She finally admits to loving me

[TigerLilly78]

I am also struck by the lack of romance in the hearts of many women. So much for true love or any of that. I guess it is all about age and meeting expectations for some people. That idea of unlikely love is just too much to stomach, eh? Hearts and souls be damned. This doesn't fit my mold?

 

 

I think your taking alot of what some posters say the wrong way its a shaky relationship at best and at worst a toxic one as basically love is being bartered for cash? Surely you can see were some might think that a unhealthy situation?

 

Especially when you OP have fallen pretty much head over heels for this young lady. People are concerned for you that's all I don't think anyone's trying to be a intentional buzz kill.

 

That said if you are truly happy with this situation and are prepared for the possible fall out then fine as ive said before its your life OP maybe it will end off well I def hope so..

[anne1707]

Robert

 

Your relationship is not of a nature that would appeal to me. There are aspects of it I would be uncomfortable with. However it is a relationship that works for you at this stage in your life and you seem to be in it with your eyes wide open. I hope it continues like this for you in the future and that those who do not understand just let go of the nasty attacking comments (that are also off-topic). Though I do find it ironic that some of those here criticising you for how you handle relationships have done things in their relationship(s) that are not always "healthy" but refuse to see that.

[ThaWholigan]

I do feel for you Robert. I wasn't too impressed with some of your comments about women your own age, but I understand that a lot of that isn't true hatred and just pent up anger from your marriage.

 

I'll be honest, I agree with the others that its not the healthiest situation in the world, but most of us do not mean it in a way so as to attack you. It is concern that if/when it ends, it won't end well and I know I certainly hope there if it does then you can look forward positively.

 

I won't be drawn on the anti-prostitution because, quite frankly, this girl appears to be of the "chose to be an escort" variety and not from a position of weakness - whether she's an outlier or not.

[Robert Z]

Every woman who marries rich and cashes out in the divorce does the same thing. And most of those women are not as young, attractive, and honest as Robert's current GF. In fact, $4k/mo is cheaper than many divorces end up costing men. I think that is what has overweight middle aged women so terrified.

 

 

This is precisely why my sister is so bothered by it. She said so directly. She specifically dour other sister and asked, if men like me are chasing young women like my sb, who is our sister supposed to marry?

 

 

People probably think I speak out of personal anger from being hurt, but most of it is based on observations and experience.

[Robert Z]

I would like to know what I have said about women that is so horrible. I have always tried to be sure to include qualifiers that made clear that I don't mean all women.

 

People are people. There are horrible men out there and horrible women out there. It isn't a slam to the entire sex to talk about the bad ones from either sex. And no one should be attacked for talking about personal experiences. To the best of my knowledge, that is all I have ever done.

 

Unless one can cite a specific example, I am calling bs on the idea that I have said "horrible things about women". I would bet that any example cited would come with some kind of qualifier that limits my comments to "many" or "some" women. I would be surprised if I ever used the qualifier, "most".

 

I probably married a sociopath. No doubt my bitterness towards her come across. The ex was freaking looney. And it was proven in a court of law. She got caught confabulating and lying, just as she always did in our marriage.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

This is precisely why my sister is so bothered by it. She said so directly. She specifically dour other sister and asked, if men like me are chasing young women like my sb, who is our sister supposed to marry?

 

That should have read that she specifically referenced our other sister...

[Robert Z]

I would add this. This hasn't been a positive experience by accident. I have put in a great deal of effort to make this a rewarding relationship as has she. It required a great deal of patience and understanding on both of our parts.

 

So what happens when you show someone unconditional love? They respond.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

I will throw this out as a question. It is one I have asked myself many times.

 

 

What could I do? I fell in love with her in a moment. Had I not acted on that, I think I would have regretted it the rest of my life. I knew it was an impossible situation but I was so moved by her and so crazy in love that it was unthinkable that I would just walk away. I had never been so enthralled with anyone before. She was all I could think about, day and night, for three months! Every time I closed my eyes to sleep I saw her eyes. When I dreamt I saw her face. It was unlike anything I have ever experienced.

 

It is said that during our final moments, we regret the things we didn't do far more than the things we did.

 

So which is worse: Walking away from the opportunity of a lifetime, or suffering the pain that the loss will surely bring one day. I saw no way out either way. No matter what I was going to get hurt. So why not make the most of it? Was there really a better answer? At least now, no matter what happens, I don't have to live with the regret of wondering what could have been.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

At least 80% of this relationship is companionship. There is no specific requirement for sex. There have been times that she couldn't have sex but I still wanted to be with her. Is this really prostitution? I don't think so. I have been with plenty of prostitutes, and when we started she was an escort, but this situation is definitely different. Sex is a component of this but the relationship is much more than that.

 

And what if there was no sex? How would people feel then? Most of the time there is no sex. It is just us talking. How do people who think this is so horrible feel about that?

