Lesa Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 (edited) I had an online affair a few years ago. It has (for the most part) ended. Every once in a while I get the urge to contact him. I'm feeling that way right now but so far I haven't done anything. If anyone has had an online affair and gets urges to speak to your affair partner what do you do to control them? Helpful suggestions wanted. Edited August 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Conformance with guidelines
PegNosePete Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Tell your partner. That should shut down any urges to contact your AP pretty quickly. You're welcome 2
Author Lesa Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Tell your partner. That should shut down any urges to contact your AP pretty quickly. You're welcome No it wouldn't. Disclosure doesn't stop urges.
PegNosePete Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 (edited) Of course it does. Disclosure would have one of 2 effects: 1) He leaves you, and you're free to carry on with the other guy 2) He doesn't leave you but insists you never contact OM again... with time the urge will diminish Either way it's win-win. Edited August 8, 2014 by PegNosePete 1
carhill Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Focus on other things in life, including other relationships (not necessarily romantic). Accept that every action is a choice and that one will have emotions, both attached to life circumstances and actions. Any singular emotion, like 'missing' a former affair partner, is valid but it doesn't have to result in only one action, like contact. There are many choices and resultant actions available. Each person has complete power over that process. If 'stuck', seek psychological help. Professionals have effective tools which one can avail themselves of to process the dynamic differently. Seek to deepen intimacy in one's current relationship, if involved romantically. More focus on and bonding with one's current partner dissolves thoughts and memories of past partners, in general. Finish business, whether that is with the person directly or within oneself regarding the person. Unfinished business can linger, causing future thoughts and emotions, deterring healing and moving on. fOM and fMM's .02. Good luck! 1
Author Lesa Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Focus on other things in life, including other relationships (not necessarily romantic). Accept that every action is a choice and that one will have emotions, both attached to life circumstances and actions. Any singular emotion, like 'missing' a former affair partner, is valid but it doesn't have to result in only one action, like contact. There are many choices and resultant actions available. Each person has complete power over that process. If 'stuck', seek psychological help. Professionals have effective tools which one can avail themselves of to process the dynamic differently. Seek to deepen intimacy in one's current relationship, if involved romantically. More focus on and bonding with one's current partner dissolves thoughts and memories of past partners, in general. Finish business, whether that is with the person directly or within oneself regarding the person. Unfinished business can linger, causing future thoughts and emotions, deterring healing and moving on. fOM and fMM's .02. Good luck! Thank you Carhill! I've been doing a lot of what you suggest. I'm focusing on my husband, pets, mom and becoming the best housewife I can possible be. Everyday I wake up and write my To Do list and it's pretty long. I did finish business with the affair partner who doesn't even want me to contact him. No good will come of me contacting this man at this point it almost feels like self-abuse. The online affair gave me a rush. Everything was based in fantasy. I'm trying to create a more substantial reality for myself which I hope takes place of that rush.
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