The Craziest Love of All

[Team NE]

Newbie here.

 

Just found this site and figured I'd share my story to at least try to get an outside perspective or maybe find closure to what has been the most bizarre episode of my entire life.

 

I'm 39, never married (had opportunities), have a stable career, good family and consider myself a fairly attractive guy who works out and stays in shape. I'm a bit of a charmer, probably due to the nature of my career which resolves around training clients and sales. Talking to people comes naturally and I think I generally have a way of putting individuals at ease and making them feel good if I choose to.

 

So a month ago I was on my last day on a particular dating website. Since January I've been interested in 3-4 women that just didn't work out for a variety of reasons. I had just decided I wanted to give the whole dating thing a rest for a while, regroup and maybe get back after it in the fall. Quite frankly, I was just exhausted from the whole first half of the year and needed a rest. Low and behold, on the last day on the website I got a contact from someone that didn't have a picture but whose profile made me intrigued as it reflected some of the things I typically am attracted to in a woman.

 

So essentially we traded numbers and started texting right away (this was a Friday). Later that day we talked for the first time and the sparks were flying. We talked a lot about politics (which I'm pretty versed in) and although we're of the same mindset, I challenged her a little bit and I think that really drew this person to me. We even talked later that night.

 

Come to find out this woman was super successful, 36, had been divorced for 4 years and had two children (ages 6 and 7). She is self employed and obviously has a lot of money and free time to spend with her kids. She had mentioned the father had completely left 6 months ago and was not a part of her life any longer. None of that mattered though-I was attracted to her toughness, intelligence and strong personality right from the get go.

 

The next night I had to go to a wedding and we were texting during the night before my phone got stolen! She had wanted to me to call her and I told her I would but then my phone got stolen so I was in a bit of a panic-I'm definitely one of those people that believes in following up action when you tell someone you're going to do something. So beings that it was late at night my only option to Facebook find this person which I was able to do and send her a message that way. She is not an avid technically savvy person so she only found out I messaged her a week later (which went over very well in her mind). Even though she didn't know until later that I knew what she looked like, I thought she was a very attractive woman (blonde, thin, beautiful eyes and skin). Essentially my dream girl from a physical perspective. She had of course already seen my pics so I assumed we were good from that level.

 

The following week she was taking her kids on vacation to Chicago for the week and we would talk every night and text with every free second we had. Over the course of about a week and a half we exchanged nearly 2000 text messages! Sometimes when we would talk at night we would get into a disagreement over something trivial (sports, etc). A few times we would go to bed mad but we talked about that and seemingly just viewed it as the ordinary growing pains of two strong willed and opinionated people getting to know each other.

 

We had everything in common especially our love of music. I don't know many people that like old 80s love songs and neither did she but it was really something that helped us bond. When she came back from Chicago a week after we started talking she told me she was falling for me which threw me off a little bit but in a good way!

 

We decided to meet on Tuesday, just a week and a half after we initially started talking. She invited me to her house which is for sale (at a hefty $900,000 price tag). She said it was too much house to maintain right now and had a few offers but nothing that met her criteria yet. When I first pulled into her driveway I could see her through the front door and when we met she was even more beautiful than her pictures. She said she never invites men over to her house because of her kids but that she felt more comfortable around me and with the connection that we have felt it would be alright. I had brought her some flowers and we had agreed over the phone that if it felt right she would take my hand right away. Well I think it felt very comfortable from the beginning-at one point she leaned over the sink and gave me a kiss on the cheek. We had some wine out on her porch (she lives on a lake) and I told her she was the most beautiful woman I've ever seen-after that she held my hand it really started to feel real. I stayed at her house until about 1:30 that night and we did a lot of hugging, kissing etc. Very passionate and very intense. She looked me straight in the eyes and told me that she loved me which threw me off guard a little bit but it did feel so right and so good. Even the next day as these feelings continued, I still had to pinch myself as I thought I'd met the woman of my dreams. Could this really really be happening??

 

We got together at her house again the next night and ordered some pizza and pretty much did the same thing. One negative that I did not like was that she smoked cigarettes and even though I used to do the same, it is just simply not something that I choose to associate myself with. But I get it and why people do it so I essentially overlook it and let this person be who they are. So this next night was just as passionate and just as comfortable but we took this to a whole different level. She had also told me that two years after initial divorce (she claimed the ex was bipolar) she said she got engaged to another guy then broke that off because it wasn't right.

 

I should have seen the red flags ahead of time-just the fact that she was fairly detached from her family (dad died, little contact with mom and siblings) and her best friend was a 24 year old with fake boobs who had just recently filed for divorced after being married for 3 months!

