Koans Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 (edited) I would just like your thoughts and opinions. She fits the GIGS criteria just to save all the detailed writing. April 28th was my last chase of beating myself up and apologizing after ending it with, "hopefully we can reconnect in the future". So she thought that I was over being sad and mad talking like that. That is how she last remembered me even though it is nothing like that. Also applying 3 months of NC and also gaining clarity of the situation. I was filled with anger... So 3 months later, Ex girlfriend who dumped me tries to add me three times on social media which I blocked. So I emailed her, "stop playing these childish games and if you have something to say, you have my number". We both exchange nasty emails to which I eventually figured out how to get her to level ground. We were now on eye level to the point of laughing and joking on the phone like old times. My objective was not to get back with her but to hash out our animosity towards each other through reconciliation. She is the passive-aggressive type who keep things to herself. So I know she has a stubborn belief of why she broke up. We never communicated on our issues if I was not aware about it being a problem. Which resulted in her hitting her breaking point. She also reluctantly admitted to still being with her new guy (rebound). She confesses..."I still have our pictures and your gifts and sometimes I think about showing up to your work place and saying "hi" but I would'nt know how you would react". I reply back: "Of course you can't just show up uninvited without a build up to it. I'd either ignore you or verbally attack you". She replies back: "Well of course I know that, I would come to say hi and because you want to reconcile, that it would be best in person, dont you think". Anyways, I told her that I could not take any means of communication seriously without it being face to face. And that, reconciliation is also not possible as long as she is with him coz its not fair to the new guy that we are even communicating. She then in return replies with mixed signals... "you never know..." "im currently in a situation, but I dont want to get into detail" "If we dont get to do this correctly, dont think that I didnt care" The next day I "kik" her and tell her.. "because of this predicament of you still being with him, I would just like to find a resolution between us and abolish our animosity, even if its on the phone, so at least we can find peace in our hearts. Almost like a peace treaty, but then again I cant take the phone seriously so nevermind." HER: "So you're saying if the phone was our only option, you still couldnt take it seriously" Me "It all depends on how much you care to make right, of what went wrong". The result was of her not responding for two days on "kik" (an instant messenger application) So I deleted the app, and that was that. My thought is, I probably put some sort of pressure on her that is making her juggle between me and the new guy. If theirs anything I want, I just want her confused a$$ to hear my perspective and it may hopefully enlighten her and we both can take something away from this relationship and grow instead of carrying a stubborn belief about it. And honestly, if we could get back together somewhere in the far future, that would be dope too. But right now I would not take her back, even if she broke up with the new guy. I would feel like a rebound. I just want our peace between us. But it seems like shes just adding more fuel to the fire. Making a break up that was messy, into something almost hard to recover. Even as friends. Would appreciate your scrutinizing advice and not just, "move on". I kinda heard that. I'm just asking outside advice objectively, coz I cant help to see this situation any other way while being emotional. What do you think made her go cold? (And to be fair, yes this was a 3 LDR, a break up that came from inviting her out here to live with me..not sure if that is what triggered all this. The domino effect was just too perfect). Edited July 31, 2014 by Koans
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted July 31, 2014 Posted July 31, 2014 I would just like your thoughts and opinions. She fits the GIGS criteria just to save all the detailed writing. April 28th was my last chase of beating myself up and apologizing after ending it with, "hopefully we can reconnect in the future". So she thought that I was over being sad and mad talking like that. That is how she last remembered me even though it is nothing like that. Also applying 3 months of NC and also gaining clarity of the situation. I was filled with anger... So 3 months later, Ex girlfriend who dumped me tries to add me three times on social media which I blocked. So I emailed her, "stop playing these childish games and if you have something to say, you have my number". We both exchange nasty emails to which I eventually figured out how to get her to level ground. We were now on eye level to the point of laughing and joking on the phone like old times. My objective was not to get back with her but to hash out our animosity towards each other through reconciliation. She is the passive-aggressive type who keep things to herself. So I know she has a stubborn belief of why she broke up. We never communicated on our issues if I was not aware about it being a problem. Which resulted in her hitting her breaking point. She also reluctantly admitted to still being with her new guy (rebound). She confesses..."I still have our pictures and your gifts and sometimes I think about showing up to your work place and saying "hi" but I would'nt know how you would react". I reply back: "Of course you can't just show up uninvited without a build up to it. I'd either ignore you or verbally attack you". She replies back: "Well of course I know that, I would come to say hi and because you want to reconcile, that it would be best in person, dont you think". Anyways, I told her that I could not take any means of communication seriously without it being face to face. And that, reconciliation is also not possible as long as she is with him coz its not fair to the new guy that we are even communicating. She then in return replies with mixed signals... "you never know..." "im currently in a situation, but I dont want to get into detail" "If we dont get to do this correctly, dont think that I didnt care" The next day I "kik" her and tell her.. "because of this predicament of you still being with him, I would just like to find a resolution between us and abolish our animosity, even if its on the phone, so at least we can find peace in our hearts. Almost like a peace treaty, but then again I cant take the phone seriously so nevermind." HER: "So you're saying if the phone was our only option, you still couldnt take it seriously" Me "It all depends on how much you care to make right, of what went wrong". The result was of her not responding for two days on "kik" (an instant messenger application) So I deleted the app, and that was that. My thought is, I probably put some sort of pressure on her that is making her juggle between me and the new guy. If theirs anything I want, I just want her confused a$$ to hear my perspective and it may hopefully enlighten her and we both can take something away from this relationship and grow instead of carrying a stubborn belief about it. And honestly, if we could get back together somewhere in the far future, that would be dope too. But right now I would not take her back, even if she broke up with the new guy. I would feel like a rebound. I just want our peace between us. But it seems like shes just adding more fuel to the fire. Making a break up that was messy, into something almost hard to recover. Even as friends. Would appreciate your scrutinizing advice and not just, "move on". I kinda heard that. I'm just asking outside advice objectively, coz I cant help to see this situation any other way while being emotional. What do you think made her go cold? (And to be fair, yes this was a 3 LDR, a break up that came from inviting her out here to live with me..not sure if that is what triggered all this. The domino effect was just too perfect). I'm going to tell you the EXACT same thing I told you months ago: Quit talking to her. You will always be plan B. 1
Author Koans Posted July 31, 2014 Author Posted July 31, 2014 Well she unblocked me from FB right. Ok quit talking to her. But what do you think why her behavior changed. I purposely made my fb public and I have a status... "Even with a big loving heart that conquers all, "Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option." Gracefully bow out and never look back." So if he ever creeps she can read it.
