She finally admits to loving me

August 10, 2014

What does "my focus" mean?

I dunno??....*shrug*

My "focus" is my kid , my family, my business, my health..etc..I certainly wouldn't waste any of my time "focusing" on why a grown man(who I have never met and dont know) might get hurt beacuse he wants to pay someone for attention/sex...

But hey, what do I know?...People live and die by what happens with the Kardashian's so maybe I am the dope...

TFY

August 10, 2014

I'm not a cynic when it comes to Robert's Sugar Baby.

I think it is entirely possible and plausible that she loves him, for HIM, and not the fact he helps her financially (although I think that plays a part in it, whether or not she is aware of that part the money plays in her love for him).

I do believe, she believes, that she loves him.

I don't know what type of love she has for him, -

meaning,

I doubt it is really the type of love that was written about in Tom Brokaw's book "The Greatest Generation" -you know, folks in love in the 1930's and 1940's, the outrageously phenomenal type of love that endures war, famine, bloodshed, tragedy, poverty, long spans of distance and time to test the bond of love to the fullest extent humanly possible, etc etc.

One can't know these things until these type tests occur, whether it be everyday struggle to survive and pay the bills, or tests of a completely different magnitude that occur in times of catastrophy and war.

But I think she loves him, in her own way. And who are we to judge and jury the degree of love she is experiencing for Robert?

If I had to lay money on this, I think the age difference will prove to be too much in the long run for Robert and his Sugar Baby. But for now, it works for them, and that's all that really matters.

Good on you both, Robert. Be happy and prosper

Edited August 10, 2014 by The Like Fairy

August 10, 2014

LS is a support site where unpaid members voluntarily try to help members posting threads. In this thread, "my focus" was towards helping Robert in the most emotionally healthy manner that I could think of. Now maybe that's not why you're here, where amusement is "your focus". But don't try to push your internal motives onto others.

Nice try....

Did you bother reading the original post? Was he looking for help or guidance? The way I read it, it was more of a proclamation than any cry for help..but what the hell do I know.?...Im just here for the laughs, right?...

TFY

August 10, 2014

This is really weird. It's not an attempt to manipulate. Uncertain what your motivations are but what was stated was factual, in reference to mine.

How obtuse...

Ok...I give up...you win at the internet...

TFY

August 10, 2014

Lets be real, folks..Like any of you all give a crap about him?? Who worries about a nameless and faceless "person" on the net?

You're right. But, OP isn't exactly nameless... He's been posting here for a very long time and sharing with the general public intimate details about his relationship with this woman.

I'm not sure how you operate but I typically try to refrain from appeasing someone when there's a possibility they're in la la land. But, I suppose some of us should not have posted at all unless it was to say "congratulations".

August 10, 2014

You're right. But, OP isn't exactly nameless... He's been posting here for a very long time and sharing with the general public intimate details about his relationship with this woman.

I'm not sure how you operate but I typically try to refrain from appeasing someone when there's a possibility they're in la la land. But, I suppose some of us should not have posted at all unless it was to say "congratulations".

Neither do I...Just ask the OP...I have hammered him in the pasr several times about this arrangement...And in real life, i dont sugar coat anything or blow smoke up anyone's behind..Quite the opposite..

Its my opinion that some people who say they "care" actually are hiding the real disdain for what he is doing and the prostitution industry as a whole....I doubt highly its because they care...It just sounds better...

TFY

August 10, 2014

Having a good sense of how a relationship is going to end and actually going through that ending can be two very different things....but I hope that you truly do emerge from this situation as free from bitterness and regrets as you think you will, Robert.

August 10, 2014

Robert, I am glad for you that you're in a situation where you're happy. I don't care about the commercial aspect of it, if it's working for you, good.

I really take exception, though, to your continued references to marriages being some kind of business arrangement where the man is "paying" his wife - and, usually, in your scenarios, the wife is failing to deliver. And is also

Evidently it was your marriage dynamic. It has NOTHING to do with marriage in general.

