She finally admits to loving me

August 11, 2014

And some women are going to resent the situation no matter what I do.

No. I think you would find a lot more sympathy here if you weren't so keen on generalizing women's role in marriage as mercenary. As Glinda said, your experience is personal, not general; but your insistence on mischaracterizing women, particularly older women, as money-grubbing is why you're getting heat, full stop. It's not exactly rocket science; what you say is simply offensive. I don't wish you to get hurt in the current situation any more than I would wish that on any human being; but I sure as hell am a lot less sympathetic to your backstory.

On topic: Like I said, I wish you well. Nothing more to say since you didn't ask a question.

Edited August 11, 2014 by serial muse

August 12, 2014

Neither do I...Just ask the OP...I have hammered him in the pasr several times about this arrangement...And in real life, i dont sugar coat anything or blow smoke up anyone's behind..Quite the opposite..

Its my opinion that some people who say they "care" actually are hiding the real disdain for what he is doing and the prostitution industry as a whole....I doubt highly its because they care...It just sounds better...

TFY

Why do you insist what I've said in this thread is "hammering him". Do I agree with "her" profession, no. That's not the same as injecting a bit of logic to a conversation. Gee wiz.

August 12, 2014

I know. I've done battle on the internet for so long [i helped run a major website for years] that I have hair triggers. Plus, for obvious reasons this all has strong emotional components.

After the way my wife treated me for 25 years, I am not prone to false hope.

I have agonized over and second-guessed this situation every day since the beginning. I know I can trust and believe her but there is no way I can ever prove that to anyone else. So you can take me at my word, or not. your choice. But I am way past that now. She has proven herself far too many times.

Also, I understand why some men here are jealous. Even my best friend admits to being jealous. And some women are going to resent the situation no matter what I do.

I don't think you have to prove anything to anyone. You can however be open to where some of us are coming from when we show even a fraction of concern. I just know you from you posting on these boards and I probably would not comment had that not been the case. I know I can be a wise cracker but don't let that fool you.

August 12, 2014

I do hope it works out for you. And I do admire your attitude, that you will try to take the positives and good memories from this relationship, and try not to end up bitter or resentful, if she does ultimately leave you.

However, I also agree with the other posters that I'd personally doubt this woman's love until she stops requiring money in exchange for companionship and sex. I know some marriages have that as their basis - but I wouldn't call that "love", either. My question would be, if you suddenly lost your ability to work or your fortune - would she start to financially support you? Because that's love.

August 12, 2014

On the predatory marriage thing... I have my own money. It would be great to combine it with someone else's money and have an even nicer life for us, but I don't need to partner up for money or survival. Some men and women do look for someone who will support them financially - but I don't want my relationships to be about money, so I'd try to avoid those people as partners.

Robert, if you get in a relationship with someone in the future, consider finding a woman who has her own finances in order. I think that will give you a truer indication of love vs. need/dependency

August 13, 2014

Robert, if you get in a relationship with someone in the future, consider finding a woman who has her own finances in order. I think that will give you a truer indication of love vs. need/dependency

I think I'll stick with the person I love passionately, whomever that might be.

August 13, 2014

I do hope it works out for you. And I do admire your attitude, that you will try to take the positives and good memories from this relationship, and try not to end up bitter or resentful, if she does ultimately leave you.

However, I also agree with the other posters that I'd personally doubt this woman's love until she stops requiring money in exchange for companionship and sex. I know some marriages have that as their basis - but I wouldn't call that "love", either. My question would be, if you suddenly lost your ability to work or your fortune - would she start to financially support you? Because that's love.

For now she depends on me to live. So I will just have to see what happens when she finishes school and starts her new career. Also, she may be developing deeper feelings for me but she didn't say she would marry me.

However, I have known about her feelings for some time, long before she admitted them, and I am seeing more. When she left the other day, she looked at me like no woman has since I was in my twenties. I saw the glow of a woman in love. So it's hard to not hope for more. I see it in her eyes. The danger is that if I'm right, it may scare her away. She may not want to allow herself to care about me that deeply, primarily because I am way too old for her.

People often think this is all about raw sex. But I've been making love to her for two and a half years. About six months ago, she started making love to me. That was the night that things began to change. And a lot has changed since then. Things just keep getting better.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

I've got it soooooo bad. Today we were talking on the phone. Just the sound of her voice makes me feel high.

August 13, 2014

Must have been Annie's Song that did it.

