Black Cement Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I've found out through a mutual friend that she see's other guys while we're dating. We're not officially together but this still sucks, because I spend almost everyday with her and I got her a job at my company. I thought we really have something. She's open about it to with me too. I was pissed but didn't want to talk about it because we had work to do. It was so awkward today. She left without saying anything. The good thing is I didn't "fall in love" with her. Guess her deal is to go out with other guys and see who is the right suitor? Should I be mad? Should I continue to date her and invest my time???
Noproblem Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 What do you think? Do you think you can trust her? or not
Author Black Cement Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 What do you think? Do you think you can trust her? or not Well she's not hiding anything, she's open. She said she's not ready for a relationship, but messes around with other dudes. She spends 4 solid days with me. IDK if thats trust. I just want to know if its right what she's doing...or is she just playing me.
Author Black Cement Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 What do you think? Do you think you can trust her? or not -----deleted.
Author Black Cement Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 I wouldn't waste any time on such a girl, no. Plenty of other women out there. Well I kinda have to spend time with her, she works with me in the field, were like partners for work.
PegNosePete Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yeah if a girl I were dating was seeing other guys, I would not date her any more. She said she's not ready for a relationship so what are you gonna do? You clearly have totally different goals here. 2
Author Black Cement Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 I'll just keep it professional. If she asks me out, I'll tell her I'm busy. There are plenty of loyal women out there. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 If she was honest and told you she didn't want a relationship, and that she was seeing other people, then no, she's not really in the wrong. You knew that and pursued her anyway, correct? It's not fun, but I don't see how you can question her loyalty when you're not official and you knew she didn't want the same thing as you. (unless I'm misunderstanding the timeline of events) 5
Leigh 87 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Well she's not hiding anything, she's open. She said she's not ready for a relationship, but messes around with other dudes. She spends 4 solid days with me. IDK if thats trust. I just want to know if its right what she's doing...or is she just playing me. Honestly, I spent ALL my spare time with a FWB last year.... He was lovely, pleased me in the bedroom, and was very adoring of me. I really liked him, he really knew how to make me laugh. I didn't, however, feel the urge to give up my search for the right guy for him. I did tell him this from day one but alas... he didn't get it. I was wrong to have kept it going, I should have left him free to pursue a relationship or fling with a woman he was not falling in love/in love with.
Leigh 87 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 If she was honest and told you she didn't want a relationship, and that she was seeing other people, then no, she's not really in the wrong. You knew that and pursued her anyway, correct? It's not fun, but I don't see how you can question her loyalty when you're not official and you knew she didn't want the same thing as you. (unless I'm misunderstanding the timeline of events) Well I knew I was in the wrong for keeping up my thing with the FWB who was in love with me. Even though I told him from day one what the deal was, it is not right to interfere with a man who you know is in love with you or falling in love with you, when you know you don't feel he is the right guy for you. I feel terrible about the pain I caused that man and will never do it again. If you don't plan on entering into a relationship with a partner whom you KNOW is in love with you, the only right thing to do is to end it, even if you really enjoy their company and love them as a person. Just because you are HONEST with your intentions, it doesn't mean the person who is in love with you (or in deep "like" with you), will be "okay" when you find a man who you DO want a relationship with.
Wisecrack Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 If you do now keep it professional, tip: don't act butt hurt. Professional setting related rumors have a way of coming at you out of no where regardless how highly regarded you may be and all it takes is one. Afterall you guys weren't official and she made it known. You should not have gotten her a job at your work place. I would never do something like that due to the repercussions if it goes awry like this. Best thing to do now is to give a friendly outer while moving on and finding other woman. The moment you try to vent on her is the moment you lose to yourself. 1
marcjb Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 This is why I don't believe in "muti-dating". It's selfish.
slizl Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 That's why you gotta lock a good girl down relatively quickly. When I meet a girl that I could see a future with, I make them my gf within the first couple of weeks. Lesson learned
marcjb Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yea, but do you propose the commited relationship or do they? I think that if a guy hits on a woman, dates her for a few weeks, then asks to be exclusive, it seems like the guy is doing all the work, then handing the power over to the woman... giving her the idea she can do whatever she pleases.
ExpatInItaly Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Well I knew I was in the wrong for keeping up my thing with the FWB who was in love with me. Even though I told him from day one what the deal was, it is not right to interfere with a man who you know is in love with you or falling in love with you, when you know you don't feel he is the right guy for you. I feel terrible about the pain I caused that man and will never do it again. If you don't plan on entering into a relationship with a partner whom you KNOW is in love with you, the only right thing to do is to end it, even if you really enjoy their company and love them as a person. Just because you are HONEST with your intentions, it doesn't mean the person who is in love with you (or in deep "like" with you), will be "okay" when you find a man who you DO want a relationship with. Of course, but nowhere did I see that she expected him to be ok with it. He had this information but kept returning, if I understand the situation correctly. That's on him. She may have in fact assumed he was fine with the arrangement as he continued to spend time with her knowing she wasn't interested in a relationship. She isn't entirely responsible for this, just as he isn't entirely responsible either. Their expectations were different. In any event, he has confirmation that she meant it when she said she was dating others. What happens next is up to him. He can choose to move on, which is best if he's looking for a relationship. OP, can you clarify for us - have you known from the get-go that she was dating other guys and not ready for a relationship? I'm not entirely clear whether this is new information or if you've known all along.
BlueIris Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yea, but do you propose the commited relationship or do they? I think that if a guy hits on a woman, dates her for a few weeks, then asks to be exclusive, it seems like the guy is doing all the work, then handing the power over to the woman... giving her the idea she can do whatever she pleases. There sure seems to be an obsessive fear of loss of power these days. If someone can take your power from you, you never had any in the first place. Yes, men ask. No, it is not a threat to power. 1
ktya Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 1. She said she wasn't ready for a relationship 2. She was open about seeing other people 1+2= you two have no exclusivity agreement, so your trauma is self inflicted If you really like her and hope for a future with her, this insecure bullsht is just going to drive her away. You need to man up and get a bit more confidence so your not worried about the other dudes trying to impress her. I'm seeing this girl right now who has expressed the same reservations as she. Know what? Shell go to a bar have some dude buy her drinks even go back to.his house, blue ball him and come over to my place afterwards then stay with me 24/7 for as many as 9 days. Now if we were committed and official, that would be a dumpable offense - hut were not. When I'm out of town she will ask if I slept with any girls while I was away. Not to give me hell hut because she's curious about the competition. She'll probably be my girlfriend in the near future. Because she keeps coming back to me. To be honest I'd rather her dabble her toes in the water a bit before that happens. At least then if we do commit then I know she's sure. Relax, show your confidence, deep six your insecurity and be the same guy she wanted to spend 4 days with. Enjoy it don't dramatize it.
ktya Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I have a saying in casual dating. I'm interested in being around her because I like being with her, not because I want to own their vagina.
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