Author Koans Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 So if yall dont know my background story go read the history. Anyways, long story short, after the ex came back from a failed rebound of 6 months, she tried to friend zone me. Acting like she can just chit chat with me without resolving what happened. I played into it a little but knew it was wrong. This lasted only 2 days. I was kind of interested of what happened as far as why they broke up. She was willing to tell me. In my mind I was like, "bich I aint your male girlfriend".Then I hit my breaking point. I messaged her and to make a long story short... I don't want to be your friend. Im still in love to the point i want to hold and kiss you. But I'm also scared to go back to you. The reasons why we lasted 3 yrs is coz Im a good communicator. The reason why we aren't now is because of you. I don't think you realize the depth of pain you brought me. You're going to have to prove yourself. If you're so over me like you were, then just say it. I promise I'll cut you out my life. My word is my bond. Don't you dare call my bluff. And if you feel that way, respond back asap. If not, let my words sink in, instead of replying back immediately. Why don't you think about what went wrong for once. Perspectives changes each day. Just know that you aint gonna find someone with the same authenticity as me who can ride with you through the fire and back. And here I am moving on with my life.
David87 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Dude, an ex is an ex for a reason, you should know that. Try to move on and forget about her. 5
Author Koans Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 Dude, isnt this where you talk about your ex's. chill. And I just wrote about how she cameback and tried to frienzone me and how I laid it down on her. Whats your problem.
Smilecharmer Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Go NC immediately or you won't move on ever. You are still in love with her and she has obviously moved on. Also, do not call people you profess to love a bich. It is classless and shows immaturity and that you aren't really in love with her at all. Posturing isn't helpful. David is right. If you want to rant, fine, but we get to give you our opinion on your rant. Stop contact now or be hurt over and over again. Btw, you showed me she was the boss by your post. 3
David87 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Dude, isnt this where you talk about your ex's. chill. And I just wrote about how she cameback and tried to frienzone me and how I laid it down on her. Whats your problem. No problem at all, imo when she came back you shouldn't have given her the opportunity to friend zone you, but im sure youll know what to do in the future. Chillax, we're all friends here. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Dude,youn this where you talk about your ex's. chill. And I just wrote about how she cameback and tried to frienzone me and how I laid it down on habout whats your problem. I wouldnt considered what you did laying it down. In fact, what you said was pretty cringe worthy. I also dont believe you are moving on considering how you still talk about her, but hey prove me wrong. You haven't really listened to anything we have said yet. 3
Chi townD Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Well, if you were hoping that, that message would make her get off the fence, I think it may have worked. There's a good possibility that she won't talk to you again because you kinda came off sounding like a douche rocket. So, if the goal was to have her leave you alone so you can heal. Congrats! I think it worked! 2
vichyfresh Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Don't be a douche. Just go NC and forget about her. Don't reply to her messages/text - live your own live. She will eventually get in touch with you face 2 face IF she really wants to reconcidle. 1
Author Koans Posted August 31, 2014 Author Posted August 31, 2014 I dont see where the douche rocket shzitt is in my post. All yall comments seems like yall walking on egg shells like we gotta bow down. Some times is them thats the problem, not us. I rather have a gurl strong enough to stand up for herself and speak up and keep it real instead some talking out your neck shzzit.
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted August 31, 2014 Posted August 31, 2014 I dont see where the douche rocket shzitt is in my post. All yall comments seems like yall walking on egg shells like we gotta bow down. Some times is them thats the problem, not us. I rather have a gurl strong enough to stand up for herself and speak up and keep it real instead some talking out your neck shzzit. Wow.......
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