She finally admits to loving me

August 13, 2014

There really is no harm. There are a few things going on here. Some people are just against prostitution, final. Some people may feel threatened that you can pay for what they cannot afford, or get for free.
Some women may be upset that you worship youth and beauty and despise women who aren't, so they don't wish you well (I fall into that camp except for I still do wish you well.)

And some people honestly don't want to see you crash and burn, and they think that will happen.

Personally, I love romance and passion for everybody. My concern for you is your over the top idealization of this woman and your situation.

I read on the OTT that the idea of sex with hot women was your raison d'etre. That troubles me, Robert. NOT because I think it's bad. But you are putting such a huge weight on this situation. Too many eggs in one basket, IMO. NOT that you should be dating others; I just mean emotional "eggs."

If you were not sustaining her entire life financially, yet wrote about a woman the way you do, and I knew nothing about your history, I would STILL have worries.

It sounds more like a romance novel than reality, and I believe that is how it lives in your head, and I do not believe relationships between 2 flesh and blood people go like that.

So, that's where I come from when I'm not 100% "YAY" about it - but if it all works out leaving you in fine condition, I will be very happy for you.

It has been like a romance novel. I never believed love like this exists. I can't help the way she affects me. But it has also been terribly difficult knowing that she didn't love me. I knew she cared about me but that wasn't nearly enough. At times it has been agonizing. All of those love songs that I post are my way of dealing with pent up feelings that I couldn't share with her.

Am I way over the top. Yes. And it feels wonderful. As I said, life is nothing but moments. And she has given me many of the best moments of my life. There is no way I could regret the two best years of my life.

As for the sex, that is what stopped me from committing suicide. But that was about four years ago. A lot has changed since then.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

I think you'll be fine with any outcome. Best case scenario, you get your Pretty Woman storyline and live happily ever after. Worse case, she moves on - but even in that case, I imagine she would let you go gently and be supportive through the transition (as long as you're still paying her), and you'll both move on when it's over.

Given her admission of feelings, I think you'll improve your chances by gradually addressing the fears she probably has about the big age difference:

having to take care of you in old age
you losing virility and ability to perform, sexually and otherwise
your ability or inability to reproduce, should she want children
you dying many years before she does, leaving her alone
social judgment

Money can remove or help lessen the bite of some of these, so that helps your case.

Whatever happens, I hope that you find the happiness and peace you're looking for.

August 13, 2014

I think you'll be fine with any outcome. Best case scenario, you get your Pretty Woman storyline and live happily ever after. Worse case, she moves on - but even in that case, I imagine she would let you go gently and be supportive through the transition (as long as you're still paying her), and you'll both move on when it's over.

Given her admission of feelings, I think you'll improve your chances by gradually addressing the fears she probably has about the big age difference:

having to take care of you in old age
you losing virility and ability to perform, sexually and otherwise
your ability or inability to reproduce, should she want children
you dying many years before she does, leaving her alone
social judgment
Money can remove or help lessen the bite of some of these, so that helps your case.

Yes, more than not, I feel it is too much to ask. All that I really hope for a few more great years. But if she falls in love with me I won't be able to walk away. And I'm not backing away. I tried but I can't do it.

It is crazy. At this point I would be willing to have children with her! I even had a really intense dream in which she was pregnant with our child. I haven't wanted children since I was in my twenties.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

If you want to find out how she truly feels about you, then stop paying her.

August 13, 2014

Dang, toss some of your money this way!

How do you look in slinky lingerie?

August 13, 2014

If you want to find out how she truly feels about you, then stop paying her.

Hmmm, never thought of that.

August 13, 2014

Yes, more than not, I feel it is too much to ask. All that I really hope for a few more great years. But if she falls in love with me I won't be able to walk away. And I'm not backing away. I tried but I can't do it.

It is crazy. At this point I would be willing to have children with her! I even had a really intense dream in which she was pregnant with our child. I haven't wanted children since I was in my twenties.

