Right girl wrong time.

[missinglink]

I've been with my current girlfriend for 3.5 years and she really is incredible. I love her a lot and know she loves me back. The only problem is, I'm 21 and she is 22 and I feel that I have things I should do before I settle down.

 

1. I really haven't dated many girls and seen what else is out there. I know that my girlfriend is ideal by all logic, but I haven't really seen what else is out there in my (so far early) adult life.

 

2. I haven't really found myself. I know that wording sounds hippy-ish, but it's true. I am still figuring things out about me and what my purpose in life is. By the average persons standards, I'm on the track to success (good grades, good choice in career and all) but there is so much more to life than that, and I'm just trying to figure it out.

 

Basically, I'm a typical confused youngster. In all honesty, if I could leave her for a few years and have a guarantee that I could get back with her, I would. That's not how things work though. She knows that I'm pretty confused about life and that I've been contemplating a breakup to figure things out and has been pretty darn understanding given the situation, but it is obviously hurting her. I can't blame her for being hurt, but it's hurting me too seeing her like this. I want to make a decision before too long so she's not stuck wondering. I feel bad. Now I'm one to muscle through things if I know it's for the better. The only thing is if I stay with her, I don't know if I will look back when I'm old one day and say "I'm glad I held out" or say "I feel like there was something out there that I didn't find/experience/explore/see/do because I was tied down". I just need some input. Maybe there's something after this life and maybe there isn't, so I want to make sure that I get as much right as I can so I don't die with regrets. I don't want her to be the one that got away, but then again I don't want her to be the one that held me back from something greater.

[blackpajamas]

Dude. Make a decision. You pretty much torturing the poor girl according to this post. Either stick with her or let her go ASAP. No one here can make that decision for you, but you better come to a consensus on your own quick, because what you're doing is holding her in emotional limbo. That's cruel.

[missinglink]

I know, I've set a deadline for myself and I'm just trying to get all the input I can before it so I can make the best decision.

[IndyT]

You're young and just finishing college, idk what her future plans are, but is it likely you two would ever plan to live in the same place later on? It may be best to let her go so you can both start your adult lives. I know that only having dated her makes it hard to know what you really want. But truth is, our brains are still developing through are 20s. What you find desirable as a 22 year old, you may not once you're 28. If you feel strongly she could be the one, maybe stick with it. Best of luck

[tiarakitty]

Hi MissingLink!

 

Firstly, I would like to say Thank you. Your situation now is exactly as same as mine (I'm older than him too!) and I'm glad to read the guy's side of the story. I think whatever you're feeling now.. maybe my ex was thinking and feeling the same way too. It's eye-opening.

 

We broke up about 3 months ago. His reason was 'he's still young, unsure and haven't figure about things yet'. He is 19 years old. He did hint me a few times that he felt that way when we were together but i didn't think that it will be that serious until it caused us to break up. I was his first love. We were together for 2 years. We both knew we find each other ''ideal by all logic''

 

At first, i was devastated because it was so sudden. I pleaded and begged him for a week and i knew he was trying his best to control himself.. from taking me back because he really wants to figure things out then I went total NC up until now. About a month after the break up, we chatted abit and mutually agreed that maybe it's best to break up. He wished me well, and told me i could let him know if i ever need anything and promised me he won't date anyone until his his national service (army, 3 years from now. He is in final year of diploma). I told him he's free to date whoever he wants but he's really determined about his promise.

 

I think youre curious about my point of view as the girl

 

I'm glad that he made that decision. I think it will be more hurtful for me or your girlfriend to know we're dating with someone who's unsure about everything. We want to be part of that future of our boyfriends. It showed me that my exboyfriend was really serious about it and IS DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT TO FIGURE THINGS OUT. Not just for the sake of being together with me because it's more 'comfortable that way'

 

I'm moving on. I told myself I wouldn't wait for anybody. I heard somewhere that time doesn't heal. It is acceptance that is a healer. We think time does it because sometimes we're able to reach acceptance through the passage of time. If we're fated to be together.. then one day we will but.. keep in mind that feelings change. Right now im not sure if i want to accept him back one day.. which sucks because he was a great boyfriend. Or he still wants me back

 

Who knows?

 

please feel free to contact my email [email protected] if you need someone to talk to!

Edited August 8, 2014 by tiarakitty

[redbaron005]

If you love her, remind me why you can't do these things with her? You should read some grass is greener lit from pinned LS posts.

[lil hoodlum]

You say she is incredible and that you love her. The love and relationship that the two of you share seems so easy and natural. That is wonderful.

 

I say go ahead and break up with her and find out that the grass is NOT greener on the otherside.

 

In fact, maybe you should read up in the dating section and see how much some people struggle to find someone decent who doesn't play games and is honest.

 

 

I think once you walk away from this relationship, you will fully appreciate what you have and share with this girl is special.

