mary1689 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hi everybody I'm here asking for advice because right now I really have no one to talk about this and I want to clear my mind. I'm really insecure because of past problems with my ex and the way my father treated my mother. So, today me and my boyfriend were talking about this girl that I feel really insecure about. I usually worry about her and we argue because of that (even knowing that I shouldn't be that insecure about her, but I can't control it). My boyfriend told me he stopped talking to her more than 1 year ago, however, today we were talking about her (again) and I asked him if they ever talked after that and he kept saying "no", but after I insisted for a while, he finally confessed that she texted him once (now that we were dating) and that it actually happened when we were arguing because of her. She asked him if everything was alright with him, and he told me he answered her, she texted him back and then the conversation ended. I started to feel really bad about this, because I always asked him to tell me everything he thought I would like to know, and this girl has always worried me, he could tell me that he would never hide anything from me, however he hid the fact that she talked to him when we were dating. He says that he didn't told me that before, when it happened, because he didn't want to feel bad or me to feel bad. Then I asked him if there was anything else that he thought that I should know, and after I insisted (again), he told me that I should know that when we were talking and we stopped for a while (before we dated, but we knew we liked each other, I just ready for a relationship at that time because my ex was threatning me and everything was really difficult for me), he started to get closer but not interested in some other girl, that they got along really well and had the same interests but she told him she wasn't interested in him (and then he came to talk to me again). This makes me feel like he was using me as a "back-up" in case it didn't went well with someone else (I felt like this with the other girl I talked before, that's why I was insecure). It was like he knew I would eventually have a relationship with him and I was there when he needed, like I was a second option. I mean, we were talking, I stopped talking to him as much as I used to (I can't remember why, but I know I wasn't mad or anything), he starts to talk with another girl, she tells him she's not interested, and he starts to talk to me again. I think it's obvious. And I also think it's funny how he says he wasn't interested in this girl, but I should know about it. Anyway, I feel like trash, like he is with me because I was the only girl that maybe kept giving him hope (I always liked him but I wasn't completely over with my ex because he was always saying he would kill himself if I left him), so he finally saw the chance and grabbed it. But it's not like I was always the only one (just like he made me believe), I was there and it would be nice to have a girlfriend. That's how I think he thinks about this. Anyway...I'm really confused and I want to know opinions
Dork Vader Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I did not even read what you typed. That said whether or not you stay with someone is a choice that YOU have to make. You have to be happy with that choice. You have to live with that choice. You know your relationship. If you're thinking about breaking up then take some time to really think about what YOU want and how YOU feel. As you do this ask yourself if you're being reasonable, honest and if there is any validity to how YOU feel. I could read that your current SO is a completely bad person. But that is only my opinion... I could read that your relationship is toxic.. But again it is only my opinion based on what you said.. You have to live with your choices.. 1
David87 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 If you came to this point in your relationship( asking if you should break up or not) the answer is yes.
writergal Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I read what your wrote in your post, OP. Your boyfriend admitted that he lied to you: he hid the fact that she talked to him when we were dating. He says that he didn't told me that before, when it happened, because he didn't want to feel bad or me to feel bad. He didn't want to feel bad or you to feel bad, so he lied to you? Wow, how thoughtful of him. What a jerk. The minute a boyfriend hides texts from another woman, it means he's lost respect for you - his girlfriend - and for the relationship. Only you can decide if you want to break up with your boyfriend. But it does sound like he's treated you as an option, a back-up plan from the beginning; that he's not that invested emotionally in his relationship with you or he wouldn't have lied about texting back and forth with this other woman. If the person you're in a relationship with doesn't make you a priority, then it's not a healthy relationship for you to be in.
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