Lovemeagain Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I saw my ex for the first time in 4 months and he avoided me like the plague. I asked him why and he said that it was easier for him to not be around me. He said that he missed me and that he still loved me but that he wasn't in love with me and needed some time for himself. He said that when he is happy with himself then he will work on us. He said that he is taking one thing at a time and he will not know when that will be exactly. He said that he will call me when he can because he is getting a new job and that he just needs me to be patient. I've been trying not to call and break no contact so that I can give him space. Am I just being ridiculous? Is he completely over me? I don't want that. I still love him but I am beginning to feel really betrayed. I feel like even if he needs time and everything, I still shouldn't be treated poorly.
PegNosePete Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 How can you feel betrayed? He is your ex, right? He can do what he likes...? You should not wait around for him to be "ready". That may never happen. Even if it does there is no guarantee he will want to take you back again. You should move on.
hea Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He loves you but hes not in love with you. Yet once hes happy with himself he will work on you as a couple? But I thought he wasn't IN love with you? How can he change his feelings so easily when HE wants to work on it? Seems like this guy is doing what he wants to do, seeing if there is anything better, and then is leaving you hanging for when he realises there isn't. selfish pig. Date other guys, when someone else appears he will be forgotten about.
mav3rik Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Stopping him wouldn't change anything. Give him the time that he is asking for but do not wait for him. I mean, don't close your doors to others. I have gone thru this and I ended up with a different girl. (which was stupid and selfish of me). I did regret how I treated her, though, and it took me 2 years to apologize to her for my selfishness.
vichyfresh Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 How long were you two together? Less than a year? More than a year? 3+ years?
Survivor12 Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I saw my ex for the first time in 4 months and he avoided me like the plague. I asked him why and he said that it was easier for him to not be around me. He said that he missed me and that he still loved me but that he wasn't in love with me and needed some time for himself. He said that when he is happy with himself then he will work on us. He said that he is taking one thing at a time and he will not know when that will be exactly. He said that he will call me when he can because he is getting a new job and that he just needs me to be patient. I've been trying not to call and break no contact so that I can give him space. Am I just being ridiculous? Is he completely over me? I don't want that. I still love him but I am beginning to feel really betrayed. I feel like even if he needs time and everything, I still shouldn't be treated poorly. If he knows that he isn't in love with you now, how & why would he want to work on your relationship at some undetermined time in the future? Simple--he doesn't! He just wants you to go away so he's saying what he thinks will make that happen. He tried to avoid you, but you wouldn't take the hint. For whatever reason (he isn't comfortable with confrontation, he doesn't want to hurt your feelings, or he is trying to minimize drama), he is reluctant to just say, "Leave me alone!" so he's hoping that eventually you'll lose interest. He isn't treating you poorly. in fact, he's trying to let you down gently. If you continue to pursue him, however, it is very likely that HIS patience will run out & he won't be at all concerned about sparing your feelings. Just because you don't want it to be over doesn't mean that he agrees. He is an ex--at this point, the best thing you can do is to accept that. Grieve the loss but don't continue to torture yourself with unfounded hope. Stay away from him & stop trying to change his mind. You can't make someone love you if they don't, but you can make them dislike you. Is that what you want?
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