just don't want to lose my dreams. 4. The truth and the realization he'll never love me hurts a lot and I prefer to numb myself insisting. As he always replied to me, I still had at least his texts. 5. Fear I'll be alone forever. Fear I won't feel excited about anyone again. These are some of my reasons. What are yours? Do this exercise to try to understand why you just can't let them go and free yourself. 1
FortunateSon Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Good question. I feel I am now over my ex, the only feelings I still occasionally have is a sadness for the future we planned together but will never have and also the occasional fear that I will not meet someone again with some of the good qualities she had and that makes me feel like she did. I do not want her back, I now realize what a toxic relationship we had. I even realize that in hindsight she was not a particularly good or stable person. It's amazing what time and NC can do when moving forward :-) 2
me85 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 (edited) Ooooh nice thread. Don't know if it will free me but here goes! 1. I never loved anyone more. 2. He really took care of me because he really cared about me. (yet he abandoned me) 3. He was the only one that ever made me feel safe. (though no one has ever hurt me more...it's so bizarre) 4. We took so many trips together and had so much fun. (also bad times) 5. We had so much in common. 6. The chemistry, the passion...the sex! 7. He knows me & I know him. We know all of each other's secrets. 8. I'm afraid I'll never be able to open up with anyone and get that close to anyone ever again. 9. I still love him. 10. He's still the best friend I ever had. Edited August 8, 2014 by me85 1
bulldogz Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I can't let her go from my mind beacuse: 1. She was so fun to be with 2. She was exciting 3. I loved to be included in her life, experience her past and present, and dream about her future, with me in it! 4. She was sensitive, and committed. 5. She was my "dream-girl" 6. I was never happier in my life, than the five months I was with her 7. Her southern-PA twang was soooo sweet. 8. I felt a connection with her I have never felt with anyone else. 9. She appreciated me (at least for a time), and made me feel very loved, liked, attracted-to, and valued. 10. She was close with her family 11. She wanted to get married (which I did too) 12. Her face was the most beautiful and precious thing in this world, and even in the whole Universe, and just looking at her pretty face in the morning gave me the chills and made me know that there is good in this world, and that only God could create something so beautiful... 13. She liked doing what I liked. 14. I liked doing what she liked. 15. I would do anything for her. 16. She changed me (and for the better). 17. She was smart 18. She was funny 19. She accepted me for who I was (until she didn't), and made time for me in her busy life to me my girl, to love me, and support me. 20. I love her so much, and always will, and will probably think of her on my wedding day, and always, and has been on my mind since July 13th, 2013 (the day I met her for an Italian dinner for our first date). I can't let go of her, because I am a man, and I am supposed to be strong. I am supposed to control my emotions, and defer to the woman. I can't lose my cool. I can't lose my temper, and scare her. I hope one day she can forgive me for yelling and screaming, getting in her face in an argument, and for saying mean things I didn't mean. If only she was "listening" the 900 million times I said the good things which I DID mean. If only she knew it takes me a while to process things, and that I didn't know I needed professional help until it was too late. If only she knew I loved her so much, and that right now I could come back and be the man of her dreams. Oh, Christina, I will never forget you. I will always love you. But, I know I need to move on and move forward in this life; this only life that I was given. Goodbye, 1
Author irresolute Posted August 9, 2014 Author Posted August 9, 2014 Reading all of your reasons makes me feel emotional. There is emotion in your words, in all of you, so much intensity as well. I guess the heart can heal, with time and determination (but...do we really want to forget and let them go?) and it will open again to new emotions and new people in our lives (are we scared of open ourselves again?) "Letting them go is letting happiness in...Because we are no longer attached to a feeling, and we are finally free" 3
supportlove Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Letting him go or not doesn't affect the fact that he's gone. I just need to accept it and live my life. So many things are out of my control. We cannot always get what we want. That's life. At the end of the day, it's always just me and myself. I'm responsible of my happiness. My love to him hasn't dead. I still miss him from time to time. I missed the time that we used to love each other. I missed the time when things were smooth. When I did nothing wrong and he still decided to let me go, at least I have nothing to regret about. I hope he is hunted by his ******* behaviors and chock on his stupid decitions. 4
Bumpin in My Trunk Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 1. I miss the excitement I felt with him. 2. I think of me as a failure because I couldn't make him to love me. 3. I imagined so much great things I could do with him, I just don't want to lose my dreams. 4. The truth and the realization he'll never love me hurts a lot and I prefer to numb myself insisting. As he always replied to me, I still had at least his texts. 5. Fear I'll be alone forever. I can't let her go from my mind beacuse: 1. She was so fun to be with 3. I loved to be included in her life, experience her past and present, and dream about her future, with me in it! 8. I felt a connection with her I have never felt with anyone else. 15. I would do anything for her. 16. She changed me (and for the better). 17. She was smart 18. She was funny #2 hurts the most. And being a man it just makes it more humiliating that I lost her to someone else. 1
Lernaean_Hydra Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Why we can't let go? We know it's the best thing to do, yet we are stuck. Ask yourself why you can't let them go and you might get surprised I can't let him go because: 2. I think of me as a failure because I couldn't make him to love me. 4. The truth and the realization he'll never love me hurts a lot and I prefer to numb myself insisting. As he always replied to me, I still had at least his texts. These are some of my reasons. What are yours? Do this exercise to try to understand why you just can't let them go and free yourself. Oh man, the feels. I think the reasons on your list that I bolded are two of the biggest reasons why people really can't let go whether they are able to admit it to themselves or even realize it or not. 1
Lostdreams Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I can't let go of him because: 1. I love him more than I even realized was possible 2. He was caring, took care of me and always wanted my well-being 3. We trusted each other and shared everything 4. We had awesome chemistry and never tired of each other sexually 5. We made each other laugh 6. He let me be myself and it was enough (until it wasn't anymore) 7. We touched all the time - walking in the street, sitting on a tram. I never felt safer or more cherished. 8. I saw, touched and looked forward to our future life together - he was my forever guy 9. We could be silent and comfortable together 10. We both had the travel bug and shared wonderful trips together 11. His presence in my life made me feel whole and fulfilled 12. I loved waking up next to him 13. Fear that with anyone after him will only be settling for less Writing this made me realize that I'm lucky to have lived this 7 year journey with him I wouldn't be the person I am today without it. Yes it's tough and I miss him to death........ but I know I have experienced true love and this - at this minute in time - I find is really comforting
Iris17 Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 I can't let him go because -He was the best bf I have ever had. -We made each other laugh and I could be myself around him. -He showed me off to everyone I don't understand this exercise, how does it help to free myself? It just makes me miss him more and harder to let go!!!!!!