Not every relationship is following a path based on money.

Completely true and I agree....

But the stark reality is there are a LOT of marriages that went down just like his did..

This is where men and women really differ, IMO.....Women are idealistic when it comes to relationships/marriages/ etc.Many women will forever hold hope of a storybook romance, despite having been crapped on a thousand times..Guys are more practical..In some cases all it takes is one bad experience and they'll never go back there again..Its just not worth it..

As stated in the men v women thread, I know several guys that are fairly young(40's), but have absolutely sworn off the idea of having a gf....or God horbid...a wife..These are good looking and successful guys that are financially stable and have solid careers/jobs..In most of the cases, they have either been jerked around by a manipulative woman or have gotten their clock cleaned in a one sided divorce settlement...Im sure they find a way to get sex....maybe they pay for it like RZ does?..I dunno and dont care...But I suppose i can empathize..

I'll never deny anyone's personal experiences or discount it because it fell outside of the norm.. Their experience is unique to them and if that means they want to shyt on the institution of marriage-then let them...I think everyone knows its not always the case-incuding me...

TFY

Edited August 10, 2014 by thefooloftheyear

August 10, 2014

I actually understand Robert's reasoning about men paying wives because in the a large majority of cases, the man IS indeed the provider for his wife and it's usually fine for a woman to get married and live off her husband in the name of caring for the home. What then do you think happens when the money finishes? Of course there are lots of women who will stick by their men but a large majority of marriages fall apart with finances being the number 1 cause. So if sugar babe decides to leave him when the money finishes, she won't be all that different from a lot other married women out there. Of course this is not the case for all marriages.

There are still lots of cultures where their members are very educated and marriage is primarily a financial arrangement while love comes second at least for the woman. Here, man sees lovely woman from good home, he approaches her and her family, the woman is 'assured' of a secure future free of struggles, lack and suffering while the man is assured of a beautiful (in his eyes) woman who will devote her life to him, make him happy sexually and support him psychologically and socially and bear his children. Over time, the woman sees the love in him and grows to love her husband and would stay with him to death. I never wonder why those marriages seem to last forever, compared to ours based on love alone.

And what's this about 'the prostitute claims to love'? What, prostitutes are incapable of love now?( Not saying she's a prostitute) Anyone can love anyone for whatever reason. R has loved SB, she's now grown to love him, whether or not money was involved. In fact, after such a long time, I see it more like providing for her.

Robert is happy, No relationship is guaranteed for life. Best to enjoy what you can now, take each day as it comes and hope for the best.

August 10, 2014

Some people are happily deluded and are not looking to ruin that with reality. They want to believe what is false because that brings happiness, you don't really have to do much to convince them. Can't blame 'em. In the end, what does it really matter.

August 10, 2014

Lets be real, folks..Like any of you all give a crap about him?? Who worries about a nameless and faceless "person" on the net?

I do. I care for people here - they're still human beings, on the other side of their own monitors.

If people weren't concerned, they wouldn't even bother taking the time to point out exactly what has them worried about his arrangement.

August 10, 2014

I sorry, I am on the sarcastic side but trust me, it's all done out of love.

I know. I've done battle on the internet for so long [i helped run a major website for years] that I have hair triggers. Plus, for obvious reasons this all has strong emotional components.

After the way my wife treated me for 25 years, I am not prone to false hope.

I have agonized over and second-guessed this situation every day since the beginning. I know I can trust and believe her but there is no way I can ever prove that to anyone else. So you can take me at my word, or not. your choice. But I am way past that now. She has proven herself far too many times.

Also, I understand why some men here are jealous. Even my best friend admits to being jealous. And some women are going to resent the situation no matter what I do.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Robert Z

August 10, 2014

A funny aside: I am so in tune with her that I scared her at one point. I knew the direction she was going and anticipated the events of the week to such a degree of accuracy that she honestly thought I had hacked her cell phone!!! She only relaxed when I demonstrated that I can read her like a book. I wasn't kidding when I said her eyes tell all. Her thoughts and emotions shine through those enchanting eyes of hers like light through a window.