Haha, that nearly ended it! She had no idea how much I had fallen in love with her. I was quite concerned that I blew it, and it was over, until we talked a bit later. It did rattle her but I have managed to turn it into a joke. I had to convince her that it was okay, I'll deal with it, and that we can even laugh about it. We now refer to my John Denver moments... But you know what, it still put my feelings out there. After that she would always know the depth of what I feel for her.

That's the funny part about so many comments made here. The last thing she has ever tried to do is to lead me on. She has always required that this be a friendship and nothing more. In order for this to work, I have had to push my feelings aside when we're together. Even a harmless joke about my true feelings often made her uncomfortable.

Isn't funny how many people object to the notion that we can actually care about each other. It must be a very threatening thing for some reason.

We had an interesting moment today in this regard. We were talking on the phone when she asked if I think about getting married much these days. I told her yes, every time she walks in the door. A year ago that wouldn't have gone over well. It would have made her uncomfortable. But today she laughed.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

There is another interesting line of objections that are common. This came up again the other night with a friends wife.

The basic argument is that I should stop seeing her because when this ends, I will get hurt.

Now what is the sense in that logic? I fell in love with her the second time I saw her and have never gotten over it. Even if I end up getting hurt, which is very likely, that is true if I stop seeing her now or wait until this naturally ends. Why rush?

The only possible interpretation is that they simply don't want me seeing her. They don't really care if I get hurt, they just want it to end. My sister is the same way.

August 13, 2014

I do hope it works out for you. And I do admire your attitude, that you will try to take the positives and good memories from this relationship, and try not to end up bitter or resentful, if she does ultimately leave you.

However, I also agree with the other posters that I'd personally doubt this woman's love until she stops requiring money in exchange for companionship and sex. I know some marriages have that as their basis - but I wouldn't call that "love", either. My question would be, if you suddenly lost your ability to work or your fortune - would she start to financially support you? Because that's love.

Meh....

I love my family...I love my dog.....I love cheeseburgers....I love some of my cars...

Not being flip, but all "love" doesn't have to be the sweep off your feet whirlwind romance novel type of stuff....

She probably loves him-in a different sort of way...I think from his posts he understands this...If that twists his knobs, then why crap on it?...Im sure its going to hurt like hell when it ends.....but then it also hurts when you have to put your dog down, too...

TFY

August 13, 2014

There is another interesting line of objections that are common. This came up again the other night with a friends wife.

The basic argument is that I should stop seeing her because when this ends, I will get hurt.

Now what is the sense in that logic? I fell in love with her the second time I saw her and have never gotten over it. Even if I end up getting hurt, which is very likely, that is true if I stop seeing her now or wait until this naturally ends. Why rush?

The only possible interpretation is that they simply don't want me seeing her. They don't really care if I get hurt, they just want it to end. My sister is the same way.

As stated earlier in the thread...

Notice that these are women that dont want this....You're right...They dont care about you...They dont like the fact that you can buy access to a womans sexuality....Id bet they would have less of an issue if the arrangement was the same, but the woman was your age and just an average looking middle aged woman..

TFY

August 13, 2014

She probably loves him-in a different sort of way...I think from his posts he understands this...If that twists his knobs, then why crap on it?...Im sure its going to hurt like hell when it ends.....but then it also hurts when you have to put your dog down, too...

TFY

I don't like the analogy but I love my animals a great deal... and not like a cheeseburger. I hope love means more to you than that.

I don't know how far this can go but I'm not missing any opportunities. If she falls for me I'm moving ahead with all thrusters firing. But eventually we might just end up as good friends and nothing more. That would be better than losing her altogether.

August 13, 2014

As stated earlier in the thread...

Notice that these are women that dont want this....You're right...They dont care about you...They dont like the fact that you can buy access to a womans sexuality....Id bet they would have less of an issue if the arrangement was the same, but the woman was your age and just an average looking middle aged woman..

TFY

I don't get it. She chooses to be with me. I adore her and I treat her like she's the most important woman on earth, because to me she is. What is the harm? We are both adults. I am paying for her education. And what's more, most of our time together has nothing to do with sex. More than anything, we just enjoy each other's company. It's funny how many people can't believe that. Sometimes I wonder if she is really that special - a one-in-a-million. Maybe that's why so many people can't believe how this works.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

I think people are missing the euphoria of living in the moment for you because they see love as something that requires long term commitment or possibilities. However, what I'm hearing you say is that you are deliriously happy with the moments even if they lead to the same destination as before, which is your sb moving on due to age difference.