 

 

I had never really thought about it before but something striking just occurred to me. When we are together, it is like the marriage I always wanted. It feels like we're married and just doing what people do. And our patterns are much like those of a married couple. I swear, sometimes it feels like cosmic payback for all of those horrible years.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

Add another one for my sb: She has NEVER twisted my words and or lied about what I have said. My wife did that constantly. It is quite an amazing thing to be able to go back two years and we both agree on the facts. We both remember the same history. WOW!!! More times than I can count, my ex had me thinking I had entered a parallel universe where all the facts have changed since yesterday... much like some of the references made in this thread.

Edited August 17, 2014 by Robert Z

[Robert Z]

but quite frankly, the same way you would be hurt by this relationship ending is potentially just as painful as another woman that may drop you on your head in a conventional relationshp..

 

So I guess its nothing ventured nothing gained..

 

TFY

 

 

Precisely. Any time we risk love we risk pain. And any pain is a function of the joy. It can only be so bad if it was so good in the first place. The logic some are arguing here suggests that we should never take a chance because we might get hurt. And then I was accused of being emotionally weak.

 

 

Ironically, my original reasoning was that it was just infatuation and I would get over it. So it seemed safe enough. Eventually the infatuation will fade and it won't be a big deal to move on. But it never got better. It only got worse... or better... depending on how you look at it! About six months later, one night while we were eating dinner, I meant to say, "Every time we get together I feel closer to you". But what came out [i swear to God, I didn't mean to say it and couldn't believe what was coming out of my mouth as I heard it] was, "I fall in love with you more every time I see you". I froze and thought, NO! I didn't just say that, did I?!?!?! I had done such a good job of hiding it for months. She just froze and went blank. Talk about a Freudian slip!!! But for six months I was in denial. And there are threads here where I was agonizing over this until I finally gave in, I think that night.

 

She, being so kind of heart, very carefully and gently informed me that she wasn't in love with me. I just said that I know and it's alright... that I never meant to tell her.

[Ruby Slippers]

I understand all the misgivings that people have about your situation, Robert Z.

 

However, I'm not reading that you're happy because she told you she's in love with you. I'm reading that you're happy because she said she loves you. There's a difference, and you seem to understand that difference. You also seem happy to continue with her as long as you can, whether she's in love with you, loves you, or not.

 

As for how you'd handle the worst case scenario, I think you'd feel a great loss, but would get through it. You're obviously a very emotional person, and will experience strong emotional waves if this relationship ends. And anyone who has ever engaged in suicide ideation is more likely to do so again - so be prepared for that possibility, and have a plan in place for what you will do if you ever find yourself there again. Hopefully by now, you've learned that there's always something worth living for, since you resisted the urge to end your life before and then subsequently found great happiness (however unconventional your methods may be, and however others may feel about it).

 

I think that if the relationship ends, you'll mourn the loss, then eventually move on to another relationship with an escort, sugar baby, or perhaps even girlfriend.

 

I relate to your story somewhat, in that I was totally in love with my last boyfriend, and felt a ferocious lightning bolt through my whole being the moment we met. He cared for me and loved me to a degree, and worked very hard to convince me to marry him, said he'd "take care of me" for life no matter how it worked out. He didn't need that particular magic - whereas I know I'll never be truly content without it. I tried to embrace the smart practical choice, and couldn't be content with that.

 

So I left him, twice. It was painful, as all breakups are. But now, almost a year after the second breakup, I still mostly feel that spending that time with him was a blessing, and I treasure the memories and big life lessons learned. I now have a much stronger grasp of what kind of love I need.

 

In some way, I'll always love him. I loved him from the first moment, never questioned whether I loved him. It was shining through me like the sun on full blast. Whether he was worthy or not, whether it was wise to get involved with him, I just loved him and was endlessly fascinated with him. It wasn't a choice. It just was, and in some form always will be.

Edited August 18, 2014 by Ruby Slippers

[William]

Thread starter, I apologize for the direction this thread took, just reviewing the last 100 posts or so. I cleaned things up as best possible for the time I had to invest and will thank those participants who both addressed the original post and did so in a respectful manner. A few hanging quotes remain due to the thread starter's responses, which I sought to retain. Thread closed.

[Robert Z]

The thread was closed, but William was kind enough to open it long enough for me to address the issue of suicide. I hated to leave that lingering.

 

 

While it is true, obviously , that I am an emotional person, I'll be fine. This will be very hard to end, no doubt about that. But the events that led to my near suicide are not something that will occur again. Over a period of a few years, I lost my three closest life-long friends, my family disintegrated over catastrophic health crises with both parents that went on for years. My health was spiraling out of control, I felt terrible all day, every day, and I already had one foot in the grave. I was truly dying already. I was realizing that not only was my marriage a farce but I didn't even know my wife, and I apparently mattered less to her than the cat. I had been in a sexless marriage that I didn't feel right about leaving [never seriously considered divorce an option], with a woman I no longer loved who had grown downright abusive. I was also on the edge of financial ruin due to the economic collapse. And as the crowing jewel, my work had me in near total isolation for about twelve years. Almost all of my human contact was by telephone and by the internet. I was in solitary confinement and saw no way to escape. The day I put a gun to my head was the day I realized that I couldn't even remember that last time I had been hugged, much less shown any genuine affection.

 

None of that is true today. I'll be fine. But I sincerely appreciate the concern.