Hi Robert,

I don't think I've ever commented on your story before but I've read some of it. I definitely can understand where you're coming from given your previous negative experiences, which unfortunately color our outlook for better or worse going forward. And I can also understand those whom you perhaps feel are naysayers.

This post struck me though mainly because it is soooo apparent how absolutely madly in love you are with this woman and while there is rational talk of saying goodbye after a while, a few more years and we'll just part ways... and it all sounds so effortless and ideal and I'm like huh??? On what planet does that happen??!!

It also struck me because I've been an other woman before and spend lots of time on the Other Woman/Other Man forum here on LS. While this is not the same situation, what is similar with lots of "nontraditional" relationships is the unnatural glass ceiling so to speak. No matter how an other woman knows he is married, knows he is never leaving his wife or kids, says she doesn't want to ever get married or have a "full time relationship", knows this and that and says she is just enjoying it "for now" NEVER EVER have I seen the human emotion respond rationally when it comes time to end things after falling in love with this person. Always they want more, always they are incredibly hurt and shattered and desperate for more even though the outsider looking in says "Well duh he was married and never yours to begin with" or in this case although someone might say "Well duh she is just your sugar baby, too young for you and you knew it would end one day..." none of that rational "knowing" beforehand actually soothed the absolute pain of it coming to an end. I've lived it. And I tell OW that look...unless you are just sleeping with this married guy but have no emotional attachment, you're gonna be hurt and or start wanting more once you fall in love. Same here...I think if a man is just looking for sex this relationship is a lot easier to have than one where he has fallen in love...as once that happens, you don't have control anymore. You naturally want more, you start fantasizing of a life with them and living out your days when you're really in love...but then there is the glass ceiling that prevents it and it feels so frustrating and unnatural to your emotions to not be able to naturally go forward.

Anyway you're already in love so it's not like warning you not to will help and I can tell by your words how sincere you are and how much you care for this woman and how absolutely happy you are that she has expressed loving you too. I can't be mad at your happiness about that. But I did think given you actually wanting to marry and have a family with her, that it wasn't just cynicism for people to ask you to consider how you'll proceed should that not happen. It's the glass ceiling effect as I mentioned...where I am so against affairs or certain nontraditional relationships, not because I'm just so self-righteous but everyone wants to love and be loved and when they fall in love, I've seen people who have said "Oh it's just sex" or "Oh it's just for now" almost automatically and without being able to help it want MORE...it's only natural...and that's why these things are ill-advised because when you invest emotionally in a situation with a built-in cap, affairs, sugar babies, etc...your emotions often don't fall in line but treat it just the same as a relationship with a fuller potential.

The horse is out of the gate. I think your greatest wish would probably be for her to want to stay and for you to have a genuine relationship after school and all is done being paid for and if that happens I'd be all too happy for you. But if not, I do genuinely hope that you have a good buffer and don't fall into despair...as IME no amount of rational talking yourself through makes it easier to part ways from someone you are madly in love with and want to marry and have kids with. There is simply no "natural" and "smooth" end...like affairs. People often end other relationships after having had a real go and realizing it can't work and fighting over it but with affairs and a situation like this it is often so much harder because it's not for that reason but at the height of when people are in love and wanting more versus things have gotten dead and boring and incompatible. So I dunno...keep that in mind and hopefully things work in your favor or with the least emotional turmoil as possible.

Edited August 13, 2014 by MissBee

August 13, 2014

I have to get back to work but wanted to comment on this quickly. I will continue to respond later.

This post struck me though mainly because it is soooo apparent how absolutely madly in love you are with this woman and while there is rational talk of saying goodbye after a while, a few more years and we'll just part ways... and it all sounds so effortless and ideal and I'm like huh??? On what planet does that happen??!!

It happens on planet Robert. I never said it was easy. One night I thought for sure I had lost her and I was a total wreck. I cried for hours. And when this does end, assuming it does, it will be the hardest day of my life.

Also, I want to thank everyone for their input. I get defensive and there is a lot of emotion involved, but it helps to talk about it.

August 13, 2014

I have to get back to work but wanted to comment on this quickly. I will continue to respond later.

