I think it's over

[Stone]

I am now 5 months pregnant and EXTREAMLy unhappy in my current relationship. I have tried and tried to make it work but it seems like he wants to put no effort in our relationship. I just don't know what to do . I am an emotional train wreck and I just want to have a faimly for my children. Apart of me wants to leave and the other part just want's to stay and be miserable for the sake of the kids.

 

i have honestly given this relationship 110% and it's not working I can't be in a relationship alone..

 

i don't know what to do

[d'Arthez]

I am so sorry for you Stone . I have been reading your posts quite a while.

 

If he is not pulling his weight, you would be better of without him. You don't need another kid, who is legally considered an adult.

 

I know it will be extremely hard on you, with two little kids, and being a single mom. But you will come through.

 

added:

He has been an a$$ for much too long to you, and he won't change. He has proven that in the past months. You gave it your best, and it meant NOTHING to him. Don't stay for the sake of the children.

[savethedrama4allama]

I'm sorry, Stone.

 

Hey, what about that friend that said he wanted to marry you and be a father to your children?

[tiki]

I hope you get to feeling better soon. Maybe he'll come around?

[Stone]

Originally posted by savethedrama4yrmama

I'm sorry, Stone.

 

Hey, what about that friend that said he wanted to marry you and be a father to your children?

 

I can't jump around in relationships with 2 kido's, I don't think I want a relationship for quite some time if I end it. I can't do that to my kids.

[Pocky]

Honestly, I would say wait until you have the baby to decide what you want to do. While I know you have been struggling with this relationship for some time now, your emotions may have more of an impact on what you're thinking while you're pregnant than if you weren't. If there's no rush to leaving the relationship then I think the best thing to do is wait until you have the baby and see if he's still behaving the same way.

[EC]

I agree with Pocky. Your emotions could be messing you up and him up. And guys act differently after the baby is actually born.

 

My aunts friend was pregnant and the dad was being a jerk, that he wasn't going to pay for anything, that he didnt care....after the baby was born it was like OMG give him the father of the year award!!!

[Barby]

I'm also very sorry Stone...I too have been following your story for awhile. Umm...I don't think you should stay if you're miserable...but I don't know if you should leave before having the baby (like Pocky said) just in case it is your hormones outta whack....

 

 

Can ya give us some examples of how he treats you/acts that makes you want to leave? Maybe then we can get a clearer example/view and give you better advice?!

[laRubiaBonita]

i am in the "No-major-decisions-while-your-hormones-are-whacked" Boat too!

 

not that staying and being miserable is advised, but for 4 more months maybe.

[Stone]

We had MAJOR MAJOR problems before I got pregnat, one is his Bipolor disorder. He drinks and he isn't alowed to on his meds so this causes HUGE problems with us.

 

Our sex life has always sucked, and now it's non existant but I just found out that he is stopping off after work wacking off to our local peep show

 

He doesn't like to talk about the baby, or future plans he only cares about his business.

 

I run his business PLUS work MY other two jobs, take care of my son, clean my house, cook dinner ect. and he still insists on me paying 1/2 the bills and he won't pitch in with extra bills, chores ect.

 

When he is drunk all he talks about is my being selfish because I kept the baby knowing he didn't want me to have it..

 

I guess it isn't THAT bad I just hate going home to his arse.. I SHOULD wait untill I have the baby and just put money aside.. but I really want things to change and I don't see that happening. He is selfish.

[Barby]

Wow Stone he does sound like a jerk. I'd start charging his butt for the time you work in his business...what do you mean it's not "that" bad?

 

 

He is being very selfish and I wonder if moving to a cheaper place and saving money that way would be better the enduring someone so selfish and inconsiderate for the next four months or so!

 

 

I'm sorry you're dealing with this jerk! I hope when he lays eyes on his own precious baby he'll realize you were right in keeping the baby...but who knows if that'll happen!

 

 

I still can't advise you if you should leave him or not..only you can make the choice but I hope you have another support system and that things start looking up for you! Some men!

[d'Arthez]

Stone, in which bipolar mood is he now?

[Stone]

Who the heck knows anymore is there a such thing as a "selfish jerk" mood?

[d'Arthez]

I am asking, because it can make a huge difference on the situation. If he were in his "bad" phase, you would have at least a reason to hope for that his behavior might improve once your and his child has been born.