 

The first real indicator that there might be some problems here though was that Wednesday night when she completely lost it on me after she told me she wanted to get married and I suggested we wait a year until after a friend of mine gets married. She later apologized and said she had too much to drink. She simply said that was the dumbest thing ever and that she was NOT going to wait a year to get married and live her life around my friend's life. I guess I could somewhat agree with what she was saying but usually where I come from people get engaged and maybe a year later they get married. I basically left wondering what the hell just happened and she apologized the next morning blaming her getting upset over the wine.

 

We were supposedly in the clear until I talked the next morning and she then got mad again saying I have no filter on my mouth for a joke I made about her having the same name as a soon to be divorced family member of mine. After that, it was awkward because I felt like anything I was going to say was going to set this person off. So I kind of pulled back for a day and she noticed it. She mentioned she was going to a jazz concert in the park that Thursday night with her kids but didn't invite me to go along. I don't know if I would have gone but it hurt my feelings that she didn't ask. We talked about it and once again came to an understanding about our disagreement.

 

So that Friday was awesome-we were planning on going to dinner that night and texted throughout the day about how excited we were to have an adult date. She hired a sitter and I came over and picked her up-ended up being the most amazing single love night in my life. Everything was perfect-we got along so well-this is what true love is about right here. We would always text in the morning and she would reiterate how amazing our nights were and how much she loved me. I look back on those 2000 text messages now and just SMH.

 

We planned on getting together Saturday night at her house to watch Boxing (she was leery and is not that knowledgeable about that sport). Since my satellite was out, she ordered HBO for me and cooked a great dinner. I was very appreciative and relayed that to her throughout the day and night. The kids were acting up and we let them watch the boxing and they calmed down. So everything was great until after the fight was over and I reached to send a Twitter message out regarding the fight. She told me to stop playing on my phone etc. The kids went to bed and she came outside and we talked for a bit. I told her that the next day was my mom's birthday and that I wasn't sure what we were doing. She put the "What did we talk about Thursday night" bit on me before I even told her that I didn't think we were doing anything to celebrate! Apparently she was ready to meet my family but my not inviting her completely set her off. She started in on me and I got up and just left.

 

About midnight that night I got a text from her saying I was too crazy for her and her kids and she wished me good luck. I didn't respond until I had some time to think on this later that Sunday morning. I thought about it and the conclusion was that I had done nothing wrong. This woman basically became Mrs Hyde when she had too much to drink and she wasn't going to put her shortcomings on me. So I responded via text and let know that's how I felt. She responded with some of the vilest and nastiest text messages that any human being could ever write. She said I was way beneath her and that everyone on earth could know that-then she even said she wasn't physically attracted to me. I guess looking back I view some of that as pure garbage-someone trying to push my buttons and see what sticks. So we got into an ugly texting war of words with her eventually telling me not to contact her anymore. That was 2 weeks ago and I still wonder what the hell happened. How could something so good, turn so bad so fast? I'm more confused than hurt and I know I'm not the one that would need to respond back to her because she said the worst things from that. Part of me says I would gladly want this to work because when it was good it was oh so good. The other part says this is a bad person who seems very normal on the surface. I did some study on psychopathic individuals and she fits the textbook definition of someone that latches on to a victim and dumps them just as fast.

 

I kept all of our messages and reading them the other night just makes me so damn confused.

 

Anyone ever have something similar happen? How can you tell someone you love them one minute and the next you're telling them they are completely out of your league? I'm not a charity case-and even if I ever thought I was better than someone else, I'd NEVER say anything that disgusting. Anyways, it's been a crazy month-I haven't really felt too emotionally broken but I do think of this person a lot, mainly thinking what could have been. I started talking to someone new yesterday and it just isn't the same. Truth is, I may never find another love like the one I had recently and that saddens me.

[Team NE]

And just a couple more things. I did NOT sleep with this person. We talked about it and she was not on the pill so we were just not in this for sex.

 

She also told me I was abusive, narcissistic and a jerk and that she should have stopped talking to me after the first night we talked. I know she told her circle of friends about me because we talked about it. People can say what they want but when you look in someone's eyes you know if they're gone in love or not. There's no question this woman was something for me...I just don't know what it was.

[smackie9]

She said her ex husband was the nut job.....she is a compulsive liar, she's the bloody nut job.

 

 

You will run into those who come off as a dream, but it's all a fasaud.

 

Remember those red flags next time....if it doesn't feel right, then it's not. Just run!

[Team NE]

It felt right when it was good-I actually like the intensity and passion. You'd never know this person was this crazy because they project such a normal and fascinating outward appearance. I mean, successful, physical appearance and stylistic. And then they want to tell you that you're the crazy one.