It happens on planet Robert. I never said it was easy. One night I thought for sure I had lost her and I was a total wreck. I cried for hours. And when this does end, assuming it does, it will be the hardest day of my life.

Also, I want to thank everyone for their input. I get defensive and there is a lot of emotion involved, but it helps to talk about it.

It doesn't though...because you're still with her.

So in reality it hasn't been proven that on planet Robert you will in the next year or so one day sweetly kiss her goodbye and live out your golden age just basking in the memories of what was and sustaining yourself on that.

It could happen....but it hasn't yet and I haven't known anyone in real life for whom parting with someone they're madly in love with goes like that. But knowing the neuroscience of love lol, I'm sure all that dopamine is making you talk like this .

August 13, 2014

Well I tried to close the lid.

You really have said awful things, and pointedly argued that they apply to ALL "middle aged" women..

Unless you can quote what I said that was so horrible, I don't accept what you say. I have talked about specific examples but you can't fault me for that. My wife really did treat me that badly. And I see other women who treat their husbands just as badly. I know my sister is playing my brother-in-law just like my wife played me. She thinks his sex life is completely at her command and he has nothing to say about it. This is pretty common. Why wouldn't I be resentful? All men should be who get treated like this. Getting married shouldn't mean giving up being human. And many men have nowhere to turn. They are trapped by their circumstances and the women who betrayed them.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

How do you look in slinky lingerie?

My pic is posted. I was a male model for 3 years lmao.

August 13, 2014

I also believe that many women have been trained from early on to disrespect men. And it is so common and accepted that even many men don't see it. It has become a part of our culture; I think primarily because women's lib took things too far.

Just look at how men are treated in the media. We are reduced to a joke and a stereotype.

August 13, 2014

Yes but women are also assigned gender roles as can be seen via every commercial relating to cleaning or taking care of a house, starring a woman. That's gender psychology. Loved that class.

August 13, 2014

I have talked about specific examples but you can't fault me for that. My wife really did treat me that badly. And I see other women who treat their husbands just as badly. I know my sister is playing my brother-in-law just like my wife played me. She thinks his sex life is completely at her command and he has nothing to say about it. This is pretty common. Why wouldn't I be resentful? All men should be who get treated like this.

Maybe this is the problem you get into when you marry a girl that isn't sexually attracted to you or loses that sexual attraction because of obvious reasons.

I think some women do "disregard" physical attraction, for a time. This is a mistake for her and him and will haunt the man later. You don't get something for nothing.

August 13, 2014

Well I tried to close the lid.

Unless you can quote what I said that was so horrible, I don't accept what you say. I have talked about specific examples but you can't fault me for that. My wife really did treat me that badly. And I see other women who treat their husbands just as badly. I know my sister is playing my brother-in-law just like my wife played me. She thinks his sex life is completely at her command and he has nothing to say about it. This is pretty common. Why wouldn't I be resentful? All men should be who get treated like this. Getting married shouldn't mean giving up being human. And many men have nowhere to turn. They are trapped by their circumstances and the women who betrayed them.

Your wife may have treated you badly, but you aren't comparing apples to apples. Obviously a woman who is being paid for sex is going to have sex with you whenever you want it. That's her job, and a very different dynamic than a marriage. But, if you are happy with the arrangement that's all that really matters. I'm sure your SB does feel love for you in some way, especially considering that you are fully supporting her financially. Does she still have a boyfriend?

August 13, 2014

So in reality it hasn't been proven that on planet Robert you will in the next year or so one day sweetly kiss her goodbye and live out your golden age just basking in the memories of what was and sustaining yourself on that.

It could happen....but it hasn't yet and I haven't known anyone in real life for whom parting with someone they're madly in love with goes like that. But knowing the neuroscience of love lol, I'm sure all that dopamine is making you talk like this .

I never characterized things that way. You and Glenda did. [i think it was Glenda...]

I said it will be the hardest day of my life. What more of an admission could you want? My question to you is this: What could I have done differently that would make any difference. I fell in love with her two years ago and have had two wonderful years. I could have just walked away and kept seeing escorts. Do you really think I would have been happier?

