mary1689 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Hi everybody I'm here asking for advice because right now I really have no one to talk about this and I want to clear my mind. I'm really insecure because of past problems with my ex and the way my father treated my mother. So, today me and my boyfriend were talking about this girl that I feel really insecure about. I usually worry about her and we argue because of that (even knowing that I shouldn't be that insecure about her, but I can't control it). My boyfriend told me he stopped talking to her more than 1 year ago, however, today we were talking about her (again) and I asked him if they ever talked after that and he kept saying "no", but after I insisted for a while, he finally confessed that she texted him once (now that we were dating) and that it actually happened when we were arguing because of her. She asked him if everything was alright with him, and he told me he answered her, she texted him back and then the conversation ended. I started to feel really bad about this, because I always asked him to tell me everything he thought I would like to know, and this girl has always worried me, he could tell me that he would never hide anything from me, however he hid the fact that she talked to him when we were dating. He says that he didn't told me that before, when it happened, because he didn't want to feel bad or me to feel bad. Then I asked him if there was anything else that he thought that I should know, and after I insisted (again), he told me that I should know that when we were talking and we stopped for a while (before we dated, but we knew we liked each other, I just ready for a relationship at that time because my ex was threatning me and everything was really difficult for me), he started to get closer but not interested in some other girl, that they got along really well and had the same interests but she told him she wasn't interested in him (and then he came to talk to me again). This makes me feel like he was using me as a "back-up" in case it didn't went well with someone else (I felt like this with the other girl I talked before, that's why I was insecure). It was like he knew I would eventually have a relationship with him and I was there when he needed, like I was a second option. I mean, we were talking, I stopped talking to him as much as I used to (I can't remember why, but I know I wasn't mad or anything), he starts to talk with another girl, she tells him she's not interested, and he starts to talk to me again. I think it's obvious. And I also think it's funny how he says he wasn't interested in this girl, but I should know about it. Anyway, I feel like trash, like he is with me because I was the only girl that maybe kept giving him hope (I always liked him but I wasn't completely over with my ex because he was always saying he would kill himself if I left him), so he finally saw the chance and grabbed it. But it's not like I was always the only one (just like he made me believe), I was there and it would be nice to have a girlfriend. That's how I think he thinks about this. Anyway...I'm really confused and I want to know opinions
SummerLuvR Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Lets see if I got this: 1) You are upset that you badgered him into telling you that he got a text from another girl after you were arguing about this girl? 2) You are upset because he was seeing another girl when you weren't ready for a relationship, but wanted to be with you when you became ready? And this was something he didn't need to tell you but he did. JMHO, you need to work on your self-esteem. If you start valuing yourself you wouldn't worry so much about other girls. I am afraid you might push this guy away with all this jealousy. Appreciate what you have. If he is being sneaky and you know he is lying that is another story, but this just sounds like you don't know what a great girl your bf has! ( & the other way around too) 3
Assasda Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yeah OP work on your self-esteem. Its amazing that this guy doesnt lie to you all the time. - Just to protect you from yourself 1
Author mary1689 Posted August 8, 2014 Author Posted August 8, 2014 He says he was interested in this girl, and it started when we stopped talking. Then she rejected him and he started to talk to me again, that's why I feel like I was a second option. He also has / had a lot of girl friends, and was "friendzoned" a lot, I'm his first girlfriend. That's why I'm afraid he is just using me. He also received anonymous messages saying "I love you but I don't know how you would react" or "I want to marry you", and some asking if he had a girlfriend. This makes me suspicious and thinking why he would recieve such messages, maybe because he talked to a lot of girls and seemed interested in them...
letsplaygofish2 Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 It sounds like you're looking for a valid excuse to allow your behavior and make it acceptable. Truthfully, you're not going to find anyone supporting that behavior. Your boyfriend has done nothing wrong and has been completely honest with you. This other girl is a troll and you both know it. You, on the other hand, are trying to make a mole hill out of an ant hill. The question you need to ask yourself is whether you feel you deserve to have someone as HONEST as him in your life. If you don't believe it, then tht is something you'll need to work on (ie: self-esteem, self worth). He's done nothing wrong. Yet, your insecurity is preventing you from trusting him. If you continue this, he will go to another girl because you've proven to him that you have too many issues. It's okay to be vulnerable and admit that you are feeling fearful. But don't use that as an excuse to dump him. These are your problems, not his. Work on yourself! Sorry to be harsh, but I think you know the answer. 1
BlueIvy Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 He should be the one asking to break up with you...good lord, can he have breathing space? I think you obviously have low self esteem and need to work on that before focusing on any relationship. If you feel you were only back up, then chances are you are the back up. Seems extreme to me but if you claim it's obvious he used you for back up, then why even bother staying in the relationship? I actually think you need to be single before you get into future relationships. Sounds like your ex was manipulative at the least and abusive at the most to threaten suicide if you left. If you don't work on your self esteem; you will keep getting in relationships where you aren't valued/feel that you aren't valued.
todreaminblue Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 you really are sabotaging your relationship when you shouldnt....if you cant trust this guy you are always going to have a problem ...what he did was not bad you have to let it go or him its your decision let the whole thing go or let him go..... ........no one should live with distrust for another person or by another person in a relationship it is killer and apt to cause major unhappiness...you should have let it go when he todl you exactly what happened and you havent yet.....you should if you want the relationship to continue..........deb
Mrin Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Holy smokes I feel bad for this guy. It is like he can't win with you. As others have said - you need to work on your self esteme. From what you have said he seems to really like you. Accept it. Move on. Stop worrying.
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