There is nothing traditional about this situation so I'm unable to comprehend why it needs to be Disneyfied. Carpe diem because it sounds like there was a time when you never even believed you would feel like this as a man. I don't think each person's life has to fit some cookie cutter mold.

August 13, 2014

I don't like the analogy but I love my animals a great deal... and not like a cheeseburger. I hope love means more to you than that.

I don't know how far this can go but I'm not missing any opportunities. If she falls for me I'm moving ahead with all thrusters firing. But eventually we might just end up as good friends and nothing more. That would be better than losing her altogether.

It was a "tongue in cheek" response...Not to be taken literally.

The point is that all of what makes people happy and feel good inside isnt always a walk on the beach with someone thats head over heels for you...Sure, we all know thats great, but is it that or nothing?

TFY

August 13, 2014

However, what I'm hearing you say is that you are deliriously happy with the moments even if they lead to the same destination as before,

Indeed, one of the more profound realizations from my experiences has been that life is nothing but moments. That's all that we ever really have.

August 13, 2014

Robert, just enjoy the feelings and the experience for as long as they are available to you.

You have been level-headed from the get-go in acknowledging this "relationship" may never last. That alone is admirable and there is no reason you shouldn't have your 80s or 90s to look back on such an amazing experience.

Revel in the now, my darling friend! :love:

August 13, 2014

I don't get it. She chooses to be with me. I adore her and I treat her like she's the most important woman on earth, because to me she is. What is the harm? We are both adults. I am paying for her education. And what's more, most of our time together has nothing to do with sex. More than anything, we just enjoy each other's company. It's funny how many people can't believe that. Sometimes I wonder if she is really that special - a one-in-a-million. Maybe that's why so many people can't believe how this works.

I don't like prostitution, because it just brings it all back to women servicing a man in order to get ahead. Like there's nothing else she's capable of doing.

But that isn't my objection here. It's how you constantly make swipes at women who are over a certain age, and insist that we all bitter, money-grubbing wenches, who hate men, and want to see you all suffer - and then the mention, yet again, of how you're buying youth and beauty, so suck it ladies (figuratively? metaphorically? what's the correct one?)

Sorry to burst your bubble, but that isn't true. I don't want to see you miserable, and with a gun in your mouth. I don't want to see you in an unhappy marriage. And you think that we don't want to be in love? Have a healthy relationship, living in the moment with someone who appreciates us, as well? To feel attractive, and loved by the man that we love?

I don't think it's odd that she could care for you, either.

August 13, 2014

But that isn't my objection here. It's how you constantly make swipes at women who are over a certain age, and insist that we all bitter, money-grubbing wenches, who hate men, and want to see you all suffer - and then the mention, yet again, of how you're buying youth and beauty, so suck it ladies (figuratively? metaphorically? what's the correct one?)

That is an extreme mischaracterization of what I have said. I have mostly talked about personal experiences and how I or people I know have been treated.

I once stated that I don't trust women my age. That isn't a judgment. It was a recognition of feelings that I have that I'm trying to work through. It is fallout from years of a terrible marriage.

August 13, 2014

I don't like prostitution, because it just brings it all back to women servicing a man in order to get ahead. Like there's nothing else she's capable of doing.

Of course she is. But this is what she chooses to do. She didn't want to spend years struggling with finances and school. And she didn't want to work low-end jobs for a few dollars an hour.

She has made a fair amount of money modeling as well. But it is all but impossible to do that while attending school full time.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

So you pay this woman for her company? Is that what's going on? I hope I don't come off rude, I don't understand what the nature of this relationship is.

August 13, 2014

I apologize to everyone who thinks I have been dissing older women. Sometimes I try to drive home a point with blunt language. But I never meant to insult all women who aren't 24 year old beauty queens.

To me, my sugar baby is far less a prostitute that my wife was. And I feel that way about other women, but certainly not all women.

August 13, 2014

So you pay this woman for her company? Is that what's going on? I hope I don't come off rude, I don't understand what the nature of this relationship is.

I agreed to support her until she finishes school. In return, she offers companionship. It started over two years ago with her working as an escort in Nevada. I saw her, fell madly in love, and this all led to where we are today.

I will do this as long as she is willing. Even better, I would marry her tomorrow. She is the woman of my dreams. Unfortunately I met her 25 years too late.

Edited August 13, 2014 by Robert Z

August 13, 2014

Dang, toss some of your money this way!

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