The moment I looked into her eyes I lost control of my life. That is an absolute fact. I can't see the logic is saying I would be better if it never happened. It has been such a joyous experience. I don't know why I would want it to end before it has to.

I have been planning to move on for over a year now. She has even been helping me to do that. When the time comes, that's what I'll do. I have to hope a little that something may work out. But what would you have me do, roll over and die? We take the good moments in our life and move on. That's all any of us can do.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

Whatever was in the past or will be in the future, good for you and enjoy it for now and be happy. Love is a nice thing to have.

And if someone never had consistent unwavering support, I see that - even as evidenced financially- possibly breeding love in certain people. If her actions match, I won't judge.

August 13, 2014

I think primarily because women's lib took things too far.

ype.

Although I will judge this.

August 13, 2014

It was a "tongue in cheek" response...Not to be taken literally.

The point is that all of what makes people happy and feel good inside isnt always a walk on the beach with someone thats head over heels for you...Sure, we all know thats great, but is it that or nothing?

TFY

Ah, then I totally agree - 1000%. As it turns out, one-way love with a close friend can still be fantastically rewarding. It isn't my preference but it's better than being alone or spending time with people who care far less. And there is no doubt that this describes many marriages. Especially as time goes on, the depth of love between partners is often asymmetric. The same is true for many pre-marital romances. While there may be love, the depth of emotions can vary.

The fact is that I love her so much that I would do about anything to have whatever time with her that I can get. Damn the consequences. It's worth it.

And if I hadn't done this, I would have spent the rest of my life regretting it. To just walk away from someone who moved me more deeply than anyone I have ever met, would be an act of insanity.. especially given that I could help her.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

Robert, just enjoy the feelings and the experience for as long as they are available to you.

You have been level-headed from the get-go in acknowledging this "relationship" may never last. That alone is admirable and there is no reason you shouldn't have your 80s or 90s to look back on such an amazing experience.

Revel in the now, my darling friend! :love:

Thank you. And :love: right back at you. :*

August 14, 2014

How do you look in slinky lingerie?

Pregnant. Since you've been having pregnant fantasies .

August 14, 2014

Yes but women are also assigned gender roles as can be seen via every commercial relating to cleaning or taking care of a house, starring a woman. That's gender psychology. Loved that class.

So Mr. Clean is a female to male transexual?

August 14, 2014

I wanted to throw in something I missed earlier. While I appreciate the allusion to Pretty Woman, honestly, I was insulted when I saw that movie. I first watched it a few months ago. She starts off as a lady of the streets... she is uncouth and uneducated and crude. And right before Richard Gere's eyes, she transforms into a sophisticated lady. PLEASE!!!!!

For those of you who haven't heard it so many times that you want to scream... She has always been super classy, sophisticated, highly intelligent, witty, charming, honest, kind, giving, tenacious, driven, daring, adventurous... She didn't need me to make a lady out of her. She is in my view, absolutely amazing. If anything, she has transformed me far more than I have her. But I have always tried to be as much of a positive influence on her life as possible. And I have helped her to get through a challenging time of her life. And I have always shown her unconditional love.

August 14, 2014

The truth is that I admire her for what she did. It is perfectly in keeping her sense of daring and adventure. In fact, this is one area where we are like two peas in a pod. We understand each other.

That said, I'm glad she left the club; not just because she agreed to come with me but for her sake. I was worried that eventually something bad may happen. No doubt it was tough to walk away from a $500 an hour job. But she didn't do it very long and only saw a few select men.

Edited August 14, 2014 by Robert Z

August 14, 2014

Haven't read all the responses so far, but I'm glad that it's working out between the 2 of you. You are what each other need at this time. It's a long shot for something longterm but maybe it can happen. I also think that the love she has for you might be something more like a fatherly love rather than romantic passionate love. She respects you, admires you and thinks you're her hero, but she's young and her needs and wants will change. Enjoy each other while it lasts.

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She finally admits to loving me

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