 

She also wanted me to pull her hair REALLY hard when we would make out. I think maybe some people like that but to me I definitely sense this person has some serious anger issues inside that manifest themselves poorly.

 

I just don't see how someone like this ever finds someone that's going to put up with that garbage.

[leavesonautumn]

Get out now. Delete all of her messages, delete her from your entire life.

 

Run! And never look back.

 

If she was like that so soon, it's a pretty good indicator to how the entire relationship will work. She's manipulative and it sounds like she has a disorder (I'm not a professional, it's just an observation).

 

You haven't gotten that far into it yet. This is the point that is the easiest to never contact her again.

 

My ex told me he loved me after a week and sent me an email describing all of his lovely issues stemming from childhood. Biggest red flag ever and I didn't even pay attention. I'd even bet that you're entire relationship would be on/off for years until you are so emotionally exhausted you won't be able to put yourself together.

 

That's not love.

[Dork Vader]

Well it appears she was the cause of her divorce.

 

If a person was the cause of their divorce they are rarely going to admit it. She sounds like a pathological liar. That means she believes her own lies. It also sounds like she justifies everything. I've dated people who justify everything. Let's say they are feeling insecure about the relationship because they are doing things they should not. That is the cause of their insecurity but they'll justify that insecurity by blaming you for it.

 

The woman needs mental help badly. She justified her split with you by looking at all the negatives in you. Never asking herself what did I do wrong..

[Team NE]

It's easier said than done when the times it was right, it was so good and totally incredible. How could we have such a great dinner one night, enjoying each other so much and then have it all fall apart? I am not a pushover and if she ever did contact me again, I would probably forgive (not get back together) because that's the kind of person I am.

 

She told her friends one of the main reasons she like me is because I didn't kiss her ass. Maybe part of her intrigue to me is just finding out what actually does go on in her head. It's tough because when someone showers you with that much attention and affection-how do you just turn that off? I guess part of me thinks that inside that bad person there's a good person...

[JungleLover]

I once dated a woman similar to this and allowed her to move in briefly with me. It was the best sex I ever had and one of the scariest periods of my life. I was very concerned that something really bad might happen before she had a chance to move out when I kicked her out.

 

Your ex may not only just have been just plain crazy but she may have also been releasing her anger from her recent divorce out onto you. It takes a while to recover from a divorce and judging from the price tag on that cottage of hers, I am sure it was a nasty one.

[Team NE]

Divorce was 4 years ago. She told me that her ex was bi polar and once threatened to cut her head off.

 

I did some internet research on background and everything she said was the truth. She's trying to sell that house but told me that once I came around she was reconsidering it. Talked a lot about how she was sad her son didn't have a male figure in his life right now. The kids were spoiled rotten but she told me she had been reading some books on these subjects regarding her kids. Specifically said in her online profile that she was not into "serial dating." And I don't think she is-maybe she is truly the one that's bipolar because she would be fine one minute and psychotic the next.

 

There were just weird things that didn't add up sometimes. She would go to the bathroom in her house and smoke cigarettes (and tell me that's what she was going to do). Just struck me as odd.

[Sunfire73]

If she tells you she loves you early, that's a red flag. It's a case of love that just crashed and burn. True love takes time to develop, yes there is initial chemistry, and physical attraction, but at the same time you have to truly get to know the person before a relationship develops. In this getting to know stage, it has to happen not just through words, but through actions more importantly. She is a nut case, manipulative and played your emotions. I'm glad you used a little bit of your head, before submitting to her wants. Also sometimes, yes, if there is chemistry, that doesn't mean anything. It's just that, chemistry, it's not going to last. So you can all be happy and inlove and enjoy each other's company because of your hormones, but once you realize there's something weird or wrong with her actions, it can completely be the opposite.

[JungleLover]

The common misconception is that people who have violent mood swings must have bipolar disorder. It is a overly diagnosed condition, in my opinion. She may just be a nasty person or a substance abuse problem. She may even have some elements of borderline personality disorder. Who knows. What I do know is that you should stay away from her.

 

I don't know if I would delete her text. You need evidence that she is a crazy, especially if she shows up at your front door with a severed coyote's head and stilettos.

[Team NE]

I did keep the messages, partly for making sure I was covered in case she accused me of something (like she called me abusive wtf is that about).

 

I have no doubt that some of her issues are aggravated by alcohol. She drinks wine, and a lot of it at a time. I told her I thought she needed help with her drinking and that's when she really lost it getting nasty with the "I'm so far out of your league" stuff.

