aemm Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hello, so I was currently seeing this man. He just got out of an 8 year relationship 6 months ago. Things were going well between us but he would only invite me over to watch tv. He would keep trying to have sex with me but I made it clear from the start I only sleep with guys when I'm in a relationship with them. One night he asked me why I had so many emotions behind sex and I told him I had been hurt before. He then ended it telling me I was ready and he was going to hurt me. He said his ex used to not have sex with him and he couldn't go through it again. He said he didn't want to hurt me. Was he only looking for sex or did he actually care about my well being?
Gaeta Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He only wants sex. Let me save you some time here. Stay away from men recently out of a relationship. They are NOT relationship material. 6
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He wanted sex more than anything. He wasn't the one for you. He explained what he was looking for so I am not going to classify him as a total jerk but his priorities were very different from yours. 2
Zahara Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hello, so I was currently seeing this man. He just got out of an 8 year relationship 6 months ago. Things were going well between us but he would only invite me over to watch tv. He would keep trying to have sex with me but I made it clear from the start I only sleep with guys when I'm in a relationship with them. One night he asked me why I had so many emotions behind sex and I told him I had been hurt before. He then ended it telling me I was ready and he was going to hurt me. He said his ex used to not have sex with him and he couldn't go through it again. He said he didn't want to hurt me. Was he only looking for sex or did he actually care about my well being? Yes, he was looking for sex. Since you cannot deliver, he's cutting his losses and moving on. 1
PerfectStorm Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He definitely only wants sex. If a man keeps you in his life like this but isn't taking you out on dates...he just wants to sleep with you. That. Is. It.
stillafool Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Definitely break up or break it off because this guy only wants to get laid.
Author aemm Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 He wanted sex more than anything. He wasn't the one for you. He explained what he was looking for so I am not going to classify him as a total jerk but his priorities were very different from yours. Yeah, I guess I shouldn't call him a jerk. It just hurt because he told me I was the girl for him and asked me to open up. He then ended it and it just felt like he wanted sex more than me.
d0nnivain Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 You wanted to stay closed more then you wanted to keep him so . . . .
longjohn Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He's 6 months out of a long term relationship, I think he's telling you what he thinks you want to hear in order to get some sex. It's sad, hurtful but all too true.
Zahara Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yeah, I guess I shouldn't call him a jerk. It just hurt because he told me I was the girl for him and asked me to open up. He then ended it and it just felt like he wanted sex more than me. People say all sorts of things 1) in the moment 2) when they know what you want to hear 3) when they want something. It's good that he was upfront in the end because he could have easily kept up a facade until you succumbed. You would have felt even worse.
Priv Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I disagree. Six months is a long time not to have sex with someone you like. I don't think I would stick around either because things would not be progressing, and believe me, sex is not all I want or need out of a relationhip. Luckily, I never had to wait 6 months. The same way you don´t want sex with him because you were hurt before after you had sex is the same general feeling with him for his ex withholding sex which hurt him. He probably likens that to you withholding sex as well. Not saying you should sleep with him now though. Just that I understand his viewpoint as well as yours. This wasn´t meant to be. 1
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Here's a tip....if a guy IS NOT willing to take you out on proper dates, and forces the issue about having sex, he isn't looking for a relationship. Tho he was straight forward about it, later, it's the way he broached the subject. He could of just told you he wasn't looking for something serious without pulling in this crap about his ex not having sex with him. I wouldn't say he's a jerk, but is a bit damaged.
Zahara Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I disagree. Six months is a long time not to have sex with someone you like. I don't think I would stick around either because things would not be progressing, and believe me, sex is not all I want or need out of a relationhip. Luckily, I never had to wait 6 months. The same way you don´t want sex with him because you were hurt before after you had sex is the same general feeling with him for his ex withholding sex which hurt him. He probably likens that to you withholding sex as well. Not saying you should sleep with him now though. Just that I understand his viewpoint as well as yours. This wasn´t meant to be. I think OP was upfront with the guy about her boundaries in that she is not having sex until there is commitment and exclusivity -- being that a "relationship" is her definition. Good for her. And if he's going to compare a gf witholding sex versus courtship with a woman that has boundaries, then he should shed the chip off his shoulder first before he dates. Plus, if courtship to him means having her over to watch TV and push for sex, it's good that OP hasn't succumbed. I think he ended the relationship with his ex 6 months ago but I'm not sure that OP has been dating him for that long.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I would say he tried to dupe ya by being all sweet about being the girl for him, blah blah blah, but it didn't work, so he figured it out that you weren't going to shell out after all and that you were wasting his time. So jerkish is a possibility......
Eivuwan Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I disagree. Six months is a long time not to have sex with someone you like. I don't think I would stick around either because things would not be progressing, and believe me, sex is not all I want or need out of a relationhip. Luckily, I never had to wait 6 months. It wasn't that she was with him for 6 months. It has been 6 months since his 8 year relationship.
Priv Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I think OP was upfront with the guy about her boundaries in that she is not having sex until there is commitment and exclusivity -- being that a "relationship" is her definition. Good for her. And if he's going to compare a gf witholding sex versus courtship with a woman that has boundaries, then he should shed the chip off his shoulder first before he dates. Plus, if courtship to him means having her over to watch TV and push for sex, it's good that OP hasn't succumbed. I think he ended the relationship with his ex 6 months ago but I'm not sure that OP has been dating him for that long. Don't get me wrong. I agree. If it is just watching TV, him just being out of a long RS, and no attempts by him (and/or her) to evolve anything which she needs before sex (and so do I), it is good this happened. And said so twice in my previous post. All I was commenting on was that 6 months no sex would be too long for me too I think. But 6 months is how I read their 'relationship'. If it wasn't that, than just disregard my post totally.
Author aemm Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Don't get me wrong. I agree. If it is just watching TV, him just being out of a long RS, and no attempts by him (and/or her) to evolve anything which she needs before sex (and so do I), it is good this happened. And said so twice in my previous post. All I was commenting on was that 6 months no sex would be too long for me too I think. But 6 months is how I read their 'relationship'. If it wasn't that, than just disregard my post totally. Hi, we only talked for 2 months. The first month was just online and then we hung out. He went away for a week during the second month. He told me he wanted to make me dinner but all he would do is try to have sex with me. When I said it was too soon he got all moody.
preraph Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 This is no loss. He just wanted sex. He wasn't even trying to win you or there would have been more to it than just him continuing to try to have sex with you.
smackie9 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hi, we only talked for 2 months. The first month was just online and then we hung out. He went away for a week during the second month. He told me he wanted to make me dinner but all he would do is try to have sex with me. When I said it was too soon he got all moody. Then jerk it is! 1
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