 

But hey, You Only Live Once. YOLO

[missinglink]

I understand the idea of GIGS, but this is not it. I know that she is just about as good as it gets. The issue for me is that I feel I have not experienced what I feel that one day I will either regret not experiencing or, if I do experience it, be glad that I did experience it. I am simply worried that I will regret leaving her to experience what life has to offer for a 21 year old if I do leave her. Is being single at 21 worth the risk of losing such a great person and losing the chance to end up with someone of such quality? Or should I stick it out and really try to make it with this one? (I won't go into details, but there is really nothing wrong with her and so much fantastic about her. Pretty much perfect wife material. I really respect her and so does everyone that knows her.)

[Lostdreams]

Hi Missinglink,

 

Tough one and I feel for you - you seem sincere and at a crossroads in your life

 

With your current mindset I don't think you can stay with her. You will always be wondering what you've missed and may then hold it against her which she totally doesn't deserve. The longer this goes on - the more it's hurting her. I also think if you decide to stay you will have these doubts again and again.

 

You are young, people change and you both have your lives ahead of you.

 

She's as good as it gets - yet you want to explore new experiences. Where do you both see yourselves in 10 years ? At the moment you can't you see beyond those experiences you haven't lived yet - it's not a good basis on which to continue.

 

You said I don't want her to be the one that held me back from something greater. - The whole journey to this sentence is about you and where you want your life to go - IMO if you make a statement like that you have already made you mind up.

 

Yes you risk losing her forever - and possibly for a whole pile of nothing and heartache - but such is life and relationships. Only you can decide if it's a risk you're willing to take - but whatever you do make your mind up quickly

[Elias33]

If you think in the terms of "ME" instead of "US" you would probably do good letting her go. What is out there for me? is what you're asking. You need to feel that she's the best thing that ever happened to you, but you may have not that feeling. You may also be idealizing the concept of a perfect girl or relationship, while what you have in front of you, is the real deal.

Edited August 8, 2014 by Elias33

[hea]

my ex did this, left me because everyone was telling him that he was too young to be in a LTR. He split up with me, and a year later wanted me back. Even though I was still single, the fact he had broke my heart in to pieces for his own selfishness was reason enough to not go back to him. I love him so much, but I will never be able to see past the fact he could hurt me so, for his own needs. That is not love. And also the thought of him chasing other girls hurt every time I thought about it, and its impossible not too. Do what you've got to do, but realise that you will lose a part of her, that even if you do get back together, it will not be the same. Being single is nothing special, I promise you that.

[mav3rik]

I'd say better end it. for her sake.

 

and do it as humanly humane as possible. She will be confused and angry but that's what you will get for doing it.

 

Everything has its ups and downs. Be it being single or being in a relationship. I've been on the road that your about to take and looking back I have come into terms that I will never find a girl like her. Every relationship that i have been to since her have been mediocre compared to what we had. I'm single now and having the time of my life but I still think someday I can share this happiness with someone.

[music_and_poetry]

By all means end it if you're not in the head space for a relationship, if you keep this up when you're feeling this way, you may grow to resent her down the line. Never a healthy thing.

 

On the other hand, you have to come to terms with what breaking up will mean. Are you okay with losing her? Possibly seeing her date someone else? Marry someone else? Are you prepared to lose her friendship?

 

You need to prepare yourself for the worst possible outcome if you decide to let her go. If you decide to stay with her, you need to change things up so you're not feeling this way about things. Good luck.

[writergal]

OP if you really *knew* deep down that this gal was *the* one for you, you wouldn't have started this thread in the first place.

 

Break up with her. Set her free to be with someone who has no uncertainty about his future with her, which it sounds like you have.

 

No one can live their life without experiencing some regret. Regret is inevitable. That's just how life works. Some choices you make will have an outcome that you regret and wish you could change. You simply can't control every outcome to every situation to be the way that you want it. If that were possible, we'd all have what we want and no one would be filled with regret. But that's not reality. Life is a series of choices - choices filled with happiness, sadness, anger, fear, uncertainty.

 

Also, life is about expectations. *Not* having expectations can be a good thing. It means that you and only *you* are responsible for your choices (and the outcome of those choices). It also frees you from "shoulding" yourself. "Shoulds" are usually other people's expectations of you, that you take on as though you owe them something. "You should stay together with your girlfriend." "You should break up with your girlfriend." If you don't want to break up with her, and you don't, you feel guilty because other people told you that you *should* break up with her. But if you do what you want - make your own choice - then you are free of that guilt of expectations others' impose on you (because you let them, because no one can force you to do anything you don't want to to). Not having expectations for the future also means that you free yourself to live in the present. I think having expectations for the future is like wearing blinders - like those "blinders" put on horses who pull carriages so they don't get spooked. Well, if you live in the present moment, then you can focus on the here and now, get rid of the "shoulds" from other people, let go of the outcome, and accept that however your choice turns out - however other people judge you/respond to your choice doesn't matter.