 

His jerking off behavior at the peep show, would suggest that his sexual desire is on the increase. Possibly heading for a manic phase, or at least an cycling phase. Of course it is not legitimate to make a call on 1 thing. Part of the puzzle is of course how stable he is, and in what condition he is.

 

If his behavior is constantly bad, that is bad .

You told in blind_otter's thread a bit about his medical behavior, and that he complained that the medicins did not work half of the time. Which is fairly logical, as Depakote and alcohol don't mix.

Is there any chance you could send him back to whomever prescribed the medicins, to try and put him on something alternative? There are other medicins for people suffering from bi-polar disorder. If not, any chances you could at least get him to drink at least a bit less?

 

You are pregnant, and you are in a situation which is very hard to be in. Maybe your hormones are playing up, but I honestly don't have that impression. I wish I could offer hope his behavior improves after the child is born. How is he with your other child?

 

Don't forget that you have more going for you, than you probably realize at times like these. Try to remain positive.

[Stone]

Thanks d'Arthrez your the best

[roxy_1980]

I also have been following your story for a while too. With his bipolar and the fact that he didn't want the child, is there a chance that he will start htting you? If you find that this may be happen eventually or he does start hitting you, then my advice is to leave. Statistically, 60% of women that are abused by their SO had it start in pregnancy. It does seems to building towards that. Be careful.

 

Worried for you,

Roxy

[Stone]

I wont tolerate that and I dont THINK he would hit me HE is afraid of me... it sure the heck has crossed my mind slapping the crap out of him but I wont'

[Naive]

i am sorry that you are going through this Stone. When you are a couple it takes two to make it work not just one, in that case might as well be single!!! You never know he might change though. Only he knows what is going through his head.

 

My H/bf sister was pregnant about 5 years ago. She had been with her bf for about 2-3 years. It turns out that he did not want her to have the baby and he left her. She was very responsible and independent, she moved out of her parents house and supported herself. He told her he would be there for her financially but that was it. Well when the baby girl was born he became a total different man. He asked her to marry him and to move in with him. Since then they have been happy and I just found out today as a matter of fact that she is pregnant with their third child!!!!!

 

Don't worry Stone, everything will turn out for the best.

[d'Arthez]

That's the spirit Daddy's Lil Princess

 

Stone: Your bf seems to suffer from the more severe bi-polar disorder I. What goes on inside of his head is a mystery to all of us. The sad thing is, when your child is born, its father's issues won't suddenly disappear. I wish paternal bonds could do that, but they can't.

 

That's why you should try to at least improve that bi-polar part of him. Get him to the specialist, and make him try other medicins. Some can work with mild doses of alcohol, but of course it were better if you could make him stop drinking completely.

 

Of course with the pregnancy developing, you can't expect yourself to be the superwoman you have been in the past months. Working 2 jobs, being there for your son, and running his business, is a bit too much for one woman alone. Make that clear to him. He probably does not even realize the limitations that the latter stages of a pregnancy cause.

 

I don't know what your 3 different jobs pay you, but be practical about your situation. Also considering walking out on working in his business if you don't get a pay-check for that. If you break up with him, you'd rather have some extra cash in your account.

[Stone]

I've been very supportive with his Bipolor, I read several book, gone to support groups with and without him, tried to do some workbooks togeather and he just doesn't care. he won't let me meet his new doctor becaue he knows I will "tell on him" about his drinkning.

 

I am about to look the docs name up in the phone book and give him a call myself but he wouldn't talk to me anyway.

[d'Arthez]

Last possibility and I cannot guarantee it could not have negative influences on his health. However taking Depakote and drinking it away with alcohol is also far from healthy.

 

Aren't there products on the market which would make him resent the usage of alcohol? So that when he drinks he would become extremely nauseous. He would not agree to go on them. I know

 

But otherwise there is no chance he will get himself in shape. He loves being the miserable guy he is now, and is happy with that. You are concerned for his health, and he is afraid he might not drink his beer Mixing of medicins is highly dangerous, especially with alcohol involved.

 

Talk to him about the pregnancy issues that will come. Let him at least do something in his own business.

[Grinning Maniac]

Originally posted by Stone

...We had MAJOR MAJOR problems before I got pregnant...He doesn't like to talk about the baby, or future plans....

