SJC2008 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I'm almost 33 and I don't know my thoughts on this are part of my "self sabotage" to keep me single but dating for me is very hard, especially at this age. Most women want children, I don'r right now and I don't know when and if I will. My only options to dodge this are to date womwn who don't want kids/aren't ready (very rare), date younger women (not easy), date women with kids (I don't want the kids to get hurt). I'm I making this a bigger problem than it is? What are my options?
Tayken Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Yes...unfortunately most of the women of your age group have already settled down, and the ones that haven't don't want kids but also want their freedom. I am a single dad that doesn't want any more kids.....in my 40s, don't date younger women, and the ones my age have kids and are somewhat looking for a dad / some 2nd income person (especially if they have sole custody) That leaves me looking at the older women, who also are concerned that I have a child, but like the fact that a slightly younger man is banging them
jay1983 Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I wasn't planning on having my son. It was the wrong time, my life was a mess, I had a lot problems, but he's the best thing that ever happened to me.
georgecostanza Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I tend to lay it out fairly early. I'll discuss my lifestyle and that I don't want kids. I've actually met a surprising amount of women who don't want them either. I really hate when a woman just replies "you will do one day." Errr, no, I won't. 1
lollipopspot Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 I'm almost 33 and I don't know my thoughts on this are part of my "self sabotage" to keep me single but dating for me is very hard, especially at this age. Most women want children, I don'r right now and I don't know when and if I will. My only options to dodge this are to date womwn who don't want kids/aren't ready (very rare), date younger women (not easy), date women with kids (I don't want the kids to get hurt). I'm I making this a bigger problem than it is? What are my options? You have narrowed your playing field, which is fine and what you should do to accommodate your preferences, so I don't understand the problem. Everyone has to date within certain parameters of acceptability for their life choices and values. You don't want to date women with children or who want them in any near future. That does knock out many women your approximate age, who either already have children or hear their "clock" ticking and don't want to spend their last few fertile years with someone very undecided about children. That leaves younger women and older women and women who are also child free or ambivalent about children. That's still a lot of women. I don't see that there are other options, if your preferences about not being around children at this point are clear.
Dork Vader Posted August 7, 2014 Posted August 7, 2014 Yeah women that do not want kids are far and few between. Those that don't typically are not on the market very long. There are a lot of men who do not want kids. Thus they are fairly appealing. I would not lie about it at 33. It's not fair to a woman that wants kids. If she is 33 and has no kids the clock is ticking for them. It would extremely selfish of you to do so. You need to be clear with them that you do NOT want kids. there are women out there though it just makes finding one that much more difficult. Even if you go after younger women the odds are they will eventually want kids.
mammasita Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 You can date a smidgen older than you, 35-39 who have older kids. There's women in my age range (self included) who don't want anymore. My son is 13 and is old enough to not get attached to anyone. Not to mention his father is involved so he's not with me all the time. Find a woman like me, you'd be set. Sorry I'm taken
preraph Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 There are more and more women who don't want kids. The fastest growing demographic are women who are well educated. Lots of men don't really care whether they do or don't since it doesn't impact them as much as the mother. There are childfree websites but they're not dating sites. Just google childfree. I moderated one of those sites for years and I can tell you that the only trend i saw is as a whole there may have been more less conventional people than the general population, such as maybe not as many churchgoers, etc. But other than that, just being childfree doesn't really give you anything in common with other childfree -- though we all wish it did.
Tayken Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 You are using your brain. However, I never had a guy not look at me twice when I was a single mother with a daughter. Most males mean well but their best plans go out the window once the love bug strikes. Guys I knew were like plastic morphing into what they thought I or one of my good looking friends expected. Man. ' I would never date....'. That may be said with good intentions but just give a smile and... It's not a lot different from a male cartoon character when he sees a pretty gal. Anyways. Good for you you for knowing what you are interested in. If you do not want children, easy, get a vasectomy. Yes...but you know what they wanted, and your daughter was not part of that equation...enough women have dragged a new guy to court for child support i.e. double dipping because buddy said he wants out Yes get that done and don't feel obliged to tell the women you meet..I had mine done last xmas, and I know that if a woman turns round and tell me she is pregnant....I'll tell her to go find the father 1
lollipopspot Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 Yes get that done and don't feel obliged to tell the women you meet..I had mine done last xmas, and I know that if a woman turns round and tell me she is pregnant....I'll tell her to go find the father I don't believe that would be ethical to not disclose that, if the partner is interested in children at some point. How about just being upfront and not playing games.
Tayken Posted August 8, 2014 Posted August 8, 2014 I don't believe that would be ethical to not disclose that, if the partner is interested in children at some point. How about just being upfront and not playing games. You don't play games with people you have no intentions of settling down with...we are talking OLD here
D.Mc. Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 Hi SJC2008, I agree with one of the other posters, you are clear about what you want right now & that may narrow your dating pool. In OLD there is usually some indicator for preferences on offspring, just don't message to or accept messages from women who have kids or might want some/more. You can find women of your preference, it just might take longer. I wish there were more men who "don't have kids/don't want kids" in my location & OLD sites. I've been passing up sending messages to some very nice looking men just b/c of the kid thing on their profiles. I'm an "older" woman so my dating pool is even smaller than yours b/c of the preference.
mortensorchid Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 I understand where you are coming from in your mentality of things you do / do not want. Unfortunately, it's not easy to find someone who wants the same things that you do or don't. But unfortunately, that's life. I knew a lot of guys past (and I am not saying that you are one of them by any means) who say that they don't want to get married right away, and then boom! they marry the next trash that comes along. I knew / have known a lot of guys who say they don't want kids and then they either marry women with children or have one with the next one who comes along. I also knew a man who was a devotedly religious man who broke up with me because I was too wild for him, couldn't wait to have many children as he was devoutly Catholic, and was too broken from a gf who broke up with him past. The next woman who came along, he married, has been married to her for 10+ years and they have no children. Angry and bitter? You bet. All I can say is that you have to keep trying out different people and different things. It's important to go through a lot to determine who you should and shouldn't be with. For some it's their high school sweetheart, for others it's someone they meet at age 65. Keep on going.
RedRobin Posted August 9, 2014 Posted August 9, 2014 If you do not want children, easy, get a vasectomy. Ditto. Problem solved.
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