 

Just never had an experience with someone that I truly believe is bat**** crazy.

 

In Vino Veritas.

[Minnie09]

So, how does she make all that money?

Anyhow. You seem to be fascinated, because she's different, and because there have been a lot of emotions that are intense. Also, there hasn't been any sex yet, so that keeps you guessing and wanting more.

 

It seems like she's the one with the issues, and maybe her ex was bipolar, but for some reasons I believe her ex was not that much different from her, as far as mental health is concerned. She seems to be addicted to attention, which she gets by being "different" and aggressive. Her intensity is fueled by the alcohol. That makes for an interesting, explosive, but exhausting relationship. I don't know. If you're not prepared to give into her every whim, then I don't think you'll be the right guy for her. How have your previous relationships treated you?

[Team NE]

Owned a collections company and sold it. Also flipped houses and made a lot of money from those endeavors. Now does some interior design and has some rental type businesses. Plus her ex is supposed to be paying child support. She said most of her house is already paid off.

 

Sure fascination is a good word. Aside from the problems, pretty much everything I'd want in a woman. We talked about doing things like going to games, getting away for a weekend at a hotel with just room service. The possibilities were so great and the future was everything I dreamed of.

 

I do tend to get bored with the average person. She is pretty smart relatively speaking. Paid me a lot of attention and I definitely liked it. It wasn't about status or money though. I'm smart enough to understand that all of that can go away instantly and then you just have two people...

[JungleLover]

You fell in love with possibilities. There wasn't much else to love here.

[Team NE]

I think that's very accurate. That's exactly the words I was looking for thank you.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

This is very interesting! If only we could hear her version!

[Mrin]

Wait. Wut?!? Holycrap Batman! That's some serious cray-cray.

 

The most cray-cray I've dealt with recently was a school principal. First date was great. Second date was great - until the booze kicked in. Then she went from super sweet to meaner than snot. Like honey badger mean. At dinner. In a nice restaurant. Really loudly.

[ExpatInItaly]

She's a loose canon. It's not a crazy kind of love. It's just plain crazy. She isn't stable. Cut her off and move on.

[Team NE]

Her version lol. Would probably say I beat her and was verbally abusive.

 

Said she never associates with people like me. EVER.

 

Of course she tells me that after saying I'm her fairy tale. That she is madly in love with me. That she wants to marry me. Have a baby together.

 

Extremely hyper sensitive. Everything you say can be interpreted as an insensitive attack. And I am not a mean spirited or nasty person.

 

I bet you all would love to see a pic of this sweet angel??

[ExpatInItaly]

Her version lol. Would probably say I beat her and was verbally abusive.

 

Said she never associates with people like me. EVER.

 

Of course she tells me that after saying I'm her fairy tale. That she is madly in love with me. That she wants to marry me. Have a baby together.

 

Extremely hyper sensitive. Everything you say can be interpreted as an insensitive attack. And I am not a mean spirited or nasty person.

 

I bet you all would love to see a pic of this sweet angel??

 

Not particularly. That serves no purpose.

 

She sounds like she could have some type of personality disorder, to be honest. That type of explosive temper accompanied by accusations that you are always the abusive bad guy indicated a more serious emotional/mental issue. Stay the hell away from her or it will get much worse for you.

[smackie9]

It felt right when it was good-I actually like the intensity and passion. You'd never know this person was this crazy because they project such a normal and fascinating outward appearance. I mean, successful, physical appearance and stylistic. And then they want to tell you that you're the crazy one.

 

She also wanted me to pull her hair REALLY hard when we would make out. I think maybe some people like that but to me I definitely sense this person has some serious anger issues inside that manifest themselves poorly.

 

I just don't see how someone like this ever finds someone that's going to put up with that garbage.

 

She came on fast and hard.....ya got to wonder what is up with them.

 

If it's too good to be true then it is!

[smackie9]

Not particularly. That serves no purpose.

 

She sounds like she could have some type of personality disorder, to be honest. That type of explosive temper accompanied by accusations that you are always the abusive bad guy indicated a more serious emotional/mental issue. Stay the hell away from her or it will get much worse for you.

 

 

Hmmmmm you mean bi-polar? lol

[Team NE]

No question. Either malignant narcissism, BPD or some form of psychosis.

 

I dunno, she told me she caught her kids (boy is 7 and girl is 6) together showing off their private parts to each other a little while back. Rightfully she was a little concerned. So why in the hell is there a picture of them up taking a bath together? I dunno maybe some people consider that normal behavior. Isn't where I come from when your kids are that age.

[JungleLover]

Read up on borderline personality disorder.