 

When he is drunk all he talks about is my being selfish because I kept the baby knowing he didn't want me to have it..

 

"IN VINO VERITAS"

 

I've been following your story a little while as well, and its the most suspenseful rollercoaster of twists and turns I've ever seen. I don't like my movies with this much of a twist. It's too much suspense for me sometimes. My family has a history of high blood pressure. Someday you will KILL ME. Anyway, to summarize... your man's a deadbeat, a drunk, you're annoyed with the relationship... but you're just dying to have his rugrats, regardless of him actually wanting them or the plain illogicality of the entire situation...and he has grown to resent you over it?

 

:eek:

 

Ok stop scaring me like that. I mean, I was looking in one direction expecting something then BOOM, you blindsided me when I least expected it. You need to start giving M. Night Shamaylan tips on fooling the audience. He could learn something. I thought the plot twist would have been something like:

 

"...and suddenly, my dear Liquor Lord unzipped his skin like a Pepsi Twist commercial, and underneath was the man I always wanted. We kept having kids and our lives got better with each one born. First we won the lottery, then LL grew a penis long enough to wrap around his leg, and finally we all got superpowers for no reason whatsoever. "

 

In all seriousness...what are you doing? Are you really at all surprised by any of this? I'm not seeing this ever turning out a happily ever after situation. I'll be so bold as to say having an unwanted kid forced down your throat would cause problems in a NORMAL relationship. The situation will be even better if your relationship already blows just a wee little bit? What's the logic there? Am I missing something?

 

"Damn it...our relationship sucks. He can't handle his responsiblities, he sucks in the sack, and I feel like I'm dragging him along. I hate seeing this fugger every day. EUREKA! I know what will turn things around! MORE BABIES!!!"

 

*sigh* I may be cold and unsympathetic in your eyes, but really...am I missing some magical explaination as to why it wouldn't be a dumb f*ck idea to have more kids in a relationship that you already aren't happy in? It seems like the equivalent to having your car stall out on the train tracks, then deciding to weld the doors and windows shut and douse yourself in gasoline. "Staying miserable for the kids"...that's a great idea. Someone get me a violin. It's the most sensible thing I've heard all day. Why WOULDN'T you want to give your children the gift of a depressing, bitter, and potentially abusive household? Everyone KNOWS that the most well-balanced and happy kids grow up in homes where the parents hate each other and daddy's an alcoholic. They all turn out JUST PEACHY. It's the right decision. Here's hoping you have a little girl who grows up with "daddy issues", and she helps to make relationships just a little sh*ttier for the NEXT generation. ^_^ I think we all should be destined for a little psychotherapy some day. I feel like I missed out... Give me a break, Stone. You know what'll be maximum fun? When the new kid is about five or six, "Daddy" is wasted at the dinner table, and he bitterly mumbles out in an argument:

 

"...Never wanted ya anyway, you lil brat."

 

I'm about to **** myself in joy. By the way, it's really scary that more than one person in here has said something in the tune of: "He'll be TOTALLY happy, and loving to the world once he has that baby in his arms!"

 

That's brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. Granted, I don't have kids, never want them, and I'm a mannnnn *spooky music* ...so you can all poo-poo about my "lack of wisdom" or whatever else, but the idea of an unwanted child magically transforming a complete loser into your own personal Prince Charming, sounds like an idiotic fairy tale that I'd use as a test to determine who I'd never in my life pursue a relationship with. Am I saying that it never happens? Nope. Some guys realize they're trapped and man up to responsibility. Am I saying it's really stupid to COUNT ON IT? Yes...yes I am.

 

Stone, if you aren't happy, you need to LEAVE. You don't need to be miserable, and neither does he...nor your two kids. You really don't need to be having the other kid anyway...but hey, who listens to me right? I'm going to go out for some cigarettes and beer. Have supper ready when I get back.

[moimeme]

GM

 

You do realize that birth control can fail, do you not?

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=343760#post343760

[d'Arthez]

There are people out there who don't have an easy life, and they come on LS for support. Allow for that, GM. Your boorish comedy is not supportive, let alone helping Stone dealing with the situation she is in now.

[moimeme]

It's not boorish, it's great satire. However one of my credos is always ask before you accuse. GM accused her of getting pregnant on purpose without first finding out if that was the case.