But here is my real dilemma. I am too old for her and we both know that. I keep thinking that based on her plans and goals, we might still have a few years. But the truth is that I would marry her tomorrow. It wouldn't be fair to her to ask for her life but I can't help myself. If she FALLS in love with me, which I think is happening, I don't think I could walk away.

I can't get the look on her face as she was leaving, out of my mind. She was glowing.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Robert Z

August 10, 2014

I really take exception, though, to your continued references to marriages being some kind of business arrangement where the man is "paying" his wife - and, usually, in your scenarios, the wife is failing to deliver. And is also Evidently it was your marriage dynamic. It has NOTHING to do with marriage in general.

Not every relationship is following a path based on money.

I didn't say it applied to every relationship. But consider first that for me, datable women generally means divorced women. And when I look around at the reasons for divorce, I am not exactly filled with idealistic notions of romance. It often comes down to money. So this isn't just about my marriage. It is about what I have observed for all of my adult life.

Also, all relationships have both emotional and practical components. Marriage is in fact a legal agreement, not an emotional one. And even the most committed wife has practical expectations that if not met, could end the relationship.

So the point is not to equate this to marriage. Rather my intent is to demonstrate that this arrangement falls on a spectrum of practical needs, as do all relationships, even those based on love.

August 10, 2014

But here is my real dilemma. I am too old for her and we both know that.

But the truth is that I would marry her tomorrow.

It wouldn't be fair to her to ask for her life but I can't help myself.

If she FALLS in love with me, which I think is happening, I don't think I could walk away.

Everybody does their best in life at the time, given the circumstances.

Lots of folks marry someone who is significantly older or younger. Sometimes it works out in the long run, sometimes not.

As an aside, many young girls in Muslim countries don't have a choice in the matter when marrying a much older man, and no means of rectifying it (divorce). But here in the Western world, we have more options in dissolving relationships if we so choose.

In a global context, it is still "A Man's World", so to speak. The genders don't have equal footing worldwide, and likely never will. These factors influence relationships, even here in the Western Free World.

It will all work out as it should in the long run. Some folks say there are no mistakes in life, just learning experiences. I'm not God so who am I to judge how this all go down.

I don't see you as having bad intentions. Maybe somewhat selfish ones, but I don't sense any 'evil intentions' here. So long as she has free choice in the matter (which she does), it's all good.

One big factor to consider is whether or not you both want children. That's a dealbreaker, if one does, and the other doesn't.

August 10, 2014

One big factor to consider is whether or not you both want children. That's a dealbreaker, if one does, and the other doesn't.

A funny thing happened one night about a year ago. I had one of THOSE dreams - you know, the kind that are so intense that when you wake up, you aren't sure for a moment if it was real or not. In that dream, I saw her as she would look about 8 months pregnant. She was just smiling and glowing like the sun.

I had to tell her about it later. I told that she is the only woman I have ever imagined being pregnant, and thought how incredibly beautiful she would be.

I would never even consider having children at my age. And I would never consider marrying someone 24 years old. So now I guess I'm a liar twice. With her I have no boundaries. It is a dream.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Robert Z

August 10, 2014

And I would never consider marrying someone 24 years old. So now I guess I'm a liar twice. With her I have no boundaries. It is a dream.

Such is life. How old are you again? Early, mid or late 50's?

People are having kids at all ages nowadays, right or wrong.....

My boss started over in his early 50's (after divorce with kids grown) with a woman in her early 30's, and they now have a 3yr old and 2 yr old.

One factor, in my view, is if you are in good health, to chase after, play with, and bond with those kids. Kids like to play with their parents, particularly Dad (wrestle, fish, camp outs, frisbee, football).

So you'd have to do the math, - at what age would you be, when the 2nd kid is, say, 14 years old, and wants to throw the ball?

Would you be 67 years old? 70 years old?

