Malena86 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hi there! I am a bit confused with what’s going on here right now. The thing is that I am an European girl, living in the UK, and a couple of months ago I met an American guy while on holidays in Bangkok. It was love at first sight, we basically met in the middle of the street, started talking and we ended up booking a hotel for the 2 of us. It was amazing. A couple of days later I took my flight back to London, and he added me on facebook. He started writing me every day, even when he was still in Thailand, and then we switched to whatsapp. Every day we were writing each other more and more, until the point of being all day, constantly writing. We connect too well, we are both quite intellectual “geeky” individuals, so apart from flirting, sending pics to each other (never nude or sexual stuff, he is VERY respectful, and that’s another thing I like about him) we talk about current affairs, history, life in general... we both coincide that we are very similar and it’s a pity we are not together in the same city. Then we started talk on Skype, and we wants to talk every day, so every day after work he goes home and calls me and we talk for hours Well, to make it short, he cannot take much holidays this year, so we decided I was going to visit him to the US. I am going for a couple of weeks travelling around different cities with him, and then staying in his house (he lives on his own, he owns his own flat) for a week. He will introduce me his friends, which he has told that “I am the greatest” haha. He constantly talks about me moving there, because anyway I live in a different country from where I’m from, but there’s the problem with the visa restrictions...I have been researching and the only way is a Fiancee visa. Basically, he needs to “sponsor” me as a boyfriend and then I would move there and we would have to get married so I have residence and work permit. We haven’t talked about this yet, I thinks it’s crazy to marry someone you haven’t spent time with, but on the other hand it’s the only way we could be together So guys...I know it’s too soon and until I don’t get there and spend time with him it will be too early to make assumptions..but given that I am almost sure that we will fall more deeply... what do you think he will do? He haven’t even talked about what we are, but it’s obvious we are more than friends... I am just too scared of investing all this time for then nothing to happen... he is just 26 years old, I'm 3 years older than him, so sometimes I think he is too young for this commintment, althought he is much more mature than a nromal 26 year old guy in general
TMichaels Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 You're a citizen of what country? Best, TMichaels
FitChick Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Instead of marrying, you might be able to stay for a limited time on a student visa.
Thecelt Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 The best thing to do is go over there on a holiday visa,you can probably get 6-8 weeks and see how you both get on,then let him come visit you. Getting engaged is too rushed,by all means though once you come visit each other a few times have a plan on where its going as this is how LDR can fail as I have found out to my cost! Good luck
ASG Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 The best thing to do is go over there on a holiday visa,you can probably get 6-8 weeks and see how you both get on,then let him come visit you. Getting engaged is too rushed,by all means though once you come visit each other a few times have a plan on where its going as this is how LDR can fail as I have found out to my cost! Good luck Most European nationals only need an ESTA visa (you apply online and it's valid for 2 years) and you can spend up to 3 months at a time in the US. As long as you have flights booked both ways, it's fine. I think that is what you need to do for the time being. Spend some time together before you start thinking about moving. Not to mention that being European and living in the UK is one thing... but being European and living in the US is quite another. I am the same. I am from mainland Europe and like in the UK. My decision to move here was simple and easy. Moving to the US would require a lot more thought.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Don't even think about marriage and bureaucracy until you've actually spent time with him. Go on holiday. Maybe he can visit you in the UK, too. Why the rush to think about moving permanently to the US? Has he mentioned the finacee visa too? It seems very premature as you haven't yet established that you're in a relationship. You also need to take steps in familiarizing yourself with American culture. You might get there and really dislike it. Or you might find he's not as wonderful as you initially thought. There's absolutely no need to to be fretting about marrying yet. And immigration authorities are very likely to investigate anyway. They want to be sure it's not a marriage of convenience. Give them something to go with, a relationship history. Slow down and take a breath. Don't put the horse before the cart, as they say. 2
justwhoiam Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 (edited) Most European nationals only need an ESTA visa (you apply online and it's valid for 2 years) and you can spend up to 3 months at a time in the US. As long as you have flights booked both ways, it's fine. I think that is what you need to do for the time being. Spend some time together before you start thinking about moving. ^^^^ This. By the way, is this relationship on an 'only flirting' level? Nothing else happened? No kissing, no making out, nothing? I suggest you forget the fiancée visa right now. You would waste time, money, energy and a chance to be with him. And it would cause lots of pain and hassle at this stage. First, you only met him for 2 days. Do you really think they will approve a visa like that? They will want proofs, pictures of you together, proof of meetings in the past two years, etc. There's almost no chance they would issue a visa for you right now. Let a year go by, with 2 or 3 visits at least (+ the first meeting). Keep receipts, tickets, pictures, and anything that will show you are together and spending time with each other in person. Only then you should apply for a fiancée visa. And after that, if you obtain the visa, you'll be able to enter the USA only once with it, and during that stay you must marry him in the first 90 days of your stay. Good luck. P.S. Make sure it's not just a fling, or just good companionship. You also need great sexual chemistry and strong attraction. P.P.S. There's a contradiction in what you claim in your opening post (aka love at first sight vs. VERY respectful). Edited August 9, 2014 by justwhoiam
Author Malena86 Posted August 10, 2014 Author Posted August 10, 2014 Hi guys, yeah I think you are right. Well, it's not just a "fling" I guess. We were sleeping together in Bangkok and everything, and we talk everyday by texts and Skype for hours. We really connect and both have expressed te desire of being together. I think I will have to wait for a couple of weeks to go o the US and spend time with him. He is already looking at flights to visit me to London and we are planning holdays together around Europe as well. Crazy huh? So I will be updating you guys about how pur "relationship" advances! Yes, I can go with an ESTA visa for 3 months, but I cannot ask for more than 2 weeks holiday so we won't really have time to spend together. But I think qhen it's the one, you really know Thanks for your answers, I really appreciate.
OnlyHonesty Posted August 10, 2014 Posted August 10, 2014 Why are people in such a hurry? This sounded like lust at first sight and you are still within the 'Honey Moon' period. I suggest you wait until that period settles before you make any decisions. The problem is that when something burns so bright so prematurely, it is at risk of burning out. Talking every single day is a bad idea if you are planning on having something of a real LTR.
Author Malena86 Posted August 19, 2014 Author Posted August 19, 2014 Thanks for your answers! Well, is not being in a hurry...it's more that I don't wanna waste my time and my feelings investing time in a relationship that is not gonna work due to external factors (visa restrictions) I think it's a good idea to talk wuite often on skype so ge wet to know each other quite well for when I fly there in a week (I'm so excited!) News from last week is that he has prepared an amazing trip for me. He has booked the best hotels in New York and Philadelphia, where I will meet his friends. and then I will spend a week at his flat in DC and he will have to work a couple of days, so he says that his girlfriedns will take me shopping, for brunch It is funny because yesterday I bought him a present (a book, because we both love books) and he told me that he had bought me a present too And I hadn't told him about the present before! Also, even if we haven't never defined out relationship, suddenly he told me that (which I don't really know how to interpretate) "Don't take this too seriously, but since I met you, I don't wanna sleep or be with anyone else than you". I didn't know what to say because I don't wanna have THIS conversation yet...so I just smiled lol
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