Summerrose2013 Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 Reading these replies make me realise that my last RS wasn't as good as I thought at the time as I couldn't list half the things you guys have. I did read this really useful thing though in a life coaching book. It tells you to imagine yourself as the other person - imagine you stepping into their body (think that scene in GHOST) and imagine what they are thinking/how they are feeling - I actually found this very effective. It helps you to see things from their Point of view - in my case, I could see that my ex was experiencing panic at how to handle the situation, and I felt like he was pulling down the shutters....easier to walk away from me than deal with the problems we were experiencing. He had spent 3 years on his own - bored maybe, lonely and frustrated - but suddenly he realised that it was the easier way out for him to go back to that than have the 'hassle' of working through problems. Whether he will look back in months or years to come and regret that decision is no longer my concern. These things really helped me to walk away from him and get closure because I felt that he should have wanted to face the problems together as a partnership but that he couldn't even face that hurdle had not boded well for any future life together - which actually he had never discusssed, now I think about it...that was just me...hey ho. 1
SoThatHappened Posted August 11, 2014 Posted August 11, 2014 2. I think of me as a failure because I couldn't make him to love me. I thought that as well. You're definitely not a failure because you couldn't "make" him love you. I realized that whether or not she truly loved me... it doesn't matter anymore. That was a HUGE step for me. I no longer have the emotional and physical pain from losing her. I wasn't a failure, and neither are you. Some things are just out of our control. 5. Fear I'll be alone forever. Fear I won't feel excited about anyone again. No way you'll be alone forever. And I guaran-frickin-tee you'll be excited about someone again.
reddragon588 Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 Instead focus on why you CAN let them go. Rehashing the positives of the relationship is something you'll eventually be able to do without feeling pain or negative emotions, but it needs to be something that comes naturally after you move on. 1
Requiem4Dreams Posted August 12, 2014 Posted August 12, 2014 There is one particular memory that I have, I think it may be the most beautiful memory that any woman has ever given me. I was severely sick, burning up with a delirious fever. I had gotten food poisoning from convenience store food in the little warmed up section since I'm a courier and don't really have time to have an actual lunch. I had called my ex fiance late in the evening as I was trying to sleep and asked her if I should go to the hospital, or call an ambulance. She kept pressuring me to do it, but I'm a bit stubborn and unless I'm literally an inch away from death I kept saying I could handle it. After emptying the entire ocean out of my stomach, my ex walks into my apartment, gets me bundled up and in her car and drives me to the emergency room with her 8 year old son. At this point it's 11:00 at night. She stayed up with me holding my hand all night in the little room they shoved me in, resting her head on my chest, and wiping away my tears (apparently I was in so much pain I was crying). We didn't leave until about 4am. I've never felt such a tender and giving love. Now she acts like a stranger, full of animosity, and this love once reserved for me is now given to another. Strange how things and people change. 1
Timpye Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 This thread isn't helping anyone. Try and look at the positives of a breakup 1. New experiences 2. Come back stronger because of break 3. Greater appreciation In next RS
me85 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 (edited) Reading all of your reasons makes me feel emotional. There is emotion in your words, in all of you, so much intensity as well. I guess the heart can heal, with time and determination (but...do we really want to forget and let them go?) and it will open again to new emotions and new people in our lives (are we scared of open ourselves again?) "Letting them go is letting happiness in...Because we are no longer attached to a feeling, and we are finally free" Oh absolutely. I'm terrified. I've become soo emotionally unavailable but I'm also really happy to be that way. I refuse to ever be hurt by love again. I keep it casual. I don't hang around long enough to feel anything serious. Not whoring around by any means...just treating dates/talking to guys as a pastime, or just as friends even if they flirt and I may flirt back. I'm never serious except when I say I'm serious. (= Edited August 13, 2014 by me85
me85 Posted August 13, 2014 Posted August 13, 2014 Instead focus on why you CAN let them go. Rehashing the positives of the relationship is something you'll eventually be able to do without feeling pain or negative emotions, but it needs to be something that comes naturally after you move on. Hey, I agree. I offered reasons why I could and couldn't let him go. For most every positive I included a negative.
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