My dad is 73, and he is in extremely outstanding physical shape. All muscle, no fat.

Even so, he doesn't have the spunk to throw around a football much anymore.

He's just tired (naps ALOT), and arthritic. He worked extremely hard all his life, and it finally caught up to him, I think.

He's also had a heart attack (even while in great shape, to the naked eye - looks can be deceiving, they can't see plaque build up in arteries!).

I can't imagine my dad having a teenage son right now. Wouldn't be fair to the teenager whatsoever, I can tell you that much.

But your mileage may vary. I'm sure where there's love, there's hope. And my dad's situation at 73, isn't yours.

Edited August 10, 2014 by The Like Fairy

August 10, 2014

I'm 55, While I have gotten my health back and am extremely fit, and I do look young for my age, all that I really hope for is a few more good years with her. And even then, as always, it is one day at a time. Rule number one has always been that every time she walks out the door, it may be the last time I see her. That hasn't really changed. But we will see. I certainly wouldn't cut her off as some sort of test. That would be a betrayal and leave her in a terrible fix.

She may be confronting the reality that she won't need my assistance much longer. I have always wondered if she would really be able to end this when the time comes. I hope that we will always be friends no matter what happens. But I am glad to continue as long as she desires. Anything beyond that is too much for me to imagine.

I still haven't read all of the responses but I will have to continue later. Work work work... I have a critical deadline and a meeting out of town to attend.

One thing about the idea of ending up hurt and bitter. Firstly, that would be half as bad as I was when this started. Next, I have had over two fantastic years with her. They have on many levels been the two best years of my life. It will be devastating when it ends but that is only because it has been so wonderful. Of course it will hurt like hell when it ends. Does that make it not worth doing? I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

I thought I was on the verge of losing her one night. I cried for hours.

Edited August 10, 2014 by Robert Z

August 10, 2014

Just relax there Sparky and enjoy what you have for today.

No need to ruin things by worrying about the future. Just enjoy what it is for now.

She lives you? That's a good thing! Enjoy!

August 10, 2014

One thing about the idea of ending up hurt and bitter. Firstly, that would be half as bad as I was when this started. Next, I have had over two fantastic years with her. They have on many levels been the two best years of my life. It will be devastating when it ends but that is only because it has been so wonderful. Of course it will hurt like hell when it ends. Does that make it not worth doing? I wouldn't have missed this for anything.

I thought I was on the verge of losing her one night. I cried for hours.

Well, if the worst does come to the worst and things don't work out you do at least have a sort of ready made support group of people here who know the situation. Some might throw I told you so in your face, but I'm sure the majority would be very sympathetic....and it always helps a bit to be able to offload on people who already know the situation rather than having to try to explain it from the beginning.

Meantime, yes - just enjoy it. I mean for God's sake, we're all going to end up in a box or an urn...but that's no reason to decide to get a custom made coffin shaped bed just to demonstrate acceptance of future realities.

August 10, 2014

I have no issue with you paying for the fantasy but don't start to think that she loves you. Sugar babies love what a man provides them which is fine since she provides a service for that money but be careful. I don't know her so maybe she is starting to develop some feelings but don't bet everything on it.

August 10, 2014

I have no issue with you paying for the fantasy but don't start to think that she loves you.

Robert, would you have expected Woggle to feel any other way than this?

This is actually a very kind sentiment from Woggle as compared to what he would have said 5 years ago

Edited August 10, 2014 by The Like Fairy

August 10, 2014

Just relax there Sparky

Sparky?!?!

August 10, 2014

Robert, would you have expected Woggle to feel any other way than this?

This is actually a very kind sentiment from Woggle as compared to what he would have said 5 years ago

It's the truth. Men go wrong all the time thinking that money minded women really love them. Not saying no women love a man but men screw themselves all the time thinking an arrangement with a younger woman is more than it really is.

August 11, 2014

Sparky?!?!

Ahahaha, ya - just don't think long term.

It's an arrangement that works for now.

